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The Power of Self-Accountability: True Leadership Begins with the Person in the Mirror

September 11, 2024 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

The Power of Self-Accountability: True Leadership Begins with the Person in the Mirror
Image Credit: Depositphotos

When it comes to leadership, there’s a lot of talk about accountability. You’ve probably heard it in meetings, seen it in performance reviews, and maybe even mentioned it yourself when discussing team dynamics. But let’s be honest—most of us view accountability through a very narrow lens. We think about how accountable others are to us. We analyze our team members, colleagues, and even our bosses, scrutinizing their actions and decisions.

Here’s the reality: true leadership doesn’t start with holding others accountable. It begins with holding yourself accountable.

The Mirror Test

Imagine this scenario: You’re a leader facing a major challenge. The project deadline is looming, and your team is behind schedule. The temptation is strong to point fingers, to find out who dropped the ball. But before you do that, stop and take a good, long look in the mirror. What do you see? Are you holding yourself accountable for the role you’ve played in this situation? Have you set clear expectations, provided the necessary support, and modeled the behavior you expect from your team?

Self-accountability is the foundation of effective leadership. It’s about being honest with yourself, owning your actions, and acknowledging your mistakes. It’s not easy, and it requires a level of humility that many leaders find uncomfortable. But it’s absolutely essential if you want to lead with integrity and earn the trust of your team.

The Perils of Passing the Buck

In today’s fast-paced business environment, it’s easy to get caught up in the blame game. When things go wrong, our first instinct is often to find someone to blame. Maybe it’s a team member who didn’t deliver on time, or a colleague who didn’t communicate effectively. But passing the buck is a dangerous habit that can quickly erode trust and undermine your leadership.

When leaders blame others, they create a culture of fear and defensiveness. Team members become more concerned with covering their tracks than with collaborating and innovating. Worse, the leader’s credibility takes a hit. People start to see you as someone who shirks responsibility and avoids difficult conversations. Over time, this erodes the trust that’s critical for any high-performing team.

But what if, instead of blaming others, you took ownership of the situation? What if you acknowledged your role in the problem and committed to finding a solution? This kind of self-accountability is not only refreshing—it’s empowering. It sets the tone for your team and shows them that you’re willing to do the hard work of leadership.

The Intersection of Honesty and Humility

Self-accountability is grounded in two key principles: honesty and humility. Honesty means being truthful with yourself about your strengths and weaknesses, your successes and failures. It’s about recognizing when you’ve made a mistake and being willing to admit it, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Humility, on the other hand, is about understanding that leadership isn’t about you—it’s about the people you serve. It’s about putting the needs of your team ahead of your own ego and being open to feedback, even when it’s critical. Together, honesty and humility create a powerful foundation for self-accountability.

But let’s be clear—this isn’t about self-flagellation or dwelling on your mistakes. It’s about learning from them and using those lessons to become a better leader. It’s about setting a standard of excellence for yourself and your team and holding yourself to that standard every day.

The Real Problem: Fear of Failure

One of the biggest obstacles to self-accountability is the fear of failure. As leaders, we’re often so focused on achieving success that we become paralyzed by the thought of making a mistake. We worry that admitting our failures will make us look weak or incompetent. But the truth is, everyone makes mistakes. What sets great leaders apart is their willingness to own those mistakes and learn from them.

When you hold yourself accountable, you’re not just admitting that you’re human—you’re also demonstrating resilience and a commitment to growth. You’re showing your team that it’s okay to make mistakes, as long as you’re willing to take responsibility and work to improve. This kind of leadership fosters a culture of trust and continuous improvement, where team members feel safe to take risks and innovate.

Solutions: Cultivating Self-Accountability

So, how can you cultivate self-accountability in your leadership? It starts with a few simple practices that you can incorporate into your daily routine.

