Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

effective

How Much Do Others Really Trust You?

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How Much Do Others Really Trust You?
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How much do others really trust you?

Most people see themselves as rather trustworthy. The problem is that your perception may not be the same as the picture others have of you.

How can you tell if you need to boost your trust factor with others?

Beth was one who excelled in competence – but something in her character kept others from feeling confident in her leadership. They just didn’t trust her.

Sure, she was capable and committed to the company. Her results were hard to beat. But when she was put in charge of a team, her CEO received significant backlash.

“I’m not saying she isn’t a great executive,” said one team member. “But she’s hard to read and she often switches gears in the middle of a project. It’s like fielding flies. How can we work with her if she doesn’t share what she’s thinking? I’m not sure I can trust her.”

What part of trust was lacking in Beth? Transparency – a vital piece to sound leadership character. Where she excelled in performance and results, she lacked the ability to share readily with others. This absence of communication led others to believe that she did not value their participation. In fact, this stemmed from Beth’s fear of being doubted in her decision-making. But that’s another article. The end result for our purposes here was that because Beth did not communicate, people did not trust her. They saw her as competent, but untrustworthy all the same.

Another executive, Jack, connected well with and respected others in all he undertook. It was clear that he held positive intent with all endeavors. This is all part of leadership character.

But Jack’s ability to hold himself and others accountable – a part of leadership competence – was woefully inadequate. As a result, Jack’s performance and that of his team was hit and miss. Because he found it difficult to stick with a plan and hold others to it, he missed several good opportunities for promotion.

You’ll see in the list below that there are indeed two vital parts to trust:

  • Affective trust – the emotional part of trust. How well are you able to create mutually-based concern for and with others? How well do you create bonds with others that feel solid and authentic? We call things relating to this part of creating trust your leadership character.
  • Cognitive trust – the rational part of trust that causes others to feel you are reliable, dependable, competent. We call things relating to this part of creating trust your leadership competence.

As you review this list, what do you celebrate about your own leadership? Where are your growing edges?

And would others say the same?

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

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Are You Suffering From Empathy Erosion?

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Are You Suffering From Empathy Erosion?
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Are you suffering from empathy erosion?

Whether you are naturally empathetic or not, today’s highly competitive and digitized world is working steadily against your ability to see the world through others’ eyes and to understand their unique perspectives.

The problems this can cause for you both personally and professionally are enormous.

  • The ability to relate well with others
  • The ability to build trust
  • The power to persuade and influence

​And more!

Empathy erosion, however, isn’t easily detectable until it reaches a point of danger.

Are you there? If so, your ability to lead has been compromised.

Where are you on the “empathy scale”?

And what can you do about it?

Empathy is a foundational part of emotional intelligence, allowing us to respond appropriately and to develop deep levels of rapport and trust. It is closely connected to cultural competence, which allows us to connect and relate well with people of other cultures, beliefs, and backgrounds.

We are wired to experience empathy. At birth, there are also other factors that go into helping us to develop this as we mature. When we possess a fair amount of empathy, and we see someone in pain or feeling happy, we can, to a certain extent, experience the same. You might see this ability to feel or intuit others’ emotions as a sort of “neural Wi-Fi” that allows us to connect with the feelings of others around us.

Empathy is key to leadership success. The ability to persuade and inspire others, to make things happen through influence, rather than through pressure and duress are all contingent on possessing a high level of empathy.

The problem with empathy, however, is that you must practice it to keep it. And in a rapidly-changing, ever-evolving business world we are seeing signs of empathy “erosion.”

Poor communication and conflict are on the rise, as technology replaces the need for meaningful connection.

Inside company walls, a lack of empathy means that highly-skilled leaders and managers can be abrasive and out of touch with their workforce as they attempt to meet demands at a rapid pace. Further, a recent study at the University of Southern California shows that the growing lack of empathy is not evenly distributed; that “…middle management and senior executives are showing the biggest deficit in empathy – the very people who need it most because their actions affect such large numbers of people” (Ernest J. Wilson III, “Empathy is Still Lacking in the Leaders Who Need It,” Harvard Business Review).

With this phenomenon, coworkers struggle to build trust with one another, and to be inclusive in process and decision-making – especially as many are coming from different generations and cultures. This means a workplace that is high in conflict and other poor workplace behaviors, and low on collaboration, morale, engagement, and productivity.

Outside company walls, it is empathy that can make the difference from the competition, as we read more effectively the pulse on customer demand and have a greater ability to cultivate deeper and more effective relationships with them. It is empathy that allows more successful expansion as we negotiate presence and activity in other cultures and countries.

Indeed, in a world where we seek connection, meaning, and contribution more than ever before, empathy must be intentionally practiced.

But where do you start?

How do you go about strengthening your own level of empathy?

