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Why Most High-Potential Executives Over-Promise and Under-Deliver

January 25, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Are you over-committed and feeling behind the Eight Ball? Even though it’s stressful, why you do this may shock you. In fact, you may also be getting some secret gratification from it!

The problem is, your professional (and personal!) reputation is suffering because of it. Your credibility is low, and you are missing out on bigger, better professional opportunities.

Ready to make a change?

Let’s take a look at why you may be over-promising and under-delivering.

Which of these scenarios fits you?

1. You want to look good.

If this is you, you may be worried that you are not seen as competitive, or that you aren’t pulling your weight. If so, it’s time to have a conversation with the decision-makers that are allocating your workload, to see how they feel you are doing, and what you might do more or less of, in order to be at your most effective.

2. You are eager to please.

If this is you, you may need to look like a good person. Signs are that you are volunteering to help others with their work when it compromises your ability to accomplish yours, or that you accept work allocated to you that isn’t really your area. If you see yourself here, it’s time to examine whether or not you are seeking to be liked, rather than to be respected.

3. You want to feel like you are accomplishing more.

If this is you, it may be that you have unrealistic expectations of yourself, or you receive your sense of self-worth from achieving. Bad news. This will never stop. You will never reach the point when you feel you are doing “enough.” Time to shift how you receive your self-worth. Not sure what you bring to the table, or need additional confidence, credibility, and currency? See my Leadership DNA program and get on the list.

4. You really don’t want to do what you promised.

This is the hidden deal – you may be suffering from Self-Completion Theory – completing your identity by engaging in activities that reinforce this. And often, people get gratification from simply promising to help others without follow through simply because they already got what they came for – the feeling that they are a good person. Is this you? Time to examine your self-image and the criteria you use to define it.

5. You haven’t confronted the time and energy it actually requires to complete the project.

Okay, face it. If this is you, you keep trying the same way of estimating the time it takes, and you keep coming up short. The problem is, others know it, too. You come up with excuses. You dodge offices and conversations, until you can provide something that you know is sub-par – all because you either under-estimated your own time, or the availability of others to deliver on their part of the project you need to complete. Get realistic. Add 10% more time than you would normally estimate, and test this. Need 15%? Make the change.

Under-promising and over-delivering is always a good way to build your credibility – and get back on track, if you need to do so.

Where in your work or life are you over-promising?

Patti Cotton helps women executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and enterprises. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, women’s leadership development, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Executives, Monkeys, and Leadership

January 18, 2017 By Patti Cotton 1 Comment

3 Habits That Can Change Your Potential

As a little girl, I was fascinated by a brass statue positioned on my father’s bookshelf. This statue was comprised of three monkeys sitting next to one another – one had his hands over his eyes, one with his hands over his mouth, and the third placing his hands over his ears.

My father explained that these three monkeys were called “the Wise Monkeys,” and represented the old saying, “See no evil, speak no evil, hear no evil.” They were a reminder to conduct ourselves wisely and appropriately.

This sounded rather virtuous. I was satisfied with this explanation as one that was a directive as to how to be a good person. Indeed, I still believe this.

However, I later discovered that this same adage, teased out in modern application, is actually a hidden key to succeeding – or failing – in one’s leadership.

The three original wise monkeys, along with a later-emerging fourth, hold the key to succeeding – or failing – in one’s leadership growth.

Here’s a quick check-in to see where you might want to up-level the way you currently lead:

1. Mizaru – see no evil – or, use a better lens!

What are you reading or watching?

Everything you put into your brain influences your thought patterns and focus. Are you feeding your brain with material that educates and provokes to help you grow, or are you binge-watching B-roll or reading cheesy novels?

What assumptions do you make as you observe others?

Are you making assumptions of others based on partial information, or are you asking the question, “What else might be part of the picture that I do not see?” Do the homework.

What lens do you use as you approach the world?

Are you stopping at the facts in front of you, or do you seek to make connections, using deeper-level thought processes? In other words, are you simply taking in facts without asking yourself how these facts affect you, others, and the world? Expanding your leadership means making these important connections.

