Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

values

Building Influence – Making Emotional Connections

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Building Influence – Making Emotional Connections
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Have you ever been in a situation where you wish you had greater persuasive powers?

A situation on a flight reminded me about some of the critical steps we need to take to enjoy more influence with others.

I took an early plane to the Northwest to spend time with family on the Puget Sound. Looking forward to a quiet flight, I encountered, instead, two co-workers across the aisle who were in a heated exchange.

One gentleman, Frank, was insistent that the other “take a look at the numbers – the numbers speak for themselves!” But this was not having the desired effect on his seatmate, who sounded frazzled.

“How do I get through to you, John?” Frank finally blurted out. “It’s like talking to a brick wall!”

Have you ever felt like you were talking to a brick wall?

How do you begin to get through?

As it happens, Frank didn’t have a chance.

In fact, John turned to him and said, “Your conversation is wearing me out, Frank. I can’t listen anymore. End of story.”

I wish I could have taken Frank aside, and said this:

Frank, here’s where you could have turned this around.

You should have made an emotional connection with John to tip the scales.

Get the dopamine flowing.

Making an emotional connection is the conduit of “warm and fuzzy.” This helps people feel good and predisposed to listening, to being open to more conversation.

Instead, Frank began his conversation with, “John, I need to get you on board with this new strategy. What’s it going to take?” Diving into a selfish stance of “I need…from you” staged the failure.

Frank could have paved the way to a successful conversation by something like, “John, how was your weekend? Do anything special with the family?” or, “John, what project are you working on right now that is especially rewarding?”

When you connect in this way, it stimulates the pleasure-reward area of the brain – the “feel good” area. You are showing people you care about them in a genuine and personal way.

When you do this, people feel you are interested, and they feel heard as you listen. They tend to want to reciprocate, and will ask you some personal things, as well. This sets the stage as common ground.

It changes the other person’s attitude from one of “what do you want from me,” to “what are we looking at together?”

If you want to influence people, you need to make and strengthen that emotional connection, not only throughout the conversation, but in your relationship in general.

With whom do you have an important relationship that needs more emotional connection?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENThttp://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Are You Sure You Want to Be a Leader?

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Are You Sure You Want to Be a Leader?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Commit

What do you need in order to become a leader? And are you sure you really want to be one?

If you are reading this, I imagine you’ve already weighed the pros and cons, and the argument for at least considering the possibility has won.

As an executive coach, I work with decision-makers who lead. These people quite often have substantial areas of responsibility, and they work with me to become even more effective as they seek to do great things.

As we begin our work, I explain to my clients that our work will be 3-pronged. In other words, there are three things we need work with in order to accomplish their goals. You see, the human being is an intricate system, and the major parts of this system must work together closely to accomplish any significant change.

So, if you and I were having coffee together right now, and you told me that your goal was to become a leader, or a more effective one, I would tell you that we are going to assess the following three parts of you to identify what you need to shift in order to get there:

  1. Your mindset
  2. Your actions
  3. Your behaviors

Allow me to set the stage by giving an definition of these three, even though they appear self-explanatory (thanks for indulging me!).

Mindset is not how your physical brain works – it’s how you use your brain to formulate thoughts, synthesize information, define your beliefs, your attitude, and thus, your approach to the world. Mindset drives your desires, your motivation, and your picture of “what’s possible.”

Example: Sonni has managed people for many years, and she believes she can lead the company. She desires to do so, and decides to take the steps necessary to move up this career path. She has weighed her desire against her safety and decided that she won’t get fired or other disastrous consequences. So far, so good. Sonni has asked herself, “What’s possible?”

Actions are those movements, that energetic activity you undertake, once decide to “do something.” These are driven by your desires and your motivation. Your actions are confined to what you believe is possible, what is comfortable, and what is safe (thus dictated by mindset). Even if your mindset says that something is possible, your behaviors may thwart the success of your actions.

Example: Back to Sonni…because of her desire to move up into leadership, she decides to take the action of asking her CEO to be considered for the leadership succession plan. It has taken a lot of courage to get to this point, but her mindset has opened the gate for her to ask. So far, so good. Sonni has taken the action she needs in order to register her desire and be considered.

Behaviors are how you react to internal or external stimuli in various circumstances. These behaviors are exhibited after your mind assesses your desires versus your safety. Safety always wins.