A first step is to make friends with emotions – and get back in touch with your own.

Emotions are not good or bad – they just are. They are triggers tied to past experiences and serve to tell you to pay attention to the situation at hand. But if you are like most, you have learned to shut down emotions that make you uncomfortable so that you can continue to operate at high speed. The thing about emotions is that if you ignore them, they will build up and erupt somewhere at some time when you least expect it – and most often, inappropriately. When this happens, frustration and stress can mount and nothing is resolved.

To normalize this dynamic, it is necessary to first tap back into how you feel so that you become comfortable with emotions as they occur. When I work with clients on raising their empathy quotient, we begin with a list of positive and negative emotions. I ask them to set their alarm three times daily and when the alarm sounds, to stop, look at the list, identify the emotion they are feeling, and write it down. Record the time of day, the emotion felt, and the situation to which it was connected. If you do this, you will begin to expand your repertoire of recognizable emotions, to note what triggers them, and to accept them as part of you.

Once you begin to get back in touch with emotions and to spot them in others, you can then start to acknowledge others’ emotions so that they feel heard.

This is paramount to building bonds and the beginning of greater trust. As you tune in and expand your own repertoire of emotions, pay attention to the spoken and body language of others. Validating the feelings of others allows them to feel understood as human beings.

An example might be if someone comes in to your office saying, “I’m really frustrated about that project!” This is your cue to refrain from jumping in to try and fix or to ask questions. Instead, acknowledge their emotion, first – something like, “I’m sorry that you are frustrated. That’s no fun!” Wait for the other person to take this in. Give them the space to expound on this. Your acknowledgment of how they are feeling tells them that you have heard or recognized their emotions as valid. They feel “seen” as a human being.

Another example might be if you see someone looking puzzled, you can stop the conversation and say, “Hey, you look puzzled…” This demonstrates to the other person that you notice and care for the way they feel. This can open the door to better, more meaningful discussion. It also allows you to learn if your impression of how the other person was feeling was correct, helping you to further fine-tune your radar for reading the emotions of others.

By 2030, 850,000 jobs will be replaced by automation. Many are asking how they can remain valid in a world that is shifting at such a pace.

Here’s what we know:

A machine cannot replace human connection. It cannot supply meaning or purpose. A machine does not have the capability to build bonds and trust. It cannot persuade, influence, or lead in a way that inspires others to follow.

This can only be accomplished by humans who care.

How’s your empathy quotient?

Is Your High Performer Ruining the Company?

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Is Your High Performer Ruining the Company?
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Do you have a high performer that acts out, but you hesitate to correct him or her because he or she generates so much business for the company?

You may discover that your favored “race horse” is actually costing you more than you know.

What can you do?

I have seen this before – and if the high performer is willing, and you are ready to support the change, you may be able to turn this around.

Sam was an executive vice president who generated the lion’s share of the revenue for his organization for over five years. Leadership coined him “the race horse,” and at one time wondered if he should be the next CEO.

The customers were real fans, and Sam’s team was extremely loyal.

There was just one problem: Sam didn’t like to work with the other vice presidents or their managers. He felt they slowed his progress, which meant they weren’t consulted when he took on a new project – even when it affected their area. Sam often went around department managers if he needed help with something from one of their employees.

In the past, leadership pushed back on these other executives, worried that if Sam was asked to work with them, he would quit. However, over time, leadership noticed a growing resentment and conflict due to Sam’s work-arounds and inter-team avoidance tactics. Productivity was taking a deep dive.

Sam was surprised when his CEO introduced us, stating that he didn’t see the problem since his revenue generation was better than ever. However, since I had met with the CEO previous to this meeting, and we had quantified the loss to the organization because of Sam’s approach, the message was clear – Sam was actually costing the business a lot of money. His team and members of other teams were fighting, and turnover was on the rise.

Wanting to save his job and his reputation, Sam agreed to work with me to turn things around.

He had several great qualities, but lacked two key leadership traits that would stop his career in its tracks – the ability to empathize, seeing things from multiple perspectives; and the resulting ability to develop and nurture rapport with others for trusting relationships.

We co-created a development plan that addressed these two behaviors specifically, and worked together over the ensuing months to apply and integrate his learning so that it became a part of his nature. Sam agreed to a bold approach in this – he allowed me to help him talk to some of his colleagues and team members so that they played a part in his success. He shared that he was working on his leadership, and asked them if he could get intermittent feedback from them as to how he was doing as he and I worked together.

This paid off exponentially. Not only did Sam learn how to eliminate old counter-productive behaviors and replace them with more effective ones, he acquired some great advocates in his colleagues and teammates through his willingness to receive and use the feedback they provided.

Sam wasn’t promoted to CEO at that organization. He did get an offer, but instead, chose to accept another CEO position a few states away. I wish him well. He has earned the promotion.

