Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

people

Leading in a Time of Crisis

By Leave a Comment

Leading in a Time of Crisis
Image Credit: Shutterstock

We are faced in this moment with a crisis that stretches around the world. It is affecting every aspect of our personal and professional lives.

You, as a leader, are being tested with every fiber of your being. The work challenges you were dealing with a few weeks ago have been eclipsed or compounded by COVID-19 and its effects on your business.

How do you lead through this?

The real test of leadership – a leader’s behaviors and actions during a crisis – are what help a company to move through successfully. At this time, you are no doubt being asked to make critical decisions that affect the livelihoods of many.

How can you encourage confidence and stability to bring your people along as we move through this critical period?

1. Educate yourself and others.

Make sure you are aware of federal and state requirements vis-à-vis the current situation so that you are abiding by that which is requested. Additionally, seek trusted sources to learn more about how you can protect your employees, clients, and key stakeholders. Check in with these sources on a regular basis and ask your executive team to do the same. Make sure you are communicating well and often. Dealing with a crisis means that others need to hear from you often and with reassurance.

2. Check your attitude.

The way you see and approach the crisis is critical. It is difficult to use the word pandemic as I write, but we are currently experiencing one. Focus on the things you can control as you lead forward and check your language when talking with others to make sure you are not inciting panic, fear, or stress. Your attitude bears great weight and influences many. In the not-too-distant future, we will look back to see how we made it through. Lead with this in mind.

3. Exercise self-care.

Stress and anxiety can certainly soar during these times. Yet, frequenting public places to exercise and get self-care services may not be your first choice at this time. Think about replacing these rather than foregoing them. For example, if you feel uneasy about going to the gym, find some recorded videos for workouts at home. Avoiding spas or other self-care centers? Create your own spa experience at home with music, hot tub soak, and other ideas.

4. Be decisive.

As you and your team make critical decisions, move forward with conviction to take action. Don’t wait to be the last company on the block to make a move you know you should be making. Part of keeping the employee and client base calm and developing trust is sending a message of strength through taking precautions when you know you should.

5. Feed your executive team.

Don’t forget that your executive team needs increased connections with you during this time. Think about incorporating a daily huddle for updates, a weekly briefing with discussion around next steps forward, and frankly, even stopping by their office during the day to check and see how they are doing. Your team is carrying great weight with you, and they deserve the reminder that they are appreciated as they carry this responsibility. Where you cannot meet in person, collaborate virtually.

6. Stay connected with your life team.

These are the few close people in your life who care about you and who will be supportive and present for you. As a leader, it is hard to ask for this kind of support. It can be difficult to find people with whom you can share not only feelings of celebration, but also feelings of doubt and uncertainty. This is a time to call on your life team even more often to fill your own cup as you continue to care for the well-being of so many others.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Do You Have a People Pleaser on the Executive Team?

By Leave a Comment

Do You Have a People Pleaser on the Executive Team?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Do you have a people pleaser on the executive team? Someone who might change opinions depending on which way the wind blows?

If so, you have a major trust leak in the team.

How can you tell if you have a people pleaser? And what can you do if you identify one?

Your people pleaser means well. In fact, this is his or her main driving force in life. But because they are busy making sure they fit in, people pleasers can’t support a particular idea or direction with integrity.

Sandy was a newly appointed executive in a large software tech company. One of the chief reasons she had interviewed well was that she exhibited a great deal of empathy.

“We needed more empathy on the executive team,” said Anna, the CEO. “In our world, tech can tend to come before people, and we were making an effort to infuse leadership with more human connection and understanding.”

“You are right to keep that in mind,” I answered. “We are losing human connection in the workplace. And empathy as one of the emotional intelligence traits is key in leadership.”

“She also brought a wealth of technical knowledge, so I felt it was a great combo,” Anna continued. “But I’m noticing that she can’t tether to a decision she makes. And she actually looks at other people to see what they are going to say before she offers an opinion.”

