Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

vision

Three Steps Necessary to Success

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Three Steps Necessary to Success
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Most of my work is helping executives and their teams make the shifts they need to make in order to successfully meet bigger goals. It is no easy task. Getting a group of people on the same page to make change sometimes means overcoming several personal agendas before the team can agree to shared goals.

Therein lies the challenge!

Making a change, whether individually or in a group, requires more than commitment to a goal and just “going for it.”

A study conducted at a nationally recognized health clinic revealed that only one in seven people will make the changes they know will make a difference to their quality of life or life itself. This has little to do with commitment and everything to do with the personal ability to make the leap necessary to succeed.

Making change means overcoming deeply engrained habits that feed emotional needs.

Such a shift requires that

  1. You are energetically committed to your goal.
  2. Your plan has the right steps to help you move forward.
  3. You have the right kind of support.

Goal

Let’s say you want to become a better listener, and this is the goal you set.

These would be the requirements.

1. Commitment

First, you would need to assess your commitment to becoming a better listener. On a scale of one to five, do you rate your desire at a four or above?

If not, you will not succeed in your efforts.

If you find you are lukewarm about a goal, your energy around change will not be enough to help make the change. Perhaps a coworker or family member is after you to make this shift, or it just sounds good to be a better listener. But this is not enough. The goal you set must reflect your agenda, and it must be a strong priority for you.

2. Micro Shifts

Second, your plan must reflect micro shifts toward the goal. Too often, the gap between a vision and where one currently is leaves too vast a gap in order to move forward. In other words, we may have a clear picture of what success looks like, and a good understanding of the gap between where we are and where we want to be. We may even have incremental milestones we want to reach that will tell us that our efforts are succeeding. But these are not yet adequate for a sound plan.

A change journey must be broken down into bite-sized moves forward so the brain recognizes success and is encouraged to keep going. In the example of wanting to be a better listener, it may be too big a jump for you at first to leave your personal agenda aside when listening to others.

Perhaps a first micro shift would be to pause five seconds after the other person finishes talking before you jump in.

Or maybe you decide that you must ask one question about what they are saying before assuming you know what they are talking about.

Bite-sized pieces allow you to feel that you are succeeding, and it is a carrot to the brain to move forward instead of retreating to comfortable old habits.

3. Support

Finally, the right kind of support is needed in order to feel one is reaching success. This can come in many forms. You can hire a coach, and/or ask two or three trusted friends or colleagues to encourage and hold you accountable. For some, it is enough to surround yourself with positive people who believe in you and your efforts. Whatever means of support you seek; you must make sure you remove negative roadblocks in the form of people who don’t want you to change.

This may sound odd. However, we are all creatures of habit, and if someone in our circle begins to behave differently, we will subconsciously feel the difference and attempt to calm the disruption. So be careful of those in your circle of influence who may subtly attempt to sabotage your efforts.

In the example of becoming a better listener, you may have someone who makes fun of you wanting to change. Or they may be someone who possesses a closed mindset, and this is reflected in something like, “Oh, give it up. You can’t teach an old dog new tricks.” Be careful of these underground currents that can push you back, and avoid or eliminate them.

If you will give careful thought to these three steps, you can reach goals you never thought possible. Every time you replace a poor habit with a better one, or you shift a behavior that allows you to operate at a higher capacity, this elevates you to a new altitude, allowing you to see greater vistas and opportunities that were once not visible to you.

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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Does Your Lack of Authority Make You Anxious?

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Does Your Lack of Authority Make You Anxious?
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Does the thought of using your authority make you anxious?

This can really get in the way of moving the business forward.

Susan was the CEO of a small company, who found it challenging to manage her people with authority. And it was costing her considerably.

I first met Susan at a CEO forum. She was instantly likeable – people flocked around her to laugh and joke with her, and it was clear that she made friends easily.

Later, when she called me to work with her, I found that her employees also enjoyed her humor and engaging manner.

“Susan is a great listening ear,” one of her executives said. “And she’s always good for a lift in spirits.”

“Yes,” I said. “Everyone seems to appreciate her.”

“Appreciate her? Not as a leader. They like her,” the executive responded. “But as a leader, she could do with some spine. She needs to stop letting her executive team push her around.”

Although I didn’t let on, this was exactly why Susan had invited me to meet with her.

“I’m noticing that the executive team is making key decisions without me,” Susan shared later. “And I have to confess that I feel some frustration when we hold our team meetings. I feel like people are riding all over me.”

“What do you think is happening?” I asked.

Susan looked blank. “I’m not sure. But, Patti, I’m scared. How did I get here? Maybe I’m not fit to lead. Can you help?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to attend one of your executive team meetings,” I said. “Perhaps I can glean some insights that might help. Let’s talk afterward.”

