negotiations - Patti Cotton

The Neuroscience of Leadership: The Power of Emotional Agility — Image Credit: Depositphotos

As you navigate the intricate paths of leadership, it is important to note that cognitive agility is indispensable (see previous article). This ability to flex deftly with thinking allows leaders to pivot swiftly, grasp complexities, and address challenges with creativity and insight.

However, without its strategic partner, emotional agility, even the sharpest cognitive dexterity can falter, leading to poor decision-making, strained team relationships, and a lack of vision.

Imagine a pilot flying a plane with only one working engine. The aircraft might still stay airborne for a while, but the lack of full power severely limits its maneuverability and ability to reach its destination safely. Moreover, reaching the intended destination is now at significant risk – and the mental and emotional exertion required of the pilot to attempt a safe landing anywhere is substantial.

In the same way, cognitive and emotional capacity are like the two engines a leader needs to navigate challenges effectively. Without both engines functioning, the journey becomes much riskier.

What is emotional agility?

Quite simply, it’s the ability to remain adaptable in our thoughts and emotions, allowing us to respond effectively to daily situations. It acknowledges that we all experience a wide range of emotions, whether positive, negative, or neutral, which is a natural part of life. Being emotionally agile means approaching these emotions with a light touch and viewing them not as commands but as information to guide us in making choices aligned with our values.

Why is this important?

Emotionally dysregulated leaders can find themselves making decisions based on impulsive reactions rather than rational thinking. When emotions govern our actions without the filter of reason, mistakes are often the result. This can lead to hasty decisions that lack foresight and planning, affecting not only the leader but the entire team and organization. Teams led by emotionally reactive leaders often experience low morale, high turnover, and a toxic culture, as negative emotions ripple through the workplace.

Without emotional agility, leaders are also prone to confirmation bias, seeking information that supports their feelings and dismissing contradictory evidence. This can lead to poor strategic choices that ignore potential risks and miss opportunities.

In the end, cognitive agility alone can’t save a leader from the pitfalls of unchecked emotions.

An Example

I was once contacted by an executive we will call Sarah Thompson (this name is fictitious, as well as the name of the company and the industry, to protect confidentiality). Sarah, a seasoned executive, was at the helm of her family’s food business, Thompson Foods. Having grown from a modest local bakery to a multinational corporation, the business carried a rich legacy.

However, in recent years, it faced increasing competition, shifting consumer preferences, and internal conflicts. As CEO, Sarah was renowned for her cognitive agility, known for crafting innovative strategies and adeptly maneuvering the business through challenging waters.

Despite her strengths, however, Sarah struggled with emotional regulation. She often found herself overwhelmed by the weight of expectations, leading to emotional outbursts in meetings and critical conversations. Her mood swings left her team wary and hesitant to share insights. They feared triggering her wrath or disapproval.

Decisions made in haste and under stress became the norm, which led to a series of poorly executed product launches and growing frustration among senior executives. The morale at Thompson Foods dipped, and key members began considering their exit.

Recognizing the growing toll Sarah’s emotional volatility was taking on the organization, she reached out to me for guidance. In our initial assessment, we identified several patterns contributing to her challenges. Her inability to recognize emotional triggers and understand how they influenced her decisions was a key issue. She lacked tools to manage stress effectively, which escalated tensions in high-stakes situations.

Our work began with cultivating self-awareness.

Through structured exercises and reflective journaling, Sarah started to identify her triggers, like criticism from peers or unmet expectations.
We practiced mindfulness techniques to help her pause before reacting impulsively, allowing her to assess situations with a clear mind.
Over time, she learned cognitive reframing, which helped her view challenges from a constructive perspective, easing her sense of pressure.

Another significant aspect of our work was fostering empathy. I guided Sarah in improving her listening skills to better understand her team’s perspectives. Through role-playing exercises, she learned to respond calmly and constructively to differing opinions, helping to diffuse tension and build trust.

