Patti Cotton

Mid-Career Conflict

November 2, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

When It’s Not Worth Earning Millions Yearly

Last week, it was my privilege to be in Chicago to address some of the top female producers in the financial services industry. Imagine sitting in a room full of women who earn an annual income of up to and beyond a million dollars!

During our time together, we discussed some of the things these women have had to face in order to generate this kind of income. And we touched on mid-career conflict – something they encounter far more than women in other industries.

In fact, when I mentioned knowing that some of the women in the room were currently weighing their options outside the industry because of the cost of doing business, many heads began to nod, letting me know I hit a sensitive point.

What makes it so that earning more than a million dollars yearly isn’t worth it? Why do so many women leave the industry and give up this kind of money?

At a certain point, these women are feeling the costs of their career. These costs are not related to keeping their business or career afloat; these are personal costs to these professionals. And these personal costs seem too great in relation to the uncertain benefits they might receive in future.

What did they cite as chief costs?

Women are hired in large numbers in the financial services industry, but they are most often in support roles and fewer in managerial positions; less or none on the executive committee (C-Suite). Promotions and bonuses are made behind closed doors, and these are made subjectively. One woman cited that she had outperformed her male counterpart, and her counterpart received a large bonus for performance – when she did not. She had to go in to fight for hers, proving her numbers. “I never should have had to fight for something to which we are told we are entitled,” she said. And I agree.
There may be a few women at the top, but they are on the board, and not on the executive committee. This means that company operating decisions and voice most often do not receive the benefit of diversified perspective and brain trust. Flex time and family leave programs exist, but those women considering them feel others might see them as “non-viable” upon their return.
Women are implicitly held to a higher standard than their male colleagues, as recent studies show. First, the financial services industry expects its top people to reflect typical male traits, being aggressive, dominating, and transactional. Women wind up attempting to masculinize their own traits to meet this. The results are inauthentic and awkward, and women face the double-bind that when they do reflect masculine traits, they are criticized for this, too. Of course, this is discouraging – and women lose confidence that they will succeed. They lose their ambition and many quit.

Now, this is not a man-bashing article. We need both genders, and diversity within those genders, to provide the rich perspective and brain trust that variety can bring. But what we are doing currently is not enough. And I’ll be writing about some solutions to this that we in human development are finding effective in the coming weeks.

But I’m curious: Where would you start to turn this around? Join us for our LinkedIn discussion and share!

Patti Cotton helps women executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and enterprises. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, women’s leadership development, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

When You’ve Lost Your Way

October 26, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Rediscovering the True North of Your Leadership

Leading in your life and work has its hazards. There is much to do – busy demands, managing much.

Sometimes, a talented professional has reached a certain modicum of success, but discovers that she has not reached her full potential – and she doesn’t really know why.

She feels stalled.

She has lost her leadership compass – her true north.

If you have ever reached this point, or you find yourself in a destructive or unethical pattern, feeling trapped and confused, be encouraged! There’s a way out.

I coach two kinds of female executives and professionals: high achievers, and high potentials. They engage me because they have reached a certain success, and now they are ready for more.

Lately, women from both groups have been coming to me for help because they are stalled at some point in their career or in their outcomes. I call this situation a mid-life conflict, and it is the outcome of a sort of unwitting self-sabotage. This conflict happens when a talented individual works at such a fast and furious pace over time to produce exceptional results. By adopting this mode as a permanent way of “doing” to the point that she also adopts it as a permanent way of “being,” she becomes constantly reactive instead of responsive. As she isolates herself and hyper-focuses on only work, the demands keep coming. The goals continue to rise. Over time, this dynamic erodes her personal leadership and her sense of self – the unique qualities, traits, and values that helped her to rise above the crowd to succeed in the first place.

Sheila found herself in such a situation. During the early part of her leadership, she served as executive director for a large area of responsibility.

