Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

Values

Reset, Reboot, Relaunch – It’s All About 2021

By 1 Comment

Reset, Reboot, Relaunch – It’s All About 2021
Image Credit: Shutterstock

As 2020 comes to a close, it is natural for many to feel hopeful about 2021. We now have a promising vaccine in response to the COVID-19 virus which has, for the majority of the year, dictated how we redirect and lead our lives. We have had a tense Presidential election with significant emotions surrounding the process and the event. Other local, national, and world events have added to this stress.

It is only natural that, coming to year-end, people are reflecting on renewal and relaunching their lives. Whether you are a fan or not of New Year’s resolutions, most all of us hope to enjoy a more positive and enjoyable 2021.

Part of a “great reset” involves three steps:

  • Reflection. A reflection on what went well. What were your accomplishments? For what would you like to congratulate yourself? What did not work well? For example, if you found a creative way to strike work-life balance, this is a win to be congratulated. If you made the commitment to exercise five times weekly and did not meet this, flag this as something that did not work well. Write these wins and losses down.
  • Learning. What lessons have you learned after reflecting on the wins and losses that you have listed? Perhaps you decided to turn off your computer at a certain time each day so that you could turn to your family and respect the work-life balance you created. As a result, the learning might be that putting a structure in place such as specified work hours helps support your goals. And in the case of missing the mark with your commitment to exercise, what did you learn there? It may be that you didn’t leave room in your schedule, or that you didn’t identify what kind of exercise might work for you.
  • Commitments. After listing what you have learned, identify what commitments you want to make to yourself going forward. What do you want to bring forward into the new year, and what do you want to leave behind? Again, using our examples, if your learning is that you want to continue structuring time or being more specific for important goals and priorities, how can you apply this to your goals for 2021?

This is a fruitful exercise, and my executive clients find that it helps them stay sharp in their decision-making and execution moving forward.

However, when it comes to leaving behind those things that they have identified as no longer serving them, it becomes challenging to let go.

Why is this?

We human beings are wired for comfort. This means that we also carry a natural inclination to resist change. It is hard to leave the perch! The first step is deciding how you want to leave behind those things that are no longer useful.

Consider the following three choices as you ponder how to streamline and improve your new year.

1. Release

Let it go. As you look back at 2020, what can you let go without remorse or anguish?

Generally, the kinds of things that respond well to release are low-stakes commitments, decisions, or relationships. Often, they come disguised as enjoyable or previously more important, but upon closer inspection, they may now keep you from having the energy and time you might need for greater or more relevant things. What things might you be holding onto out of habit that should be eliminated from your life or work?

2. Reframe

Look at the situation differently. Reframing calls on us to take a different perspective about a situation or person.

An example might be that you have been seeing a particular situation as irritating, or a person as prickly and thus someone to be avoided. Taking a posture to reframe means attempting to “find the gold” or different aspects of that situation which may lend to you feeling better about it.

This is often adopted when the stakes are higher. What have you been putting up with experiencing this year that you feel you need to see a different way? Where in your life or work might you benefit from greater tolerance, compassion, or appreciation of the larger picture?

3. Reconcile

Bring resolution to the problem.

Notice that the previous steps of releasing and reframing require only action on your part. Reconciliation, however, generally requires two or more people (or two or more parts of yourself!) to work.

We generally seek to reconcile when stakes are high, when we want to save the situation or relationship. This will require a negotiation of sorts. At the very least, it will necessitate a revisit of the situation you deem needs reconciling, a conversation, and a shared agreement to resolve the situation.  Sometimes, it requires that we also forgive either the other person or ourselves in order to feel that all is safely put to rest.

As you reflect on this year, and on rebooting life and work to make it even more meaningful and rewarding in the coming new season, what do you need to celebrate? And what do you need to leave behind?

I challenge you to stretch and take the steps to intentionally embrace 2021.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Why to Practice Gratitude in Restless Times

By 1 Comment

Why to Practice Gratitude in Restless Times
Image Credit: Shutterstock

The United States is celebrating Thanksgiving. Historically, it is a cheerful and exciting kick-off to the holidays. However, this year has been full of complexity and challenges, and there are those of you reading this who are struggling with significant loss, perhaps personally and professionally.

It is important to acknowledge this and to recognize that, for many, life has been altered in a way that feels heavy and difficult. Tapping into the right resources to help provide support is key. And although we cannot possibly list every resource here that might be needed, if you are unsure as to where to turn, checking with a local county or state official’s office is a great start.

