Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

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Four Steps to Crisis Management

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Four Steps to Crisis Management
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Leading through crisis requires more of you – more energy, focus, and innovation.

Yet, sudden change generates great stress, which actively interferes with your ability to show up as you need to do.

How can you manage your emotions and thoughts effectively during this time so you can lead others through successfully?

Here are four steps that will help you tame stress and develop resilience during critical times so you can operate at your best.

1. Get grounded.

Making critical decisions requires a calm, sharp mind, able to keep all the pieces moving. How can you quickly ground yourself in critical moments?

  • Recognize emotions as useful.

Emotions are simply indicators that we need to pay attention. As you face a crucial conversation or decision, pause to ask yourself what emotions you are experiencing along with the situation.

What can these tell you?

This pause can help to regulate a “hot state” that can interfere with best thinking.

  • Unhook non-constructive thoughts.

What negative or non-constructive thoughts are you carrying with you during this time? Is there a “worry loop” that keeps playing in your head that does not serve you?

Reframe by replacing this with a different track each time the negative thought crosses your mind. This will lessen the stress that accompanies destructive thought patterns, and free you to make better decisions.

2. Create structure.

Structure promotes predictability, which reduces stress.

It is important for you to provide this for your team and organization – but you need to do so for yourself, first.

  • Prioritize what is important.

What is urgent vs. what is really important?

It is important to determine this, and revisit this on a daily basis. Make sure you schedule accordingly so urgencies don’t fill up your calendar.

  • Create a timeline.

This master document should have your priorities outlined so you can keep yourself and your team accountable. Revisit this on a weekly basis to adjust what needs shifting. Putting on paper what you need to keep in mind will free your mind to concentrate.

3. Stay connected.

Who are the industry and other business experts that can serve as a think tank for you? How can you transmit this information to your executive team so that they can work to capacity with you? Decide how you can curate what you need to share, then incorporate this into your briefings.

  • Lean on your life team.

Make sure you have a life team that you can reach out to, and that has your best interests in mind. Decide together how and when you will connect to support each other, especially during crisis. Having people in your life to whom you can turn and be vulnerable allows you to draw strength for the task before you.

4. Reflect, then act.

Recall other uncertain times to draw from the lessons learned there. This will help you know what to do when you aren’t sure what to do.

For example, look back to a past market crash, or other crisis for comparison. Identify patterns, connect the dots. Notice similarities and take your best shot.

Calculated risks to move forward in such times have proved much better than the risks from inaction or decisions made without these considerations.

One key thing to remember is that crises are usually temporary; but decisions made during a crisis can have permanent implications. Protect your ability to make good decisions by…

1. Getting grounded.
2. Creating structure.
3. Staying connected.
4. Reflecting, then acting.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

How to Fall in Love with Conflict

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How to Fall in Love with Conflict
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Most executives tell me they hate conflict and run quickly from it. And if they can’t escape it, they report handling it poorly. After all, who likes tension?

I’d like to offer an alternate paradigm – how would you like to fall in love with conflict?

I can give you some compelling reasons why – and some tips on making the shift toward welcoming conflict as a growth opportunity.

Need some convincing?

Here is why you want to shift the way you think about and approach conflict.

Conflict will always be present.

I like to say, “Where there are two or more people gathered together, there will be conflict!”

Why? Varying perspectives, beliefs, convictions, agendas… This means you can’t run and hide forever, unless you choose to be a hermit.

Conflict is an opportunity to strengthen working relationships.

If handled well, separating issues from personalities, it can become a way that two opposing parties become a unified team solving a problem together.

Conflict opens doors to new and creative possibilities.

Ever heard someone say, “What’s the third good option?”

This means, can we move from “either, or” (your way or my way), to another solution that might give both of us what we need…that might solve the issue even better?”

How do you get to the point where you actually love conflict when you encounter it?

The tricky thing is most of us fear conflict until we learn how to handle it, and we tend to run to our own platform of emotional safety.

In order to move from fear to a state of openness, you will first want to recognize what conflict can do for you, your relationships, and potential outcomes.

Here are five tips to get you started so that you can truly begin to fall in love with conflict:

1. Begin to shift your personal views about what conflict is.

Begin recognizing that conflict can be an exciting opportunity for dialogue and reaching shared agreement around issues that are important to you and to solving problems.

Conflict is usually a simple combination of (1) two or more people, or different parts of the same person; (2) a disagreement over unresolved issues, process, outcomes, or facts; and (3) negative emotions around strong convictions or one’s opinion on said issue/process/facts.