“I focused on my performance and how much I could achieve,” she shared. “It became addicting, and I sought greater and greater rewards. But getting noticed was most important to me, because I thought I had to run fast to get to the top. This frenzy took precedent over the money I was making. If I received recognition through hitting goals, it told me I was worthy as leadership material. So I kept pushing hard.”

“That must have been a tough and stressful road,” I said. “That kind of approach can help fast-track your success to a certain point, but then you usually hit a wall.”

“How did you know?” she asked, “I feel like I’ve boxed myself into a corner, and now I’m not performing as I have in the past. Additionally, I’m not sure I’ve made many friends of my colleagues. It’s pretty lonely up here. I was so busy rising to the top, and now, I’m not sure if I can redirect this mess. Sure, I can work on the way I approach things – but my professional credibility as an emerging leader may be lost.”

Sheila’s situation was not new. She is what Bill George and Andrew McLean would call a “shooting star.” In their article, “Why Leaders Lose Their Way,” they discuss five perils of the leadership journey, and these ultimately result in failure.

A shooting star is one that lacks “the grounding of an integrated life” (George and McLean). Their career is everything to them, and they are always on the go to get ahead. Balance is not part of their lexicon, and family, friends, and community connections suffer. As they push forward, stress mounts, and with the ever-changing marketplace, they must continue running faster. This means their pace is so rapid that they don’t allow the bandwidth or time to learn from their mistakes, resulting in stalled leadership.

Can a shooting star turn this around? Yes.

The answer lies in re-grounding.

But re-grounding not a simple case of re-balancing. It’s not just changing your tactics, scheduling some vacation time, and doing some intensive power networking. If you find yourself in a place where your present success has cost you a great deal of your life, and perhaps your professional future, then you must first tap back into the who and why of your leadership.

Because leadership means taking the lead.

Leadership is not a role or function; it’s a mindset and an intentional approach to all you undertake, accompanied by the thoughts, behaviors, and actions that support taking charge.

And being in charge means knowing who you are and what you are about. At its best, it’s coming from a platform of integrity, coming from center, so that your impact is significant.

To see this, you first need to understand what makes your leadership unique – your Leadership DNA. This is a combination of your purpose supported by your values and your natural strengths as you take action.

Then, you need to relate this Leadership DNA to the vision of the enterprise and its bottom line. And you work it. You strengthen and exercise this Leadership DNA so that you are aligned and powerful in all you do, from your focus and your direction to the actions you take, the decisions you make, and the people you affect.

Coming back from a stall-out – or better yet, avoiding one and taking your leadership to the next level, requires that you can answer the following tough questions – and know how to flex and integrate these into your being.

Who are you as leader?
What is your purpose?
What values will you use as your compass?
What fuels your best work?
How does your Leadership DNA impact the organization and its bottom line?

Who are you as leader? What is your purpose?

Click over to our LinkedIn Community to share your response and join in the discussion.

Bill George and Andrew McLean. “Why Leaders Lose Their Way.” Strategy and Leadership. Vol. 35, no. 3, 2007, pp. 4-11. Emerald Group Publishing Limited.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

The 3 Things You Need to Get Ahead

October 19, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

The 3 Things You Need to Get Ahead, Influence Others, and Drive Results

Once upon a time, there was a talented executive who was on her way to the top. She excelled at everything that was thrown her way, and remained hungry for more.

The great boss at the top turned to the leadership team and said, “Let’s bring her into the circle. Let’s promote her. For she has done well, and she will therefore do well, here, with greater responsibility.”

And so they did. And everyone applauded. And the talented executive beamed. She knew she had this one.

She knew she could achieve the impossible at this new level, because she created a large trail of success, wherever she went.

But instead of succeeding, she fell flat on her face.

And the leadership team began to doubt its decision.

“What do I do?” she cried out one evening at her desk. “I know I am talented. And I have always achieved at whatever has been placed before me. Am I not leadership material, as I previously thought I was?”

