What is the one thing holding you back from that next level of success? Perhaps you have noticed that your verve and inspiration at work have dulled. Or procrastination stands between you and fulfillment. Each of us has experienced “that one thing” that keeps us from advancing, whether we have noticed it ourselves, or it has been painfully pointed out to You may have tried to remove this personal roadblock by attempting to eliminate the behaviors or habits that keep it in place. If you struggle with this and find it difficult, you are not alone. In fact, a recent medical study showed that when heart patients were told they would literally die unless they modified specific dietary and health habits, only one out of seven was able to make the necessary adjustments to
continue living (Kegan, Lahey, p. 1). Astonishing. The other patients surely wanted to live as well—so, what happened? Change is challenging. And, if people find it hard when faced with a life-threatening situation, what are the chances for those of us who look to make smaller, but significant
changes for personal or professional improvement? And what is behind this difficulty?
The answer lies within our immunity to change. Immune systems are meant to protect and to
maintain health. Just like physical immune systems,
the immunity to change strengthens over time with exposure to those situations and elements that might
otherwise harm us. Protection from harm is a good thing, isn’t it? Of course! But the behaviors and habits we develop in response to these perceived harms are resilient, even if they are no longer relevant. Here is an example:
Sandy wanted to be a better listener. She had received feedback that people felt discounted when in her presence. “You cut in on top of us,” Larry complained. “It’s as if you don’t care what the rest of us think.” In fact, Sandy cared a great deal about her team members. After Larry shared his feelings with her, she decided she would simply listen more
carefully when others were speaking. But despite her best efforts, Sandy continued to interrupt and to aggravate. She then discovered that she was not invited to a meeting to plan the annual staff retreat. Clearly, she needed to make a change. How would
she do this?
Overcoming immunity to change requires recognizing thwarting behaviors, and discovering what is behind them, so that we can move them out of the way. In Sandy’s case, she noticed that she often cut people off in mid-sentence to share her own point of view. Upon closer self-examination, she realized an
anxiety when others were sharing. “I want to jump in
to let them know I understand what they are talking
about,” she said. Exploring
at a deeper level, Sandy uncovered that she had a need for others to know that she was knowledgeable. “If I am not,” she said, “They may think I am not a ‘valid entity.’ I enjoy my work and I don’t want to lose my job.” This was what was behind Sandy’s perceived lack of listening. Her hidden competing commitment was to be considered a “valid entity” and retain her job.
Once Sandy examined the behaviors competing
with her desire to listen better, she saw that her own fear of being discounted was at fault—and
faulty. She reminded herself of her past and present excellent contributions to the office, and the positive feedback she received from her boss regarding her work during her last employee evaluations. This “reality check” served to confirm that she would not lose credibility if she allowed others to share their own ideas freely. In fact, as she practiced listening, she noticed that others began to ask for her opinions.
Simple? Yes. Easy? No. It required some risk-taking on her part, and some readjusting, but she was up for
the challenge. And the rewards were great.
What is standing in your way of that next level of success? And what rewards might you reap by making that one change?
Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.
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