Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

Patti Cotton

Focus Bandits – Have You Been Robbed?

By Leave a Comment

Focus Bandits – Have You Been Robbed?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Are you easily distracted, or are you finding it hard to concentrate?

Worried this will affect contributing your best work?

Before you get swept away in a sea of overwhelm, see if these three focus bandits are lurking in your vicinity.

If so, I’ve given some tips for you to eliminate the thieves and recapture clarity and focus so you can get going!

1. Unfinished business.

You may be carrying a stress load from unresolved conflict.

Is there a current challenge outside of the immediate work at hand that you need to resolve? A critical conversation that needs to occur?

Even more insidious is a long-standing situation that has silently eroded your focus for some time. If you aren’t sure as to whether you have any of the latter in your life, do a short self-assessment.

Rate yourself from 1-10 in the following areas:

  • Personal finances
  • Friends and family
  • Intimate relationship
  • Career
  • Fun and recreation
  • Physical environment
  • Spiritual life

With 10 being ultimate success, give yourself a score in each area. If any are less than 10, ask yourself what holds you back from a 10. The problem will emerge, and then it’s up to you to decide how you will resolve it.

2. Too many good things.

The adage, “Because I can, I do,” is bunk.

When a client tells me he or she is overworked and highly stressed, it usually comes from one of three areas:

  • Mismanagement (lack of delegating appropriately, avoiding conflict to allow it to pile up and affect the team, or other poor management practices)
  • A need to please others by accepting new assignments or an increase in responsibility without the proper support
  • Delusions of grandeur (believing you can handle it all, when the calendar shows it is physically impossible)

Do any of these feel as though they might be the case for you?

The mind needs “white space” or downtime to reflect, process, and actually follow through with the work prescribed from all those meetings we attend.

If you aren’t finding that white space in your life, it is time to re-organize. Identify the non-essentials and delegate or eliminate. You can have it all – just not all at the same time!

 3. Lack of organization, prioritization.

I find this less in my corporate clientele than my entrepreneurs, only because it is tough to wear several hats at once when you are building a business. However, this can also creep up when you are a corporate executive, and it usually occurs when you have just been handed an additional area of responsibility.

If this is you, whether things have just piled up, or whether you have accepted new opportunities, you’ll do best with formulating a 90-day plan of action to help you…

  • Prioritize
  • Identify short- and long-term wins
  • Determine the internal and external connections you need to cultivate in order to best get the work done
  • Establish a process whereby you can stay focused on the top priorities

I’ve helped many clients turn things around with this approach, and besides getting organized, the plan has kept their focus to a level that builds great credibility with others quickly.

And finally (bonus tip), here is the unvarnished truth for you who are eternal optimists:

You are fooling yourself if you use phrases that sound like, “As soon as _______ happens, I will have more time to breathe easier, capture more white space….”

If you find yourself in any of the above descriptions, you can recapture a great deal of focus and lessen your stress by simply being tough enough to create better boundaries for yourself.

It’s not always easy – but the reward is oh, so great.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

Is Your Compassion Hurting You in the Workplace?

By 1 Comment

Is Your Compassion Hurting You in the Workplace?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Is your ability to have compassion for your colleagues hurting you?

Some of you have told me that when you show you care for others in the workplace, you become drained of energy. You discover you are the “go-to” person when problems arise or when people need a shoulder to cry on.

Others have told me it is hard to make tough decisions that could negatively affect others, and still feel compassionate.

If either of these situations hit close to home, don’t blame it on compassion.

Blame it on poor boundaries and a misunderstanding of what compassion really is.

Do you need to stop showing others you care? Not at all.

But when I talk about compassion in the workplace, a lot of people bristle and throw words like “soppy,” and “gutless” around.

“We had a ‘fluffy’ CEO,” said one manager. “Everyone loved him. But he could never make the tough decisions we needed in order to hold people accountable.”

Others roll their eyes and tell me that when they show compassion, an endless stream of needy people line up at the office door for counseling, advice, and a sympathetic ear.

“I’m absolutely spent,” said Jan. “People have so many problems and see me as a mentor. I can be there for them because I listen well and really care about the people here. But it seems like when one problem disappears, another arrives, and they are back at my door the next week with something else.”

However, compassion is anything but gutless or fluffy. And it is not being the “therapist on call.”

True compassion takes great courage to embody – and it’s vital to good leadership.

Compassion means to hold others with positive intent, to feel concern for their well-being.

It does not mean to be on call to fix others’ problems. And it doesn’t mean avoiding making the right decisions even though some may not like how it affects them. It simply means that you need to care about others and hold them in positive light.

So what does compassion really look like in the workplace? And how do you practice it?

Here is a quick checklist for you to sharpen your ability to show compassion and keep healthy boundaries:

1. When others bring you their problems, ask yourself the following:

a. Am I the right person to address this problem?

People may come to you because you have an ability to listen and sift through problems. However, the issue they bring to you might belong in another office. Is the problem of a work nature, and if so, who is the right decision-maker that can help them resolve it? Is the problem of a personal nature, and thus better discussed with those parties directly involved, or with a counselor? Begin to triage in this way so that you can redirect as appropriate.

b. Is the person bringing me the problem asking for help in solving it?