As we move forward, the practice of gratitude becomes even more important. It is not a replacement for loss, nor is this intended to dismiss confronting challenges. However, the art and science of gratitude has proven to be a life experience enhancer for many reasons, and I invite you to consider putting this to work for you.

Practicing gratitude has actually shown to be effective in many studies. In other words, research supports its positive effects.

Here are some key reasons you might want to begin a simple gratitude practice.

1. Elevate your mood and lower your stress.

The expression of gratitude is a perspective brightener. Researchers from Harvard, University of California Davis, and University of Pennsylvania have produced studies showing that people report elevated happiness as much as a month later by doing such things as keeping a gratitude journal, writing letters of appreciation, and jotting down positive memories.

The good feelings associated with performing these tasks also positively affect the hypothalamus, which controls basic bodily functions such as eating and sleeping, and dopamine, the “reward neurotransmitter.” And if you receive positive acknowledgment from someone else in this way, it operates on your brain in a similar way. This means better sleep habits, well-being, and health.

Imagine what this can do in the workplace!

2. Motivate those around you – and make the world a better place.

Integrating a practice of gratitude affects those around you. It is a great motivator, both at home and in the workplace.

A study performed by professors Grant and Gino on the merits of gratitude and its effects on motivating prosocial behavior emphasizes this point. Researchers divided participants into two groups and asked them to make fundraising calls to solicit alumni donations. One group followed the traditional method of making calls while another group was given a speech by the director of annual giving, who expressed gratitude for their efforts. The group who received the pep talk made 50% more fundraising calls than those who did not.

3. How do you begin? Here are a few tips.

  • Express gratitude daily.

Keep a journal and simply jot down three things for which you are thankful each morning. Over time, this has been shown to help redirect a person’s perspective in a more positive manner throughout the day. Write thank-you notes when you recognize your appreciation of others. Make a phone call to share your gratitude of others with them. Human beings need connection and acknowledgment more than ever before during these tumultuous times.

  • Celebrate small wins as well as large ones.

Look for the small nuggets of “good” and count your blessings. What do you take for granted each day that is really a luxury? Who do you appreciate for who they are – and not for what they do?

  • Seek out the unsung heroes.

There are many in our circles who, through their faithfulness and steady commitment, continue to make the world a better place. Note these. Let them know. Again, appreciation should not be limited to achievements, but to what they bring to the table in their character or demeanor.

  • Be genuine in your expressed appreciation.

If you are one who does not readily acknowledge the good things in life and other people, make sure that you are genuine in your expression when you do express appreciation. Others will not trust your efforts if you otherwise send signals of dismissal or unappreciation.

  • It’s the quality, not the quantity.

A client recently shared that she has a colleague who passes by her desk several times daily and each time he does, he says, “Good job!” However, when she stopped him the other day and asked him what he appreciated about her good work, he couldn’t answer her. Be sure that, when you are recognizing blessings or others, you are specific, so that this is meaningful to both you and them. Quality in this regard is everything. Otherwise, your message rings hollow.

Practicing gratitude just makes sense. It’s better for your health and outlook. It is contagious, inspiring, and motivating to those around you. And in times like these, when we cannot control many things we used to take for granted, we can serve as ripples in a pond, collectively making positive impact all around us.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Leading in a Time of Crisis

By Leave a Comment

Leading in a Time of Crisis
Image Credit: Shutterstock

We are faced in this moment with a crisis that stretches around the world. It is affecting every aspect of our personal and professional lives.

You, as a leader, are being tested with every fiber of your being. The work challenges you were dealing with a few weeks ago have been eclipsed or compounded by COVID-19 and its effects on your business.

How do you lead through this?

The real test of leadership – a leader’s behaviors and actions during a crisis – are what help a company to move through successfully. At this time, you are no doubt being asked to make critical decisions that affect the livelihoods of many.

How can you encourage confidence and stability to bring your people along as we move through this critical period?

1. Educate yourself and others.

Make sure you are aware of federal and state requirements vis-à-vis the current situation so that you are abiding by that which is requested. Additionally, seek trusted sources to learn more about how you can protect your employees, clients, and key stakeholders. Check in with these sources on a regular basis and ask your executive team to do the same. Make sure you are communicating well and often. Dealing with a crisis means that others need to hear from you often and with reassurance.

2. Check your attitude.

The way you see and approach the crisis is critical. It is difficult to use the word pandemic as I write, but we are currently experiencing one. Focus on the things you can control as you lead forward and check your language when talking with others to make sure you are not inciting panic, fear, or stress. Your attitude bears great weight and influences many. In the not-too-distant future, we will look back to see how we made it through. Lead with this in mind.

