Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

managing

Does Your Lack of Authority Make You Anxious?

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Does Your Lack of Authority Make You Anxious?
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Does the thought of using your authority make you anxious?

This can really get in the way of moving the business forward.

Susan was the CEO of a small company, who found it challenging to manage her people with authority. And it was costing her considerably.

I first met Susan at a CEO forum. She was instantly likeable – people flocked around her to laugh and joke with her, and it was clear that she made friends easily.

Later, when she called me to work with her, I found that her employees also enjoyed her humor and engaging manner.

“Susan is a great listening ear,” one of her executives said. “And she’s always good for a lift in spirits.”

“Yes,” I said. “Everyone seems to appreciate her.”

“Appreciate her? Not as a leader. They like her,” the executive responded. “But as a leader, she could do with some spine. She needs to stop letting her executive team push her around.”

Although I didn’t let on, this was exactly why Susan had invited me to meet with her.

“I’m noticing that the executive team is making key decisions without me,” Susan shared later. “And I have to confess that I feel some frustration when we hold our team meetings. I feel like people are riding all over me.”

“What do you think is happening?” I asked.

Susan looked blank. “I’m not sure. But, Patti, I’m scared. How did I get here? Maybe I’m not fit to lead. Can you help?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to attend one of your executive team meetings,” I said. “Perhaps I can glean some insights that might help. Let’s talk afterward.”

When they next met, I was present. Susan introduced me as her new executive leadership coach. “If I expect all of you and the organization to grow, I need to grow first,” she laughed.

The meeting adjourned two hours later, and we met back in her office. I shared what I had observed.

The team was not aligned in any of the discussion, and they fought for personal agendas. Further, when Susan gave a recommendation on an item, two of the other team members argued her down. Finally, one of the team members seemed to dominate the entire meeting with his ideas about how things ought to run. Susan finally sat back and remained silent.

“So, I can see why you are frustrated, Susan,” I said. “It was pretty chaotic in there, and you didn’t move any one of your agenda items forward.”

“Things are just out of control,” she said. “Where do I start?”

“Pretty simple, really,” I responded. “When did you first become uncomfortable with your authority?”

During the rest of our meeting, Susan shared how she transitioned from a competitor to become CEO of her current company. When she first onboarded, the outgoing CEO warned her to play small and allow the team to acclimate to her. It seems one of the executive team members had interviewed for the CEO position and lost. Over the next few months, Susan fell into allowing the team to decide by consensus. She became anxious each time she thought about asserting her authority and backed off.

“I became a fly on the wall and became frozen, Patti,” Susan told me. “I didn’t used to be a highly anxious person. But I am, now. And the stress is overwhelming.”

Susan had taken the path of least resistance, and it had backfired.

  • People on the team started making key decisions without her.
  • She felt she was losing footing.
  • She became vague and unclear whenever she provided direction.
  • Other executives pushed back, and she backed down again.

“The anxiety has become overwhelming,” she told me. ”And I’ll do whatever it takes to remove the stress.”

“Well, get ready for more anxiety, then,” I countered. “But this time, it will be worth it.”

I shared that, whether you make a change or not, when you are not comfortable with where you are (and in Susan’s case, with exerting her authority), you will experience anxiety.

“Right now, you are experiencing chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety comes from putting up with a situation that is stressful rather than taking the painful steps to resolve it. So that’s where you are, because you find yourself frozen and unsure as to how to move out from this space. Yet, should you choose to confront and make the change you need to make, that also creates anxiety. This kind of anxiety is acute. And we don’t like the thought of more anxiety. We put up with the chronic anxiety of inaction, so we don’t have to go through the acute anxiety.”

“That’s sounds crazy,” Susan said.

“It is, in a way,” I said. “Any attempt to change is going to make us feel the disruption of the familiar. A mentor coach of mine once explained it to me with the following example:  chronic anxiety would be if you walked around with a pebble in your shoe and you just kept walking with it because it’s too much effort to take off the shoe. You don’t want to face the challenge. Acute anxiety would be if you are in a 10k race, and you have a pebble in your shoe. You realize that, if you stop to take it out, you will go a lot faster. But you will also lose time. And you will now have to face compensating to win the race. But you choose to do so; and, thus, face the challenge.”

“So, in order to get peace and reclaim my effectiveness, I will need to get off the path of least resistance, and face this. Stand up. Take back my authority.”