Sometimes, people just want a sympathetic ear. However, if you have someone who continues to come to you about a particular problem because you are good listener, you may want to ask them what they want to do about the situation. People can develop a chronic need for sympathy.

c. And finally, fixing others’ problems for them when they should be stretching their problem-solving skills doesn’t help them to grow.

Allow your employees and colleagues to “adult” by taking a coaching approach. Learn to ask them questions, such as, “How do you feel this should be handled? What possible solutions have you thought about?”

Then, if they are still stumped and you are the appropriate party to help them address the problem, help them to brainstorm with more possibilities, if needed.

2. Holding people accountable is compassionate and, you might say, the ultimate way to love others.

Confronting the tough stuff that holds your employees back will allow them to grow into more of their potential, be a greater contributor to their team, and thus support the enterprise more effectively. And that means that everybody wins.

3. Making tough decisions that may adversely affect some of your employees doesn’t mean you don’t care about them.

It means you ultimately care about everyone. Supporting a healthy enterprise provides good and meaningful work for the people who work there. Pleasing some people to the exclusion of the current and future health of the organization means hurting everyone.

Where in your practice of compassion do you need to recalibrate?

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

The 3 R’s of Stress Reduction

By Leave a Comment

The 3 R’s of Stress Reduction
Image Credit: Shutterstock

According to a Monster.com survey, workplace stress is a real issue. The results indicate 61% of respondents consider workplace stress a cause of illness, and 84% claim it impacts their personal lives in some form or fashion. Perhaps the most alarming statistic was that 66% said those in authority do nothing to help alleviate it.

In fact, those in authority – across several studies – were a major source of the stress.

Stress stems from several factors, and for each, there are internal contributors and external contributors. Here are just a few.

  • Perfection – Perfectionism can be rooted in your own thoughts, insecurities, and unrealistic expectations – or those of your company leaders.
  • Financial Pressures – Internal factors include your mindset around the issue of money (fear of loss or, ironically for some, fear of success), your expectations for how much you need to live the life you desire, and your habits of management. External factors are determined by the mindset, priorities, and practices of company leaders.
  • Conflict – Internal conflict stems from unresolved issues, whether real or perceived. External conflict stems from these same sources – unresolved issues, real or perceived.
  • Loss of Control – It is human nature to desire at least some form of control over ourselves, our circumstances, and our environment. This creates an inherent problem in today’s 24/7 world, where if not kept in check, the demands of work can control all other areas of life.

How can you lessen the stress?

Dr. Henry Cloud said it in one word, “Boundaries.”

Boundaries are important in the workplace – on both sides of the equation. As a leader, you want a workforce of people who are effectively engaged and get results. If your team is on the verge of burnout, your results will be impacted.

As an employee, you want to do your job and do it well, but you also need boundaries to ensure that your life stays well-rounded and that your relationships are healthy.

These guidelines work for both leaders and employees, and for internal and external stress factors.

Apply these 3R’s of Stress Reduction

1. Release

Releasing a situation is letting go of a perceived hurt by another person, a dysfunctional relationship with money, or the mistreatment of our own bodies. Symptoms that indicate the need to release something are things like cardiovascular disease, being in debt, or avoiding places where we might encounter “that other person.” If your situation is something you need to release, it’s time to do so. You are hurting no one but yourself if you continue to carry it.

Release perfection, both in your expectations of yourself and your expectations of employees. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Aim for progress, not perfection.

2. Reconcile

This term can be confusing. Most think it means making up with someone else – shaking hands, forgiving, and forgetting. But oftentimes, it simply means coming to terms with reality and accepting it, which is an agreement with either yourself or with someone else. Dropping the wishing and hoping, and recognizing that things are as they are – and that we have choices to be with those people or things – or not. Reconciliation can occur within us, or relationally.

3. Reframe

In a house, reframing is placing a picture or a door in a new frame so that it hangs right and works well. In the relational world – how you relate to yourself and others – it is changing the way you view and experience events, ideas, concepts, and emotions to find more positive alternatives.

Now that you have these options, where do you start?

Begin by identifying what stories you are carrying with you that need changing.

What’s the source of tension? Is it money? A relationship with someone else? An old hurt of some kind that won’t go away?

Then, ask yourself what needs changing.

Whether or not your point of tension involves another person, you can change the way you interface with your particular situation. You are in charge of whether or not you opt to be in the situation in the first place, and if so, how you want to be involved.

By deciding to take charge and delineate better boundaries for your life, you are on the road to creating a happier and healthier outcome.

The Clockwork of Excellent Leadership:   3 Essential Gears

What makes up excellent leadership? The essential components that go into leadership must all work together, or they begin to wear on one another and bring things to a stop. Learn how to keep them running like clockwork. Sign up to receive the  complimentary infographic.

How Much Do Others Really Trust You?

By Leave a Comment

How Much Do Others Really Trust You?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

How much do others really trust you?

