decision making

Why Your Talented Team Member Won’t Speak Up

May 6, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Do you have a team member who has great talent but won’t speak up to contribute? There are several possible reasons why.

And the bottom line is if your team member won’t speak up, you are losing revenue and momentum – simply because he isn’t adding the value he could.

What can you do?

Let’s take a look at five different executive teams in the following scenarios. Each had at least one team member who wasn’t speaking up. Do any of these cases sound familiar to your own team’s situation?

Jim and the So-Called Expert

Jim has been CMO for a year, now. He has an impressive track record and an uncanny sense of what to anticipate in order to serve customers. In his one-on-one meetings, Jim shows great strength in strategizing. But when he gets into the executive team meetings, he simply shuts down. His CEO is frustrated. If Jim keeps quiet, the team isn’t able to benefit from his expertise and perspective.

“Sandra’s the self-proclaimed expert on our team,” Jim explains wryly. “As CFO, she has decided she’s the person with the organizational ‘eye.’ Whether she knows what she’s talking about or not, she will weigh in and do it first. Others may jump in and play – but I’m just not willing to do that. If someone wants my opinion, I guess they will ask me.”

Samantha’s Intolerance for Poor Arguments

The executive team wonders if Samantha is really happy at the company. She starts to speak up but shuts down quickly when the team wants to move toward a solution. Samantha is becoming disengaged and it shows. Her CEO is worried. “I need a CIO who can wrap her arms around problems and run with the solutions,” she says.

Samantha has another view on this. She says, “Quite simply, the executive team is lazy. They always settle for less – the path of least resistance. Every time I suggest doing some outside research to see what others are doing, they snuff me out. I’m tired of contributing to inferior arguments for poor solutions. Why doesn’t our CEO take Samantha aside and give her some coaching on this?”

Bill and His Need for a Business Case

Bill speaks up at times and shuts down at others. His team members wonder which Bill is going to show up today – the one who contributes, or the one who seems to mentally check out at odd points in meeting discussions. Bill’s CEO wonders why Bill dips in and out of discussions.

Bill himself says he gets quiet when he can’t figure out how certain decisions impact the larger picture. “Sometimes the team seems to get into discussing pet projects that don’t really support the business imperative we set for this year,” he says. “I have a hard time hanging in there when it doesn’t make sense to the larger picture. Why doesn’t our CEO stop it and get us back on track? He lets this stuff go on forever and our meetings become pretty ineffective.”

Dani the Divergent Thinker

“Dani’s a bright leader whose best days are yet to come,” said her CEO. “But I can’t figure out why the rest of the team gets frustrated with her when discussing certain topics. I’ve been waiting for her to figure it out. Or for them to all work it out. But it’s not happening.”

Dani has additional light to shed on this. “My team is very structured in its conversations,” she begins. “The members seem to be ‘convergent thinkers,’ and they follow a very tight process to arrive at solutions. Don’t get me wrong – we need to come to some quick decisions in this current environment. But I’m a ‘divergent thinker’ and need to free-flow a bit to come up with best solutions. I’m pretty frustrated that when we are looking to innovate, my contributions seem to be perceived as getting us off course. I simply shut down when that happens. I wish my CEO would check in with me – surely he sees that I’m not participating?”

Jan Wants Better Decision-Making

Jan is perceived as “dead weight” on the executive team. Her credentials and expertise are impressive, but she doesn’t contribute her wealth of knowledge to the team’s benefit. She used to speak up, but took what seemed to be an argumentative tone which deterred others from entering into conversation. She now defers to others on the team without really contributing. Her CEO wonders if she simply doesn’t know how to get along with others.

“I have become tired of being perceived as contrary,” Jan shares. “In my last position with another company, we prized bantering back and forth with different perspectives on things. No one took it as arguing; rather, they enjoyed turning issues on their proverbial heads to examine all sides. The result was a rich outcome. We enjoyed it. Here, it appears I’m just arguing. I wish someone would be real enough to talk with me about it – and to entertain another possibility besides seeing me as antagonistic. Perhaps it’s my tone. I wish my CEO would give me feedback, but she acts like she doesn’t see it.”

