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Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

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Are You Hostage to a Gossiping Leader?

January 30, 2019 By Patti Cotton 2 Comments

Are You Hostage to a Gossiping Leader?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

I can think of few situations worse than to feel as though you are held hostage by a leader who gossips and continues to draw you into the circle.

The power differential between the two of you can make it so that you fear telling them you are uncomfortable talking about others. You may worry about backlash, both short-term and long term.

And with good reason.

At the same time, you feel slimy by sitting and listening. One thing you can count on – if this leader is bad mouthing others to you, he is also bad mouthing you to others.

You can feel trapped and helpless.

But there’s a way to redirect this kind of conversation without making the other person feel affronted.

You can step out of this dynamic in most cases with the following steps:

1. Acknowledge their frustration.

Focus on your leader’s emotion or frustration about the other person’s behavior and attune to this.

Example: Your leader says, “Sally is so irresponsible. I can never count on her to give me an accurate report. Makes us all look bad.”

Here is where you avoid colluding.

Focus on the frustration the leader is feeling and the behavior or results he would want to see instead.

Example: “You sound really frustrated. I guess I’d be frustrated, too, if I felt like I wasn’t getting accurate numbers.”

2. Redirect their attitude to one of problem-solving.

Example: “How you have handled these situations in the past? Is there someone in learning and development who could help train them on this?”

3. Exit the conversation with a closure statement.

In conflict resolution, we would stay, “step out of the triangle” (conflict) so that you are no longer a part of it.

Here’s an example of a closure-to-exit statement:

“It sounds like you’ve figured out how to get the results you want. That’s great!”

Or, “It sounds like there might be room to explore how to train people in situations like that.”

By taking this three-step approach, you have effectively stepped out of a toxic situation.

If your leader cannot take a hint after you repeat this process a couple of times, then it’s time to reevaluate if this is someone for whom you can work. Your life and career are too short to give in to toxicity.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC


© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

When You Get Thrown Under the Bus at Work

January 23, 2019 By Patti Cotton 2 Comments

When You Get Thrown Under the Bus at Work
Image Credit: Shutterstock

If you’ve worked long enough, then you probably know what it’s like to be thrown under the bus. This idiomatic phrase means to have your reputation deliberately sacrificed by another for that person’s personal gain or advancement.

What do you do when you are caught in the middle of this situation? And how do you recuperate from such a betrayal?

Cameron was a rising star whose contributions were always appreciated on any team. Newly promoted to Executive Vice President, he was assigned to expand the company’s reach into all 50 states.

One particular project involved another executive, Sandra, who had been a contender for Cameron’s position. She was cordial as they worked together on this, but when the time came to report formally to the board on how the initiative was shaping up, she blamed her lack of progress on Cameron.

“I’m afraid I haven’t been able to move forward as I would have liked,” said Sandra. “It’s been a little difficult to get the information I need to do my part since Cameron has been consumed with all of his other projects. You’ve been hard to chase down, my friend,” she gave Cameron a rather condescending smile. “We’ll just have to try harder.”

Cameron told me later that the top of his head become so hot when this happened that it felt like it was going to explode. He looked at Sandra in disbelief. He had been accessible at every turn, and had told Sandra how to reach him if she couldn’t find him. And this? This was clearly a move to discredit him as leader in his new position.

What would you do if a colleague threw you under the bus?

Here’s what Cameron did – and what I want to share with you, so that if you find yourself in a similar situation, you can recoup quickly and rise victorious.

1. Pre-empt any barreling bus by making sure you already have a solid reputation.

The best way to avoid people doubting your ability to do the work is to establish a strong track record through your integrity (your approach) and your ability to execute and deliver (your competence). When you have this background experience, people will remember when an isolated incident questions your leadership.

Cameron enjoyed a stellar reputation with others and so those in the room witnessing Sandra’s blame quickly questioned her motives – not Cameron’s abilities.

2. Take a short walk before you decide how to handle this.

Before you decide how you want to address being run over, take a short walk. Get outside, breathe, move around. It’s important to take a pause as you process what just happened and what you want to do to remedy it. On mental, emotional, and physical levels, this gives you the spaciousness of time to cool down and think through a best response.