After several months of dedicated effort, Sarah exhibited remarkable transformation.

In meetings, she maintained composure, even when faced with challenging questions or disagreements.
This shift in demeanor encouraged her team to open up, share ideas, and collaborate more effectively.
Decision-making processes became more inclusive, leading to well-rounded strategies that harnessed the collective intelligence of the team.

Sarah’s newfound emotional agility had a ripple effect throughout the organization. Employee morale improved, and the rate of attrition slowed as trust was restored. Senior executives who had considered leaving decided to stay, invigorated by the positive changes in leadership. I received a note of thanks from one of her senior executives:

“It’s like night and day, here. I feel heard, respected, and I’m able to contribute.

What a difference! Thank you!” – PB

Thompson Foods soon regained its competitive edge, launching successful products that resonated with consumers and this brought the business back on track.

Sarah’s transformation into an emotionally agile leader not only saved the company from potential turmoil but also ushered in a new era of collaboration, innovation, and sustainable growth. The journey highlighted the profound impact of emotional agility in leadership, illustrating that leading with both the mind and heart can change the course of an entire organization.

Where do you need more emotional agility?

Are you able to harness the power of your emotions, allowing you to make sound decisions even in stressful situations? Mastering this enables you to stay in control of your executive function which is the part of your brain (your frontal lobe) that supports strategy, analytical skills, creativity and innovation, the ability to manage yourself well, and more.
Can you remain calm and collected, even in the face of adversity? This ability to manage emotions supports clear communication, better negotiation skills, and the ability to inspire confidence in others. It’s the foundation of safety and trust, fostering collaboration and innovation.
Are you able to be empathetic, recognizing the emotions and perspectives of your team? This allows you to navigate interpersonal conflicts deftly, build strong relationships, and motivate your team more effectively.

Developing emotional agility is a lifelong process. By committing to nourishing this within your leadership, you will enhance your cognitive agility, becoming more effective in decision-making, fostering healthier team dynamics, and building resilient organizations that thrive in any environment.

© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Identity Mindtrap #2: Black and White Thinking — Image Credit: Shutterstock

Do you have an executive who sees everything in black and white? If you have someone on your team like this, you and your team probably experience tension as you seek to make decisions together.

This personality and their inability to work with the complex can slow down process and hold the organization hostage.

How can you spot a “black and white” thinker? And what can you do about it?

A few years ago, I was asked to work with an executive named Mark who was described as disruptive and divisive.

“Mark is one of those managers who was promoted because of his tenure,” his CEO Susan laughed. “I’ve inherited a basketful of talent on the team, and some conundrums. Mark is one of the latter. He actually impedes a lot of progress I think we could be making.”

“How does Mark impede the team’s progress?” I asked.

“Well, put it this way,” Susan responded, “everything is either white or black, good or bad, beautiful or ugly. There’s no in between with Mark. This means when we are faced with a complex problem (and when are problems not complex, these days?!), Mark will swing right or left and refuse to consider any perspectives in between.”

“That’s difficult,” I said. “The world presents a lot of challenges that live in the grey area.”

“No kidding,” Susan replied. “Especially in the business world. Volatility and complexity are the new normal.”

“I’m guessing that Mark has problems with relationships on the team, as well, then?” I prodded.

“Absolutely,” Susan answered. “When he takes a stance, he doesn’t consider the impact his decisions have on others.”

“It sounds like Mark suffers from polarized or “black and white” thinking. And it can certainly slow progress. So why are you calling me, now? It sounds like you’ve been limping along with this for the past three years.”

“You are right to ask,” Susan replied. “I should have done something about this long ago. Here’s what caused me to reach out to you: We have the opportunity to expand our market into South America, and this would really boost our ability to serve around the world. But Mark’s area is required to play a major role. His rigidity has caused us to come to a grinding halt with our negotiations. He can’t see how to compromise on things that don’t really matter, or to weigh other options besides his own option ‘A’ and option ‘B.’”

