Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

people

Can You Lead with Heart and Get Results?

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Can You Lead with Heart and Get Results?
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A business can’t exist without meeting its bottom line.

But neither can a business exist without its people.

You’ve probably been in the room when budget is discussed, and someone diagrams the tension between dollars and people to get to an answer. The thought there is, too low on dollars, and we aren’t investing enough in infrastructure; too low on people and they won’t be engaged and produce.

But this is the wrong question.

What if I told you that in order to make your business perform at higher levels and meet the future more successfully, that you invest in people first, every time?

Can you really lead with heart first and get results?

Many misunderstand and think that leading with heart means taking on a maternal approach to leadership and offering a shoulder to cry on. Not so.

Leading with heart means leading with authenticity and service. It means putting people first. It’s having the ability to build trust and followership through influence and a genuine sense of service (and not because of position or power).

When you lead with heart, you get results.

Why?

Putting people first, building bonds, fostering their growth, and supporting their interests results in greater motivation. Your people become more highly engaged, and take more initiative. And this means more productivity. It means your workplace will experience a culture of creativity and fun.
All of this leads to a healthier and happier bottom line.

Instead of leading your decision-making with the dollar sign in front, keep your people as first priority.

What are the characteristics of leading with heart? Here is a short list to help you reconnect head and heart:

1. Lead with authenticity.

If you are attempting to emulate someone else’s style of leadership, or you haven’t taken the time to explore and discover your “inner leader” – your strengths, values, and personal mission – then you aren’t operating at your most powerful and best. Your natural gifts allow you to contribute at highest levels. Don’t play the comparison game – do the work to discover who you are as leader so that you are genuine in your approach to life, work, and relationships.

2. Serve with a sense of purpose.

Develop your why. Why do you do what you do? Why does the business exist? How do you and the business change things for the world? If you haven’t taken the time to answer these questions, then you don’t possess the drive that comes with purpose. Serving with purpose allows you to step outside yourself to connect and see how you can serve others. And that’s heart.

3. Develop capacity for love and caring in the workplace.

This may sound counter-intuitive. Yet, we are talking about the ability to build deep bonds and trust with others. This may sound rather esoteric, but stop to think for a moment: when human beings carry wounds and personal agendas fueled by a disconnect in character or poor experience, they step back, reticent to connect with others at a deep and personal level. This keeps others from trusting them, and staff will serve their leader out of fear and not out of love. If this is the case, motivation and engagement will take a deep dive – and so will your bottom line.

4. Foster growth and empowerment in others.

This may seem to be a given, but stop and think: are you someone who directs others and tells them what to do, or do you practice active listening and asking careful questions so that they can develop their personal growth? Are you someone who finds it difficult to trust others to get the job done, or do you take safe risks that allow others to flex their skills and learn to acquire greater tools?

5. Model and teach collaboration.

It’s easy to get the job done; it’s more challenging to allow others to participate and bring them along in the process. Do you find yourself saying, “Oh, I’ll just do this right now and we can move on,” or do you recognize the value in teaching collaboration? What else might get in your way of modeling collaboration? You’ll want to break through this so that you can create a powerful culture of team.

6. Confront courageously and in love.

Learn to love conflict, and to seek reconciling it wherever possible. Modeling this for your business will allow others to support reconciliation instead of forming silos and carrying the stress of unresolved conflict. Poor communication and conflict account for 87% of all productivity loss in the workplace. Learn to confront with courage and by being tough on issues and tender on people.

7. Celebrate creativity, fun, and initiative.

Are you having fun yet? Do your employees show they are enjoying what they do? If not, you will want to look at fostering a spirit of creativity and allowing more brainstorming and collaboration on areas you have considered closed. Cultivate the ability in yourself and your people to consider various perspectives outside the norm. Remember – the most amazing inventions have been born out of thinking outside the box. And thinking outside the box means stepping outside of it.

If you can master these seven steps, you will truly be on a strong path to leading with the heart. And in a world where technology continues to grow and impact our ability to lift each other up, cultivating the human spirit in love is more important than ever before.

How to Fall in Love with Conflict

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How to Fall in Love with Conflict
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Most executives tell me they hate conflict and run quickly from it. And if they can’t escape it, they report handling it poorly. After all, who likes tension?

I’d like to offer an alternate paradigm – how would you like to fall in love with conflict?

I can give you some compelling reasons why – and some tips on making the shift toward welcoming conflict as a growth opportunity.

Need some convincing?

Here is why you want to shift the way you think about and approach conflict.

Conflict will always be present.