3. Exercise self-care.

Stress and anxiety can certainly soar during these times. Yet, frequenting public places to exercise and get self-care services may not be your first choice at this time. Think about replacing these rather than foregoing them. For example, if you feel uneasy about going to the gym, find some recorded videos for workouts at home. Avoiding spas or other self-care centers? Create your own spa experience at home with music, hot tub soak, and other ideas.

4. Be decisive.

As you and your team make critical decisions, move forward with conviction to take action. Don’t wait to be the last company on the block to make a move you know you should be making. Part of keeping the employee and client base calm and developing trust is sending a message of strength through taking precautions when you know you should.

5. Feed your executive team.

Don’t forget that your executive team needs increased connections with you during this time. Think about incorporating a daily huddle for updates, a weekly briefing with discussion around next steps forward, and frankly, even stopping by their office during the day to check and see how they are doing. Your team is carrying great weight with you, and they deserve the reminder that they are appreciated as they carry this responsibility. Where you cannot meet in person, collaborate virtually.

6. Stay connected with your life team.

These are the few close people in your life who care about you and who will be supportive and present for you. As a leader, it is hard to ask for this kind of support. It can be difficult to find people with whom you can share not only feelings of celebration, but also feelings of doubt and uncertainty. This is a time to call on your life team even more often to fill your own cup as you continue to care for the well-being of so many others.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Do You Have a People Pleaser on the Executive Team?

By Leave a Comment

Do You Have a People Pleaser on the Executive Team?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Do you have a people pleaser on the executive team? Someone who might change opinions depending on which way the wind blows?

If so, you have a major trust leak in the team.

How can you tell if you have a people pleaser? And what can you do if you identify one?

Your people pleaser means well. In fact, this is his or her main driving force in life. But because they are busy making sure they fit in, people pleasers can’t support a particular idea or direction with integrity.

Sandy was a newly appointed executive in a large software tech company. One of the chief reasons she had interviewed well was that she exhibited a great deal of empathy.

“We needed more empathy on the executive team,” said Anna, the CEO. “In our world, tech can tend to come before people, and we were making an effort to infuse leadership with more human connection and understanding.”

“You are right to keep that in mind,” I answered. “We are losing human connection in the workplace. And empathy as one of the emotional intelligence traits is key in leadership.”

“She also brought a wealth of technical knowledge, so I felt it was a great combo,” Anna continued. “But I’m noticing that she can’t tether to a decision she makes. And she actually looks at other people to see what they are going to say before she offers an opinion.”

“This is serious,” I said. “It sounds like you have someone on the team who is stuck in what we call ‘the socialized mind.’”

“Well, whatever you call it, the team has started to distrust her. They don’t know how to take what she says or presents with any kind of certainty. She pretends to agree with everyone and seems to try to act like the people around her. A real chameleon. And she is constantly asking for feedback – seems to need praise to feel good. It’s exhausting.”

“Those are hallmarks of a socialized mind,” I responded. “This means she relies on the external world to tell her who she is and what value she brings.”

“It’s just not working,” Anna said. “I need someone who can contribute by bringing her own perspective and expertise to the mix. Someone who isn’t afraid to counter an opinion, but who can also negotiate to a great solution. When I tried to talk with her about this the other day, she just kept apologizing and started crying. I need your help.”

I met with Sandy, who was, of course, eager to please. It was clear she needed to show me that she understood and agreed with me, no matter what I shared. Not surprising, as we are all creatures of comfort who need to feel that we are accepted and safe. We took some time to become acquainted so that I could develop trust with her. I asked her what she felt was the challenge from her perspective.

“I just want to do the right thing,” she said. “Hearing what is needed is important to me. And I want to make sure I align with others’ thinking so I get it right.”

This showed me clearly that she was ready for growth. There were several things we did over the course of eight months that helped Sandy move from this people-pleasing state to one that was more tethered to her values and beliefs, even in the face of conflict.

A first phase in coaching Sandy was to help her recognize where she was trying to please others instead of standing true to herself as she negotiated solutions with the team. We began by doing some personal values work to solidify her sense of self and to use as a litmus when forming opinions.

At the same time, we identified her fears around carrying different opinions than her team members and tested out of this mindset trap in small ways so that she could become accustomed to disagreeing with others as it felt comfortable.

As her confidence grew, we explored key issues in her company and identifying multiple perspectives on how to solve these. Becoming comfortable with the complex and various ways to resolve such can be threatening to someone who needs to be right in others’ eyes. Working with real-time challenges with which she was familiar helped her to become more comfortable with weighing various options and seeing that more than one might be right.

