Patti Cotton

Are you a successful communicator? When you think of yourself as a communicator, how much of your energy do you spend telling people things, and how much of it do you spend asking questions?

 

A bright executive once discovered her team had been working nights to solve a complicated problem.

 

“I was a bit surprised,” she told me.  “Not at their dedication, but at the fact that they hadn’t included me in the process.”

 

“What do you think was going on, there?” I asked.

 

“I’m ashamed to tell you,” she replied.  “They said they had been afraid to include me – that I am capable of making quick assumptions without asking the right questions.  And that they saw so many more possibilities by remaining open to new ideas outside the box.”

 

“Did it work?” I countered.

 

“Yes,” she sighed.  “I don’t sound excited, do I?  I really am – at their results.  But I’m deeply disappointed in me.  Guess it’s time to work on my leadership in that area.”

 

Most of the time, we have a tendency to assume that successful communication—and success in general—comes down to saying the right things, and having all the right answers. In reality, though, the quality of our answers completely depends on the kind of questions we’ve been willing to ask. Good questions are far more powerful than answers. They help to reframe and redefine the problem, throwing cold water on tightly held assumptions.

 

So what does it mean to ask the right questions? Some questions—often the ones that make us feel most comfortable—don’t invite any challenges or require much insight. Others, though, are more powerful, and tend to share some of these characteristics:

• They’re open-ended

• They stimulate reflective thinking, deeper thought or consideration

• They generate fresh ideas and provoke exploration

• They get both sides of the story

• They get to the bottom of things

• They challenge assumptions

• They help create open and productive communication.

 

One of the biggest differences between a surface-level question and a more powerful question is that more powerful questions tend to be a little disruptive. They’re not always easy to answer, and—a lot of the time—the answer calls for some kind of action or effort.

 

For example, you might ask yourself “what bad habits do I need to stop?” “What matters to me most right now?” “If nothing were in my way, and I knew everything would turn out well, what would I want to do?” and “What’s stopping me?” Similarly, you might ask your employees/colleagues “What’s most important to you about this?” “How can we make this fair/fun?” “What support do you need?” or “What can we learn from this?”  

 

We don’t always ask questions like this because they require a certain level of willingness to step out of our comfort zone, to be open to other people’s suggestions, and to change things up if necessary. If we’re going to ask questions like this—whether we’re asking ourselves or someone else—we need to be prepared to listen skillfully.

 

Once we figure out how to ask the right questions, the results can be profound.  I challenge you to try it this week.

 

To your success!

Good leaders must lead by example. Through their actions, which are aligned with what they say, they become a person others want to follow. When leaders say one thing but do another, they erode trust, a critical element of productive leadership. Here are 10 of the dozens of ways to lead by example.

 

1. Take responsibility. Blame costs you your credibility, keeps team members on the defensive and ultimately sabotages real growth.

 

2. Be truthful. Inaccurate representation affects everyone. Show that honesty really IS the best policy.

 

3. Be courageous. Walk through fire (a crisis) first. Take calculated risks that demonstrate commitment to a larger purpose.

 

4. Acknowledge failure. It makes it OK for your team to do the same and defines failure as part of the process of becoming extraordinary.

 

5. Be persistent. Try, try again. Go over, under or around any hurdles to show that obstacles don’t define your company or team.

 

6. Create solutions. Don’t dwell on problems; instead be the first to offer solutions and then ask your team for more.

 

7. Listen. Ask questions. Seek to understand. You’ll receive valuable insights and set a tone that encourages healthy dialogue.

 

8. Delegate liberally. Encourage an atmosphere in which people can focus on their core strengths.

 

9. Take care of yourself. Exercise, don’t overwork, take a break. A balanced team, mentally and physically, is a successful team. Model it, encourage it, support it!  

 

10. Roll up your sleeves. Like Alexander the Great leading his men into battle, you’ll inspire greatness in your company.

 

Author’s content used with permission, © Claire Communications

 

As social creatures, we human beings tend to feel happiest when everyone is getting along. We feel most secure when we believe that others like us, and if we can avoid causing social strife we usually do. Unfortunately, this type of social predisposition can sometimes lead us in the wrong direction, especially when unwanted conflict rears its ugly head.

 

The Flight Instinct

 

Let’s be honest: when faced with interpersonal conflict, a lot of us have a flight instinct. It feels better – safer – to avoid conflict than to face it head-on, and, thus, conflict often remains unaddressed.

 

There are a few reasons this happens. We’re uncomfortable with the emotions related to conflict. We may even fear a loss in relationship or status.  Sometimes we’re not sure how to address the situation, or there’s no protocol for resolving it. But avoiding conflict rarely pays off.

 

Conflict Is Personal – and It’s Business!

 

When a conflict triggers strong feelings there’s usually a deep personal need at the core of the problem, and when those needs are continuously threatened it can affect us both emotionally and physically.  Loss of sleep, stress-related illnesses such as depression, obesity and heart disease can unfortunately be common outcomes to unresolved conflict.

 

As far as your business is concerned, issues related to mismanaged conflict cost business owners millions of dollars every year. In fact, effective conflict management has been identified as the #1 cost-containment strategy for leaders in the workplace.  If not contained, unresolved conflict can lead to poor communication and poor decision-making, reduced morale and lower motivation, stress-related illnesses and even litigation. Conflict can escalate, involving more and more people, and if it goes unresolved it can negatively affect an entire organization.

 

Where to Begin If You Are Sensing Conflict

 

If conflict is swirling around you, sucking you in, or not going away on its own, it’s probably time to step back, assess the situation and take action.

