Patti Cotton

Whether coaching executives or business owners, I find that even the most success-minded professionals suffer from a lack of confidence in a certain area, or confidence that comes and goes without warning.  This is the biggest reason they can’t move beyond a certain point in income or responsibility.  Underneath this lack of confidence may be a associated fear of failure – or of success.  Whatever the reason, it results in a “stuck state” for the professional.

The most common lack of confidence I see in women professionals (and some men!) is a fear of asking.  One of my clients, Sherri, was a seasoned consultant in a large metropolitan area.  People loved her services, and she had so many clients that she was running ragged.  “I am also hitting an income ceiling,” she said.  “I give away quite a bit for free, or I underprice myself for fear that I will lose the sale.  It’s probably why I have so many clients.  But I am tired of working so hard for such a limited income.  And I just discovered that my competitors charge at least 20% more than I do.  How do I get over being afraid to ask for what I am worth?”

Sherri’s situation required a two-pronged strategy: one of shifting mindset, and of practicing skillset.  When thinking about asking for money, she feared rejection, and loss of reputation and friendships. This kept her from asking for what she considered her full value.  I worked with her over the ensuing weeks, using a five-step process proven successful in breaking through old, an old, inhibiting and untrue belief about her abilities.  This helped her to step into a new and confident mindset.  I then worked with her to exercise the skills of asking for money so that she felt confident and at ease.

Sherri went forward with poise and assurance to share with existing clientele her new rates and packages.  Surprisingly, most of them stayed with her, stating that they knew she gave above and beyond price in value.  This rise in fee structure and packaging allowed her to hire an intern to help with elementary tasks and activities.  She also limited the number of projects she undertook at any given time. 

The result?  Sherri recently gave me a call.  “I have more time, more money, and I enjoy what I am doing so much more.  Gaining that confidence to ask gave me back my life and love for business.”

For reflection:

In what area of your business or life do you wish you had more confidence?  How much is that lack of confidence costing you in potential business and other opportunities?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Do you have a growing stash of self-help books in a corner?  You may have read some, and had good intentions for the others – and there may even be a bit of dust gathering over the book pile. 

I had a client I will call Marie, who had a nightstand dedicated to such a pile of books.  She also invested significant sums of money into seminar weekends, workshops, or other types of education that were meant to help her get where she wanted to go.  Topics on leadership development, increasing your influence, how to how to jump start your career, ramping up your confidence level…  You name it, she either owned it or had attended it.

And each time Marie read such a book or attended a seminar, she was energized and excited.  She had big dreams.  When she first came to me for help, she could paint a beautiful vision about her future. 

“But, I don’t know why I can’t make change in my life,” she complained.  “I’m either too busy, too tired, or it’s just not the right time.  Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to succeed at a higher level.”

Marie was wrong.  After I helped her gain clarity around her goals, worked to identify her strengths, and assessed her potential, I determined she had all the ingredients for having what it takes.  But she was guilty of the chief error we commit, and which will keep us from achieving what we want.

“You are a self-help junkie,” I smiled.  “It’s not uncommon.  You invest large sums of money in all this education and it makes you feel good while you are immersed in it.  When it’s finished, you hurriedly look for the next “fix,” and grab another book or seminar.  But you don’t do the one thing it takes to make this work for you.”

“And what’s that?” she asked? 

“You don’t take action,” I replied.  “You don’t incorporate the learning.  Your comfort zone causes you to start feeling anxious or overwhelmed when you think about adopting a new behavior, and you start the negative self-talk I just heard you voice.

Marie got quiet.  “You’re right,” she said.  “I get pretty anxious when I think of having to do something different.  The thought of it seems to grow like a mountain, and pretty soon, it seems impossible.  Why do I do that?”

“Your comfort zone detests that pesky little “six-letter word spelled A-C-T-I-O-N,” I replied.  It guards against any change in thought or behavior.  It just doesn’t know how to run smoothly when you introduce the idea of taking a new action into the mix.  In fact, it sends out danger signals, and these are felt through anxiety, doubt, or overwhelm. You may even get busier, distracting yourself with seemingly good things in order to avoid taking action on the right thing to help you move forward.

“And no action means saying ‘yes’ to keeping yourself prisoner to your present – and guarding against achieving a different future.

Marie and I worked over the following months to identify how she was holding herself back, and successfully incorporated steps to break through her self-defeating behaviors and talk.  No longer confined to an old and limiting comfort zone, she enthusiastically reports taking regular actions that help her to reach her goals and get what she wants.

What about you?  Are you a self-help education junkie?  Or do you have an area in your life where you are holding yourself hostage?  What is one first step you can take to break through?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

What are you waiting for?  There’s a big life out there waiting to happen!  You are a successful leader or other chief decision-maker, and many wish they could be you – yet you are feeling a bit of longing and restlessness.  You thought you had it all figured out – but it doesn’t feel quite right, anymore.

