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The Neuroscience of Leadership: The Power of Emotional Agility

May 7, 2024 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

The Neuroscience of Leadership: The Power of Emotional Agility
Image Credit: Depositphotos

As you navigate the intricate paths of leadership, it is important to note that cognitive agility is indispensable (see previous article). This ability to flex deftly with thinking allows leaders to pivot swiftly, grasp complexities, and address challenges with creativity and insight.

However, without its strategic partner, emotional agility, even the sharpest cognitive dexterity can falter, leading to poor decision-making, strained team relationships, and a lack of vision.

Imagine a pilot flying a plane with only one working engine. The aircraft might still stay airborne for a while, but the lack of full power severely limits its maneuverability and ability to reach its destination safely. Moreover, reaching the intended destination is now at significant risk – and the mental and emotional exertion required of the pilot to attempt a safe landing anywhere is substantial.

In the same way, cognitive and emotional capacity are like the two engines a leader needs to navigate challenges effectively. Without both engines functioning, the journey becomes much riskier.

What is emotional agility?

Quite simply, it’s the ability to remain adaptable in our thoughts and emotions, allowing us to respond effectively to daily situations. It acknowledges that we all experience a wide range of emotions, whether positive, negative, or neutral, which is a natural part of life. Being emotionally agile means approaching these emotions with a light touch and viewing them not as commands but as information to guide us in making choices aligned with our values.

Why is this important?

Emotionally dysregulated leaders can find themselves making decisions based on impulsive reactions rather than rational thinking. When emotions govern our actions without the filter of reason, mistakes are often the result. This can lead to hasty decisions that lack foresight and planning, affecting not only the leader but the entire team and organization. Teams led by emotionally reactive leaders often experience low morale, high turnover, and a toxic culture, as negative emotions ripple through the workplace.

Without emotional agility, leaders are also prone to confirmation bias, seeking information that supports their feelings and dismissing contradictory evidence. This can lead to poor strategic choices that ignore potential risks and miss opportunities.

In the end, cognitive agility alone can’t save a leader from the pitfalls of unchecked emotions.

An Example

I was once contacted by an executive we will call Sarah Thompson (this name is fictitious, as well as the name of the company and the industry, to protect confidentiality). Sarah, a seasoned executive, was at the helm of her family’s food business, Thompson Foods. Having grown from a modest local bakery to a multinational corporation, the business carried a rich legacy.

However, in recent years, it faced increasing competition, shifting consumer preferences, and internal conflicts. As CEO, Sarah was renowned for her cognitive agility, known for crafting innovative strategies and adeptly maneuvering the business through challenging waters.

Despite her strengths, however, Sarah struggled with emotional regulation. She often found herself overwhelmed by the weight of expectations, leading to emotional outbursts in meetings and critical conversations. Her mood swings left her team wary and hesitant to share insights. They feared triggering her wrath or disapproval.

Decisions made in haste and under stress became the norm, which led to a series of poorly executed product launches and growing frustration among senior executives. The morale at Thompson Foods dipped, and key members began considering their exit.

Recognizing the growing toll Sarah’s emotional volatility was taking on the organization, she reached out to me for guidance. In our initial assessment, we identified several patterns contributing to her challenges. Her inability to recognize emotional triggers and understand how they influenced her decisions was a key issue. She lacked tools to manage stress effectively, which escalated tensions in high-stakes situations.

Our work began with cultivating self-awareness.

  • Through structured exercises and reflective journaling, Sarah started to identify her triggers, like criticism from peers or unmet expectations.
  • We practiced mindfulness techniques to help her pause before reacting impulsively, allowing her to assess situations with a clear mind.
  • Over time, she learned cognitive reframing, which helped her view challenges from a constructive perspective, easing her sense of pressure.

Another significant aspect of our work was fostering empathy. I guided Sarah in improving her listening skills to better understand her team’s perspectives. Through role-playing exercises, she learned to respond calmly and constructively to differing opinions, helping to diffuse tension and build trust.

After several months of dedicated effort, Sarah exhibited remarkable transformation.

  • In meetings, she maintained composure, even when faced with challenging questions or disagreements.
  • This shift in demeanor encouraged her team to open up, share ideas, and collaborate more effectively.
  • Decision-making processes became more inclusive, leading to well-rounded strategies that harnessed the collective intelligence of the team.

Sarah’s newfound emotional agility had a ripple effect throughout the organization. Employee morale improved, and the rate of attrition slowed as trust was restored. Senior executives who had considered leaving decided to stay, invigorated by the positive changes in leadership. I received a note of thanks from one of her senior executives:

“It’s like night and day, here. I feel heard, respected, and I’m able to contribute.