And what about the talented, but quiet team member on your own team? What’s his or her side of the story? If you are in charge, it’s time for you to work on how your team can work together to resolve this. The loss is too great to let this go – and the ROI once you bring this to resolution too great to leave on the table.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Leading to Recovery While Managing Response

April 1, 2020 By Patti Cotton 2 Comments

Your full attention and energy have been called to manage the current crisis. By now, part or all of your workforce is working remotely. Your executive team is alternating “home days” with “office days” to meet social distancing edicts.

Your entire management team is working on ironing out the systems and protocols that need to help you deliver service to your customers during this critical time.

But are you leading to recovery while managing response? If you aren’t already examining how to reinvent yourself and your business to meet the “next normal,” you need to shift gears now.

This begins with vision.

If you can envision the new normal, you can already lay the groundwork to meet it. You certainly know who your customers are and what they need from you at present. But can you anticipate what will they need, once this crisis has passed? The ability to look ahead and project what is likely to happen with customer behaviors and desires will help you define the future of your business. Make sure you are careful to access resources to help you project this. Pool your energy and brain trust with a few other forward-thinking leaders on a regular basis to stay current and sharpen your abilities to anticipate.

Plotting a course for the future, now, is paramount.

This may seem challenging when you are dealing with a crisis, but it’s actually the only smart thing to do. Most organizations are drafting plans that allow them to return to “business as usual.” They are doomed to fail. There will be no returning to ways of operating that we have known in the past. Those who recover and thrive understand this and are seeking to reinvent. This means that if you can respond to current demands in a way that also lays the groundwork for the envisioned future “normal,” you will have moved your organization ahead. Think about how regulatory and competitive environments in your industry may shift. Does this change your thinking around an action you might take so that you not only survive in the immediate, but you also pave the way to thrive?

You are positioned well right now to make change.

The fact is that managing change is never easy. But current conditions have placed the business world in a situation where all must take bold action and take it now. People are looking to make sense of today. They are seeking leaders who embody confidence and character, even if they don’t have all the answers yet. Employees are rallying to the cause as they work together in new ways to deliver service. Your customers are looking for the human part of your business presence and your support.

If you will look to the horizon toward anticipated and yet unseen vistas, while leading the organizational charge to move forward, your business will be primed to succeed.

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Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Leading in a Time of Crisis

March 18, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

We are faced in this moment with a crisis that stretches around the world. It is affecting every aspect of our personal and professional lives.

You, as a leader, are being tested with every fiber of your being. The work challenges you were dealing with a few weeks ago have been eclipsed or compounded by COVID-19 and its effects on your business.

How do you lead through this?

The real test of leadership – a leader’s behaviors and actions during a crisis – are what help a company to move through successfully. At this time, you are no doubt being asked to make critical decisions that affect the livelihoods of many.

How can you encourage confidence and stability to bring your people along as we move through this critical period?

1. Educate yourself and others.

Make sure you are aware of federal and state requirements vis-à-vis the current situation so that you are abiding by that which is requested. Additionally, seek trusted sources to learn more about how you can protect your employees, clients, and key stakeholders. Check in with these sources on a regular basis and ask your executive team to do the same. Make sure you are communicating well and often. Dealing with a crisis means that others need to hear from you often and with reassurance.

2. Check your attitude.

The way you see and approach the crisis is critical. It is difficult to use the word pandemic as I write, but we are currently experiencing one. Focus on the things you can control as you lead forward and check your language when talking with others to make sure you are not inciting panic, fear, or stress. Your attitude bears great weight and influences many. In the not-too-distant future, we will look back to see how we made it through. Lead with this in mind.

3. Exercise self-care.

Stress and anxiety can certainly soar during these times. Yet, frequenting public places to exercise and get self-care services may not be your first choice at this time. Think about replacing these rather than foregoing them. For example, if you feel uneasy about going to the gym, find some recorded videos for workouts at home. Avoiding spas or other self-care centers? Create your own spa experience at home with music, hot tub soak, and other ideas.

4. Be decisive.

As you and your team make critical decisions, move forward with conviction to take action. Don’t wait to be the last company on the block to make a move you know you should be making. Part of keeping the employee and client base calm and developing trust is sending a message of strength through taking precautions when you know you should.

