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Confronting Elephants in the Room That Hold Your Executive Team Back

June 8, 2022 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Confronting Elephants in the Room That Hold Your Executive Team Back
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Aligning and coordinating your team in a strategic direction is paramount. However, as challenging as this might seem, it is easy compared to the conversations you and your team need to have around what will actually make the plan work.

Surprised?

So was our CEO, Michael.

He thought that setting a clear direction (see the article Getting Your Leadership and Company Out of the Weeds) and aligning and coordinating his executive team’s energies around this (see the article How to Align and Coordinate Your Team) would get them to “hit the ground running.”

Not so. In fact, his efforts had only been the first two of five important steps to becoming a high-performing team to meet the goals that matter most.

Aligning and coordinating his team revealed some deep, dark secrets that turned out to be what actually held his team back.

As a reminder, Michael had set a business imperative for the year as a first step to getting out of the weeds. He then took this to his executive team and asked each of them to consider their respective areas of responsibility as they drew up their own business imperatives to support the larger one. Recognizing that this would require some time, they agreed to meet the following week.

As they reconvene seven days later, let’s sit in on their conversation…

“Max,” I asked the COO. “You had a great question just before we adjourned our last meeting. You asked if redirecting the team’s energy around the business imperative would not require that we reexamine the other initiatives currently on your plates.”

“That’s right,” Max responded.

Candace, the CFO interjected. “Patti, I’m more interested in the shifts in behaviors you mentioned we would have to discuss.”

“Great kick-off to this meeting,” I responded. “If you will recall, I mentioned that you are all part of a system, and that all parts of the system need to work together in an aligned and coordinated way. This means not only having the same focus and organizing your efforts, but also confronting those things that hold you back from getting this done.”

“We are going to talk about what will hold you back from achieving the goals you have set together. I call these the “elephants in the room.” These are things that interfere with moving forward. And we are all well aware of them. But we don’t address them for various reasons.”

Max spoke up. “Like the fact that we probably won’t effectively address what to do with the other initiatives we have on our plates, because we just hope that by ignoring them, they will get done, anyway.”

“Right!” I said.

Michael spoke up. “And how about things take away from our focus?” He glanced at Candace. “For instance, employee problems that keep happening because we don’t want to confront them.”

“Well, if you are going to talk about this, then let’s talk about it,” bristled Candace. “Because if we are really going to surface these elephants in the room, then let’s talk about that employee situation to which you are probably referring, which occurred again last week.”

“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” said Michael.

“Well,” Candace took a deep breath, “Would it surprise you to know that I feel you are the cause of that problem?”

The entire room fell silent.

“Okay,” said Michael. “I’m listening.”

Candace resumed. “I actually spent another two hours in HR last week over those two employees, only to find out that I couldn’t take action. Apparently, one of them had gone straight to you and gotten permission to do exactly what I had told him not to do. This happens a lot! So how do we handle that, Michael?”

“Now, we are talking,” I said. “We’ve just begun to reveal and confront some of the important things that are holding you all back.”

Michael sat back in his chair. “It sounds like I may be a chief culprit in keeping us in the weeds.”

“Well, I guess I can stand with you,” said Candace. “I’ve been avoiding this conversation for months.”

“Take heart, team,” I said. “This happens to the best of companies. The good news is, we can turn this around. The heart of successful change lies in identifying these behaviors and actions that hold us back – and in having the courage to confront them together.”

We spent the next two hours identifying main areas where shifts needed to occur. The team was subdued as they adjourned.

“Just a minute, team,” Michael paused. “I want to say a couple of things. First, I want to apologize for what I now know has held us back. I’m going to work very hard on making these changes. I’m thankful that you listened to the shifts I need to see in the team – and I’m very proud of you for speaking up today; for having the courage to confront me on what I need to do to support these changes.”

“I want to second the motion,” I shared. “And believe it or not, when we confront what is holding us back, this is when great things begin to happen. Let’s meet next week to pull this forward. It’s not enough to reveal the elephants – we need to up-level these behaviors to move past them.”

What are the elephants you need to confront in your executive team room? Next week, we will talk about how to up-level the behaviors and actions that hold you back so that you, too, can move forward.


© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Does Your Lack of Authority Make You Anxious?

January 22, 2020 By Patti Cotton Leave a Comment

Does Your Lack of Authority Make You Anxious?
Image Credit: Shutterstock

Does the thought of using your authority make you anxious?

This can really get in the way of moving the business forward.

Susan was the CEO of a small company, who found it challenging to manage her people with authority. And it was costing her considerably.

I first met Susan at a CEO forum. She was instantly likeable – people flocked around her to laugh and joke with her, and it was clear that she made friends easily.

Later, when she called me to work with her, I found that her employees also enjoyed her humor and engaging manner.

“Susan is a great listening ear,” one of her executives said. “And she’s always good for a lift in spirits.”

“Yes,” I said. “Everyone seems to appreciate her.”

“Appreciate her? Not as a leader. They like her,” the executive responded. “But as a leader, she could do with some spine. She needs to stop letting her executive team push her around.”

