Patti Cotton

Building Influence – Making Emotional Connections

July 5, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Have you ever been in a situation where you wish you had greater persuasive powers?

A situation on a flight reminded me about some of the critical steps we need to take to enjoy more influence with others.

I took an early plane to the Northwest to spend time with family on the Puget Sound. Looking forward to a quiet flight, I encountered, instead, two co-workers across the aisle who were in a heated exchange.

One gentleman, Frank, was insistent that the other “take a look at the numbers – the numbers speak for themselves!” But this was not having the desired effect on his seatmate, who sounded frazzled.

“How do I get through to you, John?” Frank finally blurted out. “It’s like talking to a brick wall!”

Have you ever felt like you were talking to a brick wall?

How do you begin to get through?

As it happens, Frank didn’t have a chance.

In fact, John turned to him and said, “Your conversation is wearing me out, Frank. I can’t listen anymore. End of story.”

I wish I could have taken Frank aside, and said this:

Frank, here’s where you could have turned this around.

You should have made an emotional connection with John to tip the scales.

Get the dopamine flowing.

Making an emotional connection is the conduit of “warm and fuzzy.” This helps people feel good and predisposed to listening, to being open to more conversation.

Instead, Frank began his conversation with, “John, I need to get you on board with this new strategy. What’s it going to take?” Diving into a selfish stance of “I need…from you” staged the failure.

Frank could have paved the way to a successful conversation by something like, “John, how was your weekend? Do anything special with the family?” or, “John, what project are you working on right now that is especially rewarding?”

When you connect in this way, it stimulates the pleasure-reward area of the brain – the “feel good” area. You are showing people you care about them in a genuine and personal way.

When you do this, people feel you are interested, and they feel heard as you listen. They tend to want to reciprocate, and will ask you some personal things, as well. This sets the stage as common ground.

It changes the other person’s attitude from one of “what do you want from me,” to “what are we looking at together?”

If you want to influence people, you need to make and strengthen that emotional connection, not only throughout the conversation, but in your relationship in general.

With whom do you have an important relationship that needs more emotional connection?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

http://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Are You Sure You Want to Be a Leader?

June 28, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Commit

What do you need in order to become a leader? And are you sure you really want to be one?

If you are reading this, I imagine you’ve already weighed the pros and cons, and the argument for at least considering the possibility has won.

As an executive coach, I work with decision-makers who lead. These people quite often have substantial areas of responsibility, and they work with me to become even more effective as they seek to do great things.

As we begin our work, I explain to my clients that our work will be 3-pronged. In other words, there are three things we need work with in order to accomplish their goals. You see, the human being is an intricate system, and the major parts of this system must work together closely to accomplish any significant change.

So, if you and I were having coffee together right now, and you told me that your goal was to become a leader, or a more effective one, I would tell you that we are going to assess the following three parts of you to identify what you need to shift in order to get there:

Your mindset
Your actions
Your behaviors

Allow me to set the stage by giving an definition of these three, even though they appear self-explanatory (thanks for indulging me!).

Mindset is not how your physical brain works – it’s how you use your brain to formulate thoughts, synthesize information, define your beliefs, your attitude, and thus, your approach to the world. Mindset drives your desires, your motivation, and your picture of “what’s possible.”

Example: Sonni has managed people for many years, and she believes she can lead the company. She desires to do so, and decides to take the steps necessary to move up this career path. She has weighed her desire against her safety and decided that she won’t get fired or other disastrous consequences. So far, so good. Sonni has asked herself, “What’s possible?”

Actions are those movements, that energetic activity you undertake, once decide to “do something.” These are driven by your desires and your motivation. Your actions are confined to what you believe is possible, what is comfortable, and what is safe (thus dictated by mindset). Even if your mindset says that something is possible, your behaviors may thwart the success of your actions.

Example: Back to Sonni…because of her desire to move up into leadership, she decides to take the action of asking her CEO to be considered for the leadership succession plan. It has taken a lot of courage to get to this point, but her mindset has opened the gate for her to ask. So far, so good. Sonni has taken the action she needs in order to register her desire and be considered.

Behaviors are how you react to internal or external stimuli in various circumstances. These behaviors are exhibited after your mind assesses your desires versus your safety. Safety always wins.