“This is serious,” I said. “It sounds like you have someone on the team who is stuck in what we call ‘the socialized mind.’”

“Well, whatever you call it, the team has started to distrust her. They don’t know how to take what she says or presents with any kind of certainty. She pretends to agree with everyone and seems to try to act like the people around her. A real chameleon. And she is constantly asking for feedback – seems to need praise to feel good. It’s exhausting.”

“Those are hallmarks of a socialized mind,” I responded. “This means she relies on the external world to tell her who she is and what value she brings.”

“It’s just not working,” Anna said. “I need someone who can contribute by bringing her own perspective and expertise to the mix. Someone who isn’t afraid to counter an opinion, but who can also negotiate to a great solution. When I tried to talk with her about this the other day, she just kept apologizing and started crying. I need your help.”

I met with Sandy, who was, of course, eager to please. It was clear she needed to show me that she understood and agreed with me, no matter what I shared. Not surprising, as we are all creatures of comfort who need to feel that we are accepted and safe. We took some time to become acquainted so that I could develop trust with her. I asked her what she felt was the challenge from her perspective.

“I just want to do the right thing,” she said. “Hearing what is needed is important to me. And I want to make sure I align with others’ thinking so I get it right.”

This showed me clearly that she was ready for growth. There were several things we did over the course of eight months that helped Sandy move from this people-pleasing state to one that was more tethered to her values and beliefs, even in the face of conflict.

A first phase in coaching Sandy was to help her recognize where she was trying to please others instead of standing true to herself as she negotiated solutions with the team. We began by doing some personal values work to solidify her sense of self and to use as a litmus when forming opinions.

At the same time, we identified her fears around carrying different opinions than her team members and tested out of this mindset trap in small ways so that she could become accustomed to disagreeing with others as it felt comfortable.

As her confidence grew, we explored key issues in her company and identifying multiple perspectives on how to solve these. Becoming comfortable with the complex and various ways to resolve such can be threatening to someone who needs to be right in others’ eyes. Working with real-time challenges with which she was familiar helped her to become more comfortable with weighing various options and seeing that more than one might be right.

Later, developing Sandy’s comfort and lens on seeing things as systems was important. The world is complex, and this can be overwhelming for anyone. A person of socialized mind can feel threatened by such complexity. Learning to first see complexity as a system and to become comfortable with the pieces in order to make decisions is key for today’s leadership.

Sandy’s team members rallied, seeing integrity in how she showed up and contributed. She felt the positive results and worked on developing closer relationships with each to strengthen her credibility.

The end result of our coaching? Sandy became a trusted contributor at the leadership level and the company benefited greatly, as well.

Download the Free Infographic

Fill out the form below and get instant access to the HOW TO RAISE YOUR INFLUENCE IN LESS THAN 5 SECONDS infographic.

Share0
Tweet0
Share0

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Five Hidden Factors Resulting in Meeting Stalemates

By Leave a Comment

Five Hidden Factors Resulting in Meeting Stalemates
Image Credit: Shutterstock

You’ve reached an impasse in the meeting. Emotions are high.

It’s another stalemate, and this is becoming habit on your team.

Why does this happen? And how do you break through this and reach consensus?

Meeting shutdowns happen for a variety of reasons. And all the tips in the world to facilitate meetings will not work unless you move past the five most common hidden roadblocks that impel people to leave the conversation.

When a meeting stalemates, it is often because team members leave the “window of tolerance,” a term coined by Dan Siegel in his book Mindsight. The window of tolerance is the zone in which people operate optimally, functioning, managing, and thriving. It is the space in which we can do our best critical thinking, exchanging, and considering ideas because when we are in this zone, we are able to use our executive brain – the part of the brain where functions such as creativity, reasoning, critical thinking, and more are centered.

When people leave the window of tolerance, they move to one of two states.

  1. Hyper-arousal

Here, a person will want to fight or flee. They may feel anxious or angry. Emotions run high, and any thinking is based on survival and safety.