Example: Sonni’s CEO tells her she has a lot of work to do if she wants to be considered for the leadership succession plan. Frankly, her CEO shares, Sonni isn’t seen as CEO material and this comment comes as a surprise. The CEO explains that Sonni doesn’t show the kinds of behaviors needed for leadership – collaboration, building trust, strong presence, influence. And a few other things. Sonni retreats to her desk. She now has a choice – to tell herself she really doesn’t have what it takes (that dastardly doubt that mindset brings when negative emotions threaten its safety) – or to ask herself “What’s possible?” while remaining safe, to shift the necessary behaviors in order to be considered for higher leadership in the company’s succession planning.

Now back to you, and those three questions to ask yourself before you commit.

  1. Does your mindset need to explore what else is possible, or to strengthen belief in your own abilities and potential?
  2. Do your actions tell the world that you are actually showing up as a leader?
  3. Do your behaviors reflect who you want to become?

Which of these three areas do you need to shift in order to become a leader – or a better one?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENThttp://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

5 Tips to Mentor Your First-Time Manager

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How to Help Your New Manager Show Who is Boss

Mentoring Others to Take Charge

Your new manager is a talented individual. If they were not, you would not have hired them. Even though a new manager has excelled in their previous position, they may not yet have acquired the skills of managing people to meet success in the new role.

If you don’t jump in to provide mentoring and guidance, you’ll be losing much more than face. Around 60% of new managers fail. And you’ll recall that when a new manager does not work out, you will lose an average of 6-9 months of their salary in replacing them (recruitment, training, team productivity, and more), as well as a lot of time and energy. This means that if your person is making $40,000 per year, you will lose between $20,000-$30,000 in the process.

This is a much bigger ticket than investing in some sound managerial training for new managers, which usually costs around $2,000.00.

I have heard from many who tell me of their bad experiences with supervising new promotions. One of the top concerns you’ve expressed is how to help new managers adjust to managing people by displaying authority in an effective way.

How do you help your new manager learn to show how to lead – the right way?

Leaders have reported seeing some pretty sad and frustrating behaviors as the new manager attempts to assert their role – all the way from apologetic language and cloudy directives to arrogance and micro-managerial tones and approaches. Many new promotions want to assure their team members that they are still friends. Others feel they need to divorce themselves from the pack to lead. Neither is right. And the fallout from either approach is severe.

Learning to manage people takes time and experience.

Here is a 5-step checklist you can use to help your new manager to begin, and to reflect a healthier way of showing authority:

1. Teach them to set clear expectations.

As the leader, you have no doubt drawn up an action plan for the department with goals, measurables, and key milestones. Ask your new manager to review this, and to define expectations for their reports. Have them work with you to do this a few times so that they receive the benefit of your coaching. Helping a new manager go through this exercise will flex their ability to see the large picture and the moving pieces that help to compose it. It will also give you a sense of where they will need additional support as they gain greater understanding.

2. Teach them to be proactive.

Talk to them about setting up regular meetings with each of their reports to review expectations and to set up a system for each to report back to them on a regular basis. This one move will help to minimize the tendency for the new manager to micromanage since they will know when to expect the reports, and will also allow a private forum in which they can explore with team members what motivates each, how they can best lead, and to answer any concerns or questions.

3. Teach them to deal with conflict in a timely manner.

Conflict should not be allowed to take over, or it will decimate the department. It must be addressed in a timely manner, and your new manager needs to learn to handle it well by separating out emotions, stories, and issues. Further, what seems to be an issue may really be a symptom. For more on how to get to the real issue and help them develop their problem-solving skills, see the article “Taking Your Problem-Solving from Good to Great: The Missing Step.”

4. Teach them to be even-handed.

Help them to be fair in the way they deal with requests such as raises, bonuses, additional resources, and other perks. Show them how to evaluate requests by leaning on policy, procedure, and performance. This will help them to avoid team members who beg favoritism based on past relationships or future promises. It will also help them to support their decisions as they provide these opportunities to those who merit them.

5. Teach them to role model leadership.

They may not know it yet, but everyone is watching. Your new manager got the promotion, and others are curious to see whether they deserve it. They are wondering whether they can trust following them based on what they see in their decisions and actions. Is your new manager coming in late because they are now salaried and feel they have a license? When they have their lunch with the same team members on most days, does this send the wrong message to others? These are things we as leaders know will inhibit our ability to be trusted. A new manager should have that judgment, but some still need the guidance.

