Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

effectively

Are You Hostage to a Gossiping Leader?

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Are You Hostage to a Gossiping Leader?
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I can think of few situations worse than to feel as though you are held hostage by a leader who gossips and continues to draw you into the circle.

The power differential between the two of you can make it so that you fear telling them you are uncomfortable talking about others. You may worry about backlash, both short-term and long term.

And with good reason.

At the same time, you feel slimy by sitting and listening. One thing you can count on – if this leader is bad mouthing others to you, he is also bad mouthing you to others.

You can feel trapped and helpless.

But there’s a way to redirect this kind of conversation without making the other person feel affronted.

You can step out of this dynamic in most cases with the following steps:

1. Acknowledge their frustration.

Focus on your leader’s emotion or frustration about the other person’s behavior and attune to this.

Example: Your leader says, “Sally is so irresponsible. I can never count on her to give me an accurate report. Makes us all look bad.”

Here is where you avoid colluding.

Focus on the frustration the leader is feeling and the behavior or results he would want to see instead.

Example: “You sound really frustrated. I guess I’d be frustrated, too, if I felt like I wasn’t getting accurate numbers.”

2. Redirect their attitude to one of problem-solving.

Example: “How you have handled these situations in the past? Is there someone in learning and development who could help train them on this?”

3. Exit the conversation with a closure statement.

In conflict resolution, we would stay, “step out of the triangle” (conflict) so that you are no longer a part of it.

Here’s an example of a closure-to-exit statement:

“It sounds like you’ve figured out how to get the results you want. That’s great!”

Or, “It sounds like there might be room to explore how to train people in situations like that.”

By taking this three-step approach, you have effectively stepped out of a toxic situation.

If your leader cannot take a hint after you repeat this process a couple of times, then it’s time to reevaluate if this is someone for whom you can work. Your life and career are too short to give in to toxicity.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

When You Get Thrown Under the Bus at Work

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When You Get Thrown Under the Bus at Work
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If you’ve worked long enough, then you probably know what it’s like to be thrown under the bus. This idiomatic phrase means to have your reputation deliberately sacrificed by another for that person’s personal gain or advancement.

What do you do when you are caught in the middle of this situation? And how do you recuperate from such a betrayal?

Cameron was a rising star whose contributions were always appreciated on any team. Newly promoted to Executive Vice President, he was assigned to expand the company’s reach into all 50 states.

One particular project involved another executive, Sandra, who had been a contender for Cameron’s position. She was cordial as they worked together on this, but when the time came to report formally to the board on how the initiative was shaping up, she blamed her lack of progress on Cameron.

“I’m afraid I haven’t been able to move forward as I would have liked,” said Sandra. “It’s been a little difficult to get the information I need to do my part since Cameron has been consumed with all of his other projects. You’ve been hard to chase down, my friend,” she gave Cameron a rather condescending smile. “We’ll just have to try harder.”

Cameron told me later that the top of his head become so hot when this happened that it felt like it was going to explode. He looked at Sandra in disbelief. He had been accessible at every turn, and had told Sandra how to reach him if she couldn’t find him. And this? This was clearly a move to discredit him as leader in his new position.

What would you do if a colleague threw you under the bus?

Here’s what Cameron did – and what I want to share with you, so that if you find yourself in a similar situation, you can recoup quickly and rise victorious.

1. Pre-empt any barreling bus by making sure you already have a solid reputation.

The best way to avoid people doubting your ability to do the work is to establish a strong track record through your integrity (your approach) and your ability to execute and deliver (your competence). When you have this background experience, people will remember when an isolated incident questions your leadership.

Cameron enjoyed a stellar reputation with others and so those in the room witnessing Sandra’s blame quickly questioned her motives – not Cameron’s abilities.

2. Take a short walk before you decide how to handle this.

Before you decide how you want to address being run over, take a short walk. Get outside, breathe, move around. It’s important to take a pause as you process what just happened and what you want to do to remedy it. On mental, emotional, and physical levels, this gives you the spaciousness of time to cool down and think through a best response.

Cameron got out the door as soon as the presentation was over and took a good 10-minute walk before he calmed down enough to process. Once he got his emotions under control, he was able to think through next best steps for salvaging his reputation with the board.

3. Confront for the record.

Meet with the person who just threw you under the bus.