Right then, there was a knock on the door.

“Who is it?” she called out.

“Burt,” the voice responded. “It’s Burt, the leadership genie. I heard your cry. And I have a package here for you – it’s the missing ingredient to your success…”

Okay, dear Reader, now you know why I’m not a well-known author of fairy tales. But let me pick up here to make the point: There are just 3 ingredients to success. Really – just 3 ingredients. And we are often missing just one when we find ourselves on the other side of the window looking in at the inner leadership circle.

Here are the 3 ingredients:

You must have all 3 of these supporting each other in order to get ahead. If one of them is out of sync, you cannot lead effectively.

Here is a brief explanation of each, and how they need to play together to support you:

Mindset: How you lead yourself. Mindset is the way you perceive yourself; your beliefs in your ability to lead and succeed. And it’s what you do with these – how you manage yourself – your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors – in an aligned way that reflects integrity, strength, and authenticity.
Engagement: How you lead others. Engagement is how you show up and connect with others. It’s how you communicate to build trust and influence. It’s your ability to exude a powerful and respected presence, which causes others to stop and listen when you speak, and to regard your opinions with respect.
Energy: How you lead the enterprise. Energy is how you support the larger vision while masterfully aligning and managing the moving parts. It is systems thinking in your goal-setting, decision-making, and your action-taking to keep the enterprise relevant and vibrant.

So what does this have to do with our talented executive in the fairy tale?

Let’s listen in to the scene where she is carrying on about her frustration…

(knock on the door)

“Who is it?” she called out.

“Burt,” the voice responded. “It’s Burt, the leadership genie. I heard your cry. And I have a package here for you – it’s the missing ingredient to your success…”

She opened the door to find – her boss.

He smiled, came in, and sat down.

“Okay, true confessions, as you know, my first name is Burt, but surprise, surprise, I’m not a genie. However, I think I have the answer to what you were carrying on about in here a minute ago.”

“Oops,” she said sheepishly.

“Talented Executive, you’ve been a success up to this point in whatever you’ve undertaken. And I believe you can be a success in this new appointment as well. But you are going to have to change something fundamental about the way you operate.”

“The way I operate?” she said. “It’s always gotten me where I need to go – what do I need to change?”

“Talented Executive, you have a healthy Mindset. You believe in your ability to succeed, and you are eager to take charge and achieve your goals through successful implementation.

What’s more, you are able to look at the larger picture strategically, so that your goal-setting and work supports the larger vision of the company. So your use of Energy is great.”

“So what gives?” she answered. “What’s not to love?”

“What got you here won’t get you where you want to go. Just because you’ve succeeded with a certain approach in the past doesn’t mean it will work in this new position. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve been getting sideways glances from some of your new leadership team. And a bit of rumbling. I saw you bristle the other day when you heard someone question whether you could make your initiative work. What you may not know is that some are questioning your motives.”

“I don’t understand,” she protested. “It’s a great plan, and they should see that!”

“Talented Executive, when you joined this team, you forgot one thing. Everything you do affects the entire system, now. Your new responsibilities cover many areas, so what you do affects your entire leadership team and their areas, as well. And they don’t know you. Why should they support your ideas? The one ingredient you are missing is strong Engagement, and your leadership future depends on this. Building trust, being able to exercise your influence effectively… Heck, even getting others to listen to you when you speak up in meetings – think about it.”

Talented Executive was silent.

Burt Boss continued. “So although I think you can pull this initiative off, I’m going to ask you to put it on the shelf, for now. For this year, I want you to build relationships with your peers and key stakeholders. Because without establishing yourself as part of the team, strengthening your influence factor with them, getting them to listen to you and enlisting their buy-in, well, you just won’t get far in this position if you don’t have that rapport first.”

Talented Executive was floored. “You’re kidding,” she said. “You are going to kiss the potential of more than $3 Mil in the next 18 months goodbye?”