What a difference! Thank you!” – PB

Thompson Foods soon regained its competitive edge, launching successful products that resonated with consumers and this brought the business back on track.

Sarah’s transformation into an emotionally agile leader not only saved the company from potential turmoil but also ushered in a new era of collaboration, innovation, and sustainable growth. The journey highlighted the profound impact of emotional agility in leadership, illustrating that leading with both the mind and heart can change the course of an entire organization.

Where do you need more emotional agility?

  • Are you able to harness the power of your emotions, allowing you to make sound decisions even in stressful situations? Mastering this enables you to stay in control of your executive function which is the part of your brain (your frontal lobe) that supports strategy, analytical skills, creativity and innovation, the ability to manage yourself well, and more.
  • Can you remain calm and collected, even in the face of adversity? This ability to manage emotions supports clear communication, better negotiation skills, and the ability to inspire confidence in others. It’s the foundation of safety and trust, fostering collaboration and innovation.
  • Are you able to be empathetic, recognizing the emotions and perspectives of your team? This allows you to navigate interpersonal conflicts deftly, build strong relationships, and motivate your team more effectively.

Developing emotional agility is a lifelong process. By committing to nourishing this within your leadership, you will enhance your cognitive agility, becoming more effective in decision-making, fostering healthier team dynamics, and building resilient organizations that thrive in any environment.


© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

What Does Compassionate Leadership Look Like in a Crisis?

April 29, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

What Does Compassionate Leadership Look Like in a Crisis?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Making decisions in a crisis may feel like one arm is tied behind your back. Whether you head one direction or another, the anticipated results are full of challenges.

Compassion is key to moving your people forward and promoting organizational health.

What does it look like when you don’t have all the answers?

I help leaders to lead change. Most typically, leaders call me when they are ready to grow, develop new leadership talent for succession, expand into new markets, or transition through a merger or acquisition. Leading and managing at such critical change points can make or break an organization.

COVID-19, however, is one of those change points that takes us by surprise and has turned the business landscape upside down. Such a cataclysmic event requires all the fortitude, competency, and character of a leader to move through such devastation.

At such a time as this, compassion rises up to be most important.

Compassion is perhaps the most misunderstood characteristic of leading from the heart. Many interpret this to be “touchy-feely,” or devoid of backbone. Yet, compassion is perhaps the strongest trait that a leader can embody.

What does compassion look like in a crisis?

Following are three conversations I have had with leaders in the past few weeks. I’ve protected their identity through slight changes in the profiles.

  1. Containment is more important than reinforcing vision.

“Our people seem to be doing pretty well,” said the CEO. “They are adjusting to working from home and finding creative ways to connect with each other during the pandemic.”

“Well, you can thank yourself and the leadership team for that,” I replied. “I just talked with one of your directors who said you all have made a great difference. He said your president assured everyone that the company was on solid ground. You have been sending personal notes of acknowledgment and encouragement. Your entire team has expanded the “open door” policy to holding virtual “kitchen time” hours so that people to drop in and say hello to you.

“What you are doing is containing or ‘holding,’” I said. “Containing people’s emotions and showing them that you are shouldering with them is key to helping them move forward together. On the other hand, some of your peers are not doing this.”

“What’s happening there?” the CEO inquired.

“We are sadly seeing a lot of anxiety and fragmentation,” I answered. “It turns out that painting a brighter future isn’t effective when your people don’t feel held with empathy and compassion in the moment.”

  1. Asking questions before making judgments yields better results.

“I’m frustrated,” said the president of another company. “We could move a lot faster, but I’m finding people are not performing the way they could. Granted, we are in strange circumstances, but I’m not getting results.”

“Let’s get one of your managers on the phone with us,” I suggested. “You and she have always been able to troubleshoot together, and I’m sensing we need to dive deeper here.”

A 20-minute 3-way call proved to be revealing. After probing deeper in a couple of key areas, we discovered that although the company’s systems supported this crisis environment, protocols and processes had not been ironed out. Conflict was on the rise, and as a result, productivity was very low. The president called an emergency executive team meeting to help troubleshoot this. Two weeks later, productivity has risen quickly even though people are still working from home.

I debriefed last week with the president. “So, what lessons are you learning from your COVID experience?” I asked.

“Well, Patti, I’m learning that I should ask more questions before I make judgments,” the president answered. “I can’t believe I didn’t dive into the productivity challenge more deeply before talking with you.”

