Patti Cotton

Executive Coach & Career Strategist

embracing change

Five Hidden Factors Resulting in Meeting Stalemates

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Five Hidden Factors Resulting in Meeting Stalemates
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You’ve reached an impasse in the meeting. Emotions are high.

It’s another stalemate, and this is becoming habit on your team.

Why does this happen? And how do you break through this and reach consensus?

Meeting shutdowns happen for a variety of reasons. And all the tips in the world to facilitate meetings will not work unless you move past the five most common hidden roadblocks that impel people to leave the conversation.

When a meeting stalemates, it is often because team members leave the “window of tolerance,” a term coined by Dan Siegel in his book Mindsight. The window of tolerance is the zone in which people operate optimally, functioning, managing, and thriving. It is the space in which we can do our best critical thinking, exchanging, and considering ideas because when we are in this zone, we are able to use our executive brain – the part of the brain where functions such as creativity, reasoning, critical thinking, and more are centered.

When people leave the window of tolerance, they move to one of two states.

  1. Hyper-arousal

Here, a person will want to fight or flee. They may feel anxious or angry. Emotions run high, and any thinking is based on survival and safety.

  1. Hypo-arousal

Here, a person will shut down, and feel spacey or numb. The body might want to freeze or shut down, and it is difficult to think at all.

How does this work in meetings?

Team members may become heated and even irrational in their attempt to drive home opinions or resist those presented by others. Other team members can shut down and leave the conversation entirely.

When this happens, meeting effectiveness comes to a halt. Most often, the group will decide they need to meet at a later time to revisit the topic. Important decisions are placed on hold. Executives and areas of responsibility are held back. The organization is in limbo.

How do you handle this?

Here are five of the most common inhibitors and some ideas to help the team break through to move forward.

  1. A lack of clarity about the idea or concept presented.

Is the idea or concept being stated clear to others? Has the presenter explained this in a way that everyone understands? If you have a person who cannot state ideas succinctly, this is enough to cause others to discount their message. If you have someone on the team who takes too much space in explaining concepts, here is a “cheat sheet” to help them frame their message in a way that is more concise and convincing.

  1. A lack of understanding as to the business impact or benefits to the organization.

Do people understand how the topic at hand impacts the business? When exploring ideas to support decisions, it is important to connect the dots. How will the idea being presented benefit and impact the organization? What negative realities will need to be dealt with if the overall concept is of value? Asking these questions can help your team think beyond the immediate.

  1. Bias around the message bearer.

It is important for team members to check in on this. We all carry bias. The question is, how do we choose to handle it? Notice if you discount messages coming from any particular team member due to your personal bias about them. How can you give space and compassion to that person and consider the idea they are presenting? This is perhaps the toughest of the five roadblocks, and yet, the most beneficial when we begin to adopt a stance reflecting more empathy and compassion.

  1. Conflict with a personal agenda or conviction.

If a concept is presented that moves counter to the way your own area of responsibility operates, it is enough to cause internal conflict and an aversion to remain open to possibility. Most of us are inclined to respond with statements such as, “Well, that will never work because…” or “We just don’t do things that way…”

Consider replacing these kinds of statements with those such as, “How would that work? What might the benefits be?” This helps you and others stay in the conversation and play with possibilities that could be game changers for your business and the impact it has on the world.

  1. A lack of willingness to embrace change

Change is really tough, and it is not fun. Why? We are creatures of habit and love our comfort zones. Yet, change is when exciting things can happen, and we can take advantage of the opportunity to grow. Check yourself when you feel resistance to change. Recognize where you are in the change cycle on the particular issue being addressed. Then ask yourself what possible benefit you and the organization might enjoy if the change takes place. Awareness around your own resistance and how to manage it if you see benefit are empowering.

Only after these roadblocks have been addressed can you actually move forward to play well as a team and make good decisions together. I challenge you to discuss these factors with your team to begin a new way of approaching and implementing your decision-making together.

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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.

How to Prepare for Unexpected Change

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How to Prepare for Unexpected Change
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Change is inevitable. As the world changes, so we must adapt. When you lead, this means change management on a large scale. When you aren’t in charge, it means that you must know what to anticipate so that you can lower your own stress and support your team through the process.

