self worth - Patti Cotton

Putting Tough Feedback to Work for You — Image Credit: Shutterstock

It stings when someone else shares how you might improve your leadership. Receiving constructive criticism can feel painful.

As humans, we seek to be loved and accepted. When someone provides feedback intimating that we still have work to do in order to be amazing, it can threaten our sense of self-worth. The haunting doubt as to whether we are “good enough” to be accepted, to belong, rises up.

How can you as leader turn this around and put feedback to work for you?

Constructive feedback is necessary to our growth and professional development. We all have blind spots. And since we don’t have the same vantage point that others do, their perspective can be invaluable.

There are three important steps, however, to making sure that we take full advantage of the situation.

1. Practice careful listening.

As you receive the information from the other person, try to remember that this is actually a gift that can help you move forward. Refrain from interjecting, objecting, defending, or explaining in any way, and simply thank them, instead. If you need clarification, ask questions in order to better understand. This is a time to put your listening skills to work, which is much different than simply hearing. For more on this, download the free infographic “How to Raise Your Influence in Less Than Five Seconds.”

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2. Consider the feedback carefully.

You may feel defensive and want to discount what you have just heard. Or you may feel a need to rush to action in an attempt to remedy what has been pointed out as shortfall. Resist these impulses. Instead, weigh carefully what you have heard. Can you see how the feedback might be true? Is the person providing the feedback credible? Have you received this same constructive criticism from other people? If you are not sure, check quietly with a couple of trusted colleagues to test this out.

3. Develop a plan to close the gap.

Return to the person who provided you with feedback and ask them to clarify what success looks like. Work with a trusted mentor or coach to identify steps and tools that will help you get there and ask them to be your accountability partner. Check in from time to time to gauge the effectiveness of your plan not only with this partner, but also with the person who provided you with the gift of feedback.

Putting tough feedback to work for you requires courage. But the payoff in your ability to be effective can be tremendous.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

The Perils of Living by Transactional Goals — Image Credit: Shutterstock

Goals are powerful. Reaching these culminates not only in great reward, but also a sense of achievement, confidence, and moving ahead.

But goal-setting can also be perilous.

In my practice, I generally partner with the CEO or a member of the senior team to work through transitions of all kinds. If they approach me about doing organizational work, they generally seek success in helping the enterprise expand or realign to keep up with current and future demand. If I am brought in to help them or a member of their team on a personal level, they focus on goals such as higher productivity, better performance, or a greater ability to meet company objectives.

The challenges for which these leaders engage me are important. The world demands that we show up and keep up if we are to remain competitive and viable. But these goals are transactional.

And transactional goals can actually be harmful and counterproductive unless these are tied to a bigger transformation.

Before I explain why and how, it’s necessary to explain the difference between transactional and transformational goals.

First, the word transaction relates to the action of conducting business. It calls to mind those tasks and activities that are required to ensure smooth operations. The word transformation, on the other hand, connotes a metamorphosis or life change.

Here are some examples for comparison:

The goals in both columns can be worthy. However, unless you set your transactional goals with the following in mind, you may get into trouble.

Ask yourself the following:

1. Does this goal align with my values?

Unless you begin with your values in mind, you may wind up setting goals that conflict with what you hold most important. For example, if a chief transformation you desire is to become a more attentive and devoted parent, but all of your transactional goals keep you from being with your family, this is a conflict. Before you set any goals, revisit your top values and use these as your compass.

2. Does this goal support my own priorities?

Transactional goals may be subconsciously chosen to please or impress others, instead of being in your own best interest. I have coached executives who seek to achieve more so that they meet an ideal that their deceased parents held dear. Living your life for someone else will eventually wind up as a life “un-lived.” Ask yourself why you have set a particular transactional goal and whether this is truly a priority for you, regardless of others.

3. What transformation does this goal support?

Your transactional goals should support a sought-after transformation. Quite often, we can become addicted to reaching transactional goals and treat these as the “end game,” or tie this to self-worth (“I achieve, therefore, I am worthy”). Either is a dangerous and misleading path. Make sure that your transactional goals are simply milestones toward a larger transformation you desire for yourself. A good example would be, “I will lose 10 pounds (transactional) because this is part my goal to adopt a healthier lifestyle (transformational).”

In addition to these cautions, be sure to respect the journey as you work toward your goals. This is where great growth and transformation – the process of becoming a better version of yourself occurs.

Note: With appreciation to a great friend, Dennis del Valle for inspiring this topic. Dennis is a well-known marriage and family therapist, thought leader and speaker. Part of his practice entails leading small groups of highly successful business leaders to achieve exponential personal and professional growth, and I am privileged to be a part of one of them.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

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Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.