Mindset Moves and Attitude Adjustments

In my work with accomplished professionals, most will tell me that they do not have a victim mindset. Yet, as we begin coaching, I often discover in the very first conversation that they are harboring such an approach in at least one area of their life or work.  How can I tell?  Language.

A victim mindset is one that says, “I can’t help what is happening to me.  I am not in control.”  Contextually, this can mean self-talk in business such as, “I must not be part of the inner circle – I’m never invited to the golf morning.”  Or, “My competitor has more marketing budget to spend – I can’t compete with that.”  At home, it can look like, “I never have enough time to spend with family,” or  “Someday, I am going to put away enough so that I can take that vacation.”

If you are using any of the following phrases in your vocabulary on a regular basis, you may have fallen prey to this victim mindset (these are not inclusive – but a great beginning!):

If only…

1. I wish…
2. I never…
3. I always…
4. I can’t…
5. I should…

What each of these phrases implies is that you are not in control of the situation. But we are in control of ourselves. And this makes all the difference!

A brief story to illustrate this… 

Bob first came to me because he recognized his leadership needed a booster shot.  “I know I could communicate better – and I want to learn how to do this.”  Not an uncommon scenario amongst even the best of leaders, I assured him.  And we sat down to dive deep.

However, when we talked about taking the time to meet with each of his senior staff members once monthly to build rapport and to practice some deep listening, Bob erupted.  “I can’t do that!” he exclaimed.  “That would take hours out of my schedule.  You don’t understand – we are under fire, here!  There are impossible deadlines to meet – I don’t have the time!”

We had a great discussion about priorities at that point.  How much was he willing to adjust in order to step into greater leadership through better communication?  We weighed the pros and cons – and Bob agreed to have me help him examine ways he could carve out time to meet with senior staff as part of the process.

And here is what we discovered:  Bob was doing a lot of managing instead of leading.  He was accepting some responsibilities and activities that should be delegated to staff.  With careful assessment, we were able to have Bob delegate, and to focus much more time on empowering senior staff to do well.  Of course, this allowed him to spend more time with them and to work on his communication skills.

The upswing?  Everybody won.

How about you?  Do you find yourself using any of those victim-like phrases described above?  Keep a notepad around and jot down where this is showing up.  Then, pretend you are a friend looking in.  How might you counsel yourself?  What are some different ways of approaching the situation?

To your success!