2. Kikazaru – hear no evil – or, don’t listen to junk.

Do you quietly stew over past criticisms received?

High-performing leaders consider the source and either make necessary shifts to change, or discard the information as invalid and not useful. Stewing is repeating the same thoughts over and over again, and takes up valuable brain space. Stop stewing – do something about it.

Do you receive gratification from listening to gossip or bad news?

If you are, this is a bad sign that your leadership is predicated on seeing others’ failure as your success. If you think you are right all the time, you are wrong. And if others continue to tell you that you are always right, your leadership is either based on the fear of others, or you are working in an unhealthy, sub-par culture that allows this.

Do you consider your sources as you listen to what is happening in your organization, in the world?

I’m continuously shocked at how highly-intelligent professionals will make assumptions and decisions based on poor or impartial information. This has consequences. Enough said.

3. Iwazaru – speak no evil – or, stop the perpetuation of rubbish.

Who do you say you are to yourself?

What stories are you holding on to, that keep you from stepping into better leadership? Are you harboring any negative self-talk, no matter how seemingly insignificant? Are you secretly in a stagnant comfort zone because what has worked before should still continue to work now? Think, again. Things are changing rapidly, and continuing to work on your personal leadership is required to stay professionally viable.

How are you connecting with others through conversation?

Are you taking the time to connect personally to strengthen relationships and get things done? Or are you using e-mail and texting as quick fixes to move ahead? If you sense you are out of touch with your colleagues and reports, it’s time to re-establish connections through thoughtful, eye-to-eye conversations – the only way to establishing empathy and trust. Looking to better your relationships, influence and followership? This is the first step.

How are you using social media?

This may seem a superficial question for today’s topic, but it’s really key. What are you messaging? What are you sharing? What does this say about you? I recently began work with an executive preparing for a vice-presidential position in her company. Guess what I asked her to clean up first? That’s right. It was actually shocking to her to look back and see what she had “liked” and forwarded. What do your social media messages say about you?

4. Shizaru – do no evil – or, do good!

Your habits are what make or break you.

Which one is holding you back? Lack of exercise or balance? Procrastination? Avoiding conflict? Neglecting significant relationships? Take a careful assessment of your work and life and (1) ask where you could be further ahead; and (2) what you are doing that is keeping you from moving forward. You’ll identify the habit or behavior right there.

You are the composite of your current relationships and associations.

Take a survey. Who do you aspire to be? Get that image locked firmly in your mind. Then, ask yourself who the 5-10 people are, with whom you surround yourself (with whom you have the most contact)? Are these people “there” with where you want to be in morals, values, lifestyle, habits, and focus? What relationship needs to change, and when will it be important enough for you to make it so?

What legacy are you creating?

The way you lead and the work you contribute are no doubt positive. But when was the last time you really thought about this, and actually tried to measure the impact of your leadership and professional contributions? Select 1-2 trusted associates or mentors and ask the question. The answer may not be readily apparent in the initial conversation, but the exercise is really to help you refocus on the end goal. Why do you do what you do?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

When “Just Do It” Doesn’t Work: Testing Out of Fear

December 14, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

How do you move past fear?

You don’t.

You get underneath it.

You get underneath the fear to the faulty assumptions that are driving it.

Underneath every instance where your confidence falters, or wherever a fear surfaces, there lies a hidden set of faulty assumptions that acts like glue to keep this fear intact.

Ready to break through?

I work with successful executives and business owners who are ready to step into a next level of success. A lot of times, they engage me because they have an incredible vision for their future or special project, or they have just assumed a new and larger role. These scenarios require bigger ways of thinking, acting, and doing, and even the most confident people will find themselves stalled by fears they didn’t realize would emerge.

A client I will call Mara asked me to help her make the move from being a very successful attorney to founding her own consulting firm. This was a major decision for her, but she was convicted and passionate about the change. She had already done all the homework – researching the need for services, defining the value she could bring to the client, weighing the costs and benefits this move would have on her financial future, identifying resources and connecting with key mentors for the help she would need, and putting together a plan of action to actually build the business.