Cameron got out the door as soon as the presentation was over and took a good 10-minute walk before he calmed down enough to process. Once he got his emotions under control, he was able to think through next best steps for salvaging his reputation with the board.

3. Confront for the record.

Meet with the person who just threw you under the bus.

Cameron was direct and thoughtful. “Sandra,” he began. “I was surprised in there to hear that you didn’t get the time you needed with me in order to meet the deadline. I must apologize if I appeared inaccessible. Can you share more?”

Sandra, of course, was hedging, hemming, and hawing. She knew she was caught, but thought she could wiggle out. “Well, Cameron,” she answered, “whenever I would walk past your door to check in, you seemed very busy…on a conference call, in the middle of a meeting…it was just very awkward.”

Cameron didn’t back down, but created a net for the future. “Sandra, in future, if I seem caught up and don’t notice you, it will be helpful if you shoot me an e-mail or call to schedule time. This project is high priority – and I will always make time for you as a valued team member to support you in your part.”

Sandra was caught and she knew it. The excuse was lame – but she was proud. She agreed that next time, she would make an appointment. “And one more thing, Sandra – if you aren’t not getting the answers or resources you need from me, I hope you will tell me so that I can rectify that. Will that work for you?” Sandra was officially put on notice – no more blame game.

4. Restore your reputation through a third-party champion.

At times like these, you know that anything you say publicly will simply sound like defensive excuses. In this case, you need a champion to boost your good name. Pick a trusted colleague who has influence or “power clout” with those who witnessed the crash and share what has happened. Allow them, over the next few days, to do some subtle, positive PR on your behalf when you aren’t in the room.

Having someone else speak highly of you and your abilities in this way is powerful. You take the high road; your colleague reinforces how great you are doing and why you are definitely the right person in the right seat – and you can relax.

If you have ever been thrown under the bus, then you know how devastating it is.

Be sure you are a person who never resorts to that – and commit to being a champion for others.


© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

New Year, Same You, Celebrate!

January 9, 2019 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

New Year, Same You, Celebrate!
Image Credit: Shutterstock

It’s that time of year, again, and the pressure is on to turn over a new leaf or achieve more. If you are like many of us, the process of identifying what we need to do more of, and visioning about what could be can be frustrating.

Indeed, the statistics on succeeding with New Year’s resolutions is grim. It is said that 80% fail by February. The reasons could fill a book (and they have!). But I’d like to propose a new approach for your new year that is more powerful.

Consider focusing on what is working for you and take that to a deeper level.

You see, we’ve fallen prey to thinking we must target imperfection and head for perfection. And perfection is something that is not humanly attainable. Even so, the world keeps telling us to get more, do more, and be more than we are – a dastardly setup. As we buy into this, it can create and feed the mindset of a hamster on a wheel – keep going, spin faster and faster. And we all know where that ends (if you don’t, the wheel only spins until the exhausted hamster stops).

What would it be like, instead, to capitalize on what is working for you and simply do more of that? To create a mindset of gratitude for the abilities you possess, and to use these to impact the world around you to a greater level?

Here’s a five-step process that can help you to be more of your best self, make bigger impact, and simplify your life at the same time:

1. Take an inventory to identify the top three gifts or abilities you bring to life’s table.

  • Are you someone who is able to influence others easily?
  • Do you have a special gift for making sure that things run smoothly? Note these.

2. Measure the impact you have been able to make by using these top three gifts.

  • In other words, because you have used these gifts, what outcomes have you been able to see for yourself?
  • For others?
  • How have these made a difference?

3. Do a mental scan.

  • Discover the opportunity you have to be even more effective through flexing these gifts.
  • Mentally scan the areas in life and work where you could use more of your top gifts to make greater impact. Let’s call these areas your “growth areas.”

4. Triage to streamline.

  • You may see a growth area where you can flex more influence, but in doing so, you won’t have as much time to spend doing other things.
  • Don’t make the mistake of stopping the exercise – this is part of the process. Instead, simply make a list of these other things.

