Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

responsibility

Influence as a Full Contact Sport

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Influence as a Full Contact Sport
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Do you remember making a giant cannonball in the deep end of the pool? That hot sun hitting your face as you ran fast to leap into the air as high as you could?

And that beautiful reward! That magic moment when you, as a human cannonball, hit that icy water to make that huge and glorious splash!

Ahhh….

That’s what I call “full contact”! Just like soccer or basketball, cannonballs require that you use your mind, spirit, and body to make big things happen.

What in the world do cannonballs and “full contact” sports have to do with increasing your influence?

Influence is also a full-contact sport.

Influence is not achieved by just relating well or being popular. And it isn’t accomplished if you only use the right words or focus on making your case the “right one.”

We previously talked about the importance of first making an emotional connection with others as you seek to influence. (If you missed it, click here).

As you make your emotional connection, you want to be “full on,” using your body as part of making your case. This means using appropriate body and eye contact.

Let’s talk eye contact, first.

Here are some types of eye contact “blunderers” who defeat their own case before they present it:

  1. The Wanderer, or, “I am looking for my point somewhere in the room.” You’ve probably encountered someone like this. While talking, their eyes and head travel around the room as though looking for an answer of some kind, or as though they are trying to locate the point they actually want to make with you. Distracting! And it says, “I am not sure about what I am presenting, here.”
  2. The Mad Hatter, or, “I’m late and preoccupied with everything but you.” This doesn’t need much explanation. I once had a boss that fiddled with his texts, looked at his computer screen, and answered the phone – all while talking to me. Message? “I’m not with you – and I’m not with anyone else. Just keep talking and I’ll keep ignoring you.” Ineffective, to say the least, and “rude” is the word that really comes to mind.
  3. The Auger, or, “I may become a hypnotist in my next chapter.” This person seems to want to see through your head, when in fact, they have probably just read an article that tells them to maintain eye contact. Maintaining eye contact is not obsessively staring into someone’s eyes.
  4. The Obsessed, or, “That imaginary spot on your shirt is fascinating.” I have been present when some people have said to others, “Hey, my eyes are up here!” Staring at something on a person’s head, shirt, or anywhere else besides their eyes is disconcerting.
  5. The Selfie Artist, or, “I love to hear myself talking.” Here, the person is staring off into space while dominating the conversation. It’s as if she loves to hear the sound of her own voice and doesn’t need anyone else in the room. Frustrating – and off-putting.

You can probably think of more ineffective eye contact styles!

Here are some basic rules of thumb for good eye contact, which tells your listener that you are engaged, present, and interested:

  • Establish eye contact right away.

This sends the message that you are fully present with the other person, and not preoccupied with other things. There’s nothing more counter-productive in a conversation – especially one destined to influence – than looking all around or continually glancing at your phone or watch, which says, “I really don’t want to be here.”

  • Hold eye contact for 4-5 seconds at a time while conversing.

Riveting your eyes on the other person, no matter what is happening, can look and feel artificial and uncomfortable. You can break a “stare” by occasionally looking down or over from your conversation partner and then resume eye contact.

  • Soften a potential stare.

Feel strange looking straight into the other person’s eyes? Try this trick: look at the outer edge of one of your conversation partner’s eye’s iris. This can help you to be more at ease and will still have the appearance of direct eye contact without staring.

And now, a word about the rest of the body language!

Here’s a very brief checklist for success:

  1. Is your body turned toward and leaning in slightly toward the other person? This says, “I’m interested and engaged.”
  2. Are your arms open and hands uncurled (as opposed to crossed arms and tightened fists!)?
  3. Standing? Stand with feet aligned under shoulders.
  4. Sitting? Feet on the floor, and not tucked under your chair. Hands and forearms loosely apart on the table in front of you, or if no table, hands lightly resting on the armrests or just above your knees.
  5. Head and eyes to the horizon! A downward-cast head angle says, “I’m not confident or sure.” An upward-swing of the head that shows the underside of your chin says, “I’m hot stuff – and I’m not sure you are!”