Is your life purpose nudging you?

A popular thought about life purpose is that it is a particular career, or a role that we are destined to play.    This is not the case, and many find themselves at career mid-point feeling lost and a sense of frustration.  They experience higher stress, sometimes burnout, and feeling a life unlived…  Sounds serious, I know – and it is!  I am sometimes called to coach professionals who find they suffer from an identity crisis because they are not grounded in who they are and are misaligned with their sense of purpose.

Your life purpose is bigger than a role – it is the larger reason you are here.  It is a theme, a continuous thread throughout your life, the great challenge you keep returning to address, no matter what role you play at the moment.  When you are aligned with your life purpose, you feel alive, aligned, and energized.  You feel you contribute meaningfully with your unique gifts and strengths as you make a significant change-making ripple in life’s pond.  Words like full, overflowing, joy, meaning all come to mind as you go throughout your days.

What is your life purpose?

Life Purpose Exercise:

Sit in a quiet place and take a few relaxing breaths.  Let all the tension go out of your body and take a few more relaxing breaths.

Now, imagine you are looking at your tombstone (a bit serious, I know!).  Here lies ____:  a person who _____.  Fill in the blanks.  This is a single sentence that should capture the essence of your life, that sums up the core of what you were here to do.  Don’t worry if it isn’t true of you, yet – this should reflect the ideal for you. 

What next step do you need to take in order to live that life of purpose?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

How high is your influence quotient?  And what do I mean by that?

Your influence quotient is not your capacity to manipulate and to take advantage of others in order to get what you want…  Rather, it is your ability to know how to work with and through others to achieve a stated objective while staying true to your core values and maintaining your integrity.

Without the ability to influence, we can’t make impact.  From the kitchen to the boardroom, we are powerless to make things happen, unless we have certain key factors in place.

Here are the first three steps to building your influence quotient.  Rate yourself on a scale from 1-5 (5 being highest):

1. Live by integrity.  How steady, how consistent are you in the way you work and play with others?  Do people say they can count on you?
   
   
2. Build trust through experience.  How well do you build rapport with people so that they come to know you and can trust how you will handle relationships and challenges?  Do people say they trust you?
   
   
3. Listening for win-win outcomes.  Are you able to fully listen to the needs and concerns of others so that when it comes to tough decisions, you keep the “win-win” solution in mind?  Do people say they know you have their best interests in mind?
   
   What do you need to change?  And if you aren’t sure, how can you find out?
   
   
   One professional’s bold move?  He asked!  One of my clients polled his mentor and two corporate colleagues.  The results?  “I was actually pleasantly surprised,” he shared.  “I rated high in integrity and building trust.  A growth area for me appears to showing others I am listening for win-win outcomes through my choice of words and messaging.  This exercise was invaluable!”
   
   The result?  We identified areas where he could better match and pace his tenor and the way in which he presented certain ideas.  Within a few weeks, he started to get some great feedback – and he was on the right track!
   
   What about you?  Where do you see opportunities to bolster your influence quotient?
   
   To Your Success!
   
   *I look forward to reading your comments.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Why are people afraid to ask for what they want?  A hesitation to ask can stem from one of the following three causes:

1. They don’t know what they want – and don’t want.
2. They don’t have the necessary skillset to ask effectively.
3. They have a fear of asking.

In my work with professionals who are ready to play a bigger game, it is not unusual to discover that even the most talented and successful people fear asking. This can be for a variety of reasons – a fear of failure, rejection, or that we don’t deserve it.

One of my clients, Katherine,* was working 70 hours weekly, and had consistently produced more than the rest of her department over the past three years. Yet, she felt that she hadn’t laid down enough of a “success track” to ask for the raise she knew some her colleagues had received.

“I haven’t been here that long, and I feel like I need to produce more to show I deserve the hike in pay,” she said.

However, as we talked further, Katherine admitted the real reason she feared her boss would say no. “If he says ‘no,’ this means he thinks I’m not good enough,” she said. “And I would don’t want to feel that rejection. After all – won’t I get a raise when he notices my work and thinks I deserve it?”

Katherine’s fear of asking came from the old, negative automatic thought (NAT), “I’m not good enough,” that often keeps us from many opportunities. In Katherine’s case, she felt she had to prove she was worthy and “enough” by working harder than everyone else, producing more, and waiting for her boss to finally say that she had achieved enough to deserve a raise. As it turns out, Katherine discovered some time later that her boss was under the impression that she was happy at that rate of pay – because she didn’t ask!

Fortunately, we now know that can know that NATs can be eliminated through simple mental exercises designed to reshape our core beliefs and limited thinking. It is possible at any age to intervene, and to step into more of the potential we deserve.

After working with Katherine to overcome her NATs, I was pleased that she went on to ask for a healthy raise – and got it!

What old NATs are holding you back?



* all names and identifying information of Patti’s clients are altered for the purpose of confidentiality.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.