When they next met, I was present. Susan introduced me as her new executive leadership coach. “If I expect all of you and the organization to grow, I need to grow first,” she laughed.

The meeting adjourned two hours later, and we met back in her office. I shared what I had observed.

The team was not aligned in any of the discussion, and they fought for personal agendas. Further, when Susan gave a recommendation on an item, two of the other team members argued her down. Finally, one of the team members seemed to dominate the entire meeting with his ideas about how things ought to run. Susan finally sat back and remained silent.

“So, I can see why you are frustrated, Susan,” I said. “It was pretty chaotic in there, and you didn’t move any one of your agenda items forward.”

“Things are just out of control,” she said. “Where do I start?”

“Pretty simple, really,” I responded. “When did you first become uncomfortable with your authority?”

During the rest of our meeting, Susan shared how she transitioned from a competitor to become CEO of her current company. When she first onboarded, the outgoing CEO warned her to play small and allow the team to acclimate to her. It seems one of the executive team members had interviewed for the CEO position and lost. Over the next few months, Susan fell into allowing the team to decide by consensus. She became anxious each time she thought about asserting her authority and backed off.

“I became a fly on the wall and became frozen, Patti,” Susan told me. “I didn’t used to be a highly anxious person. But I am, now. And the stress is overwhelming.”

Susan had taken the path of least resistance, and it had backfired.

  • People on the team started making key decisions without her.
  • She felt she was losing footing.
  • She became vague and unclear whenever she provided direction.
  • Other executives pushed back, and she backed down again.

“The anxiety has become overwhelming,” she told me. ”And I’ll do whatever it takes to remove the stress.”

“Well, get ready for more anxiety, then,” I countered. “But this time, it will be worth it.”

I shared that, whether you make a change or not, when you are not comfortable with where you are (and in Susan’s case, with exerting her authority), you will experience anxiety.

“Right now, you are experiencing chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety comes from putting up with a situation that is stressful rather than taking the painful steps to resolve it. So that’s where you are, because you find yourself frozen and unsure as to how to move out from this space. Yet, should you choose to confront and make the change you need to make, that also creates anxiety. This kind of anxiety is acute. And we don’t like the thought of more anxiety. We put up with the chronic anxiety of inaction, so we don’t have to go through the acute anxiety.”

“That’s sounds crazy,” Susan said.

“It is, in a way,” I said. “Any attempt to change is going to make us feel the disruption of the familiar. A mentor coach of mine once explained it to me with the following example:  chronic anxiety would be if you walked around with a pebble in your shoe and you just kept walking with it because it’s too much effort to take off the shoe. You don’t want to face the challenge. Acute anxiety would be if you are in a 10k race, and you have a pebble in your shoe. You realize that, if you stop to take it out, you will go a lot faster. But you will also lose time. And you will now have to face compensating to win the race. But you choose to do so; and, thus, face the challenge.”

“So, in order to get peace and reclaim my effectiveness, I will need to get off the path of least resistance, and face this. Stand up. Take back my authority.”

“Yes,” I answered. “But it’s easier said than done. There are a lot of people out there who know they need to face change, but they won’t. They need a thought partner to help strategize and implement, someone who can support them through the acute stress. The difference between them and you is that you are willing to take action on those needs.”

“Makes total sense,” said Susan. “When and where do we start?”

Susan and I worked over the next six months to help her reclaim her authority in a respectful, yet firm manner. There were some eruptions along the way, but Susan dealt with them well, which made room for the team to come together and begin to build cohesion and trust.

A year later, she called me.

“You wouldn’t recognize us,” she said. “We are moving forward together on all cylinders. Our conversations are different, and we are getting things done. I’m feeling comfortable leading, and the team is taking great pride in each of their areas of responsibility. Thank you.”

“You did the work, Susan,” I responded. “You decided a bit of acute anxiety was worth the prize. Congratulations!”

Are you identifying with Susan’s dilemma in this story?

  • Where in your own leadership are you feeling chronic anxiety?
  • How much is it costing you, your team, and the company?
  • And the most important question: Are you willing to go through the acute anxiety needed to take back your authority?

—

This article is part of a series of real-life scenarios that leaders face in today’s business world. The names and details are modified to preserve confidentiality and may represent multiple occurrences.

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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Five Hidden Factors Resulting in Meeting Stalemates

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Five Hidden Factors Resulting in Meeting Stalemates
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You’ve reached an impasse in the meeting. Emotions are high.

It’s another stalemate, and this is becoming habit on your team.

Why does this happen? And how do you break through this and reach consensus?

Meeting shutdowns happen for a variety of reasons. And all the tips in the world to facilitate meetings will not work unless you move past the five most common hidden roadblocks that impel people to leave the conversation.