Do you have a “racehorse” that does not play well with others? What might it be costing you?

Three Ways to Help Your New Employee Execute Well

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Three Ways to Help Your New Employee Execute Well
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Do you sometimes wonder if one of your managers made a mistake with their latest hire?

How can you tell?

The new hire’s transferable skills check out. Their attitude is positive. Team morale is high. And you can clearly tell the new hire is highly engaged and ready to go.

But he or she is not getting the work done.

Why is this?

There’s a handy, quick mental process I like to go through with leaders when they are second-guessing a latest hire.

Is it really the new hire, or is it your management?

Here is how you can tell.

1. Does the new employee show a clear understanding of their role, responsibilities, and your expectations?

Be careful not to downplay this. I have worked with many great companies whose new hires may receive a job description and a desk as their orientation. The manager counts on the team to fill in the blanks for the new person. If your company takes this casual stance, you are losing money and a potentially great employee.

What does the new hire’s manager truly expect of them and their area of responsibility? What are the goals set for them? Timelines? Metrics?

2. Does the new hire have the right tools and resources to do the job?

Again, most leaders will respond with an immediate “yes.” But they are basing this on what they think the employee needs to do the job. Has he or she been asked the question, “What do you need in order to achieve your goals here? Do you have the tools and resources you need?” Just test this. You may be surprised.

3. Has the immediate supervisor developed an accountability system with their new employee?

Can the employee access their immediate supervisor on a regular basis for help and questions? Does he or she get the regular feedback needed so they know they are on track? The opposite is more prevalent than you would hope.

In fact, according to one study by Dresser & Associates, HR, Payroll, and Management Solutions, only 7% of managers and 10% of senior executives in the workforce are held accountable consistently for developing their direct reports through performance management processes.

How do you compare?

How to Pull Your Business Results Out of a Rut

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How to Pull Your Business Results Out of a Rut
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You are a great leader and you treat your people well. You are doing all the right things – coaching and mentoring, teaching people how to solve problems, giving regular feedback… You practice the five daily good management habits we talked about last week (if you missed it, here is the link).

Your employees are happy, and you are well loved. Those who work for you express how fortunate they are – and those who don’t, wish they could.

So why are your business results in a rut?

Five things may be standing in your way. Here is a quick checklist for you and your executive team to use. Where might you be stuck?

1. Do your teams and individual contributors understand how the company vision relates to their area of responsibility?

This seems elementary, and your employees may be able to articulate the vision. After all, it is “front and center” in all your materials, your meetings and retreats. But do they understand how their area of responsibility relates to this vision?

If your staff doesn’t understand why their area of responsibility exists to support the forward motion of the entire enterprise, this needs to be where you start. When people cannot grasp how their individual contributions help to make a difference to the whole, people may be comfortably happy, but they will not have that focused sense of purpose related to the business. Eventually, this disconnect will foster complacency or a lack of motivation that will lull your employee base to under-perform.

2. Do the goals provided to your teams and individual contributors support the company vision, goals, and objectives?

Many a great business has grown quickly and taken on projects and initiatives that may no longer be valid to the goals and objectives you have at present.

I recently worked with an enterprise who asked for my help in increasing productivity and revenue. While performing some due diligence, I discovered that part of the workload assigned to many of their employees was not supporting the direction of the company. This situation occurs often and can be identified and corrected to support higher performance and better results by conducting a yearly work audit using your company’s strategic plan – but that’s another entire article!

3. Do your employees have clear action plans that support their goals?

Has your executive team worked with their reports to outline clear plans of action for the year that relate to meeting goals?

This exercise not only ensures that each employee knows what he or she should be doing to support the company direction, it can also be used as a tool to teach them how to think more strategically, solve problems, and hold themselves accountable (not to mention, a great trust-building exercise).

4. Are the metrics assigned to these goals the ones that matter?

This is where a lot of businesses stall. You need to measure in order to assess progress.

However, too many businesses commit to too many change initiatives at the same time, rendering them overwhelmed and stalled. You may collect a lot of very useful data, then, but won’t do anything with it, wasting time, energy, and money. Consider selecting 1-2 key areas or business approaches that will give you the most return, and work on these until you have incorporated them into your business culture and way of operating. Once you have done this, reassess, decide where next to improve, and repeat the process.

5. Are your employees able to execute well?

Do you have the right staff in place, and are they able to perform well so that the action plans become excellent results?

This is where we go back to the daily management habits of successful leaders (see last week’s article on this, here). Are you providing the right tools and resources for them, and are you operating with mutual trust and accountability? This is where we separate the good from the great – and what I’ll be writing more on, next week.

Where in the five points above, do you and your company excel? And where might you do a better job? I look forward to your comments.