Although I didn’t let on, this was exactly why Susan had invited me to meet with her.

“I’m noticing that the executive team is making key decisions without me,” Susan shared later. “And I have to confess that I feel some frustration when we hold our team meetings. I feel like people are riding all over me.”

“What do you think is happening?” I asked.

Susan looked blank. “I’m not sure. But, Patti, I’m scared. How did I get here? Maybe I’m not fit to lead. Can you help?”

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to attend one of your executive team meetings,” I said. “Perhaps I can glean some insights that might help. Let’s talk afterward.”

When they next met, I was present. Susan introduced me as her new executive leadership coach. “If I expect all of you and the organization to grow, I need to grow first,” she laughed.

The meeting adjourned two hours later, and we met back in her office. I shared what I had observed.

The team was not aligned in any of the discussion, and they fought for personal agendas. Further, when Susan gave a recommendation on an item, two of the other team members argued her down. Finally, one of the team members seemed to dominate the entire meeting with his ideas about how things ought to run. Susan finally sat back and remained silent.

“So, I can see why you are frustrated, Susan,” I said. “It was pretty chaotic in there, and you didn’t move any one of your agenda items forward.”

“Things are just out of control,” she said. “Where do I start?”

“Pretty simple, really,” I responded. “When did you first become uncomfortable with your authority?”

During the rest of our meeting, Susan shared how she transitioned from a competitor to become CEO of her current company. When she first onboarded, the outgoing CEO warned her to play small and allow the team to acclimate to her. It seems one of the executive team members had interviewed for the CEO position and lost. Over the next few months, Susan fell into allowing the team to decide by consensus. She became anxious each time she thought about asserting her authority and backed off.

“I became a fly on the wall and became frozen, Patti,” Susan told me. “I didn’t used to be a highly anxious person. But I am, now. And the stress is overwhelming.”

Susan had taken the path of least resistance, and it had backfired.

  • People on the team started making key decisions without her.
  • She felt she was losing footing.
  • She became vague and unclear whenever she provided direction.
  • Other executives pushed back, and she backed down again.

“The anxiety has become overwhelming,” she told me. ”And I’ll do whatever it takes to remove the stress.”

“Well, get ready for more anxiety, then,” I countered. “But this time, it will be worth it.”

I shared that, whether you make a change or not, when you are not comfortable with where you are (and in Susan’s case, with exerting her authority), you will experience anxiety.

“Right now, you are experiencing chronic anxiety. Chronic anxiety comes from putting up with a situation that is stressful rather than taking the painful steps to resolve it. So that’s where you are, because you find yourself frozen and unsure as to how to move out from this space. Yet, should you choose to confront and make the change you need to make, that also creates anxiety. This kind of anxiety is acute. And we don’t like the thought of more anxiety. We put up with the chronic anxiety of inaction, so we don’t have to go through the acute anxiety.”

“That’s sounds crazy,” Susan said.

“It is, in a way,” I said. “Any attempt to change is going to make us feel the disruption of the familiar. A mentor coach of mine once explained it to me with the following example:  chronic anxiety would be if you walked around with a pebble in your shoe and you just kept walking with it because it’s too much effort to take off the shoe. You don’t want to face the challenge. Acute anxiety would be if you are in a 10k race, and you have a pebble in your shoe. You realize that, if you stop to take it out, you will go a lot faster. But you will also lose time. And you will now have to face compensating to win the race. But you choose to do so; and, thus, face the challenge.”

“So, in order to get peace and reclaim my effectiveness, I will need to get off the path of least resistance, and face this. Stand up. Take back my authority.”

“Yes,” I answered. “But it’s easier said than done. There are a lot of people out there who know they need to face change, but they won’t. They need a thought partner to help strategize and implement, someone who can support them through the acute stress. The difference between them and you is that you are willing to take action on those needs.”

“Makes total sense,” said Susan. “When and where do we start?”

Susan and I worked over the next six months to help her reclaim her authority in a respectful, yet firm manner. There were some eruptions along the way, but Susan dealt with them well, which made room for the team to come together and begin to build cohesion and trust.

A year later, she called me.

“You wouldn’t recognize us,” she said. “We are moving forward together on all cylinders. Our conversations are different, and we are getting things done. I’m feeling comfortable leading, and the team is taking great pride in each of their areas of responsibility. Thank you.”

“You did the work, Susan,” I responded. “You decided a bit of acute anxiety was worth the prize. Congratulations!”

Are you identifying with Susan’s dilemma in this story?

  • Where in your own leadership are you feeling chronic anxiety?
  • How much is it costing you, your team, and the company?
  • And the most important question: Are you willing to go through the acute anxiety needed to take back your authority?

—

This article is part of a series of real-life scenarios that leaders face in today’s business world. The names and details are modified to preserve confidentiality and may represent multiple occurrences.

The Clockwork of Excellent Leadership:   3 Essential Gears

What makes up excellent leadership? The essential components that go into leadership must all work together, or they begin to wear on one another and bring things to a stop. Learn how to keep them running like clockwork. Sign up to receive the  complimentary infographic.


© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

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