I like to say, “Where there are two or more people gathered together, there will be conflict!”

Why? Varying perspectives, beliefs, convictions, agendas… This means you can’t run and hide forever, unless you choose to be a hermit.

Conflict is an opportunity to strengthen working relationships.

If handled well, separating issues from personalities, it can become a way that two opposing parties become a unified team solving a problem together.

Conflict opens doors to new and creative possibilities.

Ever heard someone say, “What’s the third good option?”

This means, can we move from “either, or” (your way or my way), to another solution that might give both of us what we need…that might solve the issue even better?”

How do you get to the point where you actually love conflict when you encounter it?

The tricky thing is most of us fear conflict until we learn how to handle it, and we tend to run to our own platform of emotional safety.

In order to move from fear to a state of openness, you will first want to recognize what conflict can do for you, your relationships, and potential outcomes.

Here are five tips to get you started so that you can truly begin to fall in love with conflict:

1. Begin to shift your personal views about what conflict is.

Begin recognizing that conflict can be an exciting opportunity for dialogue and reaching shared agreement around issues that are important to you and to solving problems.

Conflict is usually a simple combination of (1) two or more people, or different parts of the same person; (2) a disagreement over unresolved issues, process, outcomes, or facts; and (3) negative emotions around strong convictions or one’s opinion on said issue/process/facts.

There can be more variables to creating a conflict, but these three are all you need to get a conflict started. If you find yourself in conflict and can remember the anatomy of conflict above, it will allow you to take a deep breath as you begin to approach it.

2. Recognize that personal triggers around conflict may or may not be valid.

Each time a conflict arises, you probably get two triggers – an emotional one and a physical one.

When this happens, your mind makes up a story to support your bodily sensations and emotions, such as, “This is unpleasant and doesn’t feel good. Leave immediately.”

What you are experiencing is the safety mechanism your brain developed for you from an early age so that you feel safe. However, now that you are an adult, it’s time to re-examine this conditioning, because some of these triggers are no longer useful or valid.

For example, when you were small, you may have felt rejected or inappropriate for speaking up in at the dinner table. But now that you are older, not being able to speak up in groups or social settings may be debilitating for you.

So, as you move forward and experience uncomfortable sensations and emotions, ask yourself if these triggers are valid for the situation, or if you need to take a deep breath and re-examine what is happening.

3. Set the stage for collaboration with others in the conflict.

Change your language about conflict as it arises with others. When the air is tense, it’s helpful to remind yourself and others that this is actually a growth opportunity. Be a leader in setting this new framework with statements or phrases that include, “I’m feeling some tension, here. Can we talk together about the issue that’s stirring the pot for us?” Or, “I feel passionate about this, and it seems like you do, too. I think we can come up with a creative solution. Are you game to sit with me so we can work this out?”

Notice that I am avoiding any finger-pointing in these phrases. I am also using a lot of “we” phraseology – can “we” work this out, can “we” sit down together… By using this kind of language, you are implying that you are collaborative, on the same team. This is when great things can happen.

4. See pause points as growth opportunities.

Are you and the other person in the conflict stalled at a certain point in working things out?

Say so.

Call this out, as though you are noticing an elephant in the room. When tension mounts, so can voices, platforms, and personal agendas.

On the other hand, when you are able to name the tension in the room, this allows the other person to relax a bit, as well. You might ask them if they would like some water or coffee, or to stretch their legs a bit. Get up and stretch yours. This will provide some regrouping of energy and emotion, so that when you come back together to sit and examine the matter at hand, you can do so more even-handedly. And handling things in this way is great growth.

5. Thank the other person for being willing to work things out with you.

At the beginning of your conversation together, and again after you have reached an outcome or conclusion, let the other party know that you appreciate their willingness to explore things together. You want to help them see that working things out with you is collaborative, even-handed, thoughtful, and respectful. You want to encourage them to come back next time so that the two of you can arrive at some great solutions together.

If you can begin to approach conflict with these five steps, you have not only set the stage to work things out, but to forge deeper, more meaningful relationships and greater outcomes.

Where do you feel you excel in conflict management? And where would you like to be stronger?

Ten Character Indicators

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Ten Character Indicators
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“How you do one thing is how you do everything.” ~ Madeline Albright

Thirty years ago, a business owner named Dave found himself in a critical position. A key employee had been found embezzling, and the company faced a $1 Mil shortfall. To Dave’s business, this was the difference between surviving and sinking.

After examining his options, he felt the only thing he could do was to sell the business or find a partner who would invest money to help stabilize the company. As luck would have it, he found a man named Ed who owned quite a few businesses similar to his, and who was willing to become a partner with Dave to save the enterprise’s future.