Think back to your earlier days when you were a new manager. What was the best advice you received that helped you establish success?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENThttp://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Patti Cotton helps executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and the enterprise. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, succession planning, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, leadership development, succession planning, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

A Multi-Million Dollar Company with No One Leading

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A Multi-Million Dollar Company with No One Leading

Mediation and Conflict Resolution

All names and other identifying information have been changed to protect confidentiality.

I was called to work with one of the largest construction companies in the Midwest, which was a recent merger of three very successful smaller construction companies.

“I want you to find out what’s wrong with these employees of mine,” said the president, looking at me across the desk. “These people aren’t putting in the sweat equity they should. In fact, I think a few of them are lazy – some need to be fired. Most are complaining that they haven’t gotten a raise in a long time, but before I go handing out candy, they need to show their stuff and get these back orders out.”

“Back orders?” I asked.

“Yes,” he said. “We have $40 Million in back orders we cannot fill, and the bank is telling me I have 90 days to get it fixed, or they are calling in the loan. We may fold before spring if these lazy employees don’t get cracking.”

The president (we will call him Max) gave me a bit of background about the company. He was formerly the owner of a smaller construction business. Two years prior, he had purchased another construction company, and then invited the president of a third company, Jim, to join him so that together, they formed the largest company in the industry in the Midwest.

As Max gave me more details about this very critical situation, I proposed that we meet with the other owner, Jim, as well as their new COO, Tom, to design a quick, impactful plan to get the back orders out and avoid the bank’s loan recall.

“Oh, no, I don’t want Tom in this. I’m still teaching Tom the ropes of the business, and I want to see how well he does before I give him more responsibility. And Jim and I aren’t, uh, talking to each other right now. He isn’t interested in this side of the business, anyway. He just stays out in his warehouse office and works on his invention.”

“His invention?”

“Listen,” Max shot back, “The co-owner doesn’t care about anything but sitting in his office down the street all day playing with some new product that is supposed to revolutionize the industry. I hate to admit it to you, but he hasn’t seen the financials for more than a year. I’ve been busy putting out other fires. It would be a little embarrassing for me to let him in on what’s happening right now.”

“You mean your co-owner doesn’t know the bank is threatening to recall the loan? That you have $40 Million in back orders you can’t fill?” I stammered.

Max just grinned sheepishly and stared at me.

At this point, dear Reader, you may be thinking this story is fabricated. After all, a real company cannot operate like this, can it? Yes, it can. I was there.

But it was due to fold – with problems obviously starting and ending at the very top.

“Max,” I said, “Before we do anything else, we have to let the co-owner and the COO in on the problem – you are going to need help and buy-in with the solution.”

“It’s all over, then,” he buried his face in his hands. “You don’t understand these guys – they don’t know how to run a business like I do. And they are difficult to deal with.”

I sat in stunned silence. Of course, you know that what was running through my mind was that Max didn’t know how to run a business either – and he was difficult to deal with, too.

How did the company come to this point? It starts and ends with leadership, doesn’t it? The health or lack of health in leadership is felt at every level of any enterprise. And there are several key factors that fell short in this particular case.

But I’ll talk about three important ones here:

1. Lack of clear roles and responsibilities.

Max and Jim had decided that Max would operate as CEO, but they didn’t know what this meant. And they never defined any responsibilities for either of them. Max fell into running the company because he liked being the boss. Jim busied himself with doing what he loved best – tinkering to invent a product that would put the company on the map. Max brought Tom in to fix the “employee problem,” but hadn’t allowed him to get near any employees, yet, except for a small satellite office at the other end of the state. Max said he “wanted to test Tom’s abilities, first.” This had been going on for months when I got there.

2. Lack of accountability.

As you can see from #1 above, none of the executive team was holding themselves or each other accountable. Max loved to sell and make deals, so this is what he was doing with investors – and yet, he wasn’t managing the directors and managers so that the company could run effectively.

Tom, the new COO, had tried to insert himself several times by proposing to oversee the management team, but Max shut him down each time, saying “You need to do what I’ve given you to do first so I can cut you loose.”

Max had, in fact, made the fatal mistake of assigning Tom to a small area of the company that had little to do with production and the problem at hand. And Max wasn’t investigating the real problem, either.

And then, there was Jim. Jim loved to tinker. Alone in his office all day. I still don’t know how he survived his original business before Max brought it on to combine it with his own.

3. Lack of communication.

How in the world did three men who held such high responsibilities find themselves in a place where no one knew what the others were doing – and the company was going down?

A multi-million dollar company with no one leading.