“In short, Mark is hurting the enterprise’s ability to grow,” I said.

“Yes,” Susan said. “And I hope we can salvage this deal with South America. It’s the chance of a lifetime for us.”

Susan agreed during our conversation that she would meet with Mark and share her desire for his growth, what she felt was standing in the way, and that she had hired an executive coach to support his development so that he could be even more effective.

Then, I met Mark.

“I’m not sure I need a coach,” he said. “There are two kinds of people in this world – those that can make things happen – and those who can’t. I’ve always made things happen. Look where I am,” he gestured around him. “I’m on the executive team. So, no problem, really.”

“Well, Mark,” I said, “I work with executives who have already experienced a good deal of success, and you fit that description.”

“Explain to me, again, then, why we are to work together,” he asked.

“It’s like this, Mark: picture that you are an Olympic athlete and you have already won that first gold medal. Can you see that?”

“Yes, Patti, I can imagine that,” Mark responded.

“So, picture that you want to go after that second gold medal. And in order to do so, you need to become stronger and even more agile in order to win it. With me so far?”

“Yes, I’m with you,” he said.

“Great,” I said. “Here’s the deal: what has served you thus far to get here will not get you where you need to go next. It’s as if there is a new edition of the textbook for leadership. We have more information. Information that will help you to remain relevant and able to meet new challenges.”

“Patti, I hear you,” Mark said. “I’m not sure I agree with the fact that we need to approach things differently, but evidently, my boss and the entire team think I need some help. And although I don’t see it, I’m willing to listen.”

“That’s all I ask, Mark,” I said. We shook hands and agreed to meet the following week.

As we began our work together, it was clear that he found it difficult to acknowledge shades of grey. He idealized or devalued relationships and situations depending on what was occurring at the moment with them. In other words, a colleague was either an angel or a demon. A situation was either all good or all bad. And these judgments shifted back and forth.

Mark used words like always, never, impossible, ruined, perfect. He saw his team members as not good enough, and it was difficult for him to receive any advice from others.

I touched base with Susan to alert her.

“Susan, shifting this mindset will require time and Mark’s commitment,” I said. “He has to understand that he has a challenge with his thinking in order to recognize the importance of working on it.”

“In that case, let’s move quickly on it – and I’ll tell Mark I will simply need to be the spokesperson for South American negotiations until further notice,” she answered.

And so our work began. I asked Mark to try and find the grey in at least one situation daily. And I also asked him to track his thoughts and notice when he used absolutes such as always, never, horrible, perfect, etc.

Over the course of the next few weeks, we worked on expanding his ability to take on different perspectives. I asked him to consider that choices may have more than two options, and to stretch to identify possible “third good options” in his decision-making.

Mark put his learning to work as he attended the regular executive team meetings. He was tasked to respond to ideas with questions first, and opinions later. Specifically, he was to use questions such as, “How might that work?” or “Tell me more,” and pausing to consider these for a few moments before responded with his own perspective.

Mark had some relationship-mending to do, and he needed to rebuild credibility with some key stakeholders both inside and outside the organization. As we worked on this bridging, he paused one day to remark, “You know, Patti, I realized something today. I have carried so much stress from trying to be perfect. And I’m not. No one is. Neither am I a demon – and neither is anyone else. I’m feeling more relaxed living in an imperfect world with good people.”

“I think you are on your way, Mark,” I smiled.

Susan and the rest of the team concurred. Mark received great feedback from them in several instances, and he began to be included in greater and deeper conversations with them.

It’s wonderful to stay in touch with clients long after we have completed our work, and to follow how the company is doing. I’m happy to report that today, Mark carries the title of CEO for the same company where we worked together. When Susan announced her retirement, the board and Mark’s colleagues concluded that there was no one better suited than he.

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Read about Identity Mindtrap #1.

Identity Mind Trap #1: When Your Manager Always Needs to Be Right — Image Credit: Shutterstock

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.