Example: Sonni’s CEO tells her she has a lot of work to do if she wants to be considered for the leadership succession plan. Frankly, her CEO shares, Sonni isn’t seen as CEO material and this comment comes as a surprise. The CEO explains that Sonni doesn’t show the kinds of behaviors needed for leadership – collaboration, building trust, strong presence, influence. And a few other things. Sonni retreats to her desk. She now has a choice – to tell herself she really doesn’t have what it takes (that dastardly doubt that mindset brings when negative emotions threaten its safety) – or to ask herself “What’s possible?” while remaining safe, to shift the necessary behaviors in order to be considered for higher leadership in the company’s succession planning.

Now back to you, and those three questions to ask yourself before you commit.

Does your mindset need to explore what else is possible, or to strengthen belief in your own abilities and potential?
Do your actions tell the world that you are actually showing up as a leader?
Do your behaviors reflect who you want to become?

Which of these three areas do you need to shift in order to become a leader – or a better one?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

http://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Coaching Your New Manager

June 21, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

5 Paradigm Shifts to Help Them Win

Onboarding and training a first-time manager requires time, money, and energy. Some of you have sent your new hire to “first-time manager training” or boot camps, and others have thrown this budding talent into the deep end, figuring they are smart enough to swim.

But what happens when the initial onboarding and training have taken place? Now it is up to you. You as leader must help them to step into management-level thinking and execution so that they can begin to excel in the job to which you have promoted them.

Why should you do this? You hired this person because of their talent, and you simply need them to apply it in this new job. But the skills that helped them excel in their former role are not what will make them successful now.

Managing people and an area of responsibility is much different than simply performing one’s own work.

So stakes are high. And if you ignore this, it will cost you 6-9 months of the new first-time manager’s salary to replace him or her.

How do you help your first-time manager succeed quickly?

How do you show the company that you have a reputation for selecting great talent and that you are not simply adding to the budget burden?

Some leaders ignore the period after the “hire honeymoon,” moving on to other priorities. They are happy they have this new talent to help out in the department – to lift and shift some responsibilities so that the team operates at greater levels. A leader that does this has hopefully clarified the new role with their new hire, and they have even given the first-time manager a set of goals to meet.

Such a leader figures that if there is a problem in the future, the new manager should either figure it out, or seek advice.

This is short-sighted.

Not only do 60% of new managers fail in the first 12-18 months, most of the time it is not their fault. It is due, most times, to a lack of clarity, direction, resources, and coaching to help them develop management skills. And that’s something over which you have control.

Yes, after the “honeymoon period” of onboarding and initial training is over, it’s time for you to start coaching the first-time manager.

Where do you start?

You can actually help this new hire to speed-dial their management-level thinking to help them make the shift from a narrow, task-oriented world to a broader one of overseeing an area of responsibility and managing people.

You see, thinking governs the way we make decisions and take actions. It dictates the way we see our external world and how we will then approach it. And moving from being responsible for a set of assigned tasks and projects to supporting a team and holding these team members accountable for doing the same is very different!

So how do you help them begin to develop management-level thinking? You can begin by helping them shift some common, self-limiting language patterns to supportive new ones.

Here are the top 5 negative language patterns heard just this week, and how you can gently correct them.

1. From “We can’t because…” to “How can we…?”

A first-time manager cannot necessarily see a larger picture because they have operated within their own former role’s confines and have not been exposed to more. Encourage them to think about possibilities. Ask them the following: “If we could do that thing you are talking about, what are 2-3 ways we might handle it?” Encourage your new hire to be curious by asking how something might be possible, instead of prematurely pronouncing quick judgment.

2. From “I have a problem – what should I do?” to “I’ve identified a problem and have a couple of suggestions as to what we might do…”

A first-time hire wants to look competent by avoiding making mistakes, so they may run to you for answers when they should be thinking about possible solutions, first. Tell your new hire that as a human, they are sure to make mistakes – that everyone does. Tell them it’s more important to you that they begin to bring possible solutions to you so that the two of you can think through best strategy. This relieves you of having to think for two people, and develops their critical thinking and problem-solving skills.