But she called me for support because she couldn’t seem to move forward in working the plan. Specifically, Mara was afraid she would fail as a business owner. Even though she had gone through the planning steps that would support her success, she still feared she would not make it.

I asked her what was behind this fear, and Mara’s faulty assumptions were then revealed.

“Mara, what are you afraid will happen if you fail?”

“Well, other people might think I don’t have what it takes as a business person.”

“Mara, what are you afraid is going to happen if that happens?”

“Well, if others think I don’t have what it takes, I will lose credibility and no one will engage me.”

“And if that happens?”

“Then I’ll lose my home and be homeless – and others will have to take care of me. I will become a non-person – no worth.”

And there it was – the underlying faulty assumption that held Mara back. She feared she would become a non-person, a person of no worth. This was the glue that held her fear together.

“Mara, is it really true that if you fail in business that you will become homeless and of no worth?”

“Well, no – I have a good savings, and a corner on my specialty within law. I could always return with no problem. You know – it’s weird! I didn’t know that underneath all this was a fear that I would become a non-person. That’s not true!”

And yet, this was what was holding her back – the story she told herself, made up of a subconscious set of faulty assumptions that held her fear together like glue.

“Then, how do you get rid of the fear?” Mara asked me. “Because I can tell you that the old Nike adage, ‘Just do it!’ does not work for me.”

“Here’s what you do,” I answered. “You change your story to get rid of the fear. To do this, you don’t confront the fear – you confront the assumptions.”

Confronting the assumptions is confronting the story you are telling yourself, because it is the story that keeps your fear intact. Confronting your assumptions asks that you experiment with scenarios to see if your story is true. But contrary to the adage “Just do it,” by confronting the fear, confronting assumptions to break through fear is more powerful and effective.

Let’s say that you tell yourself that you are afraid to jump in the water because you assume the swimming pool is too cold to get in and swim. So the story you tell yourself is that if you jump in, you will catch a chill and be miserable. If you are miserable, then you will have to stay at home and nurse a cold. And if you stay at home to nurse a cold, you will miss out on all the fun planned for the weekend. And if this happens, well…(you see what I mean!).

To begin testing out of these faulty assumptions, you walk to the edge of the pool. You dip the tips of your toes in the water to see if your foot will be okay with the temperature. It may be a little chilly, but once you see that the toes are fine, you put a bit more of your foot in and go through the same exercise, asking yourself if you are okay. Eventually, you are in the pool up to your neck, enjoying a swim, sun on your face, and wondering why you ever feared the water temperature.

What you are doing throughout this exercise is to stretch your level of comfort bit by bit, pausing each time to observe to see whether your assumptions are true or not. In doing so, you test out of these assumptions by proving them wrong. Once you do this, your mind tells itself a new story. “Hmmm… I guess I don’t need to fear this fear anymore – it was completely unfounded.” So an hour later, if you choose to go back for another swim, you will simply jump in this time, total body. No more fear.

So how did this process work for Mara?

Mara and I devised a plan that incorporated several critical testing points as she moved forward to found her own business. And the results were that over the next 9 months, she was able to cultivate several prospective clients and to secure contracts that would support her over the following 24 months. She gave notice at the law offices, and jumped into her own consulting firm full-time.

“I can’t believe I was afraid of failing,” Mara told me. “Granted, building a business can be extremely challenging – but it’s so rewarding, too. I realize through having cultivated those clients, I am quite capable.”

How about you? What fear is holding you back? What story are you telling yourself to keep this fear intact? Join us on LinkedIn to share, and for more discussion.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Moving to the Front of the Leadership Pipeline

November 30, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

3 Things You Need to Do Now

Are you thinking about moving into higher leadership? There’s some stiff competition out there.

Being seen and selected as “number 1” when it comes to moving up requires more than just being top talent. It requires that you shift how you think, act, and relate.

Many new executives and ascending leaders often think they will see what to do once they “get there.” That’s a big mistake.

You can move to the front of the line quickly by mentally stepping into a leadership position before you get there.