When a meeting stalemates, it is often because team members leave the “window of tolerance,” a term coined by Dan Siegel in his book Mindsight. The window of tolerance is the zone in which people operate optimally, functioning, managing, and thriving. It is the space in which we can do our best critical thinking, exchanging, and considering ideas because when we are in this zone, we are able to use our executive brain – the part of the brain where functions such as creativity, reasoning, critical thinking, and more are centered.

When people leave the window of tolerance, they move to one of two states.

  1. Hyper-arousal

Here, a person will want to fight or flee. They may feel anxious or angry. Emotions run high, and any thinking is based on survival and safety.

  1. Hypo-arousal

Here, a person will shut down, and feel spacey or numb. The body might want to freeze or shut down, and it is difficult to think at all.

How does this work in meetings?

Team members may become heated and even irrational in their attempt to drive home opinions or resist those presented by others. Other team members can shut down and leave the conversation entirely.

When this happens, meeting effectiveness comes to a halt. Most often, the group will decide they need to meet at a later time to revisit the topic. Important decisions are placed on hold. Executives and areas of responsibility are held back. The organization is in limbo.

How do you handle this?

Here are five of the most common inhibitors and some ideas to help the team break through to move forward.

  1. A lack of clarity about the idea or concept presented.

Is the idea or concept being stated clear to others? Has the presenter explained this in a way that everyone understands? If you have a person who cannot state ideas succinctly, this is enough to cause others to discount their message. If you have someone on the team who takes too much space in explaining concepts, here is a “cheat sheet” to help them frame their message in a way that is more concise and convincing.

  1. A lack of understanding as to the business impact or benefits to the organization.

Do people understand how the topic at hand impacts the business? When exploring ideas to support decisions, it is important to connect the dots. How will the idea being presented benefit and impact the organization? What negative realities will need to be dealt with if the overall concept is of value? Asking these questions can help your team think beyond the immediate.

  1. Bias around the message bearer.

It is important for team members to check in on this. We all carry bias. The question is, how do we choose to handle it? Notice if you discount messages coming from any particular team member due to your personal bias about them. How can you give space and compassion to that person and consider the idea they are presenting? This is perhaps the toughest of the five roadblocks, and yet, the most beneficial when we begin to adopt a stance reflecting more empathy and compassion.

  1. Conflict with a personal agenda or conviction.

If a concept is presented that moves counter to the way your own area of responsibility operates, it is enough to cause internal conflict and an aversion to remain open to possibility. Most of us are inclined to respond with statements such as, “Well, that will never work because…” or “We just don’t do things that way…”

Consider replacing these kinds of statements with those such as, “How would that work? What might the benefits be?” This helps you and others stay in the conversation and play with possibilities that could be game changers for your business and the impact it has on the world.

  1. A lack of willingness to embrace change

Change is really tough, and it is not fun. Why? We are creatures of habit and love our comfort zones. Yet, change is when exciting things can happen, and we can take advantage of the opportunity to grow. Check yourself when you feel resistance to change. Recognize where you are in the change cycle on the particular issue being addressed. Then ask yourself what possible benefit you and the organization might enjoy if the change takes place. Awareness around your own resistance and how to manage it if you see benefit are empowering.

Only after these roadblocks have been addressed can you actually move forward to play well as a team and make good decisions together. I challenge you to discuss these factors with your team to begin a new way of approaching and implementing your decision-making together.

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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

How to Prepare for Unexpected Change

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How to Prepare for Unexpected Change
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Change is inevitable. As the world changes, so we must adapt. When you lead, this means change management on a large scale. When you aren’t in charge, it means that you must know what to anticipate so that you can lower your own stress and support your team through the process.

How do you plan for change, even if it’s unexpected?

Understanding the four stages of change will help you to meet it proactively so that you can avoid pitfall and accelerate positive outcomes.

The Change Curve – the Four Stages of Change

The Change Curve is a popular model that explains how organizations and people move through change. It’s helpful to understand so that you can help lead change – whether or not you are in charge. There are many variations of this, but we think that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, well-known for her work on personal transitions with grief and bereavement, was the originator of the concept.

The Change Curve outlines four stages that people experience as they adjust and adapt to change. I’ve placed recommendations behind each of these to share how you can develop a framework for a change plan if and when change must occur.

Stage 1. Shock and Denial.

This is a time to reinforce trust. Keep the vision and mission in front and reinforce stability. Exhibit authenticity through open and timely communication throughout all levels of the business. The communications need to share what the change is, why it is needed, and the benefits to this. Share what you do know and what you don’t know. Built trust through sharing how and when they can anticipate more answers as you know them.

  • When you are in charge, you will want to make sure that these communications are shared in a timely way with your team, and that you allow time for questions and discussion. Be transparent by identifying those answers you don’t have, rather than trying to come up with a slick answer. Keep your door open. Remind them that change is constant, and that you are confident you and the team can work through this.
  • When someone else is in charge, be authentic through asking your questions during the group’s meeting time instead of doing this in corners outside the meeting. This keeps the team intact and allows all to benefit from discussing the topic and learning from it. Decide that you can use this change to showcase your knowledge and skills, and that if some of those are not yet learned, that this is an opportunity to do so.