“Yes,” I answered. “But it’s easier said than done. There are a lot of people out there who know they need to face change, but they won’t. They need a thought partner to help strategize and implement, someone who can support them through the acute stress. The difference between them and you is that you are willing to take action on those needs.”

“Makes total sense,” said Susan. “When and where do we start?”

Susan and I worked over the next six months to help her reclaim her authority in a respectful, yet firm manner. There were some eruptions along the way, but Susan dealt with them well, which made room for the team to come together and begin to build cohesion and trust.

A year later, she called me.

“You wouldn’t recognize us,” she said. “We are moving forward together on all cylinders. Our conversations are different, and we are getting things done. I’m feeling comfortable leading, and the team is taking great pride in each of their areas of responsibility. Thank you.”

“You did the work, Susan,” I responded. “You decided a bit of acute anxiety was worth the prize. Congratulations!”

Are you identifying with Susan’s dilemma in this story?

  • Where in your own leadership are you feeling chronic anxiety?
  • How much is it costing you, your team, and the company?
  • And the most important question: Are you willing to go through the acute anxiety needed to take back your authority?

—

This article is part of a series of real-life scenarios that leaders face in today’s business world. The names and details are modified to preserve confidentiality and may represent multiple occurrences.

The Clockwork of Excellent Leadership:   3 Essential Gears

What makes up excellent leadership? The essential components that go into leadership must all work together, or they begin to wear on one another and bring things to a stop. Learn how to keep them running like clockwork. Sign up to receive the  complimentary infographic.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Can You Be Angry and Still Lead Well?

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Can You Be Angry and Still Lead Well?
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Can you lead well when you feel angry?

A corporate executive described himself as “useless” when he experienced upset.

When he felt angry, he found it difficult to make simple decisions and get regular work done.

Both his team and his family agreed that something needed to change.

The leader’s inability to manage his anger crippled his business, as decision-making and execution are critical to outcomes.

“How do you deal with anger and still lead well?”

That’s the question he asked when he first called for help.

“I’m in the middle of an expansion, Patti. Operating at my best is critical. How do I work around this thing?”

I responded, “You can’t work around it. In fact, the key idea here is to manage your emotions well. When you learn to do this, your decision-making and your ability to get work done will be much stronger than it ever has been.”

“I’m listening,” he said. “But it doesn’t sit well with me. When I am upset, I shut down. I actually feel numb, and it’s hard to think at all.”

He and I met to continue our conversation. He described himself as steady, even keeled in most all situations, and one who shied away from confrontations.

“I’m really pretty easy to get along with,” he said. “But I admit to having some hot buttons. It really gets me going when people are unreliable or untrustworthy. But that’s pretty normal, right?”

“Absolutely,” I said. “Those are some of my hot buttons, as well. How do you handle it when these things come up?”

“That’s where it gets difficult,” he explained. “I tend to stuff my irritation and ignore the problem. You can guess how that winds up. In fact, I hate to tell on myself, but I’ve allowed some pretty bad behavior on my team. As it worsens, I get angry. And then I just withdraw and shut down. When I’m hot under the collar, I can’t think. And then, with this expansion, I need everyone to just get on board and stop the nonsense. But they don’t. And that makes me angrier. And at a certain point, when my blood pressure can’t take it anymore, I simply numb out.”

“What’s worse is that when I go home, I think I can switch gears and shut the office out of my head. But my wife says this definitely doesn’t work. She says I don’t connect with the family – no conversation, just a low-hum heavy feeling in the air. I told her I was meeting with you to help me deal with this. She says to thank you in advance on behalf of the entire family. I had no idea it was affecting things that much.”

“So, here’s what I’m hearing,” I said. “You’ve just outlined what may be the chief reason for your company’s productivity loss, your executive team’s in-fighting, your lost deadlines holding back expansion – and your family life at home. That’s huge. You need more emotional agility, and you need it quickly.

“Emotional agility is the ability to navigate challenges by managing your inner game – your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.”

He stared at me with his mouth open. “I’ll do just about anything. I am seeing damage all around me from this. How do I turn this around? How do I get more emotional agility so that I can get things back on track?”

Over the next few months, he and I worked together on making friends with anger.

