Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

relationships

Why You Need to Get Personal with Your Team

By Leave a Comment

Why You Need to Get Personal with Your Team
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Many years ago, I oversaw the development for five hospitals. It was a great joy to develop the team for some near-impossible goals that my area had been given, and to reach these successfully.

I loved my team and would have done just about anything for them. But sadly, they didn’t know that. In fact, quite the contrary.

Sharon sat down one afternoon and closed the door.

“You don’t even know us,” she said. “I bet you don’t even know that Alex has gotten engaged. Do you even care about us?”

Are you connected with your own team?

How do you know?

You can imagine that I was crushed. My introvertish nature coupled with a high drive for results had been seen as aloof and uncaring – far from the truth.

The effects of not being personally connected with your team can be devastating – a low level of trust resulting in poor performance and a host of other undesirable behaviors. The symptoms are such that you may blame these on the larger culture of the organization or on other external factors.

Yet, the culprit may simply be that your team doesn’t feel connected with you.

Leaders struggle with this, and we play a lot of head games.

We may want to appear in control to assure the team all is well. We may ask ourselves if being seen as vulnerable is risky to our position of being “in charge.” And some of us question the relevancy of connecting beyond the professional framework.

Yet, without humanizing ourselves, we can appear cold, uncaring, wooden, untouchable…the list goes on. Somewhere along the way, someone has taught us to appear as though we have it all together in order to reflect confidence in leadership.

Not true.

Becoming human allows others to do so – to identify with you and connect.

Human beings need to feel a sense of connectedness. This comes from knowing others on the team and feeling known and accepted as a member.

In order to have this happen, we must become real.

Highest-performing teams know this – and work on it regularly.

Here are three things you can do right away to “get personal” with your team so that you can engage with each other on a greater level:

  1. Take your teams members to lunch.

During your time together, tell them you don’t want to talk about work, but just want to get to know each other better. Have some questions ready – why did they pick France as a vacation last year? Where did they grow up – and how did this affect the way they see things today?

  1. Develop an understanding about each other’s gifts and talents.

There are some great assessments out there for this: StrengthsFinder, Enneagram, and others. Have each team member take the assessment, bring their results, and talk about how these show up in their work and life.

  1. Take some time to learn each other’s lives.

What does this mean? Who are you outside of work? What is your favorite movie? How do you handle surprises? Make up a list of questions and share the answers as part of your team-building. Do this over time – knowing each other personally should be intentional and consistent in order to create bonds and connectedness.

Have fun with this. It has become a joy for me personally to connect with others in this way and to develop deep relationships.

As a bonus, when people feel you care about them, they also care about you. When the going gets tough, the team will pull together in a new and more concerted way to succeed.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

When Leadership Abdicates the Throne

By Leave a Comment

When Leadership Abdicates the Throne

Most know the romantic short version of the story of King Edward VIII and American socialite divorcée Wallis “Wally” Simpson. The young king gave up the throne so that he could marry and spend the rest of his life with his love.

The longer version of this story is seldom discussed, and it’s not quite as romantic. In fact, the situation was fraught with tangled and tawdry conflicts up from the time they met until the end of the couple’s lives.

The history books recount Edward publicly showering Wally with jewels and lavish vacations, and upon becoming king, continuing to consort with the still-married Wally, creating scandal and confusion touching not only his own family, but also the government and the United Kingdom. Even after abdicating the throne, Edward and Wally continued to flirt and fraternize with risky and dangerous relationships and situations, including heavy indicators that they supported Adolf Hitler and his efforts.

What does this wild situation have to do with leadership in the workplace?

Whether Edward should have left the throne for the woman he loved is not in judgment. Rather, it is the way he went about things – poor focus, direction, and execution. This resulted in a loss of trust and support by his inner circle and his country, and a challenging life after leaving the throne.

It’s when you’ve lost the trust and support of your people that it’s “game over.”

What does leadership abdication look like in the workplace?

It may be more subtle than stepping down from a royal throne, but it’s just as damaging.

Here are some styles of those at the top who may or may not be physically present, but who abdicate their responsibility as leaders.

Through poor behaviors and approaches, these hurt the morale, and productivity of those around them. Teams silo. Key talent leaves. Confusion reigns. The bottom line suffers. Do you or anyone you know have a boss like one of these? Or, as a leader, do you identify with any of these traits in your own leadership or in that of your team?

  • Jan, the Benevolent Dictator.