5. Feed your executive team.

Don’t forget that your executive team needs increased connections with you during this time. Think about incorporating a daily huddle for updates, a weekly briefing with discussion around next steps forward, and frankly, even stopping by their office during the day to check and see how they are doing. Your team is carrying great weight with you, and they deserve the reminder that they are appreciated as they carry this responsibility. Where you cannot meet in person, collaborate virtually.

6. Stay connected with your life team.

These are the few close people in your life who care about you and who will be supportive and present for you. As a leader, it is hard to ask for this kind of support. It can be difficult to find people with whom you can share not only feelings of celebration, but also feelings of doubt and uncertainty. This is a time to call on your life team even more often to fill your own cup as you continue to care for the well-being of so many others.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Do You Have a People Pleaser on the Executive Team?

March 11, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Do you have a people pleaser on the executive team? Someone who might change opinions depending on which way the wind blows?

If so, you have a major trust leak in the team.

How can you tell if you have a people pleaser? And what can you do if you identify one?

Your people pleaser means well. In fact, this is his or her main driving force in life. But because they are busy making sure they fit in, people pleasers can’t support a particular idea or direction with integrity.

Sandy was a newly appointed executive in a large software tech company. One of the chief reasons she had interviewed well was that she exhibited a great deal of empathy.

“We needed more empathy on the executive team,” said Anna, the CEO. “In our world, tech can tend to come before people, and we were making an effort to infuse leadership with more human connection and understanding.”

“You are right to keep that in mind,” I answered. “We are losing human connection in the workplace. And empathy as one of the emotional intelligence traits is key in leadership.”

“She also brought a wealth of technical knowledge, so I felt it was a great combo,” Anna continued. “But I’m noticing that she can’t tether to a decision she makes. And she actually looks at other people to see what they are going to say before she offers an opinion.”

“This is serious,” I said. “It sounds like you have someone on the team who is stuck in what we call ‘the socialized mind.’”

“Well, whatever you call it, the team has started to distrust her. They don’t know how to take what she says or presents with any kind of certainty. She pretends to agree with everyone and seems to try to act like the people around her. A real chameleon. And she is constantly asking for feedback – seems to need praise to feel good. It’s exhausting.”

“Those are hallmarks of a socialized mind,” I responded. “This means she relies on the external world to tell her who she is and what value she brings.”

“It’s just not working,” Anna said. “I need someone who can contribute by bringing her own perspective and expertise to the mix. Someone who isn’t afraid to counter an opinion, but who can also negotiate to a great solution. When I tried to talk with her about this the other day, she just kept apologizing and started crying. I need your help.”

I met with Sandy, who was, of course, eager to please. It was clear she needed to show me that she understood and agreed with me, no matter what I shared. Not surprising, as we are all creatures of comfort who need to feel that we are accepted and safe. We took some time to become acquainted so that I could develop trust with her. I asked her what she felt was the challenge from her perspective.

“I just want to do the right thing,” she said. “Hearing what is needed is important to me. And I want to make sure I align with others’ thinking so I get it right.”

This showed me clearly that she was ready for growth. There were several things we did over the course of eight months that helped Sandy move from this people-pleasing state to one that was more tethered to her values and beliefs, even in the face of conflict.

A first phase in coaching Sandy was to help her recognize where she was trying to please others instead of standing true to herself as she negotiated solutions with the team. We began by doing some personal values work to solidify her sense of self and to use as a litmus when forming opinions.

At the same time, we identified her fears around carrying different opinions than her team members and tested out of this mindset trap in small ways so that she could become accustomed to disagreeing with others as it felt comfortable.

As her confidence grew, we explored key issues in her company and identifying multiple perspectives on how to solve these. Becoming comfortable with the complex and various ways to resolve such can be threatening to someone who needs to be right in others’ eyes. Working with real-time challenges with which she was familiar helped her to become more comfortable with weighing various options and seeing that more than one might be right.

Later, developing Sandy’s comfort and lens on seeing things as systems was important. The world is complex, and this can be overwhelming for anyone. A person of socialized mind can feel threatened by such complexity. Learning to first see complexity as a system and to become comfortable with the pieces in order to make decisions is key for today’s leadership.