One day, as they were finalizing terms of the partnership, Dave and Ed went to lunch.

During the meal, something happened that should have tipped Dave off about Ed’s character. But he ignored it. He was desperate for funds and reasoned that the incident had nothing to do with how Ed would conduct himself in business. And because he chose to ignore this incident, it wound up quietly hurting Dave for the next 30 years.

What was the tip-off to Ed’s character during that fateful lunch?

When it was time to settle the $48 food bill, Ed offered to pay. The server brought change from Ed’s two $20 bills and the men left for their cars. As Dan and Ed stepped into the parking lot, Ed chuckled as he folded his money into his wallet.

“That gal needs to pay more attention,” Ed said. “Instead of giving me $2 change, she gave me a $1 bill and one of my $20 bills.”

“Ed – that’s obviously a mistake on her part! You’re going to return it, right?” asked Dan.

“Are you kidding?” said Ed. “If someone is going to be that careless, it’s money for me and a good lesson for them.”

Dave felt terrible. He went home and wrote an apology letter to the restaurant. Without disclosing who the offender was, he enclosed a $20 bill as repayment.

The next week, Dave and Ed signed partnership papers. Ed contributed the agreed-upon cash infusion to the business and thus saved it. He brought in a managing administrator to manage the company as agreed. Over the next 30 years, Dave enjoyed residual income from the business without having to manage it, and Ed’s appointed administrator operated as per Ed’s directives.

One day, Ed fell terminally ill, and Dave was called in by a key executive to talk about the future of the company and the partnership interests. As Dave and the executive went over opportunities, it slowly came to light that the business was charging Dave a disproportionately higher amount for expenses in facilities, upkeep, and business development for 30 years. The amount of money that should come to him as profit was staggering. Dave felt physically sick. These funds could have made a great difference to him and his family over the 3 decades that had passed, but he was now a weary 87-year-old widower with little energy left to fight the battle.

It was then that he thought back to that first lunch with Ed and heard his words, “If someone is going to be that careless, it’s money for me and a good lesson for them.”

The fact is, character does matter. Madeline Albright’s quote “How you do one thing is how you do everything,” rings true.

Now, most of you reading here will quickly say that you would have given back the $20 on the spot. I am confident that you would have done so. But no matter how honest you are, might there be other areas in your personal conduct or ways of doing that need fine-tuning?

Character does matter.

Here is a list of 10 common character flaws that have significant repercussions in life and work.

  1. Are you punctual and thus respectful of others and your time together, or are you perpetually late, signaling to others that they are just “not that important”?
  2. Do you respect good boundaries with others, or do you tend to blur the lines to the point where you become entangled in problems that aren’t yours?
  3. Are you careful as you commit to others, or do you tend to overpromise and under-deliver or default?
  4. Do you seek always to understand first, or are you prone to snap judgments before you investigate fully?
  5. Are you respectfully honest when asked for feedback, or do you gloss over the truth as you seek to please others?
  6. Are you open to constructive criticism, or do you take a defensive stance as you find excuses for the behavior in question?
  7. Do you seek to reconcile or release undesirable stress in healthy ways, or do you tend to carry resentment around like a boulder, compromising your relationships (and your health)?
  8. Are you quick to support others when they are a topic of gossip, or do you jump on the injurious bandwagon with the crowd?
  9. Are you respectful of what’s yours and what is company property, or do you find yourself taking home a few pens or empty file folders for your own use, because you tell yourself “it really doesn’t matter.”
  10. Do you operate from a place of generosity, or do you race to get that proverbial front parking spot before the other person does?

Can you think of others? What is the one area that you would like to work on that will make a difference to your life and to those around you?

How to Look Back in Order to Move Forward

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How to Look Back in Order to Move Forward
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This is the time of year when many of us are already planning for 2018, while seeing how to best juggle the upcoming holiday season. There are messages and markers everywhere that prompt us to do both, as much as most of us would just like to concentrate on the month at hand.

Signs of December celebrations are everywhere. It seems that the marketplace has jumped over Thanksgiving to light up stores with holiday decorations. People are busy scheduling social events and already feeling the edge of overwhelm that a packed calendar can bring during this season.

At the same time, the workplace is confirming budgets for 2018, prompting a hard look at targeting new goals and strategies.

So, if you are like me, you are receiving e-mail messages and calls to prepare not only for social events, but for client work deadlines that actually have to do with a running start to 2018.