Again, there are more refinements for best body language, but the 5 points above should get you headed in the right direction.

In sum, if you want to have more influence with others, tell them at every interaction that you are eager, interested, and engaged with them as human beings. Make this genuine, and make it a practice – it will pay off!

In our next “chapterette” about how to gain more influence, we will be talking about asking for favors. This may seem counter-intuitive, but asking for a favor can actually predispose others to want to help you more.

Stay tuned!

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENThttp://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Building Influence – Making Emotional Connections

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Building Influence – Making Emotional Connections
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Have you ever been in a situation where you wish you had greater persuasive powers?

A situation on a flight reminded me about some of the critical steps we need to take to enjoy more influence with others.

I took an early plane to the Northwest to spend time with family on the Puget Sound. Looking forward to a quiet flight, I encountered, instead, two co-workers across the aisle who were in a heated exchange.

One gentleman, Frank, was insistent that the other “take a look at the numbers – the numbers speak for themselves!” But this was not having the desired effect on his seatmate, who sounded frazzled.

“How do I get through to you, John?” Frank finally blurted out. “It’s like talking to a brick wall!”

Have you ever felt like you were talking to a brick wall?

How do you begin to get through?

As it happens, Frank didn’t have a chance.

In fact, John turned to him and said, “Your conversation is wearing me out, Frank. I can’t listen anymore. End of story.”

I wish I could have taken Frank aside, and said this:

Frank, here’s where you could have turned this around.

You should have made an emotional connection with John to tip the scales.

Get the dopamine flowing.

Making an emotional connection is the conduit of “warm and fuzzy.” This helps people feel good and predisposed to listening, to being open to more conversation.

Instead, Frank began his conversation with, “John, I need to get you on board with this new strategy. What’s it going to take?” Diving into a selfish stance of “I need…from you” staged the failure.

Frank could have paved the way to a successful conversation by something like, “John, how was your weekend? Do anything special with the family?” or, “John, what project are you working on right now that is especially rewarding?”

When you connect in this way, it stimulates the pleasure-reward area of the brain – the “feel good” area. You are showing people you care about them in a genuine and personal way.

When you do this, people feel you are interested, and they feel heard as you listen. They tend to want to reciprocate, and will ask you some personal things, as well. This sets the stage as common ground.

It changes the other person’s attitude from one of “what do you want from me,” to “what are we looking at together?”

If you want to influence people, you need to make and strengthen that emotional connection, not only throughout the conversation, but in your relationship in general.

With whom do you have an important relationship that needs more emotional connection?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENThttp://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Are You Sure You Want to Be a Leader?

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Are You Sure You Want to Be a Leader?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Commit

What do you need in order to become a leader? And are you sure you really want to be one?

If you are reading this, I imagine you’ve already weighed the pros and cons, and the argument for at least considering the possibility has won.

As an executive coach, I work with decision-makers who lead. These people quite often have substantial areas of responsibility, and they work with me to become even more effective as they seek to do great things.

As we begin our work, I explain to my clients that our work will be 3-pronged. In other words, there are three things we need work with in order to accomplish their goals. You see, the human being is an intricate system, and the major parts of this system must work together closely to accomplish any significant change.

So, if you and I were having coffee together right now, and you told me that your goal was to become a leader, or a more effective one, I would tell you that we are going to assess the following three parts of you to identify what you need to shift in order to get there:

  1. Your mindset
  2. Your actions
  3. Your behaviors

Allow me to set the stage by giving an definition of these three, even though they appear self-explanatory (thanks for indulging me!).

Mindset is not how your physical brain works – it’s how you use your brain to formulate thoughts, synthesize information, define your beliefs, your attitude, and thus, your approach to the world. Mindset drives your desires, your motivation, and your picture of “what’s possible.”