3. From “They’re just that way…” to “This is what I’d like to see…”

Teach your first-time manager to fight bias where other employees are concerned. Instead of allowing them to vilify the employee under discussion, ask your new hire to describe the desired behavior or action they would like to see, instead. Then talk about how they might hold the employee accountable for that. By doing this, you are coaching your first-time manager to take a coaching approach, as well.

4. From “I know I don’t know much, but…” to “One way to approach this is if we…”

In an effort to remain humble or not to appear arrogant or smug, your first-time manager may self-deprecate when offering an opinion. Self-deprecating language is undermining and can actually appear as false modesty. Encourage your new hire to drop all apologetic language and to offer opinions as possibilities. “One way to approach this is if we explore XYZ – what do you think?” is a safe means of offering an opinion while your first-time hire is developing confidence.

5. From “I” to “We.”

This is perhaps one of the most important shifts your first-time manager will need to make. Instead of seeking affirmation for their individual efforts, they need to begin seeing success as a collective effort and acknowledging the team. This point is so important that you may want to have a dedicated conversation around it. Share your own experience. Did you once fall on your face when in that same new position, by trying to “show your stuff with “I” language?” Tell them. Let them know that we all have to learn this at one point – it’s part of growth.

When you coach your first-time manager into management-level thinking, eliminating self-limiting language patterns will help them to replace self-imposed limitations and to model a forward-thinking approach for the entire team.

By the way, if you take these tips and put them to work, not only are you coaching management-level thinking, but you are also helping your first-time manager to reshape their entire approach to work and life. Coaching someone to widen their perspectives and to develop the ability to vision beyond the present is a great gift.

Have you ever had a first-time manager that exhibited defeating language? What would you have liked to hear, instead?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

http://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Patti Cotton helps executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and the enterprise. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, succession planning, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, leadership development, succession planning, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

5 Tips to Mentor Your First-Time Manager

June 14, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Mentoring Others to Take Charge

Your new manager is a talented individual. If they were not, you would not have hired them. Even though a new manager has excelled in their previous position, they may not yet have acquired the skills of managing people to meet success in the new role.

If you don’t jump in to provide mentoring and guidance, you’ll be losing much more than face. Around 60% of new managers fail. And you’ll recall that when a new manager does not work out, you will lose an average of 6-9 months of their salary in replacing them (recruitment, training, team productivity, and more), as well as a lot of time and energy. This means that if your person is making $40,000 per year, you will lose between $20,000-$30,000 in the process.

This is a much bigger ticket than investing in some sound managerial training for new managers, which usually costs around $2,000.00.

I have heard from many who tell me of their bad experiences with supervising new promotions. One of the top concerns you’ve expressed is how to help new managers adjust to managing people by displaying authority in an effective way.

How do you help your new manager learn to show how to lead – the right way?

Leaders have reported seeing some pretty sad and frustrating behaviors as the new manager attempts to assert their role – all the way from apologetic language and cloudy directives to arrogance and micro-managerial tones and approaches. Many new promotions want to assure their team members that they are still friends. Others feel they need to divorce themselves from the pack to lead. Neither is right. And the fallout from either approach is severe.

Learning to manage people takes time and experience.

Here is a 5-step checklist you can use to help your new manager to begin, and to reflect a healthier way of showing authority:

1. Teach them to set clear expectations.

As the leader, you have no doubt drawn up an action plan for the department with goals, measurables, and key milestones. Ask your new manager to review this, and to define expectations for their reports. Have them work with you to do this a few times so that they receive the benefit of your coaching. Helping a new manager go through this exercise will flex their ability to see the large picture and the moving pieces that help to compose it. It will also give you a sense of where they will need additional support as they gain greater understanding.

2. Teach them to be proactive.

Talk to them about setting up regular meetings with each of their reports to review expectations and to set up a system for each to report back to them on a regular basis. This one move will help to minimize the tendency for the new manager to micromanage since they will know when to expect the reports, and will also allow a private forum in which they can explore with team members what motivates each, how they can best lead, and to answer any concerns or questions.

3. Teach them to deal with conflict in a timely manner.

Conflict should not be allowed to take over, or it will decimate the department. It must be addressed in a timely manner, and your new manager needs to learn to handle it well by separating out emotions, stories, and issues. Further, what seems to be an issue may really be a symptom. For more on how to get to the real issue and help them develop their problem-solving skills, see the article “Taking Your Problem-Solving from Good to Great: The Missing Step.”