Cameron was direct and thoughtful. “Sandra,” he began. “I was surprised in there to hear that you didn’t get the time you needed with me in order to meet the deadline. I must apologize if I appeared inaccessible. Can you share more?”

Sandra, of course, was hedging, hemming, and hawing. She knew she was caught, but thought she could wiggle out. “Well, Cameron,” she answered, “whenever I would walk past your door to check in, you seemed very busy…on a conference call, in the middle of a meeting…it was just very awkward.”

Cameron didn’t back down, but created a net for the future. “Sandra, in future, if I seem caught up and don’t notice you, it will be helpful if you shoot me an e-mail or call to schedule time. This project is high priority – and I will always make time for you as a valued team member to support you in your part.”

Sandra was caught and she knew it. The excuse was lame – but she was proud. She agreed that next time, she would make an appointment. “And one more thing, Sandra – if you aren’t not getting the answers or resources you need from me, I hope you will tell me so that I can rectify that. Will that work for you?” Sandra was officially put on notice – no more blame game.

4. Restore your reputation through a third-party champion.

At times like these, you know that anything you say publicly will simply sound like defensive excuses. In this case, you need a champion to boost your good name. Pick a trusted colleague who has influence or “power clout” with those who witnessed the crash and share what has happened. Allow them, over the next few days, to do some subtle, positive PR on your behalf when you aren’t in the room.

Having someone else speak highly of you and your abilities in this way is powerful. You take the high road; your colleague reinforces how great you are doing and why you are definitely the right person in the right seat – and you can relax.

If you have ever been thrown under the bus, then you know how devastating it is.

Be sure you are a person who never resorts to that – and commit to being a champion for others.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Kintsugi and Strengthening Your Leadership

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Kintsugi and Strengthening Your Leadership
Image Credit: Shutterstock

How have you become the leader you are today? Your leadership has been shaped by the lessons you have learned in the past.

And when a particularly tough challenge throws you to the mat, this can be when you become the strongest.

But why is it when we fall flat on our backs that we are embarrassed and try to conceal this?

We are doing ourselves and others a disservice when we do so.

How?

Kintsugi.

The philosophy of Kintsugi is to treat breakage and repair as part of the history of the object, rather than a failure or flaw that should be disguised.

The story of how Kintsugi was born is that a 15th century ruler once broke a rare and favorite bowl. Because of the history it represented to him, he sent it far away for repairs. When the bowl was returned, it was in poor shape, cobbled together with large and unsightly staples. The accompanying message said that the bowl was irreparable.

Because he valued the bowl so highly, the ruler was willing to accept this verdict. He then sought someone who could take new, creative measures to restore it.

The result was Kintsugi.

Kintsugi is the ancient art of repairing broken pottery with lacquer dusted with gold, silver, or platinum.

Instead of hiding the breaks, it highlights them with one of these beautiful metals to embrace cracks and repairs as simply part of the object’s journey, rather than to consider that breakage ends its service.

What does this mean for your leadership?

You certainly haven’t thrown in the towel because you have met some difficult challenges. However, many of us in leadership may treat these moments as non-events in an effort to appear strong and unflawed.

This is a disservice.

To feign perfection in an effort to appear strong can discount growing from your experience.

Moreover, those around you need to understand that developing their own leadership means recognizing failures as valuable points of learning that make them even stronger.

If you aren’t confident enough to talk about the history behind some of your cracks and breakages, and to reframe these as part of the leader journey, then you are robbing others of their own valuable growth opportunities.

How can you begin to turn past bumps in the road into marks of beauty in your leadership?

Think back on a particular instance and ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What did you learn from having encountered this difficulty?
  2. What was the hidden “gold” in the failure?
  3. How have you used this since – and how has it made you a stronger leader?

By reframing past failures as points of learning, you can now recognize these as part of the beauty of your leadership. And you provide inspiration and hope for those who are following behind.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

3 Essential Shifts Every Leader Must Make – Part 3

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3 Essential Shifts Every Leader Must Make Part 3: Leadership and Brain Trust
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Leadership and Brain Trust

How well prepared are you to lead into the future?

The world now requires that you lead at a higher level to navigate change and complexity.

It demands that you have a greater capacity for the kinds of decisions and challenges that confront you now and in the future.

This requires a powerful three-pronged approach to support your leadership.