Here are three of the most important steps to begin developing, today:

Develop a wider lens. As you look at your area of responsibility, ask yourself how your area impacts not only other departments, but the organization and its vision. Begin connecting these dots and extend them outside the company to the industry, and to the marketplace. Starting to make wider and higher-level connections as you review your impact will develop your visionary “eye” and strategic thinking skills at new levels.
Refine your decision-making and action-taking skills. When you make the move to more senior leadership, you’ll be moving away even more from the practice of your profession, and much closer to strategy, based on the information your team brings you. Ask yourself if you presently take too much time ruminating on decisions, or if you hesitate in taking action. And ask yourself if you trust your team – do you need to focus more on their development as you move forward? You will want to get in the habit of this with those who support you.
Forge your leadership identity. Making sure that your leadership identity is strong and that it engenders trust and influence. Your distinct leadership “DNA” should be so distinctive that others can easily describe it in value-based terms. Forging this professional ascending will result in followership, leveraging the impact you are able to make.

Ready to go the front of the leadership pipeline? What’s your next move? Join us on LinkedIn to share, and for more discussion.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Why You Need Your Emotions for Rational Decision-Making

November 16, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

We spend a lot of our lives learning to master emotions. Sometimes they overcome us, and we goof things up. So we try to discount them or put them aside in an effort to be more rational in our decisions and actions.

But discounting or ignoring emotions isn’t really mastering them. You need your emotions in order to make your best decisions. Sound counter-intuitive?

In my work with high-potential female executives, I find quite often that these women have shut off their emotions, feeling these get in their way. Often, they have been told they were being too emotional in a certain situation, or they have found themselves overwhelmed with feelings when confronting a critical scenario, and it kept them from moving forward. Somehow, these women decided to shut off the “feeling part” of themselves in order to execute and get ahead.

Bad move.

Emotions are meant to trigger or alert you to something. When you ignore these, negative consequences are in store, not only for yourself, but for the way you are able to work with others, and ultimately succeed.

So how do you manage your emotions so that they actually help you get ahead?

There are three steps to managing and bridging your feelings so you can support your best thinking and actions:

1. Recognize the emotion you are feeling in a situation.

This may sound easier than it is. I once coached Sandy, a member of her company’s C-Suite, who could only name two emotions that she felt – anger and fear. Because of this, she continuously operated from the “fight or flight” part of her brain – high stress, and low reasoning. As a result, her decision-making suffered. We spent a couple of months helping her to identify and expand her lexicon of emotions as I coached her on how to handle specific situations. Why? Emotions are “gut triggers.” It means, “Hey, something is up, here! Pay attention!” This allowed her to move from a “fight or flight” mode to the reasoning part of her brain.

2. Decide how you want to manage the emotion.

Recognizing what emotion you are experiencing in a certain situation allows you to ask yourself how you would like to handle it. Just because someone has angered you doesn’t mean you need to express your anger. It means, instead, that you can ask yourself why you are experiencing this, whether it comes from a bias or is relevant and appropriate to the situation, and what you want to do behaviorally because of your reflection. This process puts you in charge. Once Sandy could identify the emotion she was feeling in a certain situation, she was able to reason more effectively, asking herself what this emotion was telling her, and whether this was viably related to the decision or situation at hand.

3. Allow your emotional self to collaborate with your rational self.

When you have checked in with yourself as to why you are feeling a certain emotion, where it comes from, and how you want to handle the emotion, you have made space for your rational self to join at the table. Having recognized how you are feeling, what the emotion is telling you, and deciding how you want to handle the emotion, you can now ask yourself to identify the real issue at hand so that you can resolve it most effectively. Sandy discovered that a colleague had undermined her to her staff. When she stopped to recognize how she felt about this, how she wanted to manage it, she then felt much more in control of how she dealt with the situation. Instead of operating from her “hot buttons” as she would have done in the past, she was able to discuss the issue calmly with him, and worked to resolve things.

How do emotions affect the way you work? Join us for our LinkedIn discussion and share!

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.