Overcoming Biases and Resistance to Forgiveness

What stories about others are you carrying that no longer serve you?

We all carry stories about how others have treated us—moments of disappointment, betrayal, or misunderstanding that we tuck away as lessons or warnings. These stories shape how we lead, collaborate, and decide. But not all of them serve us—or the people we lead.
When biases harden and forgiveness feels out of reach, they become invisible barriers that bind our energy to the past instead of freeing it for the future.

The truth is, holding onto bias and old grudges doesn’t punish anyone but ourselves. It’s like dragging a heavy anchor while trying to steer forward.

The Invisible Blocks to Letting Go

Think back to Raj, the department head from our last article. He replayed a missed deadline again and again, reinforcing his belief that “once trust is broken, it can’t be rebuilt.” It sounded like prudence, but it was really self-protection. That belief quietly consumed his focus, narrowing his leadership bandwidth and keeping him reactive.

Most leaders resist forgiveness for a few familiar reasons:

• Misunderstanding forgiveness as weakness: “If I forgive, I’m letting them off the hook.”
• Fear of vulnerability: “If I show empathy, I might be taken advantage of.”
• Belief in permanence: “People don’t change, so why bother?”

Each of these stories has a cost. They trap us in cycles of guardedness and tension—moments when we lead from fear rather than trust, and when our teams mirror that same energy back to us.

The Cost of Resistance

Unresolved tension doesn’t stay contained. It spills into how teams communicate, innovate, and perform.

• Leaders lose clarity and waste hours mentally replaying past conflicts.
• Teams disengage, hesitate to share ideas, and protect themselves instead of collaborating.
• Organizations slow down—execution suffers, turnover rises, and innovation stalls.

Research confirms that teams grounded in trust, accountability, and forgiveness are up to 12 times more likely to outperform their peers. The ROI of reducing resistance isn’t abstract—it’s tangible in engagement, productivity, and cohesion.

A Story: Lena’s Team

Lena, a senior director in healthcare, noticed growing tension after a tough project review. Two top performers began avoiding each other; sarcasm slipped into emails. She felt the discomfort but hesitated—“If I bring it up,” she thought, “I’ll make it worse.”

Instead, Lena chose courage over comfort. She:

1. Named the tension—gently, without blame.
2. Helped her team separate facts from feelings—what happened vs. what it meant.
3. Facilitated open dialogue so each person could be heard.
4. Co-created clear agreements on communication and follow-through.

Within weeks, the team found its rhythm again. Meetings regained their spark, projects moved faster, and Lena noticed a 15% improvement in delivery times—and a 100% lift in morale.

Action Steps: Shifting Bias into Energy

1. Reflect on your stories. Identify the judgments or “permanent beliefs” that quietly drain your energy.
2. Question your assumptions. Ask, “Is this fact—or a story I’ve created?”
3. Model vulnerability. Show that releasing resentment is a mark of strength, not weakness.
4. Create safe dialogue. Invite honest conversations where feedback and forgiveness can coexist.
5. Anchor accountability. Track commitments and celebrate progress. Energy flows where trust grows.

The ROI of Letting Go

When leaders release resistance and reframe bias:

• They reclaim hours of mental bandwidth once lost to replaying old conflicts.
• Teams become more creative, connected, and invested in shared outcomes.
• Organizations regain momentum and alignment that drives innovation.

Letting go isn’t simply an emotional exercise—it’s a strategic act of leadership.
Forgiveness is not about excusing the past; it’s about reclaiming your energy for what’s next.

Looking Ahead

Noticing tension is the beginning. Questioning our biases is the bridge. But practicing forgiveness—moment to moment, in real relationships—is where transformation takes root.

Where do you need to practice more forgiveness?

In the next article, we’ll explore how to put forgiveness into action—through practical frameworks that help leaders turn awareness into energy and energy into impact.