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Five Best Leadership Lessons I Learned in Kindergarten

February 22, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

I addressed a group of young leaders last week, and they asked me to share my leadership experience and lessons learned.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned about lessons, it’s that the biggest lessons are those that are the most simple. So simple, in fact, that they should already be acquired in kindergarten.

See what you think.

1. Be yourself.

I am left-handed, and as a small schoolgirl, my teacher tried to make me shift to the right hand for writing. You can guess the result, and it was indeed disastrous. My homework took longer, letters were difficult to pen, and the stress and frustration were overwhelming. Fortunately, my mother caught wind of this “experiment,” and told the teacher to cease and desist. When I took the pen in my left hand, again, things flowed easily, and I didn’t struggle with process. The outcomes were so different – and much better.

Are you leading from your top strengths, or are you trying to copy the way your mentor leads? If the latter, you will find, sooner or later, that the toll it takes on your mental energy and ability to execute are significant.

2. Harness distractors to focus on what counts.

There was a boy named Jerry who wiggled all day long in school. The problem was, I sat next to him. And almost every time the teacher called on me, Jerry would whisper my name loudly, get me to look, and make a face. Or he’d pull on my hair when I was turned away. It became so upsetting that I burst into tears one day and ran to the teacher. Of course, when the teacher investigated, she promptly dealt with Jerry and as a result, my new seatmate was a very quiet and studious boy named Mike.

My ability to concentrate and stay on task suddenly blossomed, and I wish I had asked the teacher for help much earlier. When you are the boss, you have no one to run to but yourself. But the fact is, you can harness and eliminate most distractors simply by dealing with them differently.

Do you need closed-door time? Delegation of repetitive, but non-essential tasks that keep coming your way? Something else? Take charge. Make the change that will keep distractors from ruling your life.

3. If you are going to do it, do it well.

Marcia couldn’t wait for recess, so she would scribble quick answers on her papers, or use big and sloppy strokes when she colored. She wanted to be done so she could go outside. I’m not sure why she didn’t catch on, but teacher always made her do her papers over.

“Take some pride in your work,” she would say to Marcia, and Marcia would sigh, grab another paper, and start over.

Of course, this took longer than it would, had she done the right thing the first time and used care in completing her first iteration. And we all had to wait until Marcia completed her second go-around before we were released for recess.

It’s like that in the workplace. There are parts of our workload that are not as exciting as others. Yet, if we take pride in doing a good job of these mundane items, it will not only make the process more enjoyable, but it will also make it much more pleasant for those around you. People are watching, just like we watched Marcia.

4. Use your influence to make positive change.

It was always a tense time when we lined up to be picked for softball. You could count on it – the best hitters and runners were selected first, and by the time it got down to the last couple of kids, there was an awkward air around who would be picked next, and who would be left last as the booby prize. It was painful.

One day, one of the most popular kids did an amazing thing – Andrea picked the guy who was always last, and she picked him, first. The other kids groaned. And then they got quiet…because Andrea was glaring at them. She was the queen of influence in grade school.

Something changed that day. It got a little kinder around recess. The big kids didn’t make fun of the little ones so much, anymore. There was a little more food sharing at lunchtime. The culture had shifted.

You can shift culture simply by using your influence. Where will you start?

5. If you want people to follow, you’d better know where you are going.

“Come on!” some of the kids used to shout as we ran outside to play.

We’d tear off running, following whoever took the lead. Pretty soon, the kid in front started circling back, or zigzagging, because he or she had frankly just started out running just for the joy of it, but with no definite destination in mind. When the circling started, the other kids felt the waffling in direction, and started slowing down. They started colliding into each other, and then stopping to peel off in little groups, or walking over to play hopscotch.

“Come on!” the kid who had led the pack would cry, trying to get everyone to start running, again.

But no one was interested. If they weren’t going somewhere together in the same direction with a destination in mind, they weren’t going to participate.

I think you get the picture. Leading to feel like the head of the pack is fruitless and you will lose your followers quickly. Have an idea of where you are going and know how to share it so that everyone comes along.

What’s your best leadership lesson?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Are You Tired of Visioning?

February 15, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

The Importance of Short-Term Wins

Sometimes I get tired about visioning the future and setting long-range goals. These are certainly important – but they aren’t enough to keep me on track.

How about you?

Short-term wins and intermediate goals are the fuel for getting there. And you can leverage this with your team to keep them motivated and inspired.

Years ago, I sat with a CEO and talked about how to keep his healthcare system viable and vibrant.

“I’m tired, Patti,” he said. “Look at this,” and he pulled out a heavy drawer full of notebooks. “These are all strategic plans. Through the years, we’ve hired expensive consultants to come and walk through the process with us and all we have to show for it is…paper.” He sighed. “The more I look at these, the more tired I get. The future seems so far off – and we aren’t moving forward. What good is a strategic plan, anyway?”