The Benevolent Dictator is the proverbial maternal/paternal figure, who keeps a tight rein on everyone. As a report, you aren’t always sure what you are supposed to do until you get directives from Jan – what to do, how to do them – and then Jan will check with you frequently to make sure you are doing what she told you to do. Sometimes she will even change her mind about what she tells you to do so that you have to change direction in the middle of a process. In short, the micro-manager extraordinaire, Jan may have you in her office several times weekly to tell you when to turn right or left. Is it any surprise that Jan doesn’t have her team operate from an action plan that empowers them and allows them to move forward on their own? In addition, chances are, your job description is “in the pile to update,” and so is your raise. Good luck with that.

  • Sam, the Disappearing Act.

Sam likes for you to take over while he disappears. In the beginning, it was pretty exciting to have so much leeway with what and how you run your area of responsibility. But then, you began to catch on – Sam reappears at the oddest times, parachuting into the middle of your projects and decisions. He questions what and why you are doing what you are doing. He changes things. It’s pretty frustrating, and you can lose credibility with others when he does this. Feel like a yo-yo?  You are. You’ve probably been promised a promotion for some time, and it’s overdue. If you could just get some time with Sam to discuss – but then, everyone else is lining up with questions, too. Because there are some critical, time-sensitive decisions that have been waiting for his endorsement – and he hasn’t been around to answer them until right now. Catch him quickly! Because, when you least expect it, Sam will be out the door, again.

  • Julia, the Decision-Adverse Boss.

Julia is famous for bringing enough of her homemade strawberry pie into the office for everyone to have a slice. She knows the names of all your kids and pets. She plans the best staff retreats. But it never seems like the right time to get a decision on critical items from Julia. “Let me mull this over,” and “That’s a great idea – let’s put it on our list,” are two of her favorite responses to your queries. Face it – you just can’t move forward with some of your initiatives without her help. You get the feeling that she cares about some things – just not about getting the work done. So forget your goals. Have another slice of pie. P.S. You’d better hope that when evaluation time comes around, she doesn’t blame you for poor performance.

  • Jim, the Easter Bunny.

Jim loves everyone, and everyone (seems?) to love him. He thrives on being liked, and it’s because of this that he refuses to do the right thing. Jim doesn’t want anyone to think he is playing favorites. Consequently, he hands projects and opportunities out like candy, and when one person gets a raise, everyone gets one. You can imagine with this kind of distribution that the remuneration is modest. You’ll hear things like, “Well, let’s see, you say you are doing twice the work that old Bernie is, and that you have twice as many reports, and twice as much revenue to generate as he does. But, you know, Bernie has been with us for 25 years, now. We wouldn’t want him to get the wrong impression, would we? So let’s just hold that promotion idea until we can come up with something for him, too. Maybe we can take it up with the team tomorrow.”  Just a word, here, but you’ve probably already guessed it:  Tomorrow never comes.

  • Mark, the Candy Man.

Who’s a good girl or boy? I’ll tell you who – it’s whoever is favored at the moment. Feel like you are favored? Try as you might, you won’t find out why you are loved at the moment, so you just hope you keep doing whatever it is keeps you on the boss’ good side. On the other hand, do you feel like the boss is spanking you for something and you don’t know why? Chances are you won’t find that out, either. You may not have done anything wrong, but the boss will deny any unfair treatment when you ask about it. Meanwhile, you feel like you are continually shut down – your ideas, the way you do things. Tired of playing with crazy? Time to think about alternatives.

There are so many ways of abdicating one’s responsibility in leadership. But no matter what style or behavior it is that holds someone back from leading, it always winds up damaging self, others, and the enterprise.

What poor style of leadership have you witnessed or heard about in the past?

Curious about your strengths in leadership?
Click below to take the Impact Assessment.

TAKE THE IMPACT ASSESSMENT

Patti Cotton is a CEO and former foreign diplomat. A sixth generation business owner, Patti not only coaches leaders – she has extensive experience in actually being one. Her experience, record of unprecedented success, and extensive training and certifications make her uniquely qualified to bring value to you and your team in the areas of leading self, leading others, and leading the enterprise.

Patti’s areas of focus include leadership and talent development, with specialization in leadership behavior and communication, conflict management, executive presence, succession planning, and strategic personal, leadership, and organizational growth.

With over 25 years of proven leadership experience, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across diverse industries. As an executive coach, trainer, and Fortune 500 speaker, she will inspire, influence, and impact your organizational leaders to reach new heights of success in their personal and professional growth, and to improve performance across your organization.

For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

How to Navigate Office Politics

By Leave a Comment

How to Navigate Office Politics

Are you a victim or perpetrator of bad office politics?

