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Why You Need Your Emotions for Rational Decision-Making

November 16, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

We spend a lot of our lives learning to master emotions. Sometimes they overcome us, and we goof things up. So we try to discount them or put them aside in an effort to be more rational in our decisions and actions.

But discounting or ignoring emotions isn’t really mastering them. You need your emotions in order to make your best decisions. Sound counter-intuitive?

In my work with high-potential female executives, I find quite often that these women have shut off their emotions, feeling these get in their way. Often, they have been told they were being too emotional in a certain situation, or they have found themselves overwhelmed with feelings when confronting a critical scenario, and it kept them from moving forward. Somehow, these women decided to shut off the “feeling part” of themselves in order to execute and get ahead.

Bad move.

Emotions are meant to trigger or alert you to something. When you ignore these, negative consequences are in store, not only for yourself, but for the way you are able to work with others, and ultimately succeed.

So how do you manage your emotions so that they actually help you get ahead?

There are three steps to managing and bridging your feelings so you can support your best thinking and actions:

1. Recognize the emotion you are feeling in a situation.

This may sound easier than it is. I once coached Sandy, a member of her company’s C-Suite, who could only name two emotions that she felt – anger and fear. Because of this, she continuously operated from the “fight or flight” part of her brain – high stress, and low reasoning. As a result, her decision-making suffered. We spent a couple of months helping her to identify and expand her lexicon of emotions as I coached her on how to handle specific situations. Why? Emotions are “gut triggers.” It means, “Hey, something is up, here! Pay attention!” This allowed her to move from a “fight or flight” mode to the reasoning part of her brain.

2. Decide how you want to manage the emotion.

Recognizing what emotion you are experiencing in a certain situation allows you to ask yourself how you would like to handle it. Just because someone has angered you doesn’t mean you need to express your anger. It means, instead, that you can ask yourself why you are experiencing this, whether it comes from a bias or is relevant and appropriate to the situation, and what you want to do behaviorally because of your reflection. This process puts you in charge. Once Sandy could identify the emotion she was feeling in a certain situation, she was able to reason more effectively, asking herself what this emotion was telling her, and whether this was viably related to the decision or situation at hand.

3. Allow your emotional self to collaborate with your rational self.

When you have checked in with yourself as to why you are feeling a certain emotion, where it comes from, and how you want to handle the emotion, you have made space for your rational self to join at the table. Having recognized how you are feeling, what the emotion is telling you, and deciding how you want to handle the emotion, you can now ask yourself to identify the real issue at hand so that you can resolve it most effectively. Sandy discovered that a colleague had undermined her to her staff. When she stopped to recognize how she felt about this, how she wanted to manage it, she then felt much more in control of how she dealt with the situation. Instead of operating from her “hot buttons” as she would have done in the past, she was able to discuss the issue calmly with him, and worked to resolve things.

How do emotions affect the way you work? Join us for our LinkedIn discussion and share!

Patti Cotton helps women executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and enterprises. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, women’s leadership development, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Mid-Career Conflict

November 2, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

When It’s Not Worth Earning Millions Yearly

Last week, it was my privilege to be in Chicago to address some of the top female producers in the financial services industry. Imagine sitting in a room full of women who earn an annual income of up to and beyond a million dollars!

During our time together, we discussed some of the things these women have had to face in order to generate this kind of income. And we touched on mid-career conflict – something they encounter far more than women in other industries.

In fact, when I mentioned knowing that some of the women in the room were currently weighing their options outside the industry because of the cost of doing business, many heads began to nod, letting me know I hit a sensitive point.

What makes it so that earning more than a million dollars yearly isn’t worth it? Why do so many women leave the industry and give up this kind of money?

At a certain point, these women are feeling the costs of their career. These costs are not related to keeping their business or career afloat; these are personal costs to these professionals. And these personal costs seem too great in relation to the uncertain benefits they might receive in future.

What did they cite as chief costs?

