Recognizing Grudges and Hidden Tensions: Spotting Energy Drains Before They Take Root

How much hidden tension are you carrying from unresolved conflict?

We rarely notice the quiet ways tension seeps into our work—both individually and across teams. It doesn’t always show up as a heated argument or dramatic confrontation. Often, it slips in subtly: a glance avoided in a hallway, a colleague who stops contributing ideas, or a whispered comment in the break room. These small signals are the footprints of grudges and hidden tension—and their cost is far greater than a few awkward moments.

Take Carla, the VP from my last article. Her choice to withdraw from one colleague after a tense meeting wasn’t dramatic—it was quiet, almost invisible. Yet, her avoidance rippled across her team. Meetings became less dynamic. Ideas went unspoken. The team’s energy—the very currency of creativity and productivity—was quietly leaking.

What is hidden tension costing you?

Workplace conflict costs organizations an estimated $359 billion annually in lost productivity – and unresolved tension is a large and silent contributor. But the true return on recognizing these energy drains isn’t measured only in dollars. It’s in mental bandwidth reclaimed, focus restored, and creativity unlocked. Leaders who notice tension early don’t just protect productivity—they safeguard the energy of themselves and their teams.

How can you tell if you are affected?

Grudges rarely declare themselves. Instead, they show up as patterns of behavior that quietly siphon energy. Are you or one of your colleagues experiencing any of these?

• Avoidance: You seek to skip meetings, sidestep colleagues, or disengage from projects.
• Gossip: Your conversations can shift from work to subtle judgments or resentment.
• Passive-aggression: Your responses may be delayed, you find it easy to make backhanded comments, or small snubs that leave a mark.
• Disengagement: You are contributing less, you withdraw from discussions, or you have diminished initiative.

Individually, these behaviors drain a leader’s focus and emotional energy. Systemically, they ripple across the team, slowing progress, eroding trust, and stalling alignment.

If you are experiencing any of what I have just described, then the biggest obstacle to moving your organization is you.

Indeed, the biggest obstacles aren’t what’s happening around us—they’re the stories we tell ourselves when we hold onto conflict:

• “If I let go, I’m weak.”
• “That person will never change.”
• “Conflict is permanent.”

These assumptions act like invisible chains, locking energy into past events. I once worked with Raj, a department head whose team member missed a critical deadline. Raj never raised his voice, never punished—but every day, he replayed the incident in his mind. His stress became chronic, his decision-making reactive, and his team sensed the tension. Once we identified and reshaped the stories he was telling himself – those faulty assumptions – Raj unlocked hours of energy and saw his team re-engage with focus and creativity.

Your energy affects the entire business.

Your unaddressed grudges and tension have tangible consequences:

• You as leader: you experience fatigue, clouded judgment, and reduced effectiveness.
• Teams: your compromised energy and focus causes your team to disengage, with creativity and collaboration declining.
• Organizations: this energy cascades throughout the organization, meaning that it faces slower execution, lower alignment, higher turnover, and wasted talent investment.

But when tension is noticed and addressed early, the ROI is immediate and measurable.

• You as leader reclaim your mental bandwidth and make clearer, faster decisions.
• Your team contributes more freely, delivering higher-quality work more efficiently.
• Organizations strengthen culture, align around purpose, and reduce risk of burnout.

Here are some action steps you can take now to spot and release energy drains early:

1. Observe Patterns: Notice subtle signs of withdrawal, gossip, or avoidance in yourself and your team.
2. Examine Beliefs: Identify the assumptions you hold that maintain tension or block forgiveness.
3. Separate Intent from Impact: Clarify what happened versus how it affected you.
4. Engage Early: Have one-on-one conversations to clear the air, facilitate team dialogues, or clarify expectations.
5. Establish Shared Agreements: Create explicit norms for feedback, communication, and conflict resolution to prevent recurring friction.

The ROI of early recognition

Recognizing tension before it festers is an investment in energy—for you as leader, your team, and the organization. Energy once trapped in resentment is freed for focus, collaboration, and strategic work. The sooner leaders spot these hidden drains, the sooner they can redirect energy to what truly matters: innovation, alignment, and high-impact execution.

Looking Ahead

Noticing tension is only the first step. The real work—and the real ROI—comes when leaders challenge biases, take action, and create the conditions for forgiveness and energy restoration.

Start by observing one subtle tension in your team this week. What energy could you reclaim if you addressed it early?

In my next article, we’ll explore how to overcome resistance and biases that block forgiveness, both personally and within your team, so energy can flow where it creates the greatest impact.