  1. Hypo-arousal

Here, a person will shut down, and feel spacey or numb. The body might want to freeze or shut down, and it is difficult to think at all.

How does this work in meetings?

Team members may become heated and even irrational in their attempt to drive home opinions or resist those presented by others. Other team members can shut down and leave the conversation entirely.

When this happens, meeting effectiveness comes to a halt. Most often, the group will decide they need to meet at a later time to revisit the topic. Important decisions are placed on hold. Executives and areas of responsibility are held back. The organization is in limbo.

How do you handle this?

Here are five of the most common inhibitors and some ideas to help the team break through to move forward.

  1. A lack of clarity about the idea or concept presented.

Is the idea or concept being stated clear to others? Has the presenter explained this in a way that everyone understands? If you have a person who cannot state ideas succinctly, this is enough to cause others to discount their message. If you have someone on the team who takes too much space in explaining concepts, here is a “cheat sheet” to help them frame their message in a way that is more concise and convincing.

  1. A lack of understanding as to the business impact or benefits to the organization.

Do people understand how the topic at hand impacts the business? When exploring ideas to support decisions, it is important to connect the dots. How will the idea being presented benefit and impact the organization? What negative realities will need to be dealt with if the overall concept is of value? Asking these questions can help your team think beyond the immediate.

  1. Bias around the message bearer.

It is important for team members to check in on this. We all carry bias. The question is, how do we choose to handle it? Notice if you discount messages coming from any particular team member due to your personal bias about them. How can you give space and compassion to that person and consider the idea they are presenting? This is perhaps the toughest of the five roadblocks, and yet, the most beneficial when we begin to adopt a stance reflecting more empathy and compassion.

  1. Conflict with a personal agenda or conviction.

If a concept is presented that moves counter to the way your own area of responsibility operates, it is enough to cause internal conflict and an aversion to remain open to possibility. Most of us are inclined to respond with statements such as, “Well, that will never work because…” or “We just don’t do things that way…”

Consider replacing these kinds of statements with those such as, “How would that work? What might the benefits be?” This helps you and others stay in the conversation and play with possibilities that could be game changers for your business and the impact it has on the world.

  1. A lack of willingness to embrace change

Change is really tough, and it is not fun. Why? We are creatures of habit and love our comfort zones. Yet, change is when exciting things can happen, and we can take advantage of the opportunity to grow. Check yourself when you feel resistance to change. Recognize where you are in the change cycle on the particular issue being addressed. Then ask yourself what possible benefit you and the organization might enjoy if the change takes place. Awareness around your own resistance and how to manage it if you see benefit are empowering.

Only after these roadblocks have been addressed can you actually move forward to play well as a team and make good decisions together. I challenge you to discuss these factors with your team to begin a new way of approaching and implementing your decision-making together.

Download the Free Infographic

Fill out the form below and get instant access to the HOW TO RAISE YOUR INFLUENCE IN LESS THAN 5 SECONDS infographic.

Share0
Tweet0
Share0

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Recharge: Unplugging from Work the Right Way

By Leave a Comment

Recharge: Unplugging from Work the Right Way
Image Credit: Shutterstock

How often do you recharge your phone? My guess is that you recharge it intentionally on a regular basis so that it operates well for you at all times.

When was the last time you recharged yourself as instrument? Staying away from the office on weekends and that occasional vacation may not be restoring your ability to perform.

If you feel like you are slogging through mud, if you notice it seems to take you longer and longer to make decisions or to get the work done, this is a signal that you are not recharging effectively.

Time to switch it up.

A simple pause is not a recharge.

Just as an athlete’s body needs recovery time in between training sessions, your brain needs recovery time from performance to recharge. If it doesn’t receive this and you need to perform, you will begin to notice that your thinking isn’t as sharp as it has been in the past. Your performance-to-results-time is getting longer. It may feel like you are pushing a boulder uphill without relief to get the work done. As a result, your stress levels rise, fueling distraction and fatigue. What’s happening? You have set up a mode of operating that systematically depletes the mental and physical energy you need to accomplish work.