Sooner or later, you will find that you play both roles – unless you know how to navigate the waters.

What are office politics, and why are they hated?

Office politics get a bad rap, when they actually should be embraced as part of business expertise.

The problem arises when we don’t know how to work with office politics, or worse, we use them to seek advantage at the expense of others or the greater good. This is when things can turn ugly, personal, and damaging.

If you think you can simply avoid becoming involved, think again. When two or more people are gathered together, there will be politics. Politics are strategies people use in order to gain advantage. As human beings, we do this naturally, in order to get what we want, or to advocate for a larger cause.

At best, we call it “influence.”  And since reputations, relationships, and careers are made or broken because of office politics, we should learn to master them so that results turn out to be “win-win.”

We often find it difficult to deal with office politics effectively because we don’t know how to approach them. Because of this, we may unwittingly be promoting them, despite our insistence that we don’t play.

When we realize that office politics are here to stay, we can come out on top and make them work for us.

How?

By following these 3 rules:

1. Strengthen your own circle of influence.

Instead of approaching office politics as damage control, see them as useful dynamics to help everyone get ahead. Focus on the positive by strengthening key relationships on a continual basis to expand your influence. When things get hot, you will be well-positioned to emerge victorious. On the other hand, if you are someone who doesn’t have the advantage of guidance or a support network, and you are constantly trying to prove yourself, you are in a vulnerable position and can be shot down easily, whether you are in the room or not.

2. Avoid dysfunctional patterns.

Don’t take sides. When you do this, you polarize people and cloud the issues. Ask yourself – and others – what the issues are, and avoid disparaging remarks about personalities. Make sure that if things get personal, you are the one who pulls the conversation back to the issues. Don’t climb into the pit with others who want to hurt or discredit.

3. Shift the larger culture.

Select a few key colleagues of integrity, and agree that you will be positive PR for each other. I have worked with many groups of professionals, both in the business world and in international government relations. This one strategy has worked to turn entire company cultures around. Are you in the room when an absent colleague is being discussed? Put in a good word for this colleague. Talk about their latest success with a project, initiative, or the way they approach their work.

I challenge you to see office politics as a way to influence a win-win situation!

Patti Cotton helps executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and the enterprise. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, succession planning, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, leadership development, succession planning, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

What Do We All Really Want in Life?

By Leave a Comment

January 15, 2009. It began like many other days in his lifetime – checking in at the airport, taking his seat in the captain’s chair, and running through the pre-flight checklist. He had done it thousands of times in his expansive career. As he took off, he remarked to his co-pilot, “What a beautiful view of the Hudson today!”

Little did he know that, within seconds of making that remark, he was about to make a detour into his ultimate purpose in life. That was the day Captain Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger safely landed US Airways Flight 1549 in the Hudson River, saving the lives of all on board.

When you are young, your goals are related to learning, experiencing, and advancing in your career. These are the building years – building family, building a career or business, and building community.

But there’s a shift that occurs in mid-life, where you begin to look at life from a broader perspective. You shift from simply wanting to make a living to being compelled to make a difference. Captain Sully writes about this in his book, Making a Difference, where he shares the insights of leaders in business, technology, science, and other industries.

As an executive coach, I meet talented and experienced business men and women every day who express to me a desire to make a difference, to know their lives have made an impact – on their relationships, their community, their business, and in some big or small way, the world. They may have earned the income and positional respect, but it is impact that matters most to them.

It made me realize that I, too, had this perspective. As a busy wife, mother, grandmother, and now care-taker daughter, I want make an impact on my family. As a volunteer with women and children’s organizations, I desire to make an impact on my community. As a business owner, I am compelled to make an impact in the business world. And as a former diplomat, I desired to make an impact even then.

What is the impact?

It differs for each person, but for me, it is about developing leaders for this generation and the next – leaders who, themselves, will make a difference, each in their own way. It is about developing good ethics and values in my grandchildren so they can have a blessed life. It is about developing strong communities by strengthening its people. It is about developing strong and successful business leaders to make an impact, not only in their lives, but in the lives of their people. It is about developing relationships with others, which makes for a better world.

What is impact for you?

What difference would you like to make in these four key areas of your life?

  • Relationships
  • Community
  • Business
  • World

This is a challenging but compelling question. Taking the time to reflect and explore each area allows you to set goals for the second act of your life that will fulfill your desire to truly make a difference.

You have spent decades preparing for this day. The question is, where do you go from here and how do you make a difference?

Patti Cotton helps executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and the enterprise. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, succession planning, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, leadership development, succession planning, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.