It sounds odd, but it isn’t. Emotions are powerful, and most of us simply don’t know how to harness this power. Emotions are simply a signal that alerts us when something affects us or our experience. Paying attention to these signals can sharpen our critical thinking and our execution.

But creating awareness around the emotions we are feeling and making friends with them as mere signals is just the first step.

The next step is crucial – managing your emotions.

And this step was indeed more challenging. Once he recognized that anger would help alert him to pay attention to something, he then needed to decide how to address the situation that was causing it.

As he and I identified biggest potential wins through managing his anger, confrontation was first. There was a key area within the executive team that had been left to fester.

He had to decide what he would expect of the two execs causing the trouble, to share it with them, and then to stand by this to enforce accountability.

Then, he needed to recognize how to make decisions, even in a “hot state.”

This meant recognizing and validating the emotion so that he could self-regulate (simmer down) and make decisions based on his values and not be driven by emotion.

Over the following months, the business began to respond positively at both individual and team levels, and the culture shift had significant impact on the company’s ability to expand and do it well.

He single-handedly turned the business around by managing his own leadership.

In confronting his own growth area, he created impact throughout the organization.

What one thing in your leadership could make a critical impact to your business or area of responsibility?

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Five Ways to Sound More Strategic

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Five Ways to Sound More Strategic
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Is your strategy showing? You may be a knowledge expert with a strong leadership lens, but unless others can see it through the way that you present your ideas, they may discount your expertise.

How can you showcase your ability to be strategic, so others take you more seriously?

1. Lead with the end in mind.

Give the answer first, and then back this up by bulleting your main points before you go into details. This is a strong way to begin your delivery and helps listeners remain focused as they know what to anticipate.

Here is an example:

The Answer: “We will be expanding into Texas, Georgia, and Virginia.”

Bullet Points: The three reasons we have decided to do this are:

    1. The cost of doing business;
    2. Available workforce; and
    3. A solid economy.

The Details: Here’s why…(go into each one of your points to expand as much as you need to provide backup with evidence while keeping it succinct).

2. Eliminate distractors.

Rambling and awkward fillers such as “um” and “uh” give the perception of searching for answers and weaken your message and credibility.

Record yourself with your phone a few times to identify what fillers you might inadvertently be using.

    • Do you repeat yourself in an attempt to convince?
    • Do you ramble with tactics instead of remaining linked to the broader context?

Redirect as you relax in the knowledge that others will ask questions if they need clarification.

3. Link your ideas to broader goals.

Whenever you can, refer to the broader strategic goal that your idea supports. Demonstrating that you keep the organization’s goals and the broader picture in mind when considering problems reminds others that you are a leader.

4. Play the devil’s advocate.

Show that you consider multiple perspectives as you make decisions and move through creative problem-solving. This can be done by referring to other possible solutions you considered before arriving at your conclusion. Share with the listeners how these other approaches worked (or didn’t!), and why you feel your solution is best. Others will see that you followed a carefully researched and open-minded approach to the problem, and this builds trust.

Jumpstart Company Performance with Trust

5. Back up your idea with the business impact.

Identify the ways in which your idea or solution will have a positive impact on the business. If you can show this, and line it up with larger goals (more revenue, shorter product cycles, etc.), you will gain credibility quickly.

Translating your strategic thoughts into words will take practice, but the outcome is well worthwhile. If you want others to recognize your strategic abilities, show them the depth and breadth of your thinking as you speak.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Recharge: Unplugging from Work the Right Way

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Recharge: Unplugging from Work the Right Way
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How often do you recharge your phone? My guess is that you recharge it intentionally on a regular basis so that it operates well for you at all times.

When was the last time you recharged yourself as instrument? Staying away from the office on weekends and that occasional vacation may not be restoring your ability to perform.

If you feel like you are slogging through mud, if you notice it seems to take you longer and longer to make decisions or to get the work done, this is a signal that you are not recharging effectively.

Time to switch it up.

A simple pause is not a recharge.

Just as an athlete’s body needs recovery time in between training sessions, your brain needs recovery time from performance to recharge. If it doesn’t receive this and you need to perform, you will begin to notice that your thinking isn’t as sharp as it has been in the past. Your performance-to-results-time is getting longer. It may feel like you are pushing a boulder uphill without relief to get the work done. As a result, your stress levels rise, fueling distraction and fatigue. What’s happening? You have set up a mode of operating that systematically depletes the mental and physical energy you need to accomplish work.

