aggressive - Patti Cotton

5 Ways to Approach a Problem

My friend Dana (not her real name) prides herself on confronting problems head on.

“I used to be a pushover,” she says. “People trod all over me, and I just rolled over and allowed it. Not anymore!”

Unfortunately, people now describe Dana as a “bull in a china shop.” She has developed quite an overtly aggressive stance that is now costing her relationships and opportunities.

When do you confront? And if you don’t, do you simply have to roll over and allow others to take advantage of you?

Knowing how to resolve a problem effectively requires some discernment. Where do you start?

Before jumping to a quick conclusion, ask yourself the following:

Is the issue symptomatic of a larger root cause, or do you need to gather more information in order to make a best decision?

Your best approach is to avoid the problem until you have the information you need in order to correct it appropriately.

Are you outmatched or losing ground on the issue? Or do you need to build goodwill by acceding to others, since the issue is more important to them than to you?

Your best approach is to accommodate others by allowing them to decide, even if what they choose is not your first choice.

Do you need to reach long-range solutions?

Do you need to find an integrative solution so that all sides can come together to work more effectively? You will want to take a collaborative stance in problem-solving.

Sometimes compromise is your best option.

When you need to settle complex issues temporarily or to reach quick solutions when you are under time pressure, compromise can be greatly beneficial.

An aggressive stance can be necessary under certain circumstances.

I wish Dana had learned when to use this, rather than to adopt it as her default mode. But aggression is absolutely necessary in an emergency, or when issues are critical and you are absolutely sure you are right.

Knowing you have options in problem-solving approaches and learning to exercise these strengthens your ability to lead and influence others.

What problem are you currently confronting? Which approach do you feel will work best? Join us (LinkedIn)

Patti Cotton helps women executives optimize their effectiveness in leading self, others, and enterprises. Her areas of focus include confidence, leadership style, executive presence, effective communication, and masterful execution. With over 25 years of leadership experience, both stateside and abroad, Patti works with individuals, teams, and organizations across industries, providing executive coaching, women’s leadership development, change, and conflict management. She is also a Fortune 500 speaker. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

Patti Cotton

Patti Cotton reenergizes talented leaders and their teams to achieve fulfillment and extraordinary results. For more information on how Patti Cotton can help you and your organization, click here.

When It’s Not Worth Earning Millions Yearly

Last week, it was my privilege to be in Chicago to address some of the top female producers in the financial services industry. Imagine sitting in a room full of women who earn an annual income of up to and beyond a million dollars!

During our time together, we discussed some of the things these women have had to face in order to generate this kind of income. And we touched on mid-career conflict – something they encounter far more than women in other industries.

In fact, when I mentioned knowing that some of the women in the room were currently weighing their options outside the industry because of the cost of doing business, many heads began to nod, letting me know I hit a sensitive point.

What makes it so that earning more than a million dollars yearly isn’t worth it? Why do so many women leave the industry and give up this kind of money?

At a certain point, these women are feeling the costs of their career. These costs are not related to keeping their business or career afloat; these are personal costs to these professionals. And these personal costs seem too great in relation to the uncertain benefits they might receive in future.

What did they cite as chief costs?

Women are hired in large numbers in the financial services industry, but they are most often in support roles and fewer in managerial positions; less or none on the executive committee (C-Suite). Promotions and bonuses are made behind closed doors, and these are made subjectively. One woman cited that she had outperformed her male counterpart, and her counterpart received a large bonus for performance – when she did not. She had to go in to fight for hers, proving her numbers. “I never should have had to fight for something to which we are told we are entitled,” she said. And I agree.
There may be a few women at the top, but they are on the board, and not on the executive committee. This means that company operating decisions and voice most often do not receive the benefit of diversified perspective and brain trust. Flex time and family leave programs exist, but those women considering them feel others might see them as “non-viable” upon their return.
Women are implicitly held to a higher standard than their male colleagues, as recent studies show. First, the financial services industry expects its top people to reflect typical male traits, being aggressive, dominating, and transactional. Women wind up attempting to masculinize their own traits to meet this. The results are inauthentic and awkward, and women face the double-bind that when they do reflect masculine traits, they are criticized for this, too. Of course, this is discouraging – and women lose confidence that they will succeed. They lose their ambition and many quit.

Now, this is not a man-bashing article. We need both genders, and diversity within those genders, to provide the rich perspective and brain trust that variety can bring. But what we are doing currently is not enough. And I’ll be writing about some solutions to this that we in human development are finding effective in the coming weeks.

But I’m curious: Where would you start to turn this around? Join us for our LinkedIn discussion and share!