Over the last two articles, we talked about two of these elements, and they are:

Without these two abilities, you as leader may be close to your expiry date.

This week, we’ll talk about the third and final element to developing your leadership capacity: brain trust.

What is brain trust, and why do you need it?

The term “brain trust” is a term that was first coined by James Kieran, a New York Times reporter. He used this term to describe the group of leaders assembled by Franklin Delano Roosevelt during his presidential administration. President Franklin brought these “brains” together to advise him, decode problems, and design new solutions for America.

It is critical that a leader has a brain trust for several reasons. Here are the top five:

  • Perspective

Because leading requires complex decision-making, being able to see and understand a problem or challenge from all angles is necessary.

Albert Einstein’s quote reminds us that you can’t solve these with the same mindset that created them. However, it is often difficult to step outside oneself to see these additional angles. Having a brain trust made up of people who come from various industries and backgrounds means you can tap into a vast pool of experience for greater perspective and creative solutions.

President Roosevelt’s brain trust helped him to enact 19 laws to meet America’s challenges in just the first 100 days of him being in office. He freely admitted this was due to having an intellectual powerhouse to bring ideas and perspective that he could not bring to the table alone.

  • Powerful Support

It gets lonely when you carry big responsibilities. You balance many demands and set the standard for your organization.

Carrying all this alone can cause isolation and stress, as you feel you must face and meet these challenges by yourself. In fact, a recent survey shows that 60% of all leaders express feelings of isolation and they report that this hinders their performance.

Unburdening and processing with family, friends, or direct reports often creates greater stress on these relationships and can’t provide the right kind of support the leader needs to meet life and work effectively.

It is important for you as leader to have a safe and powerful support system that is trustworthy, confidential, and one that can receive and help process the complexity of your challenges.

  • Challenge

If you want to continue to grow so that you lead both your life and work solidly into the future, you need input.

What are you not seeing that you need to examine?

How is not leading at a higher level affecting your life and work?

With great responsibilities, you can operate from “stress mode” as you address the immediate and urgent. This can develop tunnel vision, and you will lean on familiar approaches that cannot meet more complex problems. This dynamic will keep you from being able to solve these, and to meet the important goals that will truly make a difference for you and the others around you.

A brain trust will challenge you where you might be playing small with limited thinking or approaches. It will provide that safe space for you to confront where you are holding yourself back and decide how you want to move forward.

  • Accountability

Change is hard; growth is hard. Without an accountability mechanism, the biggest goals and commitments are seldom met successfully.

As you process and make the decisions you need in order to move forward in both your life and work, a brain trust will keep you accountable to yourself and your commitments. And because a brain trust’s only agenda is your agenda, you can count on your brain trust as an unbiased and supportive group that has your best interests in mind.

This will help you to stay on track and to focus where you need in order to meet goals.

  • Community

How edifying and uplifting is your community?

If you are like most, you have little time to enjoy the nurturing benefits of connection and community. In fact, your responsibilities and pace as leader can limit your ability to form meaningful community and to enjoy the gifts and benefits of bonds and belonging.

Sadly, if you are like most leaders, your community feels fragmented and might be made up of some or all of these:

  • Frantic seasonal socializing to reconnect with old friends during holidays
  • Networking and brainstorming with peers
  • Industry or business-specific meetings with colleagues
  • Connections with families of your children and grandchildren during sports season
  • A weekly (if even that!) church experience

An intentionally-focused community that encourages intellectual improvement, supports personal and professional growth, and genuinely cares about you is an invaluable and rejuvenating asset to the leader. What’s more, being able to connect with this kind of community in time of crisis or celebration is priceless.

“When we live our lives in isolation, what we have is unavailable, and what we lack is unprocurable,” wrote Basil.

It is time to admit that going it alone doesn’t work anymore.

As you seek to meet the challenges of the future more effectively, having a solid brain trust is a not a “nice to have,” but a necessary component to your life and work.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

3 Essential Shifts Every Leader Must Make – Part 2

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3 Essential Shifts Every Leader Must Make Part 2: 360° Leadership Development
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Are you prepared to lead into the future?

Most leaders are not.

They experience increasing pressure as they attempt to cover all the bases and feel unsettled about what might be coming next.

If that is you, please stay with me on this, because the volatility and complexity of change in the business world is only growing.