Women are hired in large numbers in the financial services industry, but they are most often in support roles and fewer in managerial positions; less or none on the executive committee (C-Suite). Promotions and bonuses are made behind closed doors, and these are made subjectively. One woman cited that she had outperformed her male counterpart, and her counterpart received a large bonus for performance – when she did not. She had to go in to fight for hers, proving her numbers. “I never should have had to fight for something to which we are told we are entitled,” she said. And I agree.
There may be a few women at the top, but they are on the board, and not on the executive committee. This means that company operating decisions and voice most often do not receive the benefit of diversified perspective and brain trust. Flex time and family leave programs exist, but those women considering them feel others might see them as “non-viable” upon their return.
Women are implicitly held to a higher standard than their male colleagues, as recent studies show. First, the financial services industry expects its top people to reflect typical male traits, being aggressive, dominating, and transactional. Women wind up attempting to masculinize their own traits to meet this. The results are inauthentic and awkward, and women face the double-bind that when they do reflect masculine traits, they are criticized for this, too. Of course, this is discouraging – and women lose confidence that they will succeed. They lose their ambition and many quit.

Now, this is not a man-bashing article. We need both genders, and diversity within those genders, to provide the rich perspective and brain trust that variety can bring. But what we are doing currently is not enough. And I’ll be writing about some solutions to this that we in human development are finding effective in the coming weeks.

But I’m curious: Where would you start to turn this around? Join us for our LinkedIn discussion and share!

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Designing Your Leadership Identity

August 24, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

The Who in the What That Makes the Difference

You are taking on a greater role, and you want to excel in your leadership. How do you do that?

Here’s the working plan to get ahead for many out there:

Formulate a plan. Investigate how others stepped into more leadership, and begin to do likewise.
Work on strengthening your leadership competencies. Take advantage of resources that help to identify which leadership competencies you want to strengthen, and work on these.
Develop a support system. Build a strategic network to help fast-track visibility and viability.
Take on projects and initiatives that showcase your leadership abilities.
Ask for the promotion / larger contracts / more business.

But, wait.

Something is missing from this list.

It’s really the first thing that should happen. It’s the very thing that will help you contribute your best work.

It’s the “who” in the equation.

Your unique leadership identity.

Who are you, and who do you need to become, in order to rise to your best leadership?

Defining this makes the difference between good leadership and great leadership. Living the answer will help you contribute your best work. It will keep you motivated as you work through the challenges and tests that forge greater leadership. It will also help distinguish you from the competition.

If you haven’t taken the time to define the who, you have bypassed the one step that will set you apart as you undertake the what. Leading with purpose, on purpose.

Here are some questions to help you begin designing your leadership identity. You may find it useful to journal on these.

What do you stand for? If you could answer one question for humanity before you leave this earth, what would it be? Why? And how is your work important to this?
What unique value do you bring to the table? If you weren’t part of the equation in life, in work, what would be missing? How would it affect outcomes at work, in the world?
How will you use this to make a significant imprint in the world through your work? Work without purpose is fleeting and empty. What leadership legacy do you want to be remembered for? And what do you need to do today in order to begin?

What does your unique leadership identity look like? Can you describe it in one or two sentences?

Click here to join the LinkedIn discussion on this topic.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

What is Holding You Back from Your Big Leap?

August 11, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

It May Not Be What You Think

There is a profound book by Gay Hendricks called The Big Leap. In it, he identifies a phenomenon that occurs as people reach a certain point of growth in business or in their personal lives. He calls it the “Upper Limit Problem.” It manifests itself in many forms, from worry to criticism to physical injury or illness. He lists other common manifestations.

Let’s examine the life of Teresa, for instance. Teresa has always worked hard. She started a business and, being the hard worker that she was, it took off immediately. An hour before her first major client interview, Teresa fell and injured her ankle. In immense pain, but not to be deterred, she proceeded with the meeting, and then promptly went to the hospital. It worked out well (except for the injured ankle, of course), as she landed the contract, which served as a major trajectory for her next level in business.

Several years later, she was at a second major growth point in her business. She had become much too busy to do everything herself, and the business had also outgrown her small team. About to make a major shift in her business, she fell once again. And once again, she broke her ankle.

Today, she laughs at the obvious sign of her “upper limit problem,” but does acknowledge the value in knowing it exists.

Maybe you have just been given a promotion – one that you have aspired to for a long time – but have suddenly found yourself out of sorts and being overly critical of yourself and others. Maybe you have been asked to lead a major initiative, only to find yourself battling a sudden and mysterious illness.

These are signs of an “upper limit problem,” and those are often rooted deeply in three causes.

Life Experience

As an example, many of us grew up as children or grandchildren of Depression era parents or grandparents. That era had a significant impact on how people viewed work and money. Let’s say you were heavily influenced by your parents of that era, who always reminded you to work hard, save for a rainy day, and protect your money because it could be gone in an instant. Following their advice, you have worked very hard to get to a level of lucrative success, only to have a constant, nagging worry that you will lose it all somehow. This is where your upper limit problem reveals itself. When you do get a substantial raise, if you are not careful, you will sabotage yourself and lose it.