He shut the drawer. “I’m beginning to believe we’ll never get there. We’ve set up 3-year action plans, designated responsibilities – but, somehow, we all get too busy doing the day-to-day stuff that this place requires.”

This guy looked pretty tired. Bone tired. Discouraged.

“What about your short-term plan?” I asked.

“Short-term plan?”

“Yes, a plan that sets key milestones and success indicators in 3-4 month increments.”

He paused. “Why would I do that? I know very well what to do to get there.”

“Well,” I responded. “How’s that working for you and your executive team?”

It’s not just a matter of knowing how to get there – if you don’t have a plan that has intermediate goals and milestones, you not only lack measurements to show you how well you are headed there, but you also miss out on a key secret to staying motivated – and keeping your team motivated, as well.

And when motivation is gone, nothing happens.

So how do you set these?

Take your one-year plan and reverse-engineer it – what are the major projects and steps to get there? What should you be seeing if you are on course by the end of Q1, Q2, Q3, and Q4? In other words, how will you know you are on the path to success?

When you are able to make these indicators tangible so that you can see you are hitting the mark, then you are on your way to sustaining momentum and energy. And you need that. Not only you, but your team needs it. It helps them to know that they are doing well, on the right track, and meeting motivation.

No small potatoes. Because keeping a team motivated when you have huge goals can be challenging.

So here’s my challenge to you: get with your team and look at your one-year plan. Break it up, assigning major projects, deadlines, the people responsible, and key indicators that show these projects are successfully meeting the goals of the one-year plan. This is a great team-building exercise, and you will have set in place the motivators that will keep you and your team on track.

Patti Cotton helps women executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and enterprises. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, women’s leadership development, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

The Problem with Women Rising Above

February 1, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Monkey See, Monkey Do

You probably remember the old saying, “Monkey see, monkey do!”

The reference to monkeys is because researchers have noted that when one monkey sees another monkey do something, it quite often does likewise. So we use this old saying when describing the foolishness of one person mimicking another without thinking.

And although you may think that this occurs only with children, or because of a lack of sound reasoning skills, there is actually a scientific explanation as to why all of us do this to a certain extent without knowing it.

In fact, your ability to lead is probably being affected right now.

How can you identify where this is happening, and stop it from compromising your effectiveness?

First, it’s necessary to understand why we copy each other without realizing it.

We are social beings, and Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy has been revised in recent years to reflect that at the foundation of the pyramid is the need to belong. This means that we are wired and hungry to connect and collaborate as a part of a larger body or group.

To help us do just that, our brains are actually wired to act as “social glue” so that we can empathize and connect. Researchers have observed that the mirror neurons, specialized cells in the brain, facilitate this at a subconscious level.

The problem is, that as we seek to connect, empathize, and to belong, we can meld into larger group dynamics. We can blend into the tribe without realizing it and adopt behaviors and mindsets that don’t serve us well.

Think about it. Reflect on the five people with whom you surround yourself on a daily basis. Not necessarily those with whom you feel a particular closeness, but people with whom you are in contact, such as colleagues, co-workers.

A quick assessment will show you whether you are in the right place or not:

Where are members of your group headed – somewhere, or nowhere? Are these people action-oriented and goal-focused, or are they wishing and hoping their career or life would change?
How do these people govern themselves? Are they values-driven, directional, and proactive – or reactive to and blaming the world around them?
What does the group language reflect? Is there a positive tone, or one of negativity?
What does the group focus reveal? Is the focus on the world around them and how to contribute to make it even better – or are they playing “auditory sitcom,” where they talk mainly about other people and situations?
Who is the weakest link in the chain within the group? Surprisingly, this is the one who has the most power to hold the group right where it is – stuck.

If, after diligent assessment, you see room for improvement, as yourself – what are you going to do about this? You can either sink back into complacency – or move the needle by making some game-changing choices.

Up to you – what’s your next move?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

When “Just Do It” Doesn’t Work: Testing Out of Fear

December 14, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

How do you move past fear?

You don’t.

You get underneath it.

You get underneath the fear to the faulty assumptions that are driving it.

Underneath every instance where your confidence falters, or wherever a fear surfaces, there lies a hidden set of faulty assumptions that acts like glue to keep this fear intact.

Ready to break through?

I work with successful executives and business owners who are ready to step into a next level of success. A lot of times, they engage me because they have an incredible vision for their future or special project, or they have just assumed a new and larger role. These scenarios require bigger ways of thinking, acting, and doing, and even the most confident people will find themselves stalled by fears they didn’t realize would emerge.

A client I will call Mara asked me to help her make the move from being a very successful attorney to founding her own consulting firm. This was a major decision for her, but she was convicted and passionate about the change. She had already done all the homework – researching the need for services, defining the value she could bring to the client, weighing the costs and benefits this move would have on her financial future, identifying resources and connecting with key mentors for the help she would need, and putting together a plan of action to actually build the business.

But she called me for support because she couldn’t seem to move forward in working the plan. Specifically, Mara was afraid she would fail as a business owner. Even though she had gone through the planning steps that would support her success, she still feared she would not make it.