Example: Sonni has managed people for many years, and she believes she can lead the company. She desires to do so, and decides to take the steps necessary to move up this career path. She has weighed her desire against her safety and decided that she won’t get fired or other disastrous consequences. So far, so good. Sonni has asked herself, “What’s possible?”

Actions are those movements, that energetic activity you undertake, once decide to “do something.” These are driven by your desires and your motivation. Your actions are confined to what you believe is possible, what is comfortable, and what is safe (thus dictated by mindset). Even if your mindset says that something is possible, your behaviors may thwart the success of your actions.

Example: Back to Sonni…because of her desire to move up into leadership, she decides to take the action of asking her CEO to be considered for the leadership succession plan. It has taken a lot of courage to get to this point, but her mindset has opened the gate for her to ask. So far, so good. Sonni has taken the action she needs in order to register her desire and be considered.

Behaviors are how you react to internal or external stimuli in various circumstances. These behaviors are exhibited after your mind assesses your desires versus your safety. Safety always wins.

Example: Sonni’s CEO tells her she has a lot of work to do if she wants to be considered for the leadership succession plan. Frankly, her CEO shares, Sonni isn’t seen as CEO material and this comment comes as a surprise. The CEO explains that Sonni doesn’t show the kinds of behaviors needed for leadership – collaboration, building trust, strong presence, influence. And a few other things. Sonni retreats to her desk. She now has a choice – to tell herself she really doesn’t have what it takes (that dastardly doubt that mindset brings when negative emotions threaten its safety) – or to ask herself “What’s possible?” while remaining safe, to shift the necessary behaviors in order to be considered for higher leadership in the company’s succession planning.

Now back to you, and those three questions to ask yourself before you commit.

  1. Does your mindset need to explore what else is possible, or to strengthen belief in your own abilities and potential?
  2. Do your actions tell the world that you are actually showing up as a leader?
  3. Do your behaviors reflect who you want to become?

Which of these three areas do you need to shift in order to become a leader – or a better one?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENThttp://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Why Do 60 Percent of New Managers Fail?

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Why Do 60 Percent of New Managers Fail?

How Do You Help Yours Succeed?

Why do rising stars perform well in one role, only to fail in the next?

If you are in charge of overseeing talent in your area of responsibility, you probably already know this by experience. You promote a promising star, only to be disappointed by her inability to perform in the new role.

You’ve wasted valuable time and energy on this person’s potential. And the company has just lost money. In fact, you can count on losing about 6 to 9 months of that person’s salary. This means that for a new manager making $40,000 annually, the company has taken a $20,000 – 30,000 hit in recruiting and training expenses for the promotion (not to mention other costs to the entire team!).

Since high performance in one role is no guarantee of high performance in the next, do you just flip a coin? How do you save yourself headache, and get ahead?

Becoming a manager requires new skillsets. So if you are thinking of promoting an employee to manager status, here are just some of the shifts this person needs to make:

1. A new manager must learn to move from “doing” to supervising and guiding the team.

Remember that a new manager has been focused on managing their own tasks and responsibilities. Now, suddenly, they must focus on helping their team manage and complete their assignments.

2. A new manager can set a powerfully negative first impression.

Some new managers will sit back and observe, unwilling to make a decision or come across with an opinion. Others may come in “gang-busters” sharing about how they are going to change everything and make it better, now that they are on deck. It’s hard to choose between having a new manager with analysis-paralysis or one who operates as an obnoxious know-it-all. Neither is good.

3. A new manager must learn to grasp the larger picture.

Because they have been previously task-oriented to complete their own assignments, they must now develop their ability to become goal-focused, with a sense of the various pieces that make up the larger departmental picture.

4. A new manager must target early wins.

The problem with most new managers is that they don’t know how to look at the larger picture and reverse-engineer to identify early wins. Without accomplishing some early wins, the boss will wonder if the new manager knows what they are doing. In the absence of seeing forward motion in the right direction, doubts about a new manager’s ability may replace the initial confidence the boss had in their protégée.