How do you plan for change, even if it’s unexpected?

Understanding the four stages of change will help you to meet it proactively so that you can avoid pitfall and accelerate positive outcomes.

The Change Curve – the Four Stages of Change

The Change Curve is a popular model that explains how organizations and people move through change. It’s helpful to understand so that you can help lead change – whether or not you are in charge. There are many variations of this, but we think that Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, well-known for her work on personal transitions with grief and bereavement, was the originator of the concept.

The Change Curve outlines four stages that people experience as they adjust and adapt to change. I’ve placed recommendations behind each of these to share how you can develop a framework for a change plan if and when change must occur.

Stage 1. Shock and Denial.

This is a time to reinforce trust. Keep the vision and mission in front and reinforce stability. Exhibit authenticity through open and timely communication throughout all levels of the business. The communications need to share what the change is, why it is needed, and the benefits to this. Share what you do know and what you don’t know. Built trust through sharing how and when they can anticipate more answers as you know them.

  • When you are in charge, you will want to make sure that these communications are shared in a timely way with your team, and that you allow time for questions and discussion. Be transparent by identifying those answers you don’t have, rather than trying to come up with a slick answer. Keep your door open. Remind them that change is constant, and that you are confident you and the team can work through this.
  • When someone else is in charge, be authentic through asking your questions during the group’s meeting time instead of doing this in corners outside the meeting. This keeps the team intact and allows all to benefit from discussing the topic and learning from it. Decide that you can use this change to showcase your knowledge and skills, and that if some of those are not yet learned, that this is an opportunity to do so.

Stage 2. Reactions and Resistance.

Understand that the threat of change can be real. People will wonder how they need to shift or change their way of working in order to remain effective. And some may even fear losing their position. This is a time when you will want to draw from empathy and compassion as performance may dip temporarily. Put yourself in the shoes of others and be tough on issues, tender on people.

  • When you are in charge, encourage your people by touching base more frequently with them, asking how you can help. Remember that as people struggle to adapt, they may exhibit additional stress in different ways. Stay focused on the issue and not the personality as you manage this.
  • When someone else is in charge, check your attitude. Keep the bigger picture in mind and support your colleagues through positive thoughts and language. If someone appears to have a rough moment or day, ask if you can help, rather than to avoid them.

Stage 3. Turning Point to Acceptance.

Change requires courage and humility. Taking on new ways of operating together, of performing work means making mistakes and pushing through until success is met.

  • When you are in charge, admit that mistakes will be made and that this is a time of learning. Show your courage and humility by sharing a bit of how you are learning as well. Continue to communicate frequently and to acknowledge wins and positive behaviors in the team.
  • When someone else is in charge, recall how you have successfully moved through change in the past and hold realistic expectations for your learning. Ask your leader how you are doing and check in as you need to in order to get a pulse on anything you need to do differently at this stage.

Stage 4. Embracing and Managing Change.

Motivation is key here (and of course, it is key all through the four stages!). Acknowledging wins and linking these wins to results needs to be stressed. As people master new ways of doing and operating individually and together, these culture shifts in mindset and behaviors can falter under stress. Sharing incremental wins and the results they engender is key.

  • When you are in charge, recognition is key here. Any incremental wins, results, in behaviors such as heightened teamwork, performance, mastery of a skill or effective problem-solving is fair game for celebration. Share these celebrations with your team as a way to motivate them and move them forward.
  • When someone else is in charge, pat yourself on the back as you master a step in a new process or way of doing. As you notice the positive aspects of working together on projects or initiatives, recognize this and acknowledge it to those involved. Celebrate to reinforce and motivate yourself and others.

Change can be challenging, but change can be exciting.  It’s an opportunity to learn, grow, and to celebrate this. It can provide career opportunities, help the business to make greater impact on community and society. Making change should always mean making things better. Approaching this in a proactive way is always much more rewarding.

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© Patti Cotton and patticotton.com. All rights reserved. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express written permission from the author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that attribution is made to Patti Cotton and patticotton.com, with links thereto.