“You bet,” said Boss. “Because if you do what I am recommending, I believe we will see an even greater ROI.”

And they actually did. Talented Executive worked on her Engagement – and by the end of that first year, had actually worked with a couple of the other members of the leadership team to come up with something that generated far more revenue.

I love a happy ending – don’t you?

When you think about Mindset, Engagement, and Energy – which one is holding you back? Join us for our LinkedIn discussion and share!

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Why Aren’t Your Strengths Working For You?

October 12, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Mastering Your Inner Leader, Part III

Why aren’t your strengths working for you?

You’ve read the book. You went to the company training. You’ve taken the assessment that told you what your top strengths are. It was kind of an interesting exercise.

But knowing what your strengths are hasn’t changed a thing for you.

Unfortunately, strengths become hungry when they aren’t used. In fact, your strengths might just do you in, rather than help you out.

What do you do?

You must address the issue because, without mastering your strengths, you won’t be able to master your leadership.

In the last two weeks, we’ve talked about the importance of mastering your inner leader, or your “leadership DNA,” in order to powerfully engage with others and execute your best work (if you missed the first two steps, click here for Part I and Part II of this series).

As a reminder, your leadership DNA is the unique combination of values, themes, and strengths that you bring to the table to powerfully engage and execute your work effectively. The third step in identifying yours is to discover and integrate your unique strengths.

Why is this important? You’ve been getting your work done – and getting it done well – without paying much attention to strengths. What will being intentional about integrating yours do for you?

Here are 3 reasons why you want to pay attention to your strengths:

Quality of work. Your strengths are what allow you to do your best work. Have you ever heard of the term “being in flow”? Flow is the mental state of being completely immersed in an activity. You are so into what you are doing, so energized, that you don’t realize the amount of time that has passed. This is what utilizing your top strengths can do for you. Since your strengths are the natural wiring you possess for getting your best work done, they get excited and invigorated when you use them, supporting you in energy, focus, and creativity.
Positive self-identity. Your strengths are natural gifts that support your best self. How you feel about the contribution you are making to the world is very important to your self-worth and well-being. Using your strengths on a consistent basis reinforces who you are at your best and the value you bring. It’s a natural motivator to continue moving forward with purpose, because you experience feeling grounded and aligned as you show up in the world when you operate from your natural strengths.
Health and well-being. Your strengths are hungry. If you don’t feed them, they get cranky. It actually takes more effort for you to work without coming from your top strengths. There are many of you reading this who operate consistently with your “non-strengths.” When you do this, you spend a dollar in personal energy to get a penny of outcome in return. Doing so can cause stress, low energy, difficulty in focusing – and over time, burnout. Meanwhile, while you are neglecting your top strengths, they grow frustrated. They beg to be used, and this plea can come disguised as irritability and overwhelm as you go about your work. Who needs that?!

So how do you identify and integrate your own strengths?

First, to identify them… There are some respected assessments in discovering your strengths, and I have used them in my work. Whatever the assessment you choose, be sure it is reputable and tested for validity (how accurate is it in the research world?). One excellent free resource I use with clients is the VIA Strengths Survey, which allows you to discover top character strengths – strengths that are valid not only for your work, but also for the rest of your life. Character strengths mesh well with your life themes (last week’s focus) to shape how you fuel your work when you are at your best.

And now, to put your top strengths to work. Being intentional means to flex and practice, and there are several ways to do this. Here is one approach that works extremely well for the beginning stages of integration. I’d advise running through your top five strengths twice with this method to firmly increase awareness and begin to firm up your strengths approach:

Selecting one strength weekly, journal who you are as leader, at your best, when you exercise this strength.
Then, review your calendar’s upcoming meetings, projects, and conversations, and ask yourself how you will use this strength in the interface.
Debrief each evening, and ask yourself how you did, congratulate yourself on being more intentional, ask yourself what learning you gleaned, and how you will approach the same next time.

