Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

resolution

Are You Hostage to a Gossiping Leader?

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Are You Hostage to a Gossiping Leader?
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I can think of few situations worse than to feel as though you are held hostage by a leader who gossips and continues to draw you into the circle.

The power differential between the two of you can make it so that you fear telling them you are uncomfortable talking about others. You may worry about backlash, both short-term and long term.

And with good reason.

At the same time, you feel slimy by sitting and listening. One thing you can count on – if this leader is bad mouthing others to you, he is also bad mouthing you to others.

You can feel trapped and helpless.

But there’s a way to redirect this kind of conversation without making the other person feel affronted.

You can step out of this dynamic in most cases with the following steps:

1. Acknowledge their frustration.

Focus on your leader’s emotion or frustration about the other person’s behavior and attune to this.

Example: Your leader says, “Sally is so irresponsible. I can never count on her to give me an accurate report. Makes us all look bad.”

Here is where you avoid colluding.

Focus on the frustration the leader is feeling and the behavior or results he would want to see instead.

Example: “You sound really frustrated. I guess I’d be frustrated, too, if I felt like I wasn’t getting accurate numbers.”

2. Redirect their attitude to one of problem-solving.

Example: “How you have handled these situations in the past? Is there someone in learning and development who could help train them on this?”

3. Exit the conversation with a closure statement.

In conflict resolution, we would stay, “step out of the triangle” (conflict) so that you are no longer a part of it.

Here’s an example of a closure-to-exit statement:

“It sounds like you’ve figured out how to get the results you want. That’s great!”

Or, “It sounds like there might be room to explore how to train people in situations like that.”

By taking this three-step approach, you have effectively stepped out of a toxic situation.

If your leader cannot take a hint after you repeat this process a couple of times, then it’s time to reevaluate if this is someone for whom you can work. Your life and career are too short to give in to toxicity.

HOW MUCH

DO OTHERS REALLY TRUST YOU?

​Learn the two vital parts to trust and how they can help you become a more highly effective leader.

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Is Your Team Costing the Company Money?

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Is Your Team Costing the Company Money?
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Three Trust Indicators

You can talk all you want about time management tactics, learning how to facilitate critical conversations, and mastering conflict resolution.

But unless your team enjoys a high level of trust among its team members, none of these wonderful skills will help your team’s performance.

In fact, your team may be costing your company a lot of money.

Signs of an Unhealthy Trust Quotient

Here are some signs your team may have an unhealthy (and therefore costly) trust quotient.

  • Everything takes longer and seems harder for team members.
  • People don’t do their best work.
  • They easily become disengaged and withdrawn.
  • Their confidence in themselves and others on the team diminishes.
  • They have feelings of complacency or even fatigue.
  • They are not as prone to connecting with each other or sharing information.
  • Grousing about the company may be a common theme.
  • Some might even question if the enterprise is a right fit for them.

What It Is Not

These signs are not to be confused with team overload, where a company over-commits, and its results are felt throughout the organization with inappropriate workloads and deadlines. No, this is not overload.

What It Is

This is a falling away from former collaboration. It’s an unwillingness to participate by speaking up. It’s a reticence to take risks together, and an uncomfortable commitment to the status quo. You may see things like escalated emotions, turf issues, abdication of responsibility or micromanaging, and certainly some hidden agendas.

As you consider what comes with low trust, you can easily deduce what this means to the company.

What do you do when you detect signs that your team needs to build more trust?

You need to determine the source of this lack of trust so that you can rectify it.

According to researchers Dennis Reina, PhD; Michelle Reina, PhD, and David Hudnut, MIA, renewing trust can result in greater accountability, effectiveness, innovation, respect, performance, profitability (need I go on?). The researchers have developed a Team Trust Scale that measures three areas: trust of character, trust of capability, and trust of communication.

How does your team rate?

I have taken the researchers’ indices of a high level of trust in these areas and paraphrased statements with which you and your team members can rate yourselves.

Using a scale of 1-5, with 5 being highest. How do you rate?

Trust of Character

  • I manage expectations
  • I establish boundaries
  • I delegate appropriately
  • I encourage mutually-serving intentions
  • I keep agreements
  • I am consistent

Trust of Capability

  • I acknowledge people’s abilities and skills
  • I allow people to make decisions
  • I involve others and seek their input
  • I help people learn skills

Trust of Communication:

  • I share information
  • I tell the truth
  • I admit mistakes
  • I give and receive constructive feedback
  • I maintain confidentiality
  • I speak with good purpose

How did you do? And where do you need to shore up first, in order to make biggest impact in up-leveling team trust?