Stage 2. Reactions and Resistance.

Understand that the threat of change can be real. People will wonder how they need to shift or change their way of working in order to remain effective. And some may even fear losing their position. This is a time when you will want to draw from empathy and compassion as performance may dip temporarily. Put yourself in the shoes of others and be tough on issues, tender on people.

  • When you are in charge, encourage your people by touching base more frequently with them, asking how you can help. Remember that as people struggle to adapt, they may exhibit additional stress in different ways. Stay focused on the issue and not the personality as you manage this.
  • When someone else is in charge, check your attitude. Keep the bigger picture in mind and support your colleagues through positive thoughts and language. If someone appears to have a rough moment or day, ask if you can help, rather than to avoid them.

Stage 3. Turning Point to Acceptance.

Change requires courage and humility. Taking on new ways of operating together, of performing work means making mistakes and pushing through until success is met.

  • When you are in charge, admit that mistakes will be made and that this is a time of learning. Show your courage and humility by sharing a bit of how you are learning as well. Continue to communicate frequently and to acknowledge wins and positive behaviors in the team.
  • When someone else is in charge, recall how you have successfully moved through change in the past and hold realistic expectations for your learning. Ask your leader how you are doing and check in as you need to in order to get a pulse on anything you need to do differently at this stage.

Stage 4. Embracing and Managing Change.

Motivation is key here (and of course, it is key all through the four stages!). Acknowledging wins and linking these wins to results needs to be stressed. As people master new ways of doing and operating individually and together, these culture shifts in mindset and behaviors can falter under stress. Sharing incremental wins and the results they engender is key.

  • When you are in charge, recognition is key here. Any incremental wins, results, in behaviors such as heightened teamwork, performance, mastery of a skill or effective problem-solving is fair game for celebration. Share these celebrations with your team as a way to motivate them and move them forward.
  • When someone else is in charge, pat yourself on the back as you master a step in a new process or way of doing. As you notice the positive aspects of working together on projects or initiatives, recognize this and acknowledge it to those involved. Celebrate to reinforce and motivate yourself and others.

Change can be challenging, but change can be exciting.  It’s an opportunity to learn, grow, and to celebrate this. It can provide career opportunities, help the business to make greater impact on community and society. Making change should always mean making things better. Approaching this in a proactive way is always much more rewarding.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Five Ways to Sound More Strategic

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Five Ways to Sound More Strategic
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Is your strategy showing? You may be a knowledge expert with a strong leadership lens, but unless others can see it through the way that you present your ideas, they may discount your expertise.

How can you showcase your ability to be strategic, so others take you more seriously?

1. Lead with the end in mind.

Give the answer first, and then back this up by bulleting your main points before you go into details. This is a strong way to begin your delivery and helps listeners remain focused as they know what to anticipate.

Here is an example:

The Answer: “We will be expanding into Texas, Georgia, and Virginia.”

Bullet Points: The three reasons we have decided to do this are:

    1. The cost of doing business;
    2. Available workforce; and
    3. A solid economy.

The Details: Here’s why…(go into each one of your points to expand as much as you need to provide backup with evidence while keeping it succinct).

2. Eliminate distractors.

Rambling and awkward fillers such as “um” and “uh” give the perception of searching for answers and weaken your message and credibility.

Record yourself with your phone a few times to identify what fillers you might inadvertently be using.

    • Do you repeat yourself in an attempt to convince?
    • Do you ramble with tactics instead of remaining linked to the broader context?

Redirect as you relax in the knowledge that others will ask questions if they need clarification.

3. Link your ideas to broader goals.

Whenever you can, refer to the broader strategic goal that your idea supports. Demonstrating that you keep the organization’s goals and the broader picture in mind when considering problems reminds others that you are a leader.

4. Play the devil’s advocate.

Show that you consider multiple perspectives as you make decisions and move through creative problem-solving. This can be done by referring to other possible solutions you considered before arriving at your conclusion. Share with the listeners how these other approaches worked (or didn’t!), and why you feel your solution is best. Others will see that you followed a carefully researched and open-minded approach to the problem, and this builds trust.

Jumpstart Company Performance with Trust

5. Back up your idea with the business impact.

Identify the ways in which your idea or solution will have a positive impact on the business. If you can show this, and line it up with larger goals (more revenue, shorter product cycles, etc.), you will gain credibility quickly.

Translating your strategic thoughts into words will take practice, but the outcome is well worthwhile. If you want others to recognize your strategic abilities, show them the depth and breadth of your thinking as you speak.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.