How Fulfilled Are You?
In our goal-driven society, many believe that achieving certain milestones—landing the dream job, buying a luxurious home, reaching a specific net worth—will lead to lasting happiness.
However, research and psychological insights suggest otherwise.
In fact, the notion that achieving what you want will make you perpetually happier is flawed.
Why is this?
Your “happiness set point” won’t allow it.
Happiness Set Point
The concept of the “happiness set point” is key to understanding why achievements don’t lead to long-term happiness. This idea, stemming from research in positive psychology, posits that individuals have a relatively stable level of happiness that they return to after experiencing highs or lows. This baseline is shown to be influenced by genetic factors and long-term personality traits.
One of the seminal studies in this area was conducted by psychologists Brickman and Campbell in 1971, introducing the “hedonic treadmill” theory. They observed that both lottery winners and paraplegics, after initial spikes in happiness or despair, tended to return to their baseline happiness levels over time.
Subsequent studies have reinforced these findings, suggesting that our life circumstances only account for about 10% of our overall happiness, while 50% is genetic and 40% is influenced by activities and mindset.
Does this mean you can’t change your happiness set point?
Are you doomed to reach what you have experienced in the past as the top of your “fulfillment quotient”?
Quite the contrary.
A CEO’s Experience
John, the CEO of a prominent healthcare facility, had always been driven by his professional goals. With decades of hard work, he transformed a small clinic into a leading healthcare provider in his region. Despite his impressive achievements, John found himself feeling unfulfilled and stressed. His initial excitement and pride over his accomplishments faded quickly, replaced by a constant pressure to achieve more.
When John and I first met, he believed that his unhappiness stemmed from the relentless demands of his job and the pressure to continually expand and innovate. He thought that by reaching new milestones—such as opening more facilities, increasing patient satisfaction scores, and boosting the clinic’s financial performance—he would find lasting happiness and fulfillment.
In reality, John’s unhappiness was not about the goals he had yet to achieve but rather his fundamental misunderstanding of the nature of happiness and fulfillment. He was caught in the cycle of hedonic adaptation, where each new success quickly became the new normal, providing only temporary boosts to his happiness.
John’s focus on extrinsic goals, such as professional accolades and financial success, left him neglecting intrinsic sources of happiness, such as personal growth, meaningful relationships, and self-care.
Expectations play a crucial role in the disconnect between achievement and lasting happiness. And although John was an incredibly intelligent leader, he was under a false impression. Having set high expectations for the outcomes of his goals, he believed they would solve many of his problems and bring greater and more consistent joy. When the reality fell short of these expectations, disappointment set in, and the anticipated happiness evaporated.
Moreover, social comparisons exacerbated this issue. In today’s age of social media, where John constantly saw curated highlights of other successful leaders’ lives, his achievements felt inadequate, leading to dissatisfaction despite having reached his goals.
Fortunately, you can elevate your happiness set point. Fulfillment is not beyond reach.
Reset
As we worked together, John’s journey to greater happiness started with understanding of the limitations of achievement-based happiness. Often, we get so caught up in what we think will make us happy that we lose sight of the “why” – the vision of what this will bring us. Along with this, we can often develop a “rat wheel” mentality of pushing harder toward certain goals and actually derail vision.
For example, John had become somewhat of an automaton as it came to targeting higher and higher stretch goals in both his personal and professional life. When I asked him what enough was, he didn’t know. He had forgotten why he was doing it all. He also operated at a high stress level, attempting to push harder and harder under the false assumption that he would get “there” faster (wherever “faster” was).
It was time to regroup. John had not only lost sight of his personal vision, but he had also developed a false version based on what others expected of him. Once we worked through this, we dove deep into his values. Where was he living these? Where was he not doing so? What were the consequences? And how would his life and work change if he aligned these?
Important shifts in how he operated as a leader and in life were identified. Key steps and conversations were targeted and put into his leadership development plan, so that we could work through these.
Results
John’s stress levels began to decrease with each meeting and move forward. As we reshaped how he showed up as a leader and executed within his role, I developed a daily checklist for him to keep at his desk as a reminder.
Checklist
That checklist is below, with some of my notes behind each, showing how we worked together to help John raise his happiness quotient and experience much greater fulfillment.
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Focus on Intrinsic Goals.
John started setting goals centered around personal growth, relationships, and community contribution, which provided more lasting satisfaction than extrinsic goals like wealth and professional accolades. He adjusted how he executed in his leadership role so that he was tapping into key strengths and leading within his values.
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Practice Gratitude
Regularly reflecting on what he was grateful for counteracted hedonic adaptation and helped John maintain higher levels of happiness. His family reported that they were experiencing John significantly different – much happier, more engaged.
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Engage in Flow Activities
John began to immerse himself in activities that fully engaged and satisfied him, known as flow states, creating deep and lasting contentment. We identified how, within the way he worked, he could also achieve this so that he experienced more vibrancy and energy within his leadership role.
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Build Resilient Relationships
Strong social connections are consistently linked with higher well-being. John admitted that he had let this part of his life wither. We worked consistently to revive this, and it provided John with enduring happiness that achievements alone could not.
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Practice Mindfulness and Acceptance
From the beginning, I invited John to embrace mindfulness techniques. These helped John to lower his stress, strengthen his focus, and in the longer game, appreciate the present moment, eliminating the perpetual yearning for future achievements.
The pursuit of goals and achievements is a natural part of human ambition. However, understanding that these achievements will not lead to perpetual happiness will allow us to shift our focus towards more enduring sources of well-being. By prioritizing intrinsic goals, nurturing relationships, and practicing gratitude, we can create a more balanced and fulfilling life, where happiness is derived not just from what we achieve, but from how we live each day.
References
- Brickman, P., & Campbell, D. T. (1971). Hedonic relativism and planning the good society. In M. H. Appley (Ed.), Adaptation Level Theory: A Symposium (pp. 287–302). Academic Press.
- Lyubomirsky, S. (2008). The How of Happiness: A Scientific Approach to Getting the Life You Want. Penguin Press.
- Diener, E., Lucas, R. E., & Scollon, C. N. (2006). Beyond the Hedonic Treadmill: Revising the Adaptation Theory of Well-Being. American Psychologist, 61(4), 305–314.
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Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.