5. Prioritize

  • Now, take the list of things you have identified that might interfere with flexing your gifts to a greater extent.
  • Are they things someone else can take over for you?
  • Or are they initiatives that are “nice” but not necessary – or which can be pushed back to a later time?
  • Be intentional in your prioritizing so that you create a picture for yourself that is congruent and effective.

You hold the key to the new year. You alone can choose how you want to spend your time, your focus, and whether you want to make significant impact.

I encourage you to step off the hamster wheel the world has created, and to claim a platform where you can truly make more of a difference.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Kintsugi and Strengthening Your Leadership

December 19, 2018 By Patti Cotton 1 Comment

Kintsugi and Strengthening Your Leadership
Image Credit: Shutterstock

How have you become the leader you are today? Your leadership has been shaped by the lessons you have learned in the past.

And when a particularly tough challenge throws you to the mat, this can be when you become the strongest.

But why is it when we fall flat on our backs that we are embarrassed and try to conceal this?

We are doing ourselves and others a disservice when we do so.

How?

Kintsugi.

The philosophy of Kintsugi is to treat breakage and repair as part of the history of the object, rather than a failure or flaw that should be disguised.

The story of how Kintsugi was born is that a 15th century ruler once broke a rare and favorite bowl. Because of the history it represented to him, he sent it far away for repairs. When the bowl was returned, it was in poor shape, cobbled together with large and unsightly staples. The accompanying message said that the bowl was irreparable.

Because he valued the bowl so highly, the ruler was willing to accept this verdict. He then sought someone who could take new, creative measures to restore it.

The result was Kintsugi.

Kintsugi is the ancient art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted with gold, silver, or platinum.

Instead of hiding the breaks, it highlights them with one of these beautiful metals to embrace cracks and repairs as simply part of the object’s journey, rather than to consider that breakage ends its service.

What does this mean for your leadership?

You certainly haven’t thrown in the towel because you have met some difficult challenges. However, many of us in leadership may treat these moments as non-events in an effort to appear strong and unflawed.

This is a disservice.

To feign perfection in an effort to appear strong can discount growing from your experience.

Moreover, those around you need to understand that developing their own leadership means recognizing failures as valuable points of learning that make them even stronger.

If you aren’t confident enough to talk about the history behind some of your cracks and breakages, and to reframe these as part of the leader journey, then you are robbing others of their own valuable growth opportunities.

How can you begin to turn past bumps in the road into marks of beauty in your leadership?

Think back on a particular instance and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What did you learn from having encountered this difficulty?
  2. What was the hidden “gold” in the failure?
  3. How have you used this since – and how has it made you a stronger leader?

By reframing past failures as points of learning, you can now recognize these as part of the beauty of your leadership. And you provide inspiration and hope for those who are following behind.


HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

What is so Important about Purpose at Work?

December 5, 2018 By Patti Cotton 1 Comment

What is so Important about Purpose at Work?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Why talk about your purpose? Aren’t you too busy for such introspection?

When you are driving for results, it may seem odd to reflect on your purpose.

But purpose drives results. If you aren’t in touch with your purpose and the meaning of your contributions, you may be creating results right now, but you may lose the longer game.

And if you can’t help your employees see the value of their purpose as it relates to company results, you are losing out.

Here’s the long-game secret to staying engaged, performing well, hitting target goals – and helping others to do all this, as well:

Purpose + Motivation + Engagement = Results

These three things work together to help us move forward in life with joy and resolution. Together, they are what compel us to climb mountains, to learn foreign languages, and to work with commitment on those challenging new endeavors that require tenacity and perseverance.

You see, all humans seek meaning and purpose. We ask ourselves questions such as, “Why do I exist?” “Why am I here?” “How do I bring value to life, to the larger picture?”

Understanding the answers to these questions is a powerful driver. If we do not find our purpose in life, we lose interest in life. Purpose is what tells us the value of our unique self. It gives us a reason to be, a goal to work toward. If we can’t understand our reason for existing, we lose sight of our value as human beings.