4. Teach them to be even-handed.

Help them to be fair in the way they deal with requests such as raises, bonuses, additional resources, and other perks. Show them how to evaluate requests by leaning on policy, procedure, and performance. This will help them to avoid team members who beg favoritism based on past relationships or future promises. It will also help them to support their decisions as they provide these opportunities to those who merit them.

5. Teach them to role model leadership.

They may not know it yet, but everyone is watching. Your new manager got the promotion, and others are curious to see whether they deserve it. They are wondering whether they can trust following them based on what they see in their decisions and actions. Is your new manager coming in late because they are now salaried and feel they have a license? When they have their lunch with the same team members on most days, does this send the wrong message to others? These are things we as leaders know will inhibit our ability to be trusted. A new manager should have that judgment, but some still need the guidance.

Think back to your earlier days when you were a new manager. What was the best advice you received that helped you establish success?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

http://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Why Do 60 Percent of New Managers Fail?

June 7, 2017 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

How Do You Help Yours Succeed?

Why do rising stars perform well in one role, only to fail in the next?

If you are in charge of overseeing talent in your area of responsibility, you probably already know this by experience. You promote a promising star, only to be disappointed by her inability to perform in the new role.

You’ve wasted valuable time and energy on this person’s potential. And the company has just lost money. In fact, you can count on losing about 6 to 9 months of that person’s salary. This means that for a new manager making $40,000 annually, the company has taken a $20,000 – 30,000 hit in recruiting and training expenses for the promotion (not to mention other costs to the entire team!).

Since high performance in one role is no guarantee of high performance in the next, do you just flip a coin? How do you save yourself headache, and get ahead?

Becoming a manager requires new skillsets. So if you are thinking of promoting an employee to manager status, here are just some of the shifts this person needs to make:

1. A new manager must learn to move from “doing” to supervising and guiding the team.

Remember that a new manager has been focused on managing their own tasks and responsibilities. Now, suddenly, they must focus on helping their team manage and complete their assignments.

2. A new manager can set a powerfully negative first impression.

Some new managers will sit back and observe, unwilling to make a decision or come across with an opinion. Others may come in “gang-busters” sharing about how they are going to change everything and make it better, now that they are on deck. It’s hard to choose between having a new manager with analysis-paralysis or one who operates as an obnoxious know-it-all. Neither is good.

3. A new manager must learn to grasp the larger picture.

Because they have been previously task-oriented to complete their own assignments, they must now develop their ability to become goal-focused, with a sense of the various pieces that make up the larger departmental picture.

4. A new manager must target early wins.

The problem with most new managers is that they don’t know how to look at the larger picture and reverse-engineer to identify early wins. Without accomplishing some early wins, the boss will wonder if the new manager knows what they are doing. In the absence of seeing forward motion in the right direction, doubts about a new manager’s ability may replace the initial confidence the boss had in their protégée.

5. A new manager needs to develop their authentic leadership style.

Many a new manager looks around to other managers to see how to lead – how to communicate, delegate, execute, and more. The problem is that copycats miss out on operating from their own top strengths…and they come across as insincere.

6. A new manager must learn how to be respected.

It can be awkward for a new manager when their employees have been their friends. How to shift from being buddies with the team to being well-liked and respected is challenging, but necessary. If not, holding people accountable and managing expectations will be poorly handled. Confronting those difficult situations will be painful and sometimes not addressed.

7. A new manager must be careful not to over-promise.

Many new managers have thought they could. They promised to deliver, but failed because they did not know the work involved in delivering those results. By the same token, to be non-committal is to create doubts about ability. A new manager should not be embarrassed to say, “Let me investigate what that would take and get back to you.”

Learning to make these shifts will be helpful if you discuss with your new manager the departmental goals, the roles of the team members, and your expectations. Offer to help put together a 90-day plan that will support the larger picture and identify early wins. Talk about the network your new manager will need to develop to get buy-in from the enterprise. And keep your door open for questions. You’ll help your manager to hit the ground running much more successfully.

What difficulties have you encountered with new managers?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

http://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.