Most people see themselves as rather trustworthy. The problem is that your perception may not be the same as the picture others have of you.

How can you tell if you need to boost your trust factor with others?

Beth was one who excelled in competence – but something in her character kept others from feeling confident in her leadership. They just didn’t trust her.

Sure, she was capable and committed to the company. Her results were hard to beat. But when she was put in charge of a team, her CEO received significant backlash.

“I’m not saying she isn’t a great executive,” said one team member. “But she’s hard to read and she often switches gears in the middle of a project. It’s like fielding flies. How can we work with her if she doesn’t share what she’s thinking? I’m not sure I can trust her.”

What part of trust was lacking in Beth? Transparency – a vital piece to sound leadership character. Where she excelled in performance and results, she lacked the ability to share readily with others. This absence of communication led others to believe that she did not value their participation. In fact, this stemmed from Beth’s fear of being doubted in her decision-making. But that’s another article. The end result for our purposes here was that because Beth did not communicate, people did not trust her. They saw her as competent, but untrustworthy all the same.

Another executive, Jack, connected well with and respected others in all he undertook. It was clear that he held positive intent with all endeavors. This is all part of leadership character.

But Jack’s ability to hold himself and others accountable – a part of leadership competence – was woefully inadequate. As a result, Jack’s performance and that of his team was hit and miss. Because he found it difficult to stick with a plan and hold others to it, he missed several good opportunities for promotion.

You’ll see in the list below that there are indeed two vital parts to trust:

  • Affective trust – the emotional part of trust. How well are you able to create mutually-based concern for and with others? How well do you create bonds with others that feel solid and authentic? We call things relating to this part of creating trust your leadership character.
  • Cognitive trust – the rational part of trust that causes others to feel you are reliable, dependable, competent. We call things relating to this part of creating trust your leadership competence.

As you review this list, what do you celebrate about your own leadership? Where are your growing edges?

And would others say the same?

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

Beware of Hubris Syndrome

By Leave a Comment

Beware of Hubris Syndrome
Image Credit: Shutterstock

You have a successful track record. Your company is doing well. But over a period of time, you have lost touch with your employees.

In fact, when you aren’t in the room, they may describe you as “calloused” or uncaring.

But they don’t know what it takes to run a business. You can’t always stop to be warm and fuzzy with everyone.

Is that true?

Not necessarily.

You may be suffering from the beginnings of hubris syndrome.

Neuroscientist Sukhvinder Obhi has found that power damages our mirror-neurological activity — the neurological function that indicates the ability to understand and associate with others.

“David Owen, a British physician and parliamentarian, has dubbed this phenomenon hubris syndrome. He defines this as a ‘disorder of the possession of power, particularly power which has been associated with overwhelming success, held for a period of years.’” (Hougaard, et al).

Are some people just born with an inability to handle power?

Or is a hardened profile required to rise to – and stay at the top?

Hubris syndrome is actually an acquired personality change in people who assume positions of power. There are a few key symptoms that indicate one is suffering from this, and one particularly dark side to it is an inability to have compassion for other people. This can lead to devastating effects, and we’ve all witnessed this. Martin Winterkorn and the Volkswagen scandal. Martin Shkreli of Turing Pharmaceuticals. Hisao Tanaka of Toshiba.

These business leaders are among those who, over time, developed a greed and lust for more power. This caused them to lose their ability to feel compassion for others.

And the results were disastrous.

You are probably saying that you could never turn into a Winterkorn or Shkreli. And hopefully, you are right. However, if you have been in a position of power for some time, you will want to check on your ability to feel and exercise compassion.

Compassion moves beyond empathy, which is the ability to read and feel the emotions of others.

Compassion is a proactive commitment to contribute to the happiness and well-being of others. It’s an intentional attitude that, through regular practice, can be strengthened and become the hallmark of your leadership.

Here are some first steps to begin cultivating your compassion:

1. Seek to support others in your connections.

Each time you interact with others, begin by asking yourself, “How can I be of benefit to this person?” This turns your focus outward and strengthens your intentional commitment to their happiness.

2. Identify a family member who could use some support, or someone in your work who is a difficult personality.

Meditate on that person and send caring thoughts about their well-being. A common intention that people hold for this particular exercise is to repeat the statement, “May you be free from suffering. May you have joy and ease.”

3. Exercise compassion for yourself.

Where are you lacking compassion for yourself? Identify where you might be holding yourself to an impossible standard, or figuratively beating yourself up for past mistakes. Forgive yourself and move forward. Unless we can forgive our own errors, we cannot really do so for others.

You will notice as you begin an intentional compassion practice that your sense of purpose and contribution begin to grow alongside. And, funny thing, others respond well to practiced compassion. Your employees will begin to feel recognized and valued. Trust grows. And in turn, engagement, morale, and all the things that you need in order to sustain your business.

This creates a win-win situation.

(Reference: Hougaard, Rasmus; Jacqueline Carter and Louise Chester. Power Can Corrupt Leaders. Compassion Can Save Them. Harvard Business Review, 2/15/2018.)

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC