Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

legacy

Why it is Hard to Leave When You Have Been in Charge

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Why it is Hard to Leave When You Have Been in Charge

My grandfather was a multi-millionaire in the 1920s. With nothing but a third-grade education and a keen mind for coming up with new solutions to problems, he was the consummate inventor, investor, and innovator.

He also lost quite a bit, all part of the entrepreneurial journey. But he always landed on his feet, and eventually, he and my grandmother built a convalescent home empire that saw them and countless families through the Great Recession and beyond.

Years later, my father decided to take a break from his university teaching to carry the entrepreneurial legacy forward. He developed his own successful healthcare system. But a strange thing happened. My grandfather resurfaced, and seemed to appear at the most inopportune times – during meetings, negotiations, and other sensitive situations.

One day, my father had to ask him to leave the premises.

Why did it come to this?

It seemed that even though my grandfather had left his business ventures behind, he hadn’t learned how to let go.

This dynamic is more common than you may realize. Whether you are leading a family-owned business, or hold a corporate CEO position, it’s just hard to let go.

What makes it so difficult for the chief in charge who is preparing to move on?

A fly on the wall might hear this:

1. I built the baby. Who will take care of this business after I’m gone so that it continues to thrive?

I have put my blood, sweat and tears into this and it works well. It’s a matter of pride – I’m leaving a legacy, here.

2. Will the business take care of me?

Have I put the leadership and strategies in place so that the business will continue to provide me with a return? I have invested in it, and want to make sure it supports me well in my next chapter.

3. Who am I without my CEO hat?

What will I do with myself after I step away? What will the next chapter look like for me? I’m not sure who I am without this position, and I want to look ahead with excitement and anticipation to my new role, whatever that may be.

Are you in a decision-making position and thinking about releasing the reins? What holds you back?

Patti Cotton helps executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and enterprises. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, leadership development, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Executives, Monkeys, and Leadership

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3 Habits That Can Change Your Potential

As a little girl, I was fascinated by a brass statue positioned on my father’s bookshelf. This statue was comprised of three monkeys sitting next to one another – one had his hands over his eyes, one with his hands over his mouth, and the third placing his hands over his ears.

My father explained that these three monkeys were called “the Wise Monkeys,” and represented the old saying, “See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.” They were a reminder to conduct ourselves wisely and appropriately.

This sounded rather virtuous. I was satisfied with this explanation as one that was a directive as to how to be a good person. Indeed, I still believe this.

However, I later discovered that this same adage, teased out in modern application, is actually a hidden key to succeeding – or failing – in one’s leadership.

The three original wise monkeys, along with a later-emerging fourth, hold the key to succeeding – or failing – in one’s leadership growth.

Here’s a quick check-in to see where you might want to up-level the way you currently lead:

1. Mizaru – see no evil – or, use a better lens!

  • What are you reading or watching?

Everything you put into your brain influences your thought patterns and focus. Are you feeding your brain with material that educates and provokes to help you grow, or are you binge-watching B-roll or reading cheesy novels?

  • What assumptions do you make as you observe others?

Are you making assumptions of others based on partial information, or are you asking the question, “What else might be part of the picture that I do not see?”  Do the homework.

  • What lens do you use as you approach the world?

Are you stopping at the facts in front of you, or do you seek to make connections, using deeper-level thought processes? In other words, are you simply taking in facts without asking yourself how these facts affect you, others, and the world? Expanding your leadership means making these important connections.

 

2. Kikazaru – hear no evil – or, don’t listen to junk.

  • Do you quietly stew over past criticisms received?

High-performing leaders consider the source and either make necessary shifts to change, or discard the information as invalid and not useful. Stewing is repeating the same thoughts over and over again, and takes up valuable brain space. Stop stewing – do something about it.

  • Do you receive gratification from listening to gossip or bad news?

If you are, this is a bad sign that your leadership is predicated on seeing others’ failure as your success. If you think you are right all the time, you are wrong. And if others continue to tell you that you are always right, your leadership is either based on the fear of others, or you are working in an unhealthy, sub-par culture that allows this.

  • Do you consider your sources as you listen to what is happening in your organization, in the world?

I’m continuously shocked at how highly-intelligent professionals will make assumptions and decisions based on poor or impartial information. This has consequences. Enough said.

 

3. Iwazaru – speak no evil – or, stop the perpetuation of rubbish.

  • Who do you say you are to yourself?