5. A new manager needs to develop their authentic leadership style.

Many a new manager looks around to other managers to see how to lead – how to communicate, delegate, execute, and more. The problem is that copycats miss out on operating from their own top strengths…and they come across as insincere.

6. A new manager must learn how to be respected.

It can be awkward for a new manager when their employees have been their friends. How to shift from being buddies with the team to being well-liked and respected is challenging, but necessary. If not, holding people accountable and managing expectations will be poorly handled. Confronting those difficult situations will be painful and sometimes not addressed.

7. A new manager must be careful not to over-promise.

Many new managers have thought they could. They promised to deliver, but failed because they did not know the work involved in delivering those results. By the same token, to be non-committal is to create doubts about ability. A new manager should not be embarrassed to say, “Let me investigate what that would take and get back to you.”

Learning to make these shifts will be helpful if you discuss with your new manager the departmental goals, the roles of the team members, and your expectations. Offer to help put together a 90-day plan that will support the larger picture and identify early wins. Talk about the network your new manager will need to develop to get buy-in from the enterprise. And keep your door open for questions. You’ll help your manager to hit the ground running much more successfully.

What difficulties have you encountered with new managers?

What impact are you having in life and business?
Click below to take the complimentary Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENThttp://inspireinfluenceimpactquiz.com/

Patti Cotton helps executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and the enterprise. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, succession planning, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, leadership development, succession planning, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

How to Navigate Office Politics

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How to Navigate Office Politics

Are you a victim or perpetrator of bad office politics?

Sooner or later, you will find that you play both roles – unless you know how to navigate the waters.

What are office politics, and why are they hated?

Office politics get a bad rap, when they actually should be embraced as part of business expertise.

The problem arises when we don’t know how to work with office politics, or worse, we use them to seek advantage at the expense of others or the greater good. This is when things can turn ugly, personal, and damaging.

If you think you can simply avoid becoming involved, think again. When two or more people are gathered together, there will be politics. Politics are strategies people use in order to gain advantage. As human beings, we do this naturally, in order to get what we want, or to advocate for a larger cause.

At best, we call it “influence.”  And since reputations, relationships, and careers are made or broken because of office politics, we should learn to master them so that results turn out to be “win-win.”

We often find it difficult to deal with office politics effectively because we don’t know how to approach them. Because of this, we may unwittingly be promoting them, despite our insistence that we don’t play.

When we realize that office politics are here to stay, we can come out on top and make them work for us.

How?

By following these 3 rules:

1. Strengthen your own circle of influence.

Instead of approaching office politics as damage control, see them as useful dynamics to help everyone get ahead. Focus on the positive by strengthening key relationships on a continual basis to expand your influence. When things get hot, you will be well-positioned to emerge victorious. On the other hand, if you are someone who doesn’t have the advantage of guidance or a support network, and you are constantly trying to prove yourself, you are in a vulnerable position and can be shot down easily, whether you are in the room or not.

2. Avoid dysfunctional patterns.

Don’t take sides. When you do this, you polarize people and cloud the issues. Ask yourself – and others – what the issues are, and avoid disparaging remarks about personalities. Make sure that if things get personal, you are the one who pulls the conversation back to the issues. Don’t climb into the pit with others who want to hurt or discredit.

3. Shift the larger culture.

Select a few key colleagues of integrity, and agree that you will be positive PR for each other. I have worked with many groups of professionals, both in the business world and in international government relations. This one strategy has worked to turn entire company cultures around. Are you in the room when an absent colleague is being discussed? Put in a good word for this colleague. Talk about their latest success with a project, initiative, or the way they approach their work.

I challenge you to see office politics as a way to influence a win-win situation!

Patti Cotton helps executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and the enterprise. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, succession planning, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, leadership development, succession planning, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.