I asked her what was behind this fear, and Mara’s faulty assumptions were then revealed.

“Mara, what are you afraid will happen if you fail?”

“Well, other people might think I don’t have what it takes as a business person.”

“Mara, what are you afraid is going to happen if that happens?”

“Well, if others think I don’t have what it takes, I will lose credibility and no one will engage me.”

“And if that happens?”

“Then I’ll lose my home and be homeless – and others will have to take care of me. I will become a non-person – no worth.”

And there it was – the underlying faulty assumption that held Mara back. She feared she would become a non-person, a person of no worth. This was the glue that held her fear together.

“Mara, is it really true that if you fail in business that you will become homeless and of no worth?”

“Well, no – I have a good savings, and a corner on my specialty within law. I could always return with no problem. You know – it’s weird! I didn’t know that underneath all this was a fear that I would become a non-person. That’s not true!”

And yet, this was what was holding her back – the story she told herself, made up of a subconscious set of faulty assumptions that held her fear together like glue.

“Then, how do you get rid of the fear?” Mara asked me. “Because I can tell you that the old Nike adage, ‘Just do it!’ does not work for me.”

“Here’s what you do,” I answered. “You change your story to get rid of the fear. To do this, you don’t confront the fear – you confront the assumptions.”

Confronting the assumptions is confronting the story you are telling yourself, because it is the story that keeps your fear intact. Confronting your assumptions asks that you experiment with scenarios to see if your story is true. But contrary to the adage “Just do it,” by confronting the fear, confronting assumptions to break through fear is more powerful and effective.

Let’s say that you tell yourself that you are afraid to jump in the water because you assume the swimming pool is too cold to get in and swim. So the story you tell yourself is that if you jump in, you will catch a chill and be miserable. If you are miserable, then you will have to stay at home and nurse a cold. And if you stay at home to nurse a cold, you will miss out on all the fun planned for the weekend. And if this happens, well…(you see what I mean!).

To begin testing out of these faulty assumptions, you walk to the edge of the pool. You dip the tips of your toes in the water to see if your foot will be okay with the temperature. It may be a little chilly, but once you see that the toes are fine, you put a bit more of your foot in and go through the same exercise, asking yourself if you are okay. Eventually, you are in the pool up to your neck, enjoying a swim, sun on your face, and wondering why you ever feared the water temperature.

What you are doing throughout this exercise is to stretch your level of comfort bit by bit, pausing each time to observe to see whether your assumptions are true or not. In doing so, you test out of these assumptions by proving them wrong. Once you do this, your mind tells itself a new story. “Hmmm… I guess I don’t need to fear this fear anymore – it was completely unfounded.” So an hour later, if you choose to go back for another swim, you will simply jump in this time, total body. No more fear.

So how did this process work for Mara?

Mara and I devised a plan that incorporated several critical testing points as she moved forward to found her own business. And the results were that over the next 9 months, she was able to cultivate several prospective clients and to secure contracts that would support her over the following 24 months. She gave notice at the law offices, and jumped into her own consulting firm full-time.

“I can’t believe I was afraid of failing,” Mara told me. “Granted, building a business can be extremely challenging – but it’s so rewarding, too. I realize through having cultivated those clients, I am quite capable.”

How about you? What fear is holding you back? What story are you telling yourself to keep this fear intact? Join us on LinkedIn to share, and for more discussion.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Moving to the Front of the Leadership Pipeline

November 30, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

3 Things You Need to Do Now

Are you thinking about moving into higher leadership? There’s some stiff competition out there.

Being seen and selected as “number 1” when it comes to moving up requires more than just being top talent. It requires that you shift how you think, act, and relate.

Many new executives and ascending leaders often think they will see what to do once they “get there.” That’s a big mistake.

You can move to the front of the line quickly by mentally stepping into a leadership position before you get there.

Here are three of the most important steps to begin developing, today:

Develop a wider lens. As you look at your area of responsibility, ask yourself how your area impacts not only other departments, but the organization and its vision. Begin connecting these dots and extend them outside the company to the industry, and to the marketplace. Starting to make wider and higher-level connections as you review your impact will develop your visionary “eye” and strategic thinking skills at new levels.
Refine your decision-making and action-taking skills. When you make the move to more senior leadership, you’ll be moving away even more from the practice of your profession, and much closer to strategy, based on the information your team brings you. Ask yourself if you presently take too much time ruminating on decisions, or if you hesitate in taking action. And ask yourself if you trust your team – do you need to focus more on their development as you move forward? You will want to get in the habit of this with those who support you.
Forge your leadership identity. Making sure that your leadership identity is strong and that it engenders trust and influence. Your distinct leadership “DNA” should be so distinctive that others can easily describe it in value-based terms. Forging this professional ascending will result in followership, leveraging the impact you are able to make.

Ready to go the front of the leadership pipeline? What’s your next move? Join us on LinkedIn to share, and for more discussion.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.