Personal Confidence

If you find yourself hitting a glass ceiling over and over again, yet never being able to push beyond it, you may have a personal confidence issue that is coming across to those who are making decisions regarding placement. There are image consultants out there who can help you look good, speak well, and walk confidently into a room, but if you do not have confidence on the inside, it will reveal itself on the outside. And here’s the thing…you may not even realize it is happening.

Lack of Support

There are points of change in life where we want to make the “big leap,” but we are not sure we can do it. Change is challenging. Do something now to prepare for it. Create a strong inner circle, a group of mentors and trusted confidants who will help you get past that point when you can’t do it alone. We gain strength from the confidence of others when we do not have it in ourselves.

I encourage you to think about the following question, and push yourself to answer until you get to its roots. It is a profoundly helpful exercise.

What is your upper limit problem, and where does it come from?

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I invite you to join our LinkedIn group for just this kind of support (click here). We are experienced professionals who understand what is required to make those big leaps. Join us and let us help you reach the levels you have always wanted to reach but have never been able to manifest. I look forward to having you there!

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

When Personal Crisis Hits: 5 Tips to Manage Your Professional Reputation

July 20, 2016 By Patti Cotton 3 Comments

Life is wonderful! Life is amazing. But sometimes, stuff happens. And when it does, our personal “bandwidth” – our capacity for handling life and work – is asked to stretch.

This is normal. After all, encountering crisis and disruption is part of life. We may suffer the death of a loved one or experience a divorce. We may be called upon to manage a life transition for an aging parent, or to deal with a teen in trouble. No one is immune. Managing this effectively is key to keeping you on track both personally and professionally.

You see, as others at work and in the community learn about your situation and sympathize, they also expect your performance and abilities will be compromised. They assume this, because they think it would certainly affect them in that way.

So, whether you are able to continue working at capacity, in their minds, others will tend to subtly discount your ability to lead and perform well. This can have dire consequences on current and future opportunities for you.

How do you avoid this? How do you care for yourself, the situation, and manage perception so that you maintain your professional reputation?

Here are 5 tips to manage your personal and professional life when crisis hits.

Take care of you, first. If you don’t take care of yourself first, by getting enough sleep, eating well, drinking water, and continuing to exercise, your capacity to manage stress, think clearly, and make decisions will be affected. It will also show through fatigue – the way you carry yourself, the energy with which you talk and approach situations. So make sure you are practicing some radical self-care.
Manage the crisis itself by getting a plan and proper support. Identify the outcome you want to solve the problem, then reverse-engineer into a plan of action. Then, intentionally identify your support system. How do you need and want to be supported? Do you need resources? Advice? A listening ear? Probably all three! Identify those people who can serve as support and reach out to them. Let them know what is happening, and that you would like to call on them for help as the need arises.
Don’t over-share with others. Keep your processing and the bulk of your sharing with your support system. A minimum of information on a “need-to-know” basis is key. Any sharing beyond this with colleagues, clients, and community is inappropriate and potentially harmful to your professional reputation in the eyes of others. In other words, no unnecessary details, and no ongoing updates with blow-by-blow developments as the situation progresses. A simple, “Thanks for asking, we are happy to have things settled down, now,” is helpful for curious minds.
Prioritize and trim your workload and outside activities. Time to get lean and mean. Take a morning to prioritize, triage, delegate, so that you identify those initiatives and activities that are critical and necessary, those that can be delegated, and those that can be put on hold. This will provide mental and emotional space to best support your performance – and others’ perception of it.
Lead a personal PR campaign. Announce to the world that you are on track and running! Deliberately connect with key stakeholders in your organization and outside in the community and subtly form an alliance with them to reinforce your viability. Identify those persons of influence and schedule time with them to catch up. What new trends or developments are occurring in your community, industry, or global marketplace that might affect them? Talk about a new project or the update on an existing one that might pique their interest, and share how it will positively impact. This takes a bit of planning, but you will have formed an unwitting circle of professional support to combat any doubts as to your current abilities.

And a final word on managing your personal situation and your work performance: Schedule periodic reviews into your calendar until the situation is resolved. How are you doing? What needs to shift? It’s important to avoid allowing a situation to become chronic. If crisis mode is your “new normal,” ask for help.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.