If you want to make sure you are prepared to lead into the future, you must make three shifts right now to navigate effectively through change, and if you don’t take quick action on these, your leadership will soon be reaching its expiration date.

In a previous article, we talked about the first of three necessary shifts to do so: sharpening your emotional intelligence to increase your relational skills. If you missed this, catch up here.

Now, on to the second of the three necessary shifts you need to make: 360° leadership development.

There is a great buzz about the fact that to really grow in your leadership, you must work on both horizontal and vertical development to meet a complex world. And this is true.

Horizontal development refers to increasing in knowledge, skills and competencies. We can measure this through leadership assessments, 360° feedback processes, and similar means. Companies invest in tremendous amounts of money to assess, measure, and hold people accountable to these, and this is necessary.

But in the last few years, we recognized that was no longer enough. We discovered that leaders who possessed the knowledge, skills, and competencies required to conduct business, were now experiencing an inability to meet the changing demands.

The world was changing – and their leadership was not.

Albert Einstein once said, “We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

To expand on this truth, it has become clear that, “We can’t lead an organization of the future effectively by using the same kind of approaches we have used to lead the organization of today.” – Patti Cotton

To meet this problem, the leadership development world recognized the need for vertical development. Vertical development refers to the growth in a person’s thinking capability. It’s about how you think – how complex, strategic, interdependent, and systemic you are able to sift through challenges and make decisions. For more on this, read the white paper “Vertical Leadership Development-Part I” by Nick Petrie, Center for Creative Leadership.

“At last!” said the leadership development world. “We have now covered how to be more agile and complete in approaching change. We can rest easy!” Top executive coaches focused on the mindset shifts necessary to cultivate this, and we saw a lot of progress.

But a giant puzzle piece was missing and tragically continued to reveal itself in significant areas of the business world.

Here’s a small and partial list of contemporary business leaders who have run companies worth billions. They possess both horizontal and vertical development and, for quite a while, have been considered thought leaders ahead of the pack.

  • Elizabeth Holmes, former CEO, Theranos
  • Martin Winterkorn, former president of Volkswagen
  • Martin Shkreli, former CEO of Turing Pharmaceuticals
  • Hisao Tinaka, former president of Toshiba

These people had the knowledge and competencies to run the organization. They developed the mindset shifts needed to develop their thinking capabilities so that they could meet change and future challenges. They were capable, high-performing, and they produced incredible results.

But the glaring piece that was missing in all cases – and the reason for their downfall – was that they were missing the third part of the 360° leadership equation: Character.

Character is a matter of trust.

And without trust, you won’t get far – at least, not for the long game.

If you are in this to win, you must not neglect your leadership character.

The people in the above list all showed a flawed or compromised character. The result has been that they have suffered personal leadership downfall, in some cases they are or have been under investigation with threatening jail time, and their respective organizations were either heavily fined, sold, or folded.

Now I am not suggesting that you should compare yourself to these people in any way – I’ve selected these people to make a point. However, I am proposing that you check to make sure that your own character is well-sharpened to support your leadership.

Can you deliver on the following traits consistently? Are they truly a part of you and the way you lead?

Five Key Leadership Character Traits:

  1. Integrity – Are you consistent and congruent in relating to others so that they know what they can expect from you, know that they can count on you?
  2. Respect – Do you respect yourself and others equally in your decisions and actions?
  3. Intent – Do you hold others in positive regard and with positive intent, so that your pre-assumptions and biases don’t curtail best thinking?
  4. Transparency – Are you authentic in your communications? Forthright in the way you confront conflict and resolve it? Candid in critical conversations so that you are tough on issues and tender on people?
  5. Connection – Do you genuinely desire to connect well with others – and are you able to do this successfully?

Without one of these, your leadership is headed toward its expiration date. Because character is the missing piece to the complete leadership picture; the 360° leadership equation.

In the short term, you and others may not notice the effects of a compromised or weak character. But in the long run, missing this will bring down not only your ability to lead, but is quite capable of bringing an entire organization to its knees, as we have seen.

What specific trait within your character needs attention? And if you don’t know, who among your trusted colleagues can help identify this? I look forward to your feedback.

Next week, we will explore the third of three shifts you need to make: Brain Trust.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

GET THE INFOGRAPHIC

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.