Do you have a growing stash of self-help books in a corner? You may have read some, and had good intentions for the others – and there may even be a bit of dust gathering over the book pile.
I had a client I will call Marie, who had a nightstand dedicated to such a pile of books. She also invested significant sums of money into seminar weekends, workshops, or other types of education that were meant to help her get where she wanted to go. Topics on leadership development, increasing your influence, how to how to jump start your career, ramping up your confidence level… You name it, she either owned it or had attended it.
And each time Marie read such a book or attended a seminar, she was energized and excited. She had big dreams. When she first came to me for help, she could paint a beautiful vision about her future.
“But, I don’t know why I can’t make change in my life,” she complained. “I’m either too busy, too tired, or it’s just not the right time. Maybe I just don’t have what it takes to succeed at a higher level.”
Marie was wrong. After I helped her gain clarity around her goals, worked to identify her strengths, and assessed her potential, I determined she had all the ingredients for having what it takes. But she was guilty of the chief error we commit, and which will keep us from achieving what we want.
“You are a self-help junkie,” I smiled. “It’s not uncommon. You invest large sums of money in all this education and it makes you feel good while you are immersed in it. When it’s finished, you hurriedly look for the next “fix,” and grab another book or seminar. But you don’t do the one thing it takes to make this work for you.”
“And what’s that?” she asked?
“You don’t take action,” I replied. “You don’t incorporate the learning. Your comfort zone causes you to start feeling anxious or overwhelmed when you think about adopting a new behavior, and you start the negative self-talk I just heard you voice.
Marie got quiet. “You’re right,” she said. “I get pretty anxious when I think of having to do something different. The thought of it seems to grow like a mountain, and pretty soon, it seems impossible. Why do I do that?”
“Your comfort zone detests that pesky little “six-letter word spelled A-C-T-I-O-N,” I replied. It guards against any change in thought or behavior. It just doesn’t know how to run smoothly when you introduce the idea of taking a new action into the mix. In fact, it sends out danger signals, and these are felt through anxiety, doubt, or overwhelm. You may even get busier, distracting yourself with seemingly good things in order to avoid taking action on the right thing to help you move forward.
“And no action means saying ‘yes’ to keeping yourself prisoner to your present – and guarding against achieving a different future.
Marie and I worked over the following months to identify how she was holding herself back, and successfully incorporated steps to break through her self-defeating behaviors and talk. No longer confined to an old and limiting comfort zone, she enthusiastically reports taking regular actions that help her to reach her goals and get what she wants.
What about you? Are you a self-help education junkie? Or do you have an area in your life where you are holding yourself hostage? What is one first step you can take to break through?
Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.