“We most often revert to ‘fire-fighting mode’ when crisis hits,” I said. “And leaders and their teams sometimes have to put out big fires quickly, so let yourself off the hook here. But asking questions before judging is key. Great learning.”

  1. Making business decisions that support the company will best support its people.

Emotions and tensions are high. Executive team members have been working around the clock to cut costs as they incur big losses. Part of the emergency measures can involve layoffs and furloughs, and this is always devastating. Each life involved has a family and livelihood tied to it. And it is in this kind of scenario where compassion may look like ruthlessness.

“The executive team decided 5 week ago that we need to lay off 50 employees,” the CMO shared. “We have cut the budget by 40% and need to cut more in order for the business to stay afloat. We’ve even taken pay cuts at the executive level. But we are going to have to eliminate positions or keep ourselves in extreme jeopardy.”

“I’m so sorry to hear this,” I responded. “Layoffs are always so very sad. But what’s holding you back? It’s been 5 weeks since you made the decision. We are in tough times right now.”

“Truthfully, some of us just can’t face laying off our people,” the CMO answered. “We keep hoping an alternative will emerge.”

“Sounds tough,” I agreed. “But you know a miracle isn’t going to pop up. Allow me to help you reframe this. If you don’t effectuate the layoffs, it will hurt the company. If the company is in jeopardy because you aren’t making the cuts, then this places the rest of your employee base at risk. Right?”

“I guess so,” the CMO said. “Yes, you are right. If we don’t make these cuts, there will be no jobs for anyone.”

“Exactly,” I said. “Deferring to the business case, as strange as it sounds, is the highest expression of compassion. Making emotional decisions for a few at the expense of many is unwittingly destructive.”

“It helps to process with you,” the CMO said. “It’s still hard.”

“Yes, it’s still really hard,” I answered. “I’m sorry you and the team are having to do this. Just keep in front of you the people you are helping to keep afloat by supporting the solvency of the business. It doesn’t fix that hard situations often call for tough choices.”

Exercising compassion in your leadership when facing crisis isn’t always easily detected to the outsider.

In fact, it can seem quite the opposite. It can give the idea to some observing that you aren’t coming up with quick answers when in fact, you are allaying the fears and concerns that otherwise keep your people paralyzed. It can seem to those not involved that you aren’t taking quick action when you are simply asking critical questions first in order to make best decisions. It may even appear ruthless to some when you are really supporting the fate of many.

It is now that the courage to exercise strong compassion is paramount.

“A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others. He does not set out to be a leader, but becomes one by the equality of his actions and the integrity of his intent.” — Douglas MacArthur

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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Strengthening Culture with a Remote Workforce

April 22, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Strengthening Culture with a Remote Workforce
Image Credit: Shutterstock

How do you retain your company culture when you have a remote workforce?

Retaining who you are and what is important to you as a company is more challenging when you aren’t in the same physical space on a regular basis.

Yet, many companies with international teams and other remote situations have been successfully enjoying solid culture throughout their organizations for years.

How do they do it?

Intentionality.

The best companies know that culture is what makes or breaks them. Culture defines who you are as a company – your corporate identity. It sets the standard and tone for the way your workforce works together. It’s what gives people a shared identity – team, a sense of belonging. And it’s the glue that holds people together when the going gets tough.

But when people aren’t in the same physical environment on a daily basis, adopting and sharing the same tone and standards in thoughts, behaviors and actions can be challenging.

A remote or hybrid environment calls for being more “on purpose.” And this is not a bad thing. Many companies have lost their culture because they have simply taken it for granted. Setting intentionality is what will revive this, whether there is a remote component to your workforce or not.

Here are some things to consider as you seek to reinforce culture with a remote workforce.

1. Add virtual ways to share the company story and tell it often.

As you revisit your values, norms, and priorities in light of considering a remote and hybrid workforce, realize that the way you do things may change, but it doesn’t change who you are and what you stand for. At the same time, you will want to seek to make your company story memorable in creative ways more frequently and in different ways to emphasize identity. Look for seminal touchpoints to share this, such as announcing company-wide changes, annual meetings, company marketing collateral, and key celebrations. Include virtual ways to strengthen this, such as online meetings, video interviews and story markers in communications and at the bottom of email messaging, shared drives, and chat mechanisms.

2. Define what it means to live company values.

Most companies outline their values, but they do not take the time to define what these look like in action. For example, if one of your company core values is creativity, what should that look like in behaviors, actions, work, relationships, outcomes, etc.? You and your executive team should be firm on what all of your core values look like in action. Further, take the time to discuss what these might mean and how they might show up in a virtual or remote setting. Test these thoughts with your employees for feedback and buy-in – this is key. Then decide how you can weave this into your communications, your meetings and other touchpoints, and how to integrate this into your performance standards.