There can be more variables to creating a conflict, but these three are all you need to get a conflict started. If you find yourself in conflict and can remember the anatomy of conflict above, it will allow you to take a deep breath as you begin to approach it.

2. Recognize that personal triggers around conflict may or may not be valid.

Each time a conflict arises, you probably get two triggers – an emotional one and a physical one.

When this happens, your mind makes up a story to support your bodily sensations and emotions, such as, “This is unpleasant and doesn’t feel good. Leave immediately.”

What you are experiencing is the safety mechanism your brain developed for you from an early age so that you feel safe. However, now that you are an adult, it’s time to re-examine this conditioning, because some of these triggers are no longer useful or valid.

For example, when you were small, you may have felt rejected or inappropriate for speaking up in at the dinner table. But now that you are older, not being able to speak up in groups or social settings may be debilitating for you.

So, as you move forward and experience uncomfortable sensations and emotions, ask yourself if these triggers are valid for the situation, or if you need to take a deep breath and re-examine what is happening.

3. Set the stage for collaboration with others in the conflict.

Change your language about conflict as it arises with others. When the air is tense, it’s helpful to remind yourself and others that this is actually a growth opportunity. Be a leader in setting this new framework with statements or phrases that include, “I’m feeling some tension, here. Can we talk together about the issue that’s stirring the pot for us?” Or, “I feel passionate about this, and it seems like you do, too. I think we can come up with a creative solution. Are you game to sit with me so we can work this out?”

Notice that I am avoiding any finger-pointing in these phrases. I am also using a lot of “we” phraseology – can “we” work this out, can “we” sit down together… By using this kind of language, you are implying that you are collaborative, on the same team. This is when great things can happen.

4. See pause points as growth opportunities.

Are you and the other person in the conflict stalled at a certain point in working things out?

Say so.

Call this out, as though you are noticing an elephant in the room. When tension mounts, so can voices, platforms, and personal agendas.

On the other hand, when you are able to name the tension in the room, this allows the other person to relax a bit, as well. You might ask them if they would like some water or coffee, or to stretch their legs a bit. Get up and stretch yours. This will provide some regrouping of energy and emotion, so that when you come back together to sit and examine the matter at hand, you can do so more even-handedly. And handling things in this way is great growth.

5. Thank the other person for being willing to work things out with you.

At the beginning of your conversation together, and again after you have reached an outcome or conclusion, let the other party know that you appreciate their willingness to explore things together. You want to help them see that working things out with you is collaborative, even-handed, thoughtful, and respectful. You want to encourage them to come back next time so that the two of you can arrive at some great solutions together.

If you can begin to approach conflict with these five steps, you have not only set the stage to work things out, but to forge deeper, more meaningful relationships and greater outcomes.

Where do you feel you excel in conflict management? And where would you like to be stronger?

Ten Character Indicators

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Ten Character Indicators
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“How you do one thing is how you do everything.” ~ Madeline Albright

Thirty years ago, a business owner named Dave found himself in a critical position. A key employee had been found embezzling, and the company faced a $1 Mil shortfall. To Dave’s business, this was the difference between surviving and sinking.

After examining his options, he felt the only thing he could do was to sell the business or find a partner who would invest money to help stabilize the company. As luck would have it, he found a man named Ed who owned quite a few businesses similar to his, and who was willing to become a partner with Dave to save the enterprise’s future.

One day, as they were finalizing terms of the partnership, Dave and Ed went to lunch.

During the meal, something happened that should have tipped Dave off about Ed’s character. But he ignored it. He was desperate for funds and reasoned that the incident had nothing to do with how Ed would conduct himself in business. And because he chose to ignore this incident, it wound up quietly hurting Dave for the next 30 years.

What was the tip-off to Ed’s character during that fateful lunch?

When it was time to settle the $48 food bill, Ed offered to pay. The server brought change from Ed’s two $20 bills and the men left for their cars. As Dan and Ed stepped into the parking lot, Ed chuckled as he folded his money into his wallet.

“That gal needs to pay more attention,” Ed said. “Instead of giving me $2 change, she gave me a $1 bill and one of my $20 bills.”

“Ed – that’s obviously a mistake on her part! You’re going to return it, right?” asked Dan.

“Are you kidding?” said Ed. “If someone is going to be that careless, it’s money for me and a good lesson for them.”

Dave felt terrible. He went home and wrote an apology letter to the restaurant. Without disclosing who the offender was, he enclosed a $20 bill as repayment.