Strategic planning and setting personal or professional goals for 2018, while seeing how to best manage the last two months of the year can be tough. Defining how you want next year to look can turn out to be a quick two-question process that can leave out some important self-reflection.

Here is what I mean: most of us will tend to scramble, by asking ourselves, “What did I not accomplish this year that I need to accomplish next year? What do I need to do differently in order to achieve this desired state or goal next year?”

I call this line of questioning “war zone thinking.”

This is a quick tactical assessment which is useful in times of war for quick action to avoid disaster. However, it also places us in a state of “high stress alert,” impelling you to operate from the “fight or flight” area of the brain.

Operating in this way is highly counter-productive for visioning and planning strategically for next year’s goals and aspirations, and here are three reasons why:

  1. From a mindset point of view, such a quick line of questioning can tend to make you feel as though you are behind, and not performing or accomplishing enough.

Beginning a planning process with the question, “What did I not accomplish?” intimates that you have failed in some way, and places you in a defensive posture that does not allow for best processing.

  1. Using the “fight or flight” area of the brain will keep you in a state of stress and throw up roadblocks to using your “executive brain.”

The latter is the part of the brain that allows your creativity to spring forth, your visionary abilities to rise, and use of your best critical and analytical thinking skills.

  1. Assessing where you are, where you need to be, and how to get there should begin by providing a snapshot of wins and celebrations.

You will want to remind yourself as to what has worked well and what you used to achieve this so that you have a top-of-mind picture of the strengths you may use for moving forward.

The following framework is a positive and useful kick-off to your own personal planning, or your professional strategic planning process at the individual, team, and organizational levels.

Looking Back to Move Forward

  1. What accomplishments and milestones have I reached this year? The past 3-5 years?
  2. How would I like to celebrate these?
  3. What personal strengths and skills did I use in order to reach these achievements?
  4. What adversities and unexpected challenges have occurred during this time?
  5. How did I push through or move past these?
  6. How would I like to acknowledge myself for moving past these adverse occurrences?
  7. As I think about next year, what will be important to celebrate and the end of December?
  8. What are the top 1-3 goals I want target to achieve?
  9. To what will I say “no” in order to say “yes” to these? What critical shifts and conversations will need to take place?
  10. What personal strengths and skills will I use to make these things happen?

Once you have thoughtfully reflected on or discussed the answers to these questions, you will be in a positive and energetic frame of mind to move through your strategic planning process for 2018.

How to Instantly Influence Others and Make a Difference

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How to Instantly Influence Others and Make a Difference
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“Be the change you want to see in the world.” ~ Gandhi

Recently, I worked with a group of new managers to help them make change at their company. Eager to learn and grow, people of all ages and backgrounds filled the room.

It was heartwarming to be with them and witness lot of candor, laughter, and strengthening bonds as they shared. These people were committed.

Here is one thing I never heard: a disparaging remark. I didn’t hear about a lack of resources or time. I never heard things like, “Oh, those Millennials/Boomers/Leadership/Others – I don’t know how to work with them.”

What I heard, instead, was a desire to make change. “How can I be at my very best? How can I grow in my leadership so I can make a bigger difference?”

Now, that’s a room full of people that anyone would be privileged to work with!

Here are the three questions I asked them in return. I shared that the answers to these questions are what would make or break their ability to influence and make a difference.

How are you doing in these three areas?

  1. Are you walking your talk?

Are there places in your leadership where you are preaching, but not practicing?

Maybe you are asking others to go the extra mile, produce more without overtime pay, take better care of themselves, produce top quality work on time – fill in the blank!

But you yourself secretly lack being able to meet success in that area. This is not uncommon – the very thing we want to see in ourselves is what we ask others to do well. If this is you, you are responsible for course-correcting this so that you are the change you want to see.

  1. Are you modeling to others by taking the first step?

Are you great at delegating work to others, but not as good at jumping in to roll up your own sleeves in times of stress?

I remember delegating very well during a huge event, and walking around at a tense moment to see how things were progressing. I looked across the room to see the company president unloading boxes with one of my reports. That was a humbling moment that shifted my understanding of true leadership.

  1. Are you taking ownership of how you contribute?

When was the last time you sat down with a colleague or report and asked the question, “How am I doing?”

This should be a regular conversation. “What can I do more of or less of, in order to do a better job of working with you?”

My clients report that this conversation has brought forward valuable information they might never have uncovered otherwise. “It has shifted the way I am able to work with others,” said one business owner. “We are a team now – not just a group of people in a room.” That’s a change!

As you look at these three areas, which one speaks most to you? What is the one shift you are committing to make so that you can influence others to a larger extent and make a greater difference?