  1. Regular Self-Reflection: Take time each day to reflect on your actions and decisions. Ask yourself, “What did I do well today? Where could I have done better? Did I hold myself to the standard I expect from others?” This simple practice can help you stay aligned with your values and identify areas for growth.
  2. Seek Feedback: Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback from your team, colleagues, and mentors. Listen to what they have to say, and be open to their perspectives. Remember, feedback is a gift—it’s an opportunity to learn and improve.
  3. Own Your Mistakes: When you make a mistake, admit it. Don’t make excuses or blame others. Instead, focus on what you can do to fix the problem and prevent it from happening again. This kind of ownership is a powerful way to build trust and credibility with your team.
  4. Model Accountability: Lead by example. Show your team what self-accountability looks like in action. When they see you taking responsibility for your actions, they’ll be more likely to do the same.

The Bottom Line

At the end of the day, self-accountability is the key to effective leadership. It’s about being honest with yourself, owning your actions, and striving to improve every day. It’s not always easy, but it’s the foundation on which trust, respect, and long-term success are built. So, the next time you’re faced with a challenge, don’t look to place the blame—look in the mirror. That’s where true leadership begins.


© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

When Your Executive Can’t Get to the Point

March 24, 2021 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

When Your Executive Can’t Get to the Point
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Have you ever had an executive who just can’t seem to get to the point?  It can be an agonizing monologue, and you, as listener, can easily get lost in their narrative.

How do you help them shorten up the time they spend in detail so that you can determine what they need from you?

Tom asked me to work with him on his tolerance levels with key executives. “Specifically, I’m at my wit’s end with John, one of my key executives.”

“I can’t get past his droning narrative,” Tom continued. “It’s as if every conversation he has begins with when he was born and where. Then I start bristling and cut him off. Lately, I’ve noticed him shutting down, and I’m sure it’s because of my reaction. What do I do?”

“John may be a functional communicator*,” I said. “Does he love details and timelines?”

“I don’t know what a functional communicator is, but he thrives on timelines and charts,” Tom answered. “Burying himself in step-by-step guides and combing through details are a mental trip to Disneyland for John. It drives me crazy!”

“And how do you like to get things done, Tom?” I asked.

“Listen, I’m a big-picture thinker,” he responded. “Don’t bog me down with details. Give me a quick overview, and let me ask a few careful questions. That’s how we can move forward quickly.”

“Then I would call you an intuitive communicator, Tom,” I said. “Too many details can seem distracting to you.”

“You aren’t kidding,” Tom said. “My skin starts crawling when we drop below 40,000 feet.”

“Well, Tom, since you say John is great talent, and you want to negotiate a better way of communicating with him, here are four steps you can take with him.”

  1. Let him know you value his contributions.

Tell John he may have noticed you becoming frustrated upon occasion and that you apologize for this. Share that you recognize this is due to your differing communication styles and is no reflection on how you regard his talent or positive impact on the team.

  1. Share your observation about your communication styles.

Note he appears to be a functional communicator. He likes to outline things in a step-by-step way so that nothing is missed and provide details so that someone has full information by the time he is finished presenting. Ask him if this is correct. After listening and confirming, be sure you let him know you appreciate his desire to be thorough. Then, share your communication style with him.  As an intuitive communicator, you appreciate the aerial view. You like the big picture, and details can be distracting to you. You prefer for him to stick to the main topic and allow you to ask follow-up questions. You will then ask him to share other details he feels are relevant after you ask your questions.

  1. Pick a topic and role play.

Experiment with how it would be to communicate in each other’s preferred styles. In other words, after selecting the topic, share first with him, outlining all details and info John might appreciate. Debrief after having done so to see if this is helpful to him. Then, have John try your style with the same topic, identifying the main point in a sentence and its present or potential impact. He will then sit back for questions. Again, debrief.

  1. Practice.

As you meet together, continue to try each other’s styles as you communicate. Ask each other how it is working, and what could go better. Make sure that you don’t treat this as a test, but as experimenting to find the right way for both.

The next time you become frustrated with a colleague’s communication style, ask yourself what would work for you, instead. Then have the conversation with that person and ask them about their experience with you. Do they also need something different, in order to communicate more smoothly? Suggest experimenting such as is outlined above, and see if this doesn’t improve your working relationship and your ability to get things done together.