How do you redirect this path from impending burnout to recharge?

First, it’s important to recognize that the more you perform, the more you need to devote time to recovery. Second, what you do with that time to recover counts.

Calendar time to recharge and unplug.

Do you make time to recover? Evenings and weekends are places to start. But let’s look at how you are spending your time during those pauses. You are not recharging if you are doing any of the following at those times:

  • Scheduling or holding calls or meetings
  • Answering or even just checking work emails or work-related texts
  • Thinking about projects and work situations
  • Experiencing poor sleep and inadequate rest due to concern about an aspect of work

If any of the above situations strike home, it’s time to take some steps.

Break up with work on a regular basis.

1. Create boundaries with technology.

Shut your phone off and put the computer away. Consider carrying a dedicated work phone during workdays and leaving it in the office at night. Do these suggestions make you nervous? This may indicate that you suffer from a technology addiction or unhealthy expectations. Identify what concerns you about closing your virtual doors for the evening so that you can address this.

2. Remind yourself that you need your sleep.

Put your phone on sleep mode before you go to bed or put it in another room, so you aren’t disturbed by alerts and brightening lights. This keeps your sleep uninterrupted and free of the impulse to check right away to see if you should take care of something (most likely work!).

3. Empty your mind of work concerns.

Get a work journal. If you begin to think about work, either getting a bright idea or worrying you might forget something, write it down in your work journal. Put your journal somewhere such as in your briefcase, backpack, other where you will feel confident you won’t forget to take it with you when you return to work.

4. Reconcile that work will never be “done.”

Many live with the false belief that “once this project is complete, my workload will slow down or even out.”

Is that really true?

If you reflect back, you’ll realize this thinking is faulty. If you identify with this line of thought, considering reviewing the time you estimate for various tasks and projects, and how you gauge that you are on time as you work to complete deadlines.

Do some time blocking for these various initiatives to make sure you reserve space for work. You may find that you are optimistic, and that you haven’t allowed for unexpected interruptions and breaks. Identify what keeps you from opening up enough space for your work and readjust.

5. Integrate power-boost breaks on workdays.

Once you have preserved your evenings and weekends from work, examine your workdays for meaningful recharge. It’s tough to focus the entire day without pauses that refresh. And caffeine is not the answer.

Where in a typical workday can you break a few times for a 5-minute “brain break”? During these breaks, get up and move about. Connect with a coworker (on a non-work item such as how they spent their weekend). Meditate at your desk. Do something that allows your brain recovery time.

Infuse meaning into non-work time.

Once you have placed boundaries around non-work life, make this time count.

1. Reconnect well with family and friends.

Connecting with others nourishes your life through relationship. Be choosy about the people with whom you spend your time and make it count. Are you enjoying conversations and creating experiences together? Or are you sitting side by side while binge-watching shows without any mutual exchange?

2. Include fun and laughter.

Take stock of whether fun and laughter are well-embedded in your relationships, pastimes, and general philosophy. Intentionally lifting these up in your life makes a big difference in the quality of your exchanges and your outlook.

3. Revisit your larger purpose.

Take regular time to reflect on what you do and why you do it. How does what you do impact the larger picture of not only the business, but of life? Are you making the impact to which you aspire? Does this align with your life vision?

If you can’t answer these questions, it’s time to seek clarity. Your larger purpose + aligned and meaningful work = your legacy. Make yours count.

Recovery time should be intentional and meaningful. More than just a simple battery recharge, this should be a time when you focus on life priorities and meaning.

I often ask my clients what they want to celebrate at the end of their lives. Never has one said that he wants to leave a clean desk behind, no matter what the cost to his relationships, health, and life.

Rather, clients talk about making sure their footprint has been one of forging wonderful relationships, having positive influence on the lives of others, and helping to make the world a better place. If you identify with something along these lines, it’s time to unplug, recharge, and refocus how you approach your work to invite the space in which you can do this.

Starting now.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
– Anne Lamott

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.