3. Communicate with greater intention.

This means not only increasing your communication, but heightening the way that you connect, such as using video when touching base virtually. Be sure that you set expectations around your communication methods and protocols so that this becomes part of your shared “way of operating.” Place greater emphasis on culture during your onboarding of new employees and leave time for discussion around this. Consider building in an accountability component for the direct supervisor of a new employee, ensuring that they have discussions around what your cultural markers are and how they show up in and at work. Devote intentional time for listening to the employees as well, especially in virtual meetings. Take the pulse on what their challenges are, what they are learning, and opportunities they see for improvements and working better together.

4. Reinforce the importance of each employee’s part in the company community.

Help your employees feel known and part of the team and help them to see how they fit into the bigger picture. Systematize some teambuilding exercises that help everyone to get to know them personally and vice versa, and that identify gifts each brings to the table for greater outcomes. A sense of inclusion and contribution is paramount. Be sure to capitalize on ways to recognize employees in both face-to-face and virtual settings for visibility, appreciation, and teambuilding. Consider cross-training or mentoring with different people to get to know others more rapidly across teams.

In your planning and process to define, strengthen and reinforce culture, please also remember that including your workforce in discussions at key points in various ways will pay great benefits. Allowing the entire employee base to give input means that they will also feel ownership and responsibility for the outcomes.


© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Do You Have a People Pleaser on the Executive Team?

March 11, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Do You Have a People Pleaser on the Executive Team?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Do you have a people pleaser on the executive team? Someone who might change opinions depending on which way the wind blows?

If so, you have a major trust leak in the team.

How can you tell if you have a people pleaser? And what can you do if you identify one?

Your people pleaser means well. In fact, this is his or her main driving force in life. But because they are busy making sure they fit in, people pleasers can’t support a particular idea or direction with integrity.

Sandy was a newly appointed executive in a large software tech company. One of the chief reasons she had interviewed well was that she exhibited a great deal of empathy.

“We needed more empathy on the executive team,” said Anna, the CEO. “In our world, tech can tend to come before people, and we were making an effort to infuse leadership with more human connection and understanding.”

“You are right to keep that in mind,” I answered. “We are losing human connection in the workplace. And empathy as one of the emotional intelligence traits is key in leadership.”

“She also brought a wealth of technical knowledge, so I felt it was a great combo,” Anna continued. “But I’m noticing that she can’t tether to a decision she makes. And she actually looks at other people to see what they are going to say before she offers an opinion.”

“This is serious,” I said. “It sounds like you have someone on the team who is stuck in what we call ‘the socialized mind.’”

“Well, whatever you call it, the team has started to distrust her. They don’t know how to take what she says or presents with any kind of certainty. She pretends to agree with everyone and seems to try to act like the people around her. A real chameleon. And she is constantly asking for feedback – seems to need praise to feel good. It’s exhausting.”

“Those are hallmarks of a socialized mind,” I responded. “This means she relies on the external world to tell her who she is and what value she brings.”

“It’s just not working,” Anna said. “I need someone who can contribute by bringing her own perspective and expertise to the mix. Someone who isn’t afraid to counter an opinion, but who can also negotiate to a great solution. When I tried to talk with her about this the other day, she just kept apologizing and started crying. I need your help.”

I met with Sandy, who was, of course, eager to please. It was clear she needed to show me that she understood and agreed with me, no matter what I shared. Not surprising, as we are all creatures of comfort who need to feel that we are accepted and safe. We took some time to become acquainted so that I could develop trust with her. I asked her what she felt was the challenge from her perspective.

“I just want to do the right thing,” she said. “Hearing what is needed is important to me. And I want to make sure I align with others’ thinking so I get it right.”

This showed me clearly that she was ready for growth. There were several things we did over the course of eight months that helped Sandy move from this people-pleasing state to one that was more tethered to her values and beliefs, even in the face of conflict.

A first phase in coaching Sandy was to help her recognize where she was trying to please others instead of standing true to herself as she negotiated solutions with the team. We began by doing some personal values work to solidify her sense of self and to use as a litmus when forming opinions.

At the same time, we identified her fears around carrying different opinions than her team members and tested out of this mindset trap in small ways so that she could become accustomed to disagreeing with others as it felt comfortable.