The next week, Dave and Ed signed partnership papers. Ed contributed the agreed-upon cash infusion to the business and thus saved it. He brought in a managing administrator to manage the company as agreed. Over the next 30 years, Dave enjoyed residual income from the business without having to manage it, and Ed’s appointed administrator operated as per Ed’s directives.

One day, Ed fell terminally ill, and Dave was called in by a key executive to talk about the future of the company and the partnership interests. As Dave and the executive went over opportunities, it slowly came to light that the business was charging Dave a disproportionately higher amount for expenses in facilities, upkeep, and business development for 30 years. The amount of money that should come to him as profit was staggering. Dave felt physically sick. These funds could have made a great difference to him and his family over the 3 decades that had passed, but he was now a weary 87-year-old widower with little energy left to fight the battle.

It was then that he thought back to that first lunch with Ed and heard his words, “If someone is going to be that careless, it’s money for me and a good lesson for them.”

The fact is, character does matter. Madeline Albright’s quote “How you do one thing is how you do everything,” rings true.

Now, most of you reading here will quickly say that you would have given back the $20 on the spot. I am confident that you would have done so. But no matter how honest you are, might there be other areas in your personal conduct or ways of doing that need fine-tuning?

Character does matter.

Here is a list of 10 common character flaws that have significant repercussions in life and work.

  1. Are you punctual and thus respectful of others and your time together, or are you perpetually late, signaling to others that they are just “not that important”?
  2. Do you respect good boundaries with others, or do you tend to blur the lines to the point where you become entangled in problems that aren’t yours?
  3. Are you careful as you commit to others, or do you tend to overpromise and under-deliver or default?
  4. Do you seek always to understand first, or are you prone to snap judgments before you investigate fully?
  5. Are you respectfully honest when asked for feedback, or do you gloss over the truth as you seek to please others?
  6. Are you open to constructive criticism, or do you take a defensive stance as you find excuses for the behavior in question?
  7. Do you seek to reconcile or release undesirable stress in healthy ways, or do you tend to carry resentment around like a boulder, compromising your relationships (and your health)?
  8. Are you quick to support others when they are a topic of gossip, or do you jump on the injurious bandwagon with the crowd?
  9. Are you respectful of what’s yours and what is company property, or do you find yourself taking home a few pens or empty file folders for your own use, because you tell yourself “it really doesn’t matter.”
  10. Do you operate from a place of generosity, or do you race to get that proverbial front parking spot before the other person does?

Can you think of others? What is the one area that you would like to work on that will make a difference to your life and to those around you?

How to Fall In Love with Metrics

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How to Fall In Love with Metrics
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I hear a lot of people talk about metrics and bench-marking as though this is beneath them.

“I’m a big picture person,” I hear people say. “I like to set vision and leave it to others to get into the weeds.”

That’s a mistake.

If you keep your eyes to the horizon without having the right dashboard with the right metrics to help you monitor your progress, you may get lost in the big picture.

My grandfather got lost like that because he didn’t like paying attention to details. And it almost killed him.

Grandpa was an enterprising young man. His father was an alcoholic and didn’t treat the family well. Because of this, Grandpa wound up caring for his siblings and blind mother at an early age. With only a third-grade education, his mind was so keen that he went on to invent some amazing things that you might recognize today (another story!).

But Grandpa always flew by the seat of his pants.

Now, this served him well as he grew up to build two multi-million dollar businesses in the 1920’s and 1930’s. But if you have read my column before, you may know that he also lost these two businesses because he found it easy to build a business and run it for awhile, but he couldn’t keep one going in the long run. And this was because he didn’t like to pay attention to details.

The losses were devastating.

After these severe losses, my grandmother then founded and grew a third business with Grandpa. This third business helped them to become very successful, and it not only kept the family afloat, but a lot of other young people had jobs and were able to attend school during the Great Depression because of the Cotton family business.

This success was because Grandma did pay attention to details, and partnering with Grandpa in this way worked well.

However, the story I want to share with you today is an earlier time before Grandpa learned his lesson – when he almost lost his life because he was set on the big picture and didn’t pay attention.

On the way to a huge goal, he neglected to monitor his progress to make sure he was on target to get there.

At the time this occurred, my father was 15 years old, and had just gotten his pilot’s license. Not to be outdone, Grandpa also took flying lessons. One day, Grandpa got into the two-seater and took off for a local town. It was a beautiful day. Big white puffy clouds and deep blue sky. He noticed a particularly large cloud and decided to play through it – emerging from this to enter such vast blue space can be exhilarating. And it was. He did it again with the next cloud. And the next.