How do you redirect this path from impending burnout to recharge?

First, it’s important to recognize that the more you perform, the more you need to devote time to recovery. Second, what you do with that time to recover counts.

Calendar time to recharge and unplug.

Do you make time to recover? Evenings and weekends are places to start. But let’s look at how you are spending your time during those pauses. You are not recharging if you are doing any of the following at those times:

  • Scheduling or holding calls or meetings
  • Answering or even just checking work emails or work-related texts
  • Thinking about projects and work situations
  • Experiencing poor sleep and inadequate rest due to concern about an aspect of work

If any of the above situations strike home, it’s time to take some steps.

Break up with work on a regular basis.

1. Create boundaries with technology.

Shut your phone off and put the computer away. Consider carrying a dedicated work phone during workdays and leaving it in the office at night. Do these suggestions make you nervous? This may indicate that you suffer from a technology addiction or unhealthy expectations. Identify what concerns you about closing your virtual doors for the evening so that you can address this.

2. Remind yourself that you need your sleep.

Put your phone on sleep mode before you go to bed or put it in another room, so you aren’t disturbed by alerts and brightening lights. This keeps your sleep uninterrupted and free of the impulse to check right away to see if you should take care of something (most likely work!).

3. Empty your mind of work concerns.

Get a work journal. If you begin to think about work, either getting a bright idea or worrying you might forget something, write it down in your work journal. Put your journal somewhere such as in your briefcase, backpack, other where you will feel confident you won’t forget to take it with you when you return to work.

4. Reconcile that work will never be “done.”

Many live with the false belief that “once this project is complete, my workload will slow down or even out.”

Is that really true?

If you reflect back, you’ll realize this thinking is faulty. If you identify with this line of thought, considering reviewing the time you estimate for various tasks and projects, and how you gauge that you are on time as you work to complete deadlines.

Do some time blocking for these various initiatives to make sure you reserve space for work. You may find that you are optimistic, and that you haven’t allowed for unexpected interruptions and breaks. Identify what keeps you from opening up enough space for your work and readjust.

5. Integrate power-boost breaks on workdays.

Once you have preserved your evenings and weekends from work, examine your workdays for meaningful recharge. It’s tough to focus the entire day without pauses that refresh. And caffeine is not the answer.

Where in a typical workday can you break a few times for a 5-minute “brain break”? During these breaks, get up and move about. Connect with a coworker (on a non-work item such as how they spent their weekend). Meditate at your desk. Do something that allows your brain recovery time.

Infuse meaning into non-work time.

Once you have placed boundaries around non-work life, make this time count.

1. Reconnect well with family and friends.

Connecting with others nourishes your life through relationship. Be choosy about the people with whom you spend your time and make it count. Are you enjoying conversations and creating experiences together? Or are you sitting side by side while binge-watching shows without any mutual exchange?

2. Include fun and laughter.

Take stock of whether fun and laughter are well-embedded in your relationships, pastimes, and general philosophy. Intentionally lifting these up in your life makes a big difference in the quality of your exchanges and your outlook.

3. Revisit your larger purpose.

Take regular time to reflect on what you do and why you do it. How does what you do impact the larger picture of not only the business, but of life? Are you making the impact to which you aspire? Does this align with your life vision?

If you can’t answer these questions, it’s time to seek clarity. Your larger purpose + aligned and meaningful work = your legacy. Make yours count.

Recovery time should be intentional and meaningful. More than just a simple battery recharge, this should be a time when you focus on life priorities and meaning.

I often ask my clients what they want to celebrate at the end of their lives. Never has one said that he wants to leave a clean desk behind, no matter what the cost to his relationships, health, and life.

Rather, clients talk about making sure their footprint has been one of forging wonderful relationships, having positive influence on the lives of others, and helping to make the world a better place. If you identify with something along these lines, it’s time to unplug, recharge, and refocus how you approach your work to invite the space in which you can do this.

Starting now.

“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you.”
– Anne Lamott

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Three Lifestyle Habits to Keep Your Leadership Sharp

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Three Lifestyle Habits to Keep Your Leadership Sharp
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As a leader, how do you stay sharp and energized?

In studying great leaders, three habits seem to support this, with some of these leaders having taken it to a science.

What are these three habits, and how can you capitalize on the experience of the greats?