Later, developing Sandy’s comfort and lens on seeing things as systems was important. The world is complex, and this can be overwhelming for anyone. A person of socialized mind can feel threatened by such complexity. Learning to first see complexity as a system and to become comfortable with the pieces in order to make decisions is key for today’s leadership.

Sandy’s team members rallied, seeing integrity in how she showed up and contributed. She felt the positive results and worked on developing closer relationships with each to strengthen her credibility.

The end result of our coaching? Sandy became a trusted contributor at the leadership level and the company benefited greatly, as well.

Download the Free Infographic

Fill out the form below and get instant access to the HOW TO RAISE YOUR INFLUENCE IN LESS THAN 5 SECONDS infographic.

Share0
Tweet0
Share0

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

How to Develop a Culture of Gratitude in the Workplace

By Leave a Comment

How to Develop a Culture of Gratitude in the Workplace
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Could your workplace benefit from greater morale and engagement?

The answer may be simply to develop a workplace culture of gratitude. This may seem odd to many, since gratitude has long been considered a “soft” practice, but the results are dynamic.

In fact, developing a culture of gratitude helps elevate wellness, engagement, productivity and employee retention. And these things are measurable.

Moreover, gratitude has been called the gateway to developing greater empathy and compassion, which are cornerstones of group emotional intelligence on high-performing teams.

Gratitude is the quality of being thankful.

But it differs from appreciation.

Whereas appreciation is thankfulness for the goodness in our lives, gratitude moves beyond this. It attributes these positive things to forces outside ourselves. For example, noting an accomplishment at work will include recognizing the efforts and contributions of others in making this a success.

Moreover, if gratitude is to become a culture embraced by the organization, it must be systematized so that it is replicable. Where do we begin?

Gratitude starts at the top.

We must start at the top, agreeing at the executive team level to identify and coordinate the practice of gratitude. Then, modeling this, we must also teach them to reports, replicating this throughout so that it cascades throughout the entire workforce.

Where do you begin?

  1. Define key approaches your organization can take to express gratitude.

Begin with “thank you.” How does your organization address recognition? It may have yearly events where people are recognized for years of service, outstanding performance, and other categories.

But what can expressing gratitude in the workplace look like on a more regular basis? Where and how can you say thank you more often? This may take the form of virtual or physical “walls” that provide shout-outs. It may be in the form of a handwritten note or other special gesture. Decide how gratitude looks at the individual, team, and organizational levels.

  1. Assess for gaps and growth opportunities at the individual, team, and organizational levels.

As you design your organizational gratitude practice, make sure you examine how these thread through from the individual to team, and from team to organization, so that the practice cascades throughout. For example, does your organization preach work-life balance, but quietly expect that people will work 80 hours weekly? This requires not only conversations but reexamining the organizational model to see how to restructure and grow the resources needed for its employees to enjoy balance.

  1. Identify the behaviors that support these approaches.

Many times, change management practices fail only because the organization has defined categories of improvement, but it has not identified the supporting behaviors that support each category.

For example, if a category within your defined gratitude practice is “recognize a job well done,” what are the behaviors associated with this? How will we know this recognition is occurring?

An example might be, “timely acknowledgment through personal call or thank you note.” Be sure to address the whole person as you define behaviors to be recognized. Focusing solely on top performers omits all those supporting the process who contribute greatness through character, such as going the extra mile, exhibiting great compassion, and other traits. And these are the heart of the organization – the very stuff that keeps it going.

  1. Model these behaviors to begin establishing the culture.

As chief executive, how are you expressing gratitude for others in the workplace? Facets of your expression should include being sincere, specific, and humble. As an insincere acknowledgment erodes trust, so does a sincere expression build it.

Beyond this, a simple “thank you” is not enough without saying why you are thankful. Give specifics as to how someone else’s behaviors or actions resulted in a positive outcome or tenor. And third, be humble and keep this about the other person. It is always disappointing to hear of an acknowledgment that turns a message into something that is all about you or the project itself. Make sure you give ample light and credit to the person you are recognizing.

  1. Reward these behaviors in others as you recognize them in order to reinforce the culture.

How can you reinforce these behaviors in others? What does acknowledgment of these look like? And how can you hold your managers accountable for supporting this? Do you need to build this into expectations? And what does that look like?

Gratitude, when practiced with a sincere heart, can turn around an ailing culture. Be sure to address it. And be sure that it starts with you.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.