After a few more of these and a lovely morning up in the air, he came out of one huge puff of white and suddenly noticed that he was over the ocean.

“I didn’t head for the ocean,” he thought. “Where am I?!” It was then that he looked down – to discover that he was almost out of fuel. He had traveled about an hour into the middle of nowhere (and over a body of water), and knew he would go down quickly if he didn’t find a safe place to land.

Banking steeply as he turned, he prayed that he could make it to some piece of land. What if he landed where no one could find him? What if he crashed? What if…

A few moments later, he miraculously made it back over land and spotted a small town with fields around it. Heading for the fields, he landed just in time before the final sputter of the engine.

Grandpa was shaken. He could have been swimming with fishes if he had continued to allow distraction to rule. And now, he didn’t even know where he was, or how he would get back home. And then, there was the question of the plane that wasn’t his. And so many other thoughts.

All because he hadn’t been monitoring the dashboard.

If he had, he would have seen whether he was on target. He would have been checking his magnetic direction indicator, which is a kind of compass, to make sure he was on course. He would have been watching the altimeter to see how high he was, and his airspeed indicator, so that he could gauge the speed at which he was covering ground.

In short, if Grandpa had been monitoring the dashboard as he enjoyed the view (because you can do both!), he would have known he was veering off course before he got lost. And he certainly would have seen the gas gauge.

A narrow escape and a big lesson.

Leading is like that. Think about it – a pilot has a big- picture view as he or she sits in the cockpit, but is surrounded by the dashboard with all the metrics, as well. The setup is so that the pilot can monitor while surveying the horizon.

The implication is rather obvious – someone leading needs to do both to arrive at the intended destination safely and well.

What does your dashboard look like in order for you to know you are on track?

How to Quit Holding Your Own Company Back

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How to Quit Holding Your Own Company Back
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Are you holding your own company back?

It’s easy to blame a stagnant or waning business on external factors, but one thing is sure: a CEO’s ability to flex with changing conditions isn’t enough.

It is important to get out ahead of the pack and remain in front. How do you do this?

First, it’s necessary to admit that things that affect your business change daily. They always have, and they always will. Disruptive technologies, a fluctuating economy, and many other factors that affect customer demand and the ability to do business surface constantly. This is not new – it’s simply uncomfortable.

The only variable is you, the CEO. Because even though the world witnesses many failed businesses, there are many others that survive and thrive.

How can you be sure you are not holding your own company back? That is a book in itself.

Here are the top three reasons CEO’s keep their businesses from flourishing, and how you can get out of your company’s way.

1. Step outside limiting biases.

Are you operating your company in the same way with the same information and taking the same approach to your business that you did just a handful of years ago? These days, companies staying in front are asking what needs to shift and change, and they do a spot-check assessment every six to nine months.

This one thing can change the entire trajectory of a business’s lifespan. If you are operating off a strategic plan that is more than 18 months old, you’re in trouble. It is time to re-evaluate. You may be meeting your objectives, but these objectives and their strategies may already be second-best in a changing marketplace. If your strategic plan isn’t being translated into correlating action, it is…

Time to review.

2. Stop limping along with that under-performing employee.

Do you have an under-performing employee who has been there for decades, but holding back the future? Are you feeling high-jacked because of the perceived loyalty this person carries by their longevity with the company?

This is a tough one, especially for family-owned businesses. If you are on the fence about someone in your own company, ask yourself how this is affecting your other employees and company outcomes. If you think about it, by holding onto this person, you are damaging not only his or her immediate area and the work, but hurting the morale of an entire employee base, the product or service your customers enjoy, and the future of what you are able to do.

Time to reassess.

3. Step ahead of the curve instead of riding with it.

If you think reading the Wall Street Journal, the Harvard Business Review, and trade magazines are feeding you the information you need in order to stay ahead of the competition, think again.

Reading these are great for staying on top of what is currently happening, but taking in reported information that has already occurred will not help you to develop the foresight you need in order to get out in front.

Are you ready to flex your visionary skills? Change the conversations you are having with other business owners. You may still ask the question, “What are you seeing and what are you doing about it?”

But you need to push farther in the discussion. Questions like, “What do you think might happen because of it?” are vital to stretching your ability to survey the horizon. And taking time to play this out is important.

A follow-up question is, “If we couldn’t deliver services ‘this way,’ how might delivery look to reach the end consumer?”

Time to stretch.

How might you be holding your own company back?