  1. Reading to Nourish Your Leadership Lens

Great leaders read daily. Bill Gates reads about 50 books yearly. He told Time magazine that reading is essential for success. Elon Musk shares that reading is what taught him how to build rockets. Warren Buffett, who reads about 500 pages daily, says, “That’s how knowledge works. It builds up like compound interest.”

I agree. Whatever you feed your brain is what it uses to operate. This is true for the food you eat and the information you absorb. If you are not taking the time to ingest new information to keep learning and to help you make best decisions, you are not growing. Stagnant leadership is dying leadership.

Here are tips to begin your reading habit.

    • Research what some of the great leaders are reading. Then do likewise. You can expand from there.
    • Set a timer. This is a habit to feed your brain, just like exercise is a habit to keep your body in shape. Begin with 30 minutes and set a timer so that you can focus on what you are reading.
    • Read three chapters before you decide whether you will finish the book. Sometimes you will begin a book that is just not inspiring. When this happens, give it three chapters just to make sure, and then set it aside for another if the selection is stale.

  1. Rituals to Stay Grounded in Turbulent Times

Rituals are as old as mankind. There are many kinds of rituals, such as those that increase confidence or ease grieving. There are those that signify an end or beginning to a life chapter. You and I may have personal rituals including actions such as wearing lucky socks before a big event. Rituals are cultural markers that involve activity tied to some sort of meaning. The wonderful thing about these is that they can also provide grounding and a sense of control.

Arianna Huffington is one leader who firmly believes in ritual. In fact, under her direction, the Huffington Post offers regular yoga and meditation classes, as well as nap rooms, to its employees. Building in one of these activities on a regular basis serves to bring balance and well-being to those who participate. Richard Branson claims he does his best thinking when he adds the ritual of movement, such as taking a walk.

Here are some ideas for you as you think about establishing your own rituals.

    • Decide how you would like to celebrate. Is it important to you to celebrate accomplishments? Important dates? Identify what is meaningful to you and then develop a ritual to mark the event.
    • Identify how you will center yourself. Mindfulness-based Stress Reduction (MBSR) is a wonderful way to calm anxiety or quiet the world. Developed by Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn in the 1970s at the University of Massachusetts Medical Center, MBSR was originally intended for people suffering from anxiety, depression, and pain. It has proven incredibly successful, and today, is also taught in almost every community as a way to alleviate stress and develop mindfulness.
    • Practice sharing a meaningful ritual with others so that it becomes part of your company or family culture. Sharing brings a sense of belonging and connection which is powerful and sorely needed in today’s world.

  1. Replenishing the Leadership Engine

Rest is key for rejuvenation and to re-energize. Just as your car needs energy to operate, so do you. Are you truly getting the quality and amount of sleep you need? Sleep deprivation interferes directly with focus and executive reasoning. This means your performance – and that of your business, in turn – is at stake.

McKinsey conducted a study of 196 business leaders and discovered that two-thirds were dissatisfied with the quantity of sleep they got, and 55% were not happy with the quality of their sleep. Yet, the compelling evidence shows that a lack of sleep on the part of a leader directly impacts organizational performance. What can you do about this?

Here are some tips to get you started on the road to better sleep habits.

    • Target the optimal seven to nine hours of sleep per night. If you have claimed in the past that you “only need six hours” or whatever your number is, you need to let that idea go. Experts show that anything less than seven hours is simply not enough, and you are systematically weakening your brain and body’s abilities to function over time.
    • Keep your bedroom cool and the lights off. Any compromise to darkness will compromise a sound sleep. This includes removing your cell phone from the bedroom. The stress and stimulation it represents, in addition to the blue light it gives off when alerts come through, is enough to interfere with your ability to relax and stay asleep.
    • We have all heard that best sleep hours occur before midnight, so one should go to bed early. Yet many of us may be nocturnal or find this impractical. Decide the block of time that is right for you, and then allot enough time to meet your sleep quota.

Staying sharp means discipline. And discipline is what we see the best leaders reflect as they make change around the world. Taking the time to develop this will mean the difference between good and great. As you review the three lifestyle habits of best leaders above, where will you start?

The Clockwork of Excellent Leadership:   3 Essential Gears

What makes up excellent leadership? The essential components that go into leadership must all work together, or they begin to wear on one another and bring things to a stop. Learn how to keep them running like clockwork. Sign up to receive the  complimentary infographic.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.