 

Here are a few things to keep in mind:

 

Think of conflict resolution as an investment in your future. The sooner you take steps to resolve conflict, the less complicated it tends to be for all parties involved. Focus on the goal of creating a satisfying solution for everyone so you can be done with the problem and move on. 

 

Be specific about what’s bothering you. Vague complaints are hard to work on. Make sure you communicate as clearly as possible what the issue is, and be ready to give one or two examples (don’t come with a list, or it might feel like an attack). Decide for yourself exactly what you are no longer willing to tolerate, and make sure you speak only for yourself (without allowing other people’s opinions and personal issues muddy the waters).

 

Is it really your conflict? Where is the conflict coming from? Sometimes we get sucked into other people’s conflicts, especially with people close to us—like a boss or a significant other. If the conflict isn’t one you can address yourself, you do not have to be part of it. Understand that you are choosing to be part of the conflict if you choose not to remove yourself from it.

 

Know when to bow out—If you’ve tried to resolve an issue but you just can’t come to an agreement, it’s okay to disengage and move on. If a conflict is obviously going nowhere and isn’t going to be resolved, you are under no obligation to continue allowing it to drag you down. 

Sam came to me because he felt stuck on a new project and needed advice.

 

“This project is a huge opportunity for me to flex my influence in the community,” said Sam.  “But I’m tapped out right now, and can’t get traction on ideas for some of the pieces.”

 

“Have you asked for help?” I replied.  “You must have some pretty bright people in your network.”

 

Sam looked puzzled, but as we sat through the next hour brainstorming about colleagues he knew who might be able to help, he started to relax.

 

“Wow. I’d forgotten about some of my connections – and tapping into their expertise will help this project speed along!”

 

I was glad Sam realized he already had the resources to complete this project – but it also told me that people who knew him did not consider him a powerful part of their own networks. 

 

“Sam, you said you want more influence in this community.  And you are looking to make more impact – to stand out above the crowd.  But you are neglecting the one thing that could do just that for you – tapping into your network.”

 

Over the next few weeks, Sam and I worked on identifying his present network and coming up with a plan to cultivate it in a powerful way.  Within the next year, Sam had reached the level of influence he needed in order to run successfully for an elected position – something he had wanted for quite awhile.

 

What was Sam’s initial problem?  He was not building powerful bonds.  He had a cache of great names in his circle – but he was not nurturing these relationships through connecting on a deeper level.  He wasn’t reaching out on a regular basis, and he had never volunteered to see how he might be of assistance to these contacts.  People knew who he was – but only on a superficial basis.

 

What are the secrets to building powerful bonds?  Here’s a handy checklist of the most important ones.  Take a moment to see how you rate!

• Are you cultivating and maintaining extensive networks to exchange ideas and rally support?  Or do you not think of reaching out?
• Are you seeking out relationships that are mutually beneficial, rather than to view others in competition with you?
• Do you build rapport with others and keep them in the loop, or are you hesitant to be collaborative?
• Are you able to respect and appreciate individual differences in perspective and background, or do you seek to align yourself only with those who are similar to you and agree with you?
• Can you pick up the phone and call contacts to get answers or to get past obstacles – or do you feel you are very limited in who you can call?
• Do you have the respect and support of people at various levels of your organization or community?

To your success!

 

 

 

“When do I reap the rewards?” asked the law firm owner. 

 

“My partner and I are the top producers in the firm – the only producers if I am honest with myself – and we aren’t spring chickens.  What’s more, we are stalled at 6 figures – very healthy, mind you, but still…”

 

After some light investigation, I discovered that the two partners were indeed the only producers, in addition to serving as administrators.

 

“You won’t reap any more rewards unless you shift the way you work,” I shared.  “You’ve already told me that when you stop working, the money stops rolling in.  And you are right – with that, you can’t ever look forward to taking a day off, much less a long vacation or retirement.”

 

I continued.  “You won’t make the leap to 7 figures unless you address some critical issues.  You have an outdated business model, and your systems are inadequate.  You’ve basically set yourselves up to continue working at this pace while staying stuck at this income level till you drop.”

 

This situation is prevalent with business owners and other decision-makers, no matter what the industry.  They have grown into a certain way of doing which produces well – but they can’t move beyond this.  They are tapped out and stuck.

 

Making the leap from 6 figures to 7 figures requires some fundamental shifts, and three, in particular.  As you look through this checklist, where are you?

 

To your success!

 

A First Checklist For Making Your Leap

Mindset: 

• How you see your role.  Do you see yourself as a practitioner instead of a company owner?  Do you believe that you have to be present in order for the company to run well?  These concepts are self-defeating and will keep you from moving ahead.

 

• Your paradigm about the journey to ultimate success.  Do you believe you have to work hard and long to succeed?  Is your language riddled with words and phrases like “push hard; trying; it will pay off someday?”  These are self-limiting, heavy thoughts that can keep you stalled.

 

Habits: 

• How do you manage income?  How you manage money is how you conduct business and life.  Are you living from month to month?  Or are you able to invest income back into the company to make it more robust? 

 

• Playing your biggest game.  Are you playing it small and safe with your products and services, and with your price points?  Or are you taking calculated risks based on market demand and your ability to deliver?  Are you avoiding conflict or crucial communication because “it is just easier?”  Avoiding success by overscheduling?  Other?

 

Strategies: 

• How you envision the company.  Have you reviewed your business plan recently?  Tested your products and services in the market to ensure they are still viable?  How effective is your marketing?  Can you measure your ROI?  Do you have the systems in place to receive more business?

 

• Who’s in your corner?  Do you have team?  Are the right people on board?  Do they know what you expect and perform to satisfaction?  How do you hold them accountable for results?