If, on the other hand, we understand how we best contribute to a larger picture, how we bring value to life’s table, this allows us to recognize our worthiness as human beings.

When we have purpose, we live differently. Looking outside ourselves to a larger picture removes the tendency to center on ourselves. We a sense of well-being and contribution. Our dopamine rises to give us pleasurable feelings of energy and positivity. We have a reason to live.

In his epic work, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl illustrates this. As he recounted his experiences in a World War II concentration camp, Frankl observed that those inmates who gave themselves a goal or recognized they had a purpose were much more likely to survive. Some held onto the vision of seeing their families in the future, and Frankl himself found purpose in reconstructing a manuscript he had written and lost on the way to the concentration camp. This purpose, these goals often meant the difference between the will to live – or not.

As you can see, purpose drives motivation.

What is your purpose?

Purpose compels us seek to achieve something with our contributions so that we can fulfill this purpose. We are stimulated to move forward, to target goals that will help us reach what we feel is our purpose – and as we see in Frankl’s illustration, is what gives us a reason to live, even in the most difficult of circumstances. We are motivated.

And motivation is what gives us the energy, drive and excitement to move forward in a certain direction or go after something we want to achieve. It’s the fire that fuels us and is necessary for us to steadily remind ourselves of who we are, our meaning and purpose.

But if purpose and motivation are what gives us meaning and energy, engagement is what keeps us going. Engagement compels us to persevere when times get challenging. We need engagement to truly reach the top of the mountain or to master that foreign language. One can be motivated to begin a new endeavor, but quickly abandon this when the going gets tough.

Think about a time when you set out to achieve something great and succeeded. What kept you going when you faced obstacles to your goal so that you remained engaged?

How can you use your experience with this to motivate and engage others so that they move forward with purpose? Here are four ways you can begin that are simple to implement with great returns:

  1. Be intentional about recognizing your team members as human beings.

We talk a lot about how to recognize and reward people for their good work, because this is key to motivating them. However, there are lots of resources out there on this, so I want to focus on a more basic, daily recognition of others as human beings. Begin the day and each interaction by eliminating feelings of anonymity. Check in by touching base personally before jumping into the task at hand. Remind them that you care about them as people by asking about their family, their weekend, or if they’ve been able to work on that hobby lately. We all get extremely busy, and sometimes, this can become a troublesome trend whereby people feel undervalued or not seen. Don’t let this become your culture.

  1. Find out what drives your team members.

Set a time when you can talk to your reports individually about their career aspirations and how you can best support them. Include an exploration about their strengths, what they feel they bring to the larger picture, and what drives them. They will feel recognized, supported, and energized. This also helps you to move them toward those projects, assignments and roles that most excite them – and will benefit the company most. It will aid you in knowing how to coach and mentor them, seeking those opportunities that align with their passion and interests.

  1. Connect work to a higher meaning.

When motivating and engaging others, it’s necessary to help them remember how their work connects with higher meaning. In order to do this, we need to understand how tasks and activities assigned to a role affect the larger picture. Let’s say, for instance, that some of your employees are in charge of customer service. The role requires problem-solving for customers all day long.

If your employees understand their contribution to the larger picture, this can keep them motivated and engaged when the going gets tough. Here’s how you help them make this connection: list the outcomes that come to mind when you have a satisfied customer.

I can think of the following: A happy customer = boosted company reputation, new business leads and referrals, more company profits, more jobs… This is one example of taking one’s tasks and responsibilities and connecting them to a higher meaning. When we understand our contribution to this larger picture, it reinforces our purpose, allowing us to recognize our value and worth.

  1. Give people more authority – not just responsibility.

People thrive on decision-making authority. It’s empowering and allows them to learn and grow, releases you to focus on other things, and brings fresh perspectives to the company. This means that you need to take more of a coaching and mentoring approach to your leadership. This helps you to leverage your people power and ability to achieve at the same time that you grow and develop others so that they can assume more responsibility.

Motivating and engaging yourself and others requires intentionality. It requires different conversations, but ones that are much more meaningful and rewarding. I challenge you to begin by incorporating one of the four steps above to see how it works for you.


HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

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