What is your biggest question about your own strengths? Join us in the LinkedIn discussion here.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Why Aren’t You Leading? Part II

October 5, 2016 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Mastering Your Inner Leader, Part II

Last week, I asked you why you aren’t leading.

And a lot of you have written in to tell me why.

A few of you cited you needed more confidence – most of you stated you were ready to do the work, but you weren’t quite sure where to start.
Not surprisingly, every single one of you admitted that you were capable of more.
You also mentioned being at a place in your life where you are ready to lead – to take charge, and to accept greater responsibility for more recognition and reward.

Last week, we talked about the vital step of mastering your inner leader before you can “take it outside” to effectively engage and execute as one. Most people make the mistake of thinking they can develop their leadership simply by attending a company’ program designed for this, or by reading the best books on the subject and putting learning to practice. How hard can it be, after all? But these efforts fail.

There are a few reasons why this doesn’t work, even though the United States spends more than $170 Billion annually on training. And we explored this last week.

But it came down to this: You must empower your leadership from the inside out!

In other words, you must identify and know how to effectively use the unique abilities you possess within to govern your decisions, behaviors, and actions. And we started with values – key to success. You can read more about it here in Part I.

This week, I want to discuss the next important step in mastering your inner leader…identifying into your life themes to discover your purpose, or your “why.”

Why is this important? It’s how you do your job – and why.

Keeping your purpose central to all you do keeps the passion flowing in your leadership. It’s the heart-to-action connection. It also makes your leadership distinctive – something that helps you to stand out and rise above the crowd.

A while ago, I sat with a woman named Jane.

“Patti,” she said, “I doubt you can help. My motivation left me about a year ago. I’ve lost touch with colleagues and team. Goals aren’t exciting. I wish I was retired – yesterday.”

“You are checking out – I can hear that,” I answered. “What happened?”

“You tell me. That’s why you are here,” she smiled.

So I asked Jane why she did what she did. What fired her up to get going in the morning? What difference was she making in her leadership, and in the outcomes she produced for the company? And she couldn’t tell me.

“You’ve lost your reason for leading,” I said. “It’s your purpose. We sometimes call it ‘your why.’”

“So,” she asked, “How did that happen?”

“Oh, it happens when we don’t stay true to our life themes, our purpose. Purpose is what drives us. It fuels meaning and satisfaction.”

“Can I get it back?”

“Yes, you can,” I smiled.

I worked with Jane on identifying the main themes throughout her life that had driven her decisions and actions. Two things stood out for us: Jane had always sought to be an advocate and a teacher – even when small. It showed up on the playground, in her volunteer work in college, and throughout her career. We could look back and see how she had used it to rise to be the executive she was, today.

But about a year ago, Jane had been assigned an ailing initiative requiring her full attention. And we noticed that when she did so, she began to lose the passion in her work. A closer examination revealed that Jane had not actively considered how to use her advocate and teacher themes in approaching the initiative. Instead, she had taken quite a different approach that was creating burnout as it depleted her energy. As she lost her edge, she began to disconnect from others in small ways. Over a year’s time, she wound up feeling isolated and alone.

Fortunately, we were able to turn this around, reconnecting with her life themes of advocate and teacher, and shifting her approach to incorporate these into her work. I’m happy to report that after reconnecting with her purpose, she is back in top form, and loving her work, once again. Others recognize it – and she is being considered for a greater role.

What are your life themes? Can you look back over the years to see what roles you have naturally sought to play, and what energizes you as you do so?

Here’s are some quick questions to get you started in identifying your why:

Describe 3 experiences in your life when you faced challenges. How have they shaped you?
Look back at a period in your life when you felt special, as though you were meant for “this.” What were you doing? What was the role you played, and what energized you?
For what reasons do people seek your help? Among those, which ones energize you?

Meanwhile, please join me in our LinkedIn group for more discussion on this topic.

How do you integrate your values in your work?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.