What stories are you holding on to, that keep you from stepping into better leadership? Are you harboring any negative self-talk, no matter how seemingly insignificant? Are you secretly in a stagnant comfort zone because what has worked before should still continue to work now? Think, again. Things are changing rapidly, and continuing to work on your personal leadership is required to stay professionally viable.

  • How are you connecting with others through conversation?

Are you taking the time to connect personally to strengthen relationships and get things done? Or are you using e-mail and texting as quick fixes to move ahead? If you sense you are out of touch with your colleagues and reports, it’s time to re-establish connections through thoughtful, eye-to-eye conversations – the only way to establishing empathy and trust. Looking to better your relationships, influence and followership? This is the first step.

  • How are you using social media?

This may seem a superficial question for today’s topic, but it’s really key. What are you messaging? What are you sharing? What does this say about you? I recently began work with an executive preparing for a vice-presidential position in her company. Guess what I asked her to clean up first? That’s right. It was actually shocking to her to look back and see what she had “liked” and forwarded. What do your social media messages say about you?

 

4. Shizaru – do no evil – or, do good!

  • Your habits are what make or break you.

Which one is holding you back? Lack of exercise or balance? Procrastination? Avoiding conflict? Neglecting significant relationships? Take a careful assessment of your work and life and (1) ask where you could be further ahead; and (2) what you are doing that is keeping you from moving forward. You’ll identify the habit or behavior right there.

  • You are the composite of your current relationships and associations.

Take a survey. Who do you aspire to be? Get that image locked firmly in your mind. Then, ask yourself who the 5-10 people are, with whom you surround yourself (with whom you have the most contact)? Are these people “there” with where you want to be in morals, values, lifestyle, habits, and focus? What relationship needs to change, and when will it be important enough for you to make it so?

  • What legacy are you creating?

The way you lead and the work you contribute are no doubt positive. But when was the last time you really thought about this, and actually tried to measure the impact of your leadership and professional contributions? Select 1-2 trusted associates or mentors and ask the question. The answer may not be readily apparent in the initial conversation, but the exercise is really to help you refocus on the end goal. Why do you do what you do?

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Patti Cotton helps women executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and enterprises. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, women’s leadership development, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

 

What is Holding You Back from Your Big Leap?

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What's holding you back?

It May Not Be What You Think

There is a profound book by Gay Hendricks called The Big Leap. In it, he identifies a phenomenon that occurs as people reach a certain point of growth in business or in their personal lives. He calls it the “Upper Limit Problem.” It manifests itself in many forms, from worry to criticism to physical injury or illness. He lists other common manifestations.

Let’s examine the life of Teresa, for instance. Teresa has always worked hard. She started a business and, being the hard worker that she was, it took off immediately. An hour before her first major client interview, Teresa fell and injured her ankle. In immense pain, but not to be deterred, she proceeded with the meeting, and then promptly went to the hospital. It worked out well (except for the injured ankle, of course), as she landed the contract, which served as a major trajectory for her next level in business.

Several years later, she was at a second major growth point in her business. She had become much too busy to do everything herself, and the business had also outgrown her small team. About to make a major shift in her business, she fell once again. And once again, she broke her ankle.

Today, she laughs at the obvious sign of her “upper limit problem,” but does acknowledge the value in knowing it exists.

Maybe you have just been given a promotion – one that you have aspired to for a long time – but have suddenly found yourself out of sorts and being overly critical of yourself and others. Maybe you have been asked to lead a major initiative, only to find yourself battling a sudden and mysterious illness.

These are signs of an “upper limit problem,” and those are often rooted deeply in three causes.

  1. Life Experience

As an example, many of us grew up as children or grandchildren of Depression era parents or grandparents. That era had a significant impact on how people viewed work and money. Let’s say you were heavily influenced by your parents of that era, who always reminded you to work hard, save for a rainy day, and protect your money because it could be gone in an instant. Following their advice, you have worked very hard to get to a level of lucrative success, only to have a constant, nagging worry that you will lose it all somehow. This is where your upper limit problem reveals itself. When you do get a substantial raise, if you are not careful, you will sabotage yourself and lose it.

  1. Personal Confidence

If you find yourself hitting a glass ceiling over and over again, yet never being able to push beyond it, you may have a personal confidence issue that is coming across to those who are making decisions regarding placement. There are image consultants out there who can help you look good, speak well, and walk confidently into a room, but if you do not have confidence on the inside, it will reveal itself on the outside. And here’s the thing…you may not even realize it is happening.