Why didn’t Max communicate? Max claimed that he couldn’t talk to Jim because the latter had a temper, so Max avoided keeping Jim up to date with financials, challenges, and other vital pieces of information. And Max claimed that Tom was too new to know what he was doing and so withheld information from him that could have helped Tom to help the company.

Why didn’t Jim communicate? He told me he thought Max was an arrogant idiot who was so hard-headed that it was impossible to talk with him. Jim said that Tom was a nice fellow, but he wasn’t sure he trusted him because Tom was always in Max’s office.

And Tom? Tom didn’t communicate with Max because he had asked too many questions too many times and been shut down to the point where he was silently contemplating quitting and moving his family back East. And he didn’t communicate with Jim, because Jim always had his door closed down at that warehouse office.

At every turn, there were unspoken conversations and unresolved conflict because people weren’t asking the hard questions, and providing tough information to each other.

Avoiding these critical conversations had resulted in one giant fiasco.

You can guess that the initial meeting with the four of us was not a gentle one. Tempers and voices flared, and it took some mediating to reach an agreement as to how to talk with each other and work through the problem so that we could get to the issues at hand. We finally reached consensus on what strategies to take, who would be responsible for what, and how to hold self and each other accountable through this critical process.

I frankly breathed a sigh of relief. Mediating and coaching conflict in such a situation are not easy, but we came out linking arms.

Sometime later, after leadership diverted the crisis, I would fire Max (yes, I have fired a couple of clients). I would have loved to stay on to help shift culture, and help the company excel. But Max was not willing to be transparent with Jim and Tom about some critical issues, and he wasn’t willing to work on his own leadership. He just kept blaming everyone and everything else. Shortly after I fired him, his board fired him as well.

I’m glad to say that Tom has taken over running the company, and has really turned things around. And Jim? He is still inventing things in his warehouse office that are bound to revolutionize the industry.

What poor style of leadership have you witnessed or heard about in the past?

Curious about your strengths in leadership?
Click below to take the Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENThttp://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Patti Cotton is a CEO and former foreign diplomat. A sixth generation business owner, Patti not only coaches leaders – she has extensive experience in actually being one. Her experience, record of unprecedented success, and extensive training and certifications make her uniquely qualified to bring value to you and your team in the areas of leading self, leading others, and leading the enterprise.

Patti’s areas of focus include leadership and talent development, with specialization in leadership behavior and communication, conflict management, executive presence, succession planning, and strategic personal, leadership, and organizational growth.

With over 25 years of proven leadership experience, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across diverse industries. As an executive coach, trainer, and Fortune 500 speaker, she will inspire, influence, and impact your organizational leaders to reach new heights of success in their personal and professional growth, and to improve performance across your organization.

For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

When Leadership Abdicates the Throne

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When Leadership Abdicates the Throne

Most know the romantic short version of the story of King Edward VIII and American socialite divorcée Wallis “Wally” Simpson. The young king gave up the throne so that he could marry and spend the rest of his life with his love.

The longer version of this story is seldom discussed, and it’s not quite as romantic. In fact, the situation was fraught with tangled and tawdry conflicts up from the time they met until the end of the couple’s lives.

The history books recount Edward publicly showering Wally with jewels and lavish vacations, and upon becoming king, continuing to consort with the still-married Wally, creating scandal and confusion touching not only his own family, but also the government and the United Kingdom. Even after abdicating the throne, Edward and Wally continued to flirt and fraternize with risky and dangerous relationships and situations, including heavy indicators that they supported Adolf Hitler and his efforts.

What does this wild situation have to do with leadership in the workplace?

Whether Edward should have left the throne for the woman he loved is not in judgment. Rather, it is the way he went about things – poor focus, direction, and execution. This resulted in a loss of trust and support by his inner circle and his country, and a challenging life after leaving the throne.

It’s when you’ve lost the trust and support of your people that it’s “game over.”

What does leadership abdication look like in the workplace?

It may be more subtle than stepping down from a royal throne, but it’s just as damaging.

Here are some styles of those at the top who may or may not be physically present, but who abdicate their responsibility as leaders.

Through poor behaviors and approaches, these hurt the morale, and productivity of those around them. Teams silo. Key talent leaves. Confusion reigns. The bottom line suffers. Do you or anyone you know have a boss like one of these? Or, as a leader, do you identify with any of these traits in your own leadership or in that of your team?

  • Jan, the Benevolent Dictator.