*Mark Murphy’s 4 Communication Styles, Leadership IQ


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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Ten Character Indicators

November 1, 2017 By Patti Cotton 1 Comment

Ten Character Indicators
Image Credit: Shutterstock

“How you do one thing is how you do everything.” ~ Madeline Albright

Thirty years ago, a business owner named Dave found himself in a critical position. A key employee had been found embezzling, and the company faced a $1 Mil shortfall. To Dave’s business, this was the difference between surviving and sinking.

After examining his options, he felt the only thing he could do was to sell the business or find a partner who would invest money to help stabilize the company. As luck would have it, he found a man named Ed who owned quite a few businesses similar to his, and who was willing to become a partner with Dave to save the enterprise’s future.

One day, as they were finalizing terms of the partnership, Dave and Ed went to lunch.

During the meal, something happened that should have tipped Dave off about Ed’s character. But he ignored it. He was desperate for funds and reasoned that the incident had nothing to do with how Ed would conduct himself in business. And because he chose to ignore this incident, it wound up quietly hurting Dave for the next 30 years.

What was the tip-off to Ed’s character during that fateful lunch?

When it was time to settle the $48 food bill, Ed offered to pay. The server brought change from Ed’s two $20 bills and the men left for their cars. As Dan and Ed stepped into the parking lot, Ed chuckled as he folded his money into his wallet.

“That gal needs to pay more attention,” Ed said. “Instead of giving me $2 change, she gave me a $1 bill and one of my $20 bills.”

“Ed – that’s obviously a mistake on her part! You’re going to return it, right?” asked Dan.

“Are you kidding?” said Ed. “If someone is going to be that careless, it’s money for me and a good lesson for them.”

Dave felt terrible. He went home and wrote an apology letter to the restaurant. Without disclosing who the offender was, he enclosed a $20 bill as repayment.

The next week, Dave and Ed signed partnership papers. Ed contributed the agreed-upon cash infusion to the business and thus saved it. He brought in a managing administrator to manage the company as agreed. Over the next 30 years, Dave enjoyed residual income from the business without having to manage it, and Ed’s appointed administrator operated as per Ed’s directives.

One day, Ed fell terminally ill, and Dave was called in by a key executive to talk about the future of the company and the partnership interests. As Dave and the executive went over opportunities, it slowly came to light that the business was charging Dave a disproportionately higher amount for expenses in facilities, upkeep, and business development for 30 years. The amount of money that should come to him as profit was staggering. Dave felt physically sick. These funds could have made a great difference to him and his family over the 3 decades that had passed, but he was now a weary 87-year-old widower with little energy left to fight the battle.

It was then that he thought back to that first lunch with Ed and heard his words, “If someone is going to be that careless, it’s money for me and a good lesson for them.”

The fact is, character does matter. Madeline Albright’s quote “How you do one thing is how you do everything,” rings true.

Now, most of you reading here will quickly say that you would have given back the $20 on the spot. I am confident that you would have done so. But no matter how honest you are, might there be other areas in your personal conduct or ways of doing that need fine-tuning?

Character does matter.

Here is a list of 10 common character flaws that have significant repercussions in life and work.

  1. Are you punctual and thus respectful of others and your time together, or are you perpetually late, signaling to others that they are just “not that important”?
  2. Do you respect good boundaries with others, or do you tend to blur the lines to the point where you become entangled in problems that aren’t yours?
  3. Are you careful as you commit to others, or do you tend to overpromise and under-deliver or default?
  4. Do you seek always to understand first, or are you prone to snap judgments before you investigate fully?
  5. Are you respectfully honest when asked for feedback, or do you gloss over the truth as you seek to please others?
  6. Are you open to constructive criticism, or do you take a defensive stance as you find excuses for the behavior in question?
  7. Do you seek to reconcile or release undesirable stress in healthy ways, or do you tend to carry resentment around like a boulder, compromising your relationships (and your health)?
  8. Are you quick to support others when they are a topic of gossip, or do you jump on the injurious bandwagon with the crowd?
  9. Are you respectful of what’s yours and what is company property, or do you find yourself taking home a few pens or empty file folders for your own use, because you tell yourself “it really doesn’t matter.”
  10. Do you operate from a place of generosity, or do you race to get that proverbial front parking spot before the other person does?

Can you think of others? What is the one area that you would like to work on that will make a difference to your life and to those around you?

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

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