  1. Lack of Support

There are points of change in life where we want to make the “big leap,” but we are not sure we can do it. Change is challenging. Do something now to prepare for it. Create a strong inner circle, a group of mentors and trusted confidants who will help you get past that point when you can’t do it alone. We gain strength from the confidence of others when we do not have it in ourselves.

I encourage you to think about the following question, and push yourself to answer until you get to its roots. It is a profoundly helpful exercise.

What is your upper limit problem, and where does it come from?

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I invite you to join our LinkedIn group for just this kind of support (click here). We are experienced professionals who understand what is required to make those big leaps. Join us and let us help you reach the levels you have always wanted to reach but have never been able to manifest. I look forward to having you there!

How to Avoid Being a Bad Role Model: 5 Keys

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Anne was the vice president of a national wealth management organization who was being considered for a more senior role. She realized that this would position her to be of greater influence to the other employees in the organization, and reached out to me for help.

“I just stumbled my way to leadership on my own. So, even though I’ve helped others along the way, I feel I could be much more effective,” she said. “I would like to be a role model that can help others get ahead.”

Over the next few months, Anne and I worked on sharpening and flexing her leadership brand.* This sparked new energy and confidence for her in her ability to lead, and it showed well in her decision-making and calculated risk-taking. The organization benefited greatly, and by the time she stepped into the new position, she was confident of influencing others with greatest impact.

A year later, I checked in with Anne, and we celebrated her success together. She shared her thoughts on what she felt makes a great role model. I agreed with her points – and have summed them up here:

  1. Live your values with confidence. Are you consistent in practicing these values? Or are there habits and behaviors that you need to shed so that you lead with integrity and confidence?
  2. Celebrate being unique. And celebrate the uniqueness of others. The entire team brings strengths and talents to the table. Seek to make sure all of these are recognized and invited to be part of the larger picture.
  3. Be humble and willing to admit mistakes. Show others it’s okay to step out of their comfort zones and take calculated risks. And when it doesn’t work, or you misstep in your leadership in some other way, be willing to admit your mistakes so that others have permission to grow, as well.
  4. Show respect and concern for others. Sometimes we can get busy leading and forget to take a look around. Don’t take others for granted – make sure you recognize and acknowledge those around you.
  5. Seek to do good in the community. Commitment to a great cause can indicate a strong commitment to business. But beyond this, and more importantly, take the time do take action in doing good – simply because you can.

We influence others through our behavior, and can inspire greatness in others, or engender mediocrity. The choice is not really whether we want to become a role model, but rather, what kind of role model we want to be. What about you?

*  For more information on how to define and strengthen your leadership brand, see my previous article “Inspire!  Taking Your Leadership to the Next Level.”

Six Simple Steps to Next-Level Leadership

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You are a successful person who is in charge. You recognize that the leadership you have developed to get you here is not enough to support your goals going forward.

When I work with clients to help them up-level their leadership, the following points are some of what we include in our work together. Here’s to your viability, vibrancy, and effectiveness!

A 6-Point Checklist for Next-Level Leadership

  1. Create a higher vision for your leadership. You’ve led and done well. Now, what? The leadership that got you here is not the greater leadership that calls you forward. What does “next level” leadership look like for you? And how does it support your purpose?
  2. Lead from the heart. Purpose must possess passion in order to be heart-centered and genuine. Does yours need reviving? Get back in touch with why you seek to serve through your leadership, and align your heart and head, so that you can infuse heightened energy and excitement into your contributions.
  3. Take a stand. What’s important to you, and what are the top values from which you operate? When these values come into conflict with one another, or you are asked by others to step outside your values system, how do you handle it? Learn to use your values as a powerful lens so that you operate with integrity and confidence.
  4. Conduct a fearless inventory of those things that no longer serve you. Have you inadvertently developed a “group think” approach over time, or adopted habits and behaviors that have impeded you from doing your best work? Shed these and identify better alternatives so that you can increase your effectiveness.
  5. Define your unique value proposition. How does your envisioned “next level” leadership benefit the company’s bottom line? Can you articulate this in a way that others see the value in what you bring to the table?
  6. A vision is nothing without action, and integrity is key to great leadership. How will you ensure that you deliver consistently so that you meet and exceed the expectations of your company or business?

And finally, learn to actively cultivate your leadership. Using your wisdom as you remain agile to support change is key to your relevance and effectiveness. Enjoy the ride!