The Benevolent Dictator is the proverbial maternal/paternal figure, who keeps a tight rein on everyone. As a report, you aren’t always sure what you are supposed to do until you get directives from Jan – what to do, how to do them – and then Jan will check with you frequently to make sure you are doing what she told you to do. Sometimes she will even change her mind about what she tells you to do so that you have to change direction in the middle of a process. In short, the micro-manager extraordinaire, Jan may have you in her office several times weekly to tell you when to turn right or left. Is it any surprise that Jan doesn’t have her team operate from an action plan that empowers them and allows them to move forward on their own? In addition, chances are, your job description is “in the pile to update,” and so is your raise. Good luck with that.

  • Sam, the Disappearing Act.

Sam likes for you to take over while he disappears. In the beginning, it was pretty exciting to have so much leeway with what and how you run your area of responsibility. But then, you began to catch on – Sam reappears at the oddest times, parachuting into the middle of your projects and decisions. He questions what and why you are doing what you are doing. He changes things. It’s pretty frustrating, and you can lose credibility with others when he does this. Feel like a yo-yo?  You are. You’ve probably been promised a promotion for some time, and it’s overdue. If you could just get some time with Sam to discuss – but then, everyone else is lining up with questions, too. Because there are some critical, time-sensitive decisions that have been waiting for his endorsement – and he hasn’t been around to answer them until right now. Catch him quickly! Because, when you least expect it, Sam will be out the door, again.

  • Julia, the Decision-Adverse Boss.

Julia is famous for bringing enough of her homemade strawberry pie into the office for everyone to have a slice. She knows the names of all your kids and pets. She plans the best staff retreats. But it never seems like the right time to get a decision on critical items from Julia. “Let me mull this over,” and “That’s a great idea – let’s put it on our list,” are two of her favorite responses to your queries. Face it – you just can’t move forward with some of your initiatives without her help. You get the feeling that she cares about some things – just not about getting the work done. So forget your goals. Have another slice of pie. P.S. You’d better hope that when evaluation time comes around, she doesn’t blame you for poor performance.

  • Jim, the Easter Bunny.

Jim loves everyone, and everyone (seems?) to love him. He thrives on being liked, and it’s because of this that he refuses to do the right thing. Jim doesn’t want anyone to think he is playing favorites. Consequently, he hands projects and opportunities out like candy, and when one person gets a raise, everyone gets one. You can imagine with this kind of distribution that the remuneration is modest. You’ll hear things like, “Well, let’s see, you say you are doing twice the work that old Bernie is, and that you have twice as many reports, and twice as much revenue to generate as he does. But, you know, Bernie has been with us for 25 years, now. We wouldn’t want him to get the wrong impression, would we? So let’s just hold that promotion idea until we can come up with something for him, too. Maybe we can take it up with the team tomorrow.”  Just a word, here, but you’ve probably already guessed it:  Tomorrow never comes.

  • Mark, the Candy Man.

Who’s a good girl or boy? I’ll tell you who – it’s whoever is favored at the moment. Feel like you are favored? Try as you might, you won’t find out why you are loved at the moment, so you just hope you keep doing whatever it is keeps you on the boss’ good side. On the other hand, do you feel like the boss is spanking you for something and you don’t know why? Chances are you won’t find that out, either. You may not have done anything wrong, but the boss will deny any unfair treatment when you ask about it. Meanwhile, you feel like you are continually shut down – your ideas, the way you do things. Tired of playing with crazy? Time to think about alternatives.

There are so many ways of abdicating one’s responsibility in leadership. But no matter what style or behavior it is that holds someone back from leading, it always winds up damaging self, others, and the enterprise.

What poor style of leadership have you witnessed or heard about in the past?

Curious about your strengths in leadership?
Click below to take the Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENT

Patti Cotton is a CEO and former foreign diplomat. A sixth generation business owner, Patti not only coaches leaders – she has extensive experience in actually being one. Her experience, record of unprecedented success, and extensive training and certifications make her uniquely qualified to bring value to you and your team in the areas of leading self, leading others, and leading the enterprise.

Patti’s areas of focus include leadership and talent development, with specialization in leadership behavior and communication, conflict management, executive presence, succession planning, and strategic personal, leadership, and organizational growth.

With over 25 years of proven leadership experience, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across diverse industries. As an executive coach, trainer, and Fortune 500 speaker, she will inspire, influence, and impact your organizational leaders to reach new heights of success in their personal and professional growth, and to improve performance across your organization.

For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.