Sandy’s team members rallied, seeing integrity in how she showed up and contributed. She felt the positive results and worked on developing closer relationships with each to strengthen her credibility.

The end result of our coaching? Sandy became a trusted contributor at the leadership level and the company benefited greatly, as well.

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Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Can You Be Angry and Still Lead Well?

January 15, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Can you lead well when you feel angry?

A corporate executive described himself as “useless” when he experienced upset.

When he felt angry, he found it difficult to make simple decisions and get regular work done.

Both his team and his family agreed that something needed to change.

The leader’s inability to manage his anger crippled his business, as decision-making and execution are critical to outcomes.

“How do you deal with anger and still lead well?”

That’s the question he asked when he first called for help.

“I’m in the middle of an expansion, Patti. Operating at my best is critical. How do I work around this thing?”

I responded, “You can’t work around it. In fact, the key idea here is to manage your emotions well. When you learn to do this, your decision-making and your ability to get work done will be much stronger than it ever has been.”

“I’m listening,” he said. “But it doesn’t sit well with me. When I am upset, I shut down. I actually feel numb, and it’s hard to think at all.”

He and I met to continue our conversation. He described himself as steady, even keeled in most all situations, and one who shied away from confrontations.

“I’m really pretty easy to get along with,” he said. “But I admit to having some hot buttons. It really gets me going when people are unreliable or untrustworthy. But that’s pretty normal, right?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “Those are some of my hot buttons, as well. How do you handle it when these things come up?”

“That’s where it gets difficult,” he explained. “I tend to stuff my irritation and ignore the problem. You can guess how that winds up. In fact, I hate to tell on myself, but I’ve allowed some pretty bad behavior on my team. As it worsens, I get angry. And then I just withdraw and shut down. When I’m hot under the collar, I can’t think. And then, with this expansion, I need everyone to just get on board and stop the nonsense. But they don’t. And that makes me angrier. And at a certain point, when my blood pressure can’t take it anymore, I simply numb out.”

“What’s worse is that when I go home, I think I can switch gears and shut the office out of my head. But my wife says this definitely doesn’t work. She says I don’t connect with the family – no conversation, just a low-hum heavy feeling in the air. I told her I was meeting with you to help me deal with this. She says to thank you in advance on behalf of the entire family. I had no idea it was affecting things that much.”

“So, here’s what I’m hearing,” I said. “You’ve just outlined what may be the chief reason for your company’s productivity loss, your executive team’s in-fighting, your lost deadlines holding back expansion – and your family life at home. That’s huge. You need more emotional agility, and you need it quickly.

“Emotional agility is the ability to navigate challenges by managing your inner game – your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.”

He stared at me with his mouth open. “I’ll do just about anything. I am seeing damage all around me from this. How do I turn this around? How do I get more emotional agility so that I can get things back on track?”

Over the next few months, he and I worked together on making friends with anger.

It sounds odd, but it isn’t. Emotions are powerful, and most of us simply don’t know how to harness this power. Emotions are simply a signal that alerts us when something affects us or our experience. Paying attention to these signals can sharpen our critical thinking and our execution.

But creating awareness around the emotions we are feeling and making friends with them as mere signals is just the first step.

The next step is crucial – managing your emotions.

And this step was indeed more challenging. Once he recognized that anger would help alert him to pay attention to something, he then needed to decide how to address the situation that was causing it.

As he and I identified biggest potential wins through managing his anger, confrontation was first. There was a key area within the executive team that had been left to fester.

He had to decide what he would expect of the two execs causing the trouble, to share it with them, and then to stand by this to enforce accountability.

Then, he needed to recognize how to make decisions, even in a “hot state.”

This meant recognizing and validating the emotion so that he could self-regulate (simmer down) and make decisions based on his values and not be driven by emotion.

Over the following months, the business began to respond positively at both individual and team levels, and the culture shift had significant impact on the company’s ability to expand and do it well.

He single-handedly turned the business around by managing his own leadership.

In confronting his own growth area, he created impact throughout the organization.

What one thing in your leadership could make a critical impact to your business or area of responsibility?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.