As her confidence grew, we explored key issues in her company and identifying multiple perspectives on how to solve these. Becoming comfortable with the complex and various ways to resolve such can be threatening to someone who needs to be right in others’ eyes. Working with real-time challenges with which she was familiar helped her to become more comfortable with weighing various options and seeing that more than one might be right.

Later, developing Sandy’s comfort and lens on seeing things as systems was important. The world is complex, and this can be overwhelming for anyone. A person of socialized mind can feel threatened by such complexity. Learning to first see complexity as a system and to become comfortable with the pieces in order to make decisions is key for today’s leadership.

Sandy’s team members rallied, seeing integrity in how she showed up and contributed. She felt the positive results and worked on developing closer relationships with each to strengthen her credibility.

The end result of our coaching? Sandy became a trusted contributor at the leadership level and the company benefited greatly, as well.

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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Can You Be Angry and Still Lead Well?

January 15, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Can You Be Angry and Still Lead Well?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Can you lead well when you feel angry?

A corporate executive described himself as “useless” when he experienced upset.

When he felt angry, he found it difficult to make simple decisions and get regular work done.

Both his team and his family agreed that something needed to change.

The leader’s inability to manage his anger crippled his business, as decision-making and execution are critical to outcomes.

“How do you deal with anger and still lead well?”

That’s the question he asked when he first called for help.

“I’m in the middle of an expansion, Patti. Operating at my best is critical. How do I work around this thing?”

I responded, “You can’t work around it. In fact, the key idea here is to manage your emotions well. When you learn to do this, your decision-making and your ability to get work done will be much stronger than it ever has been.”

“I’m listening,” he said. “But it doesn’t sit well with me. When I am upset, I shut down. I actually feel numb, and it’s hard to think at all.”

He and I met to continue our conversation. He described himself as steady, even keeled in most all situations, and one who shied away from confrontations.

“I’m really pretty easy to get along with,” he said. “But I admit to having some hot buttons. It really gets me going when people are unreliable or untrustworthy. But that’s pretty normal, right?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “Those are some of my hot buttons, as well. How do you handle it when these things come up?”

“That’s where it gets difficult,” he explained. “I tend to stuff my irritation and ignore the problem. You can guess how that winds up. In fact, I hate to tell on myself, but I’ve allowed some pretty bad behavior on my team. As it worsens, I get angry. And then I just withdraw and shut down. When I’m hot under the collar, I can’t think. And then, with this expansion, I need everyone to just get on board and stop the nonsense. But they don’t. And that makes me angrier. And at a certain point, when my blood pressure can’t take it anymore, I simply numb out.”

“What’s worse is that when I go home, I think I can switch gears and shut the office out of my head. But my wife says this definitely doesn’t work. She says I don’t connect with the family – no conversation, just a low-hum heavy feeling in the air. I told her I was meeting with you to help me deal with this. She says to thank you in advance on behalf of the entire family. I had no idea it was affecting things that much.”

“So, here’s what I’m hearing,” I said. “You’ve just outlined what may be the chief reason for your company’s productivity loss, your executive team’s in-fighting, your lost deadlines holding back expansion – and your family life at home. That’s huge. You need more emotional agility, and you need it quickly.

“Emotional agility is the ability to navigate challenges by managing your inner game – your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.”

He stared at me with his mouth open. “I’ll do just about anything. I am seeing damage all around me from this. How do I turn this around? How do I get more emotional agility so that I can get things back on track?”

Over the next few months, he and I worked together on making friends with anger.

It sounds odd, but it isn’t. Emotions are powerful, and most of us simply don’t know how to harness this power. Emotions are simply a signal that alerts us when something affects us or our experience. Paying attention to these signals can sharpen our critical thinking and our execution.

But creating awareness around the emotions we are feeling and making friends with them as mere signals is just the first step.

The next step is crucial – managing your emotions.

And this step was indeed more challenging. Once he recognized that anger would help alert him to pay attention to something, he then needed to decide how to address the situation that was causing it.

As he and I identified biggest potential wins through managing his anger, confrontation was first. There was a key area within the executive team that had been left to fester.

He had to decide what he would expect of the two execs causing the trouble, to share it with them, and then to stand by this to enforce accountability.

Then, he needed to recognize how to make decisions, even in a “hot state.”

This meant recognizing and validating the emotion so that he could self-regulate (simmer down) and make decisions based on his values and not be driven by emotion.

Over the following months, the business began to respond positively at both individual and team levels, and the culture shift had significant impact on the company’s ability to expand and do it well.

He single-handedly turned the business around by managing his own leadership.

In confronting his own growth area, he created impact throughout the organization.

What one thing in your